Celebrity Dregs of the Weeks: Nov 30 – Dec 13






IF YOU CLICK ‘Read the rest of this entry>>’ IT IS NOT MY FAULT.


Find out why Miley Cyrus is kicking and screaming below…

Hear her “Kicking & Screaming” right here in the juiced-box:

[Press ‘Play’ and cover your ears…]

But before we go there, do you remember where we left off in yesterday’s dregs? Yep, Sapporo Outer Space beer. Get ready for a transition…are you ready…here it comes:

Dec 7: Simon Cowell Drives & Drinks:

Simon Cowell is not a beer priss—even if he likes Sapporo beer, a Japanese brew, so much that he drives around with a crate of it in his trunk. Seems brewer’s yeast makes him sluggish ’cause he can’t tolerate some foods, and Sapporo is yeast-free. If he goes to a restaurant that doesn’t have his favorite ale, he just goes to the trunk and gets a couple to go.

The Hoff-ful Truth

His & Her ‘Mug Shots’

Hold on to your toilet seat…there’s a freakin’ shlitz storm in the Universe of Hoff.

Nov 27: Hoff-pitalized

The only reason i’m even bothering to waste the skin cells sloughing off on the keys as i type this is because it concerns the Bar None’s Patron Deity. David Hasselhoff made his weekly trip to the emergency room after his traditional 2-day binge (which includes Thanksgiving Day, for those of you who didn’t buy a program). His daughter Hayley made the 911 call (which you can hear here), but donuts to daiquiris she has them on speed dial so her skin cells don’t sluff to much.

Nov 28: Bach In The Hot Seat

The next day (are you getting this?) Hoff’s ex-wife, Pamela Bach, was busted for DUI with a BAC of 0.14. She’ll probably do jail time because she was busted for the same offense back in March 2009, and Cali carries a mandatory jail sentence for a relapse. In her comment, she claims she drank too much at dinner because of David’s hospitalization. Which is cool, because it means Hoff can use her arrest as an excuse for his next binge. It’s a virtuous circle, babes.

Dec 10: Bach Charged

Pamela Bach is officially charged with 1 count of DUI and one count of driving with a BAC of anything higher than 0.08. A police officer told TMZ Bach was “hammered”. She faces a minimum 5-day sentence if convicted.

Dec 10: Bach Says David Needs Help

Later that same day, the woman who a few hours before had been charged  for a second DUI in 8 months, makes the following plea to The Hoff’s fans (which basically means me and every German with doubts about their sexuality):

The despair—feeling hopeless and unable to believe that things can ever change with David’s alcoholism over the years—has affected our whole family. We want our lives to be different, but nothing we have done has brought about change.
We ask David’s fans, supporters and handlers to take swift action to save this wonderful man’s life. I have always been close to my daughters to comfort and support them as well as always being there for David. We will be forever hurt from this cruel disease. I am grateful for our two daughters, who have been incredibly brave, strong and protective souls.
David’s “handlers”? Babe! i want me some of them. Can you imagine going on a bender with “handlers” to hold your hair and watch your wallet? Plus, you need freaking anything, you already got the peeps to “handle” it. You wanna get me something for Christmas? Get me “handlers”: a must for every party animal.

Dec 7: Heidi Androl And Life In The Slow Lane

Heidi Androl, an Apprentice reject, was busted for driving 35 mph on a deserted freeway. She was pulled over and did as well on the field sobriety test as she did on Trump’s show.

What’s even worse are the lack of any cool pictures of her out there. Pitiful…

Now The Going Gets Weird

Dec 7: You’ve Come A Long Way, Baby Andy

Do you remember Andy from Family Ties? i sure as hell don’t and i bet Brian Bonsall, the guy who played him, doesn’t remember either. That didn’t stop him, however, from being arrested for beating up his buddy with a barstool. Or for being so drunk while he was swinging away that he blacked out and remembers nothing about the attack. Michael J Fox wouldn’ta done it. Justine Bateman wouldn’ta done it. i think he did it because he just found out his mom is a “later in life lesbian“.

i’m just pumped his screw-up gave me a chance to dredge the Net for Justine Bateman shots.

Nov 30: Anthony Michael Hall Thinks He’s A Vampire

Anthony Michael Hall’s ex took out a restraining order against him after he…bit her forehead. Diana Falzone, the ex in question, says he was definitely drunk and pro’lly off the meds for his bi-polar disorder. Which would explain why, in addition to the face gnaw, he also bashed her head into a wall, shoved her and spit at her. Anthony Michael Hall has denied the accusations. i believe him. i mean, c’mon, how could the wimp from The Breakfast Club hurt anyone?

Regardless, here’s what the professional…something…looks like:

Dec 2: The Best For Last

Miley don’t got the party…

[Press ‘Play’ if you dare]

Miley Cyrus is old beyond her years, at least she thinks so. She was staying at some hotel in Miami and, according to a manager, an owner and a rep, she and a group of her friends tried to get into the 21-or-over bar but got shot down. i’m guessing she’d have had a better chance of partying in the USA if she hadn’t worn a Jonas Brothers t-shirt. i’d love to see what happens when she finally gets let in…

One thought on “Celebrity Dregs of the Weeks: Nov 30 – Dec 13

  1. Ah, those almost legal years. It is enough to give even the Disney mafia ulcers and high blood pressure and you know why Miley causes more sleepless nights than The Jonas Bros? I had asked something similar of my ex-gf’s father “Sir, why did you crack down harder on your daughter than your son” “That’s easy, With him I only have to worry about one zipper, with her I had to worry about every zipper in NY”

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