Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of BRIGHT STAR

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Ramblings: Bright Star A Little Dull

Final Proof: 1 Shot

You know how you drink with John Keats? Sure he died going on 300 years ago so he doesn’t have a whole lot to offer up by way of conversation and he really isn’t super interesting but at least he doesn’t drink much and you can steal his drinks easily and after a couple bottles of wine you don’t have to pretend to pay attention—you can just nod off whenever you want and wake up refreshed another round. That’s the way it is with Bright Star.

i had a bottle and a half of red before i saw this and, to be honest, i slept through the middle third but Miss Demeanor is a fan of everything Jane Eyre wrote and tells me the scenery was shot superbly.

i was awake long enough to notice that Abbie Cornish (as Frances ‘Fanny’ Brawne) does a great job of acting boring and also does a great job of looking plain when she’s really pretty hot. Paul Schneider (Charles Armitage Brown) was kind of annoying because he did so well injecting life into his character that i couldn’t doze off until his appearances thinned out.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 Shots

Miss D tells me i fell asleep during the kissing scenes and she insists they were hot.

Also hot is Abbie Cornish (27). She has these cool double moles on the left side of her face so when you get bored—and trust me, you will get bored—you can look for those moles in the different scenes. Hell, if you watch it on DVD you could even make a drinking game out of it: take a double shot every time you see the double moles.

Abbie Cornish In The Bar None

Here’s Ben Whishaw (29), who plays John Keats:

A Smoke

Drink: 0 Shots

Get real.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots…

…though according to Miss D, rock and roll wouldn’t exist without the romantic poets. i told her rock wouldn’t exist without spirituals and the blues, but she stood by her guns and i get to sleep with her so there was no way i was going to mess that up. As you’re not in the same sheets, you bring it up with her.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Jane Campion

Directed by: Jane Campion

Starring

Abbie Cornish – Frances ‘Franny’ Brawne

Ben Whishaw – John Keats

Paul Schneider – Charles Armitage Brown

Bottom Line

Don’t see it unless you have sleeping problems or are a fan of Jane Eyre crap.

4 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of BRIGHT STAR

  1. Bwah hah hah!!

    Oh you dudes crack me up. 🙂

    Well, at least it did not pretend to be anything that it was not, so it is an honest BBC-type film that dudes have been snoozing through and women have been weeping at for as long as the ilk has been around. And yeah, I did cry in it.

    You did a very good thing here, Al. You remembered that going to chick flicks is and agreeing with your girl an easy way to get in the girl’s pants: “but she stood by her guns and i get to sleep with her so there was no way i was going to mess that up” Very good. I tell you men, you can get good tips from tuning into these kinds of films that make women swoon!!

    • Whoot! i just can’t wait to get in your pants!

      i mean, i really appreciate your analysis of this movie, my Love.

      Al K Hall

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