Dregs Of The Week: Jan 03 – Jan 10

This Weeks The Dregs Go Way Down Under

From the juiced-box and in the Russian dregs: Tatu – All The Things She Said

[Press ‘Play’ to play]

Dec 30, 2009: Tara Re-Biller

Think back and try to remember when i told you about Tara Biller, the chick who ditched her 10-year-old daughter on December 7 last year. Not one to play favorites, Biller repeated her offense with her infant son. Last week she was arrested for a traffic violation driving a stolen Chrysler (another indication of her stupidity—everyone knows if you’re gonna steal a car, steal foreign) with her infant son in the baby seat, not strapped in obviously ’cause that might be mistaken for for good motherhood. Oh yeah, it goes without saying that she was under the influence of something.; otherwise she wouldn’t be here.

Her Latest Mugshot

Jan 3: Drunk Angry Guy At Wall-Mart (And In Other Shocking News: Trailer Trash Drink Pabst)

Rodger Wynn went to a Wall-Mart in Ohio, grabbed some BBQ crap and 12-pack of Steel Reserve beer [again, if you’re gonna steal can you not boost better quality?] Then he walked around the shop and yelled profanities at other shoppers, drinking the beer the whole time. So he was busted for aggravated menacing, theft and disorderly conduct while intoxicated [as opposed to ‘orderly conduct while intoxicated’]. The real reason i like this guy is he pissed himself several times in the interview room. Pee stories always crack me up.

[Speaking of funny pee stories, Drunken Stepfather (site NSFW) has a video of a drunk chick peeing in public filmed at a concert by guys on the tour bus. Check it out.]

Jan 7: Apparently Drinking And Reading Is No Longer Limited To The Beer Runs

A bookstore in Australia has decided to stock its shelves with more than books. In Sydney, you can go to this one place and drink up wine and literature at the same time, because we all know how fun it is to read Proust while buzzing. The store, i’m guessing, is named after the sound you make while barfing and reading Proust: Berkelouw Books.

Anyway, good enough for this crack retorter to exposé some Aussie chicks:

Jan 7: Drunk Angry Guy In A Nazi Costume Arrested For His Own Safety (Yes, it was Tennessee, how’d you guess?)

Michael Amyx got lit up and went to evict his dad, ’cause that’s what drunk assholes wearing Nazi uniforms do. So he was ‘visibly intoxicated’ (his girlfriend—oh those Tennessee girls—told police that Amyx always fights with his father when he drinks) and creating such a fuss in the front yard of his dad’s place that the cops were called out there several times and in the end decided to take him in for unknown charges. Basically what we got here is, “You’re under arrest for being an asshole in danger.” Thank god that isn’t against the law in Yeman, otherwise i’d have been arrested more times than i can spell.  The corker here is the comment someone tacked on at The Weekly Vice website. (The sardonitalic comments in brackets are mine.)

The Weekly Vice Opinion:

I can’t believe you can even buy a vile outfit like that!! Why the hell did he have it on? I guess I would rather him wear it at home then out in public where he can offend any Jewish person that sees him. [Wow, apparently a dude in a cheap ass Nazi uniform only bugs Jews. None of us goys have a problem with a Storm Drain Trooper walking around sporting the colors of the Third Reich.] Can you imagine some of the memories this could drum up [should be ‘drudge up’ my littlerate Mandi with an ‘i’] for people who have been through those times? [Yeah, ’cause we all know Backwater, Tennessee houses the world’s largest population of Holocaust survivors.]

Mandi [See? With an ‘i’.] Milenko

The Weekly Vice

http://www.theweeklyvice.com

Dec 30, 2009: Pantie Raid

i bet it’s happened to all of us at least once. We’re sitting around, getting our buzz on and start wondering what it’d be like to put a pair of women’s panties our head. i know i’ve done it at least once this week and no blood, not foul. Still, it’s not a good idea to then decide to rob a convenience store hoping the panties will provode a good disguise. They won’t, and the sad story of Larry Bernard attests to this. He got drunk, put some panties on his head and took a knife to rob a convenience store and got away with some cash, cigarettes and a lighter. After the cops looked at the videotape, they found Larry drunk and staggering in a nearby alley, which apparently they needed the videotape to do. Wearing woman’s panties on his head: he probably thought he was slick but ended up with a permanent stain on his record.

Jan 2: Vodka Now 3 Bucks/Bottle in Russia

Yes, sad but true. Russian authorities have decided to double the price of cheap vodka to dilute alcoholism. You’ll now have to drop 3 bones for a fifth of the cheap stuff in Moscow. Don’t cry too hard, your tears’ll freeze. [A free tequila for my Brother Ken, who brought this news to my attention.]

To soften the blow, i’ma exposé Tatu, my favorite famous lesbian schoolgirls.

Miss Conception

Sports Dregs

Jan 5th: Unfortunate Sun

This guy is The Hoff of pro sports… Jayson Williams, formerly of the NBA Phoenix Suns, drunk drove into a tree and was arraigned from his hospital. This is the same guy who murdered his limo driver with a shotgun in 2002, got tased by police in a New York hotel where he was drunk, violent and suicidal in April 2009, and got busted for busting up some guy in a bar in Raleigh in May 2009. [Wiki details all this really well.]

Jan 8th: Islamisbad, Pakistan

The National Parliament in Pakistan has fined members of the men’s field hockey team up to $1,175 for getting drunk and hugging a woman. A Pakistani news channel posted pictures of one guy hugging a woman and another drinking a beer. Yeah, i pretty much posted this for the ‘Islam-is-bad’ pun ’cause no one has decreed a Fatwa against me in like forever.

Celebrity Dregs

Jan 5: Brooke Mueller Went To Rehab While Pregnant

Remember all that crap i talked about with Charlie Sheen getting arrested for getting his wife some bruises for Christmas? Turns out Brooke Mueller, the wife in question, is no saint either. She ended up in rehab at 5 months pregnant after bottles of booze were found hidden in her car. Hell, if the bottles were vodka and Kahlua then the twins coulda got a White Russian while breast feeding.

Jan 1: Bow Wow Is A Twit

Some singer named Bow Wow started the New Year off right by twitting:

Face numb im whippin the lambo. Tispy as f*k. Just left @livmiami. Im f**ked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris might have to drive after next spot.

Oh those wacky drunk drivers. Dude shoulda taken out the Georgia Funeral Insurance.

Jan 6: Mariah Carried

Mariah Carey got smashed before winning some kind of award and went on stage to prove it. Click on the title to this paragraph for the story and the TMZ video. It’s not all that surprising. While looking for pictures of her drinking, the problem was too many to choose from. Here’s what i’m on about.

Still, i was able to find some sober pictures of her as well.

10 thoughts on “Dregs Of The Week: Jan 03 – Jan 10

  1. I can’t get past those first two mug shots, hers with that distant stare that belies a reflection of choises made and his a mix of anger and self pity.

    As far as Herr Tennesseer, he seems to be oblivious to the news as Prince Henry already showed us that alcohol and Nazi costume doesn’t mix (wonder if Mr Amyx would kiss a guy for a pint?)

    I’m sorry, but the cops had to check the video tape to make sure they had the right drunk with panies on his head???

    $3 for cheap vodka? Just how hard is it to ferment your own potato juice?

    Tatu – remember when turkey basters were actually used for basting turkeys?

    I saw a clip of that presentation, but had missed the set up for it and was agast as she went on and on incoherently and thinking “why couldn’t I be at that “partay”. I’ll bet I’d either be famous fast or mariah’s best kept secret.

    • i’m not sure the cops needed to check the videtape to find the guy drunk; that’s just how it was presented in the original article.

      Your Prince Henry thoughts cracked me up!

      T.A.T.u.: Yeah, i know all about turkey basters. You could even call me a Master Baster…

      Thanks for patronizing me, Brother, and for the tip on vodka prices.

      Al K Hall

  2. Hey my man.

    I made it here, finally.

    1. Tara Biller – *shakes head* She needs to get her kids to another caretaker, if that’s not being done for her already. Oy.

    2. Rodger – Crazy. I laughed about you and pee stories, though. What it is you have with pee, I will never totally get, but I do take it in stride and it cracks me up that it cracks you up! 😀

    3. Aussie wine in bookstore and chicks – a great idea for a bookstore. It’s klassy! And Aussie chicks, well, yeah, they are special, aren’t they.

    4. Amyx and Mandi. Maybe those two should hook up. They both sound like they are of equal intelligence! sardonitalic LOL.

    5. ” i know i’ve done it at least once this week and no blood, not foul.

    Oh that’s baaaaaaaaaadd!!! Bwah hahaha!

    Imagining Larry there with panties on his head thinking they would disguise him: EWWWWWWWW. Nasty. Just ewww. He looks creepy and sounds creepy, too! *shakes heebeejeebies off self*

    6. Vodka? Tatu? Hunh?

    Oh, I get it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/T.A.T.u.

    Well, whaddaya know: “With millions of albums sold worldwide, they are the most successful Russian band of all time.”

    I learn something new every day.

    Oh and yeahhhhhh, you had me going that they are *really* lesbians, lol!!! They are so not! Hahahaha! You got me, though. I was thinking they really were. 😀 Gullible me.

    7. sports dregs *eye glaze over* Moving on to celebs…

    8. re: Mrs. Charlie Sheen. Dayum. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is no joking matter. I’m sorry she was drinking while pregnant (god what a way to fuck someone’s life up who has no choice about the matter) but glad she went to get cleaned up. I hope the kids will be okay.

    9. Bow wow WOW. Stoopid. What an idiot.

    10. That vid of MC drunk was funny.

    A busy week, huh.

    • My Love!

      2. What can i say? Peeing is the most fun you can have standing up alone in a bathroom, i guess.

      5. Thanks for getting the joke! i was afraid, like the panties in questions, it would go over people’s heads.

      6. Actually, Goldilocks, they marketed themselves as lesbians and their videos had girl on girl kissing scenes. Sure, there was always some doubt, but when they were popular, there was a common misconception (‘misconception’ should be the title of that photo!) that they were real lesbos.

      8. You missed my Islamisbad, Pakistan pun then! You’re gonna be really lost when a fatwa is declared against me…

      Thanks for stopping by, my one and only truest love!

      Al K Hall

      • “Yeah, i pretty much posted this for the ‘Islam-is-bad’ pun ’cause no one has decreed a Fatwa against me in like forever.”

        I went back to read it just to read the pun (although you put it in the comment, too, lol). 🙂 That is a good one, no kidding. Glad to know there are not *that* many people reading this blog yet that you risk a fatwa, lol, you Al K Hall-Rushdie Wannabe, you. 😉

  3. A guy in a Nazi uniform came into my Carl’s Jr. once, when I was managing the register. He ordered food, so I left in a huff, got my manager and told him I would NOT deign to even speak to a man in that get-up. He went out talked to the guy, and then kindly informed me that they were putting on a production of Sound of Music down the street and he was playing Frederick. Derp.

    I hate TATU. The same sort of attention hungry, possibly-pseudo-lezzies who only want the boys to go crazy. Sure they’re cute. But there are lots of cute non-attention-whore lezzies who are fun to look at too. (Portia De Rossi- YUM!)

    End rant. 😛

    • Good for you on taking a stand in Carl’s Jr! Sure, you got it wrong, but your morals were in the right place.

      i see what you mean about Tatu and all that. i swear i’d share your disdain if they didn’t look so goddamn good in pictures. If only Portia de Rossi was Russian, eh?

      Al K Hall

    • “I would NOT deign to even speak to a man in that get-up. He went out talked to the guy, and then kindly informed me that they were putting on a production of Sound of Music down the street and he was playing Frederick. Derp. Hahahahahahahaha! Whoops. But c’mon. The dude should have known better than to wear the costume around, eh? He could have at least thrown a coat over it and looked apologetic. Or used the drive thru. Sheesh!! LOL.

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