Celebrity Dregs Of The Week Dec 14-20 (or something)

The Only Blog That'll Get You Buzzing Like A Simpson

From the juiced-box and deep in the dregs: Rod Stewart (with Jeff Beck) – I’ve Been Drinking

[Press ‘Play’ to get the Juice flowing]

More Ashley later on, but first:

Dec 15: Lindsay Catches A Break

Several firsts in this story. Well, ok, 2 firsts. First first Lindsay caught something other than an STD. Second first, she caught a break in court. Even if she couldn’t be bothered to attend the hearing, the judge believed Lindsay was keeping up with her DUI probation from forever ago, back when this blog was being ignored on Myspace and not WordPress. Yeah, that long. Anyway, the judge set a termination date for her alcohol education class: July 15, 2010. i don’t even see why she needs this class—if anyone knows about the booze, it’s Sindsay.

Lindsay Getting It At The Bar None

Dec 15: It Keeps Getting Harder For Tiger’s Wood

There are so many mistresses now it’s like a Bill Clinton Oral Room Reunion. i can’t even be bothered to keep track anymore so the very complete list behind the link in the title for this article is the best you’re gonna do. What i will do is serve shots of the girls i left out of my Tiger Woody post. i’m tellin’ y’all, when the sand settles you’re gonna see i was right about the alcohol-Wood conneXion.

First up, Joslyn James. She’s a porn actress, so the booze tie-in should be pretty clear. Also, at 39, she’s way younger than i am but looks Dogs years older. You gotta be drunk to hit this with your wood:

Our next contestant is a model with two names. Her real name (Loredana Ferilio) and her adult modelling name, Loredana Jolie. Guess whose shots i’m delivering:

The next contestant is a chick with a mystery occupation. Looking at this shot, i’m convinced that whatever it is, it’s booze related. i give you Theresa Rogers:

Finally, if you go back to my previous Tiger Woody post (i’ll link it again here ’cause i know how lazy you get), you’ll notice i singled out the Blue Martini, a bar where Wood hung out. ‘Member how i was talking about the alcohol-Wood conneXion? Well, Julie Postle was a cocktail waitress at the very same bar.

If that proof still isn’t strong enough for you, TMZ posted a series of shots of a Postle drinking it up. Here’s a collage:

Dec 16: Rod Stewart Meets A Chick From The Bar None

And you thought i was bad. i may be bad, but i’d never screech like the probably drunk babe on the video TMZ has. Ok, probably never screech like that. Again, anyway. And not at Rod Stewart. Maybe Kristen Stewart…

Dec 18: Jessica Simpson Tries To Get Behind Some Bars

Mary Philips, Jessica Simpson’s makeup ‘artist’ (like painting someone’s face with rouge and lipstick and eye shadow and all that other crap is as artistic as that one painting of dogs playing poker), was arrested for public┬ádrunkenness. While i was trying to figure out how the cops could tell her apart from all the other people in West Hollywood, The Simp went to the pokey to bail her friend out. You’re gonna love this: The friend was still so drunk when The Simpson got there that they wouldn’t release her! i’ve got several calls in to party with Mary. Hopefully i’ll be able to hook up with her and Michelle Rodriguez. While i’m sitting here holding my breath, i might as well throw up some shots:

Come, come. Now! You knew i wouldn’t leave you without the pissed pups playing poker painting: