From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Tilly And The Wall – Pot Kettle Black
[Press ‘Play’ To Get Your Rock Off]
Ramblings: Whip It, Good
Final Proof: 3½ Shots
You know how you get drunk with a bunch of cool girls? They hang out in a group and some are cuter than others and they’re less clean than they are cut and sure they talk too loud but they’re rolling the good times and smoking hot. You drink them in and catch one of those forever buzzes you know will never fade until too soon. Because there’s no way you’re ever gonna get any, the pressure’s off so you can just sit back in the good times and let yourself be carried along by their wave while you catch yourself smiling, practically joking, and you can’t even blame it all on the booze. As young as the night, they’re independent like the rock they play nonstop from the juice box and sometimes they try too hard but that’s part of their charm. They don’t swear right, dance badly, and can’t pull off a fist pump but that’s what gives them the luster of Suicide little girls. They’re careless but not because they couldn’t care less, they’re just living for the moment and they want you to come along for the ride. If you’re ever lucky enough to get swept along by a bunch of girls like this, hold your breath and keep your eyes wide shut so you don’t wake up from their dream. Whip It is kind of like that.
Drew Barrymore has concocted a finely brewed movie. Like an indie John Hughes flick (though this isn’t as alternative as it tries to be—let’s call it No Alternative), Whip It is a coming of age movie for the grrrls of today. Strong female roles give the movie the kick of a Mike’s Hard Lemonade six pack drunk straight from the bottle. [A special shout out to Miss Demeanor for her insightful comments about John Hughes.]
No, it’s not a perfect movie. Like i just said, it tries too hard to be Juno on keg beer and the soundtrack is just a little too perfect to be anything but market studied. And some of the lines fall as flat as one of those English beers they drink warm for no apparent reason other than to show off how odd they are.
But these little flies in the punch bowl don’t get in the way of a good time. The roller derby names alone are enough reason to see the film. (Bliss Cavendar’s derby name is Babe Ruthless and she skates for a team called The Hurl Scouts. Other skaters are known as Jackie Daniels, Iron Maven, Bloody Holly, Rosa Sparks, Smashley Simpson, Juana Beat’n and Jaba the Slut.) Yeah, the whole Roller Derby thing really worked for me.
Whip It will treat you like good beer: not a lot of sustenance but it’ll get you where you wanna go.
Before things heat up, i gotta card Eulala Scheel who’s only 11. She plays Bliss’s sister, Shania, and is Marcia Gay Harden’s daughter both in the film and real life.
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: 3 Shots
i’m being a little generous here because the only sex seen [sick] is in a pool between Bliss ‘Babe Ruthless’ Cavendar (Ellen Page) and her indie rock boyfriend, Oliver (played by real life indie coffee shop troubadour Landon Pigg). Even there, the only sex that’s seen is Ellen Page undressing to her bra and panties underwater.
Still, there’s enough talent in this movie that y’all are gonna hafta sit back and enjoy the ride ’cause i got a pack of sexy to deal with.
Let’s get this derby rolling with Drew Barrymore. Whip It is her first movie as director and she also gave herself a supporting role as Smashley Simpson.
Apart from the bra and panties in the pool, we also get Ellen Page (22, playing a 17-year-old) undressing to her bra on the street to switch t-shirts with her boyfriend. Plus, if Ellen Page isn’t just as cute as the dickens i don’t know who is— i wanted to reach out and pinch her little cheeks, especially because she spends most of the movie in shorts.
Alia Shawkat (20) plays Pash, Bliss’ best friend. There’s a scene of them sleeping in the same bed which gets up my nose because Ellen Page is sleeping with her bra beneath PJ’s and y’all know how that gets my Grey Goose.
Brooke Cavendar, Bliss’ mom, is portrayed by Marcia Gay Harden who looks great at 50.
As for the skaters, Juliette Lewis (36) is Iron Maven. Juliette Lewis is the coolest with no qualifiers because that would diminish her coolness. She. Is. The. Coolest. Apart from Miss Demeanor, obviously, who is the coolest Ever.
The rest of the skaters…
Rachel Bockheim (31) appears in the movie as Jackie Daniels. She’s also a real life skater for the Grand Raggidy Roller Girls in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and was a technical advisor for the flick.
Kristen Wiig (36) is Maggie Mayhem:
Ari Graynor (26) as Eva Destruction:
Eve (31) as Rosa Sparks:
And Zoe Bell (31—the Kiwi stuntwoman Tarantino used in Death Proof) as Bloody Holly:
And, just in case one or two riot grrls stumbled in here, i’m offering up Andrew Wilson (45) who plays the coach, Razor:
and Landon Pigg (26) who plays the love interest:
Drink: 2 Shots
Nothing spectacular but everything looks better after the Twilight 2: New Moon debacle.
At least in Whip It there’s pitchers of beer being heavily consumed at an after-derby party and one of the skaters in a keg stand (when two people help balance a third doing a headstand on a keg while a fourth partier opens the tap into their mouth–invented by college students who simultaneously reasoned this position would help alcohol reach the brain faster and frightened me for the future of every ‘civilized’ nation).
There’s also Pash, who’s underage, drinking after a game and who chucks her beer as a cop approaches. She gets busted for drinking, a ‘minor’ offense. Earlier, Pash gets so drunk at another party that she has to stop making out with a guy in the shower so Bliss can encourage her to barf by telling her to imagine her parents having sex, down to her dad’s jiggling ball sack.
Oh yeah, also Bliss catches her dad drinking beer and watching a football game in a van. She asks for a beer, he refuses but tells her she can have a sip of his. She distracts him and chugs the beer in under a minute, belching loudly as she clears out.
That, and the Hurl Scouts spend a lot of downtime hanging out in a bar.
Rock & Roll: 2½ Shots
i already bitched a couple times about how i found this a little too contrived and not enough rock, so i’ll shut up about that.
There is another song i’d like to share with ya’ll, though:
[Press ‘Play’ for Peaches – Boys Wanna Be Her]
Here’s the track listing:
Boring Technical Crap
Written by: Shauna Cross (book and screenplay)
Directed by: Drew Barrymore
Ellen Page – Bliss ‘Babe Ruthless’ Cavendar
Alia Shawkat – Pash
Drew Barrymore – Smashley Simpson
Eulala Scheel- Shania Cavendar
Marcia Gay Harden – Brooke Cavendar
Juliette Lewis – Iron Maven
Rachel Bockheim / Jackie Daniels – Jackie Daniels
Kristen Wiig – Maggie Mayhem
Ari Graynor – Eva Destruction
Eve – Rosa Sparks
Zoe Bell – Bloody Holly
Andrew Wilson – Razor
Landon Pigg – Oliver