Celebrity Dregs Of The Week Dec 14-20 (or something)

The Only Blog That'll Get You Buzzing Like A Simpson

From the juiced-box and deep in the dregs: Rod Stewart (with Jeff Beck) – I’ve Been Drinking

[Press ‘Play’ to get the Juice flowing]

More Ashley later on, but first:

Dec 15: Lindsay Catches A Break

Several firsts in this story. Well, ok, 2 firsts. First first Lindsay caught something other than an STD. Second first, she caught a break in court. Even if she couldn’t be bothered to attend the hearing, the judge believed Lindsay was keeping up with her DUI probation from forever ago, back when this blog was being ignored on Myspace and not WordPress. Yeah, that long. Anyway, the judge set a termination date for her alcohol education class: July 15, 2010. i don’t even see why she needs this class—if anyone knows about the booze, it’s Sindsay.


Lindsay Getting It At The Bar None

Dec 15: It Keeps Getting Harder For Tiger’s Wood

There are so many mistresses now it’s like a Bill Clinton Oral Room Reunion. i can’t even be bothered to keep track anymore so the very complete list behind the link in the title for this article is the best you’re gonna do. What i will do is serve shots of the girls i left out of my Tiger Woody post. i’m tellin’ y’all, when the sand settles you’re gonna see i was right about the alcohol-Wood conneXion.

First up, Joslyn James. She’s a porn actress, so the booze tie-in should be pretty clear. Also, at 39, she’s way younger than i am but looks Dogs years older. You gotta be drunk to hit this with your wood:

Our next contestant is a model with two names. Her real name (Loredana Ferilio) and her adult modelling name, Loredana Jolie. Guess whose shots i’m delivering:

The next contestant is a chick with a mystery occupation. Looking at this shot, i’m convinced that whatever it is, it’s booze related. i give you Theresa Rogers:

Finally, if you go back to my previous Tiger Woody post (i’ll link it again here ’cause i know how lazy you get), you’ll notice i singled out the Blue Martini, a bar where Wood hung out. ‘Member how i was talking about the alcohol-Wood conneXion? Well, Julie Postle was a cocktail waitress at the very same bar.

If that proof still isn’t strong enough for you, TMZ posted a series of shots of a Postle drinking it up. Here’s a collage:

Dec 16: Rod Stewart Meets A Chick From The Bar None

And you thought i was bad. i may be bad, but i’d never screech like the probably drunk babe on the video TMZ has. Ok, probably never screech like that. Again, anyway. And not at Rod Stewart. Maybe Kristen Stewart…

Dec 18: Jessica Simpson Tries To Get Behind Some Bars

Mary Philips, Jessica Simpson’s makeup ‘artist’ (like painting someone’s face with rouge and lipstick and eye shadow and all that other crap is as artistic as that one painting of dogs playing poker), was arrested for public drunkenness. While i was trying to figure out how the cops could tell her apart from all the other people in West Hollywood, The Simp went to the pokey to bail her friend out. You’re gonna love this: The friend was still so drunk when The Simpson got there that they wouldn’t release her! i’ve got several calls in to party with Mary. Hopefully i’ll be able to hook up with her and Michelle Rodriguez. While i’m sitting here holding my breath, i might as well throw up some shots:

Come, come. Now! You knew i wouldn’t leave you without the pissed pups playing poker painting:

6 thoughts on “Celebrity Dregs Of The Week Dec 14-20 (or something)

  1. A true barfly will correctly name that classic painting as “A Friend in Need”, one of sixteen in the Dogs Playing Poker series by C. M. Coolidge comissioned by Brown & Bigelow to advertize cigars and before you laugh off the love of these working-class works of art as pop ephemera, you should know that on February 15, 2005, the originals of “A Bold Bluff” and “Waterloo” were auctioned as a pair to an undisclosed buyer for US$590,400.

  2. Oh you do know how to find the photos, my dear! You’re a pro at that. And they are all so very Ho-han, too!! Kudos for that. Great nip slip up there.

    “There are so many mistresses now it’s like a Bill Clinton Oral Room Reunion.” Wheeeeeeeee!!

    “The next contestant is a chick with a mystery occupation. Looking at this shot, i’m convinced that whatever it is, it’s booze related. i give you Theresa Rogers:” Sorry, but that looks COKE related, dear. No way a boozer could be that emaciated. Booze bloats, coke emaciates. Just sayin’.

    LOL @ screechy chick. *snort*

    My but Jessica likes to show off her nipples. I kinda felt blinded by those headlights and had to squint!

    There is just so much SMARM in the celeb world, is there not? This post is oozing with it. A fun read, kinda. But I feel kinda like taking a shower now, too. LOL.

  3. Pardon my snark. Winter storm is keeping me home from work and I’m getting my drunk on a little early, so I’m not a happy camper and I’m back in the bar before my favorite barstool was able to cool.

    Lohan and Simpson prove there is hope for ‘lil ms. Cyrus to shake that Disney image (with enough drugs, alcohal and boy(or girl) time).

    Speaking of hope, there has to be a career for me out there somewhere if someone who looks like Joslyn James can make her living with her clothes off (everyone sober in the room shouts “put it back on! put it back on!)

    Loredana (really? she changed her last name only?) looks ok under the airbrush. I wonder what the woodsman woke up to though.

    I wonder if that guy with Ms Rogers has his face obscured through the whole tape? (I would, but that special effect doesn’t prevent me from seeing hers)

    Ms Postel is actually kinda cute in that “slut-next-door” way (guess which one of these ladies has been hitting the media curcit the heaviest)

    As much as I enjoy celebrities under the influence, I’m afraid that none have shown the spectacular decision making that Mackenzie Philips wrote of in her book High On Arrival. When others find themselves behind the wheel, she wakes up next to dad. Remember that alcohol doesn’t put ideas into your head, it just quiets the one that says “that probably isn’t a good idea”

  4. “Remember that alcohol doesn’t put ideas into your head, it just quiets the one that says “that probably isn’t a good idea”” True, dat!! Hahaha!!

  5. Yeah, i meant to come back on and shoot Ken a kudos on that sentence, too! Words to live by.

    i also wanted to congratulate him on getting his drink on! Lucky bastard. Oh well, only two more days…

    Al K Hall

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