Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of INVICTUS

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Because the soundtrack songs are pretty lame (and hard to find), i’m treating you to an oldie from the juiced-box that corresponds with the theme: Peter Gabriel – Biko

Ramblings: Rugby Diplomacy

Final Proof: 4 Shots

You know how you drink with heroes? Those people who make you feel better about yourself, not by getting drunker than you but simply by hanging with you. They’ve got this inner light thing going on which doesn’t even come from the booze. What makes them rock so hard though, isn’t that they succeed in being cool but that they don’t even give a rat’s ass what cool is supposed to be. The heroes i’m talking about are not amazing people; they’re ordinary people, like me or maybe even you, who do heroic things. They inspire you to believe in the hero hiding inside you. Plus, they always pay for your drinks. Invictus is kinda like that, except for the paying for your drinks part.

Most sports films are the story of individuals surpassing their limitations. Invictus is the story of a nation doing it.

You couldn’t swing a dead soldier in this movie without hitting something inspirational. Morgan Freeman’s portrayal of Nelson Mandela is inspiring. The story of how Mandela used the 1995 Rugby World Cup in South Africa to unite that country’s different peoples is an inspiration. And Clint Eastwood’s directing is inspired, from the historical accuracy to the little surprises in predictable sequences, from the credible arena crowd shots to his varied camera use (TV news segments, dramatic tension, rugby action), Eastwood scored big here and proves, like wine i can’t afford, that he’s getting better with age.

There are only a couple stains in this picture. Like the music. He had his son Kyle brew some tunes and they came out like syrup: sticky sweet, slow and dragging the movie down. Apart from that, well, you know me. i’m a sensitive wuss and most of the film had me choked up like a beer belch that can’t decide which way it wants to go. Still, like a player in a rugby match, Eastwood sometimes fumbled and went over the top; but even if his game strayed occasionally out of bounds, i still ended up having a ball.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 1 Shot

Sure it wasn’t the point of the flick, but there was absolutely no sex in Invictus. At all. Makes you wonder how South Africans reproduce. At least there were a lot of South African babes…

Like Marguerite Wheatley (28) who plays Nerine, Francois Pienaar’s (Matt Damon) girlfriend (who he doesn’t sleep with because it’s South Africa and they apparently don’t do that kind of thing ‘down there’).

Then there’s Leleti Khumalo (39), who plays Mandela’s assistant, Mary.

Bonnie Henna as Zindzi:

Not to mention Refiloe Mpakanyane as Jessie the secretary.

As for the men, of course there was Matt Damon (39).

Clint’s son Scott Eastwood (23) has a small role of a key rugby player (like i can be bothered to look up the stupid name).

A Smoke

Drink: 2 Shots

You’ll find the best drink references below in the Slurred Speeches portion of my show. Besides that, you have people drinking beer at home and in the bar while watching rugby. About as surprising as the ending.

Also, there was a scene at a formal reception and i’m guessing Eastwood used fake wine. The wine wasn’t the deep red of real wine or the luminous pink of rosé but instead this odd tinge that Crayola would call fake wine if they made a crayon of it.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: -1 Shot


Slurred Speeches

In the locker room after a big loss, Team Captain Francois Pienaar (Damon) takes a beer from a cooler and makes the following toast to his depressed teammates:

PIENAAR: Everybody take a beer.
[This is an order. The entire team takes a beer, including Pienaar.]
PIENAAR: A toast … [Pienaar cracks his beer, raises it up. They all crack and raise their beers.]
PIENAAR: … to the taste of defeat. Drink it. Remember it. And promise yourself never to taste it again.
[Pienaar takes one long swig —]
PIENAAR: You’re right. It tastes like kuk.
[— tosses his beer against the wall, so that it ruptures.
Eighteen other beers rupture against the wall. The dressing
room is awash with beer and foam — and re-kindled passion.]

Here’s the Beer Drinking Cheer the team chants in the bar while one of the players is drinking:

He´s a drunkard,

He´s true blue,

He´s a pisspot through and through.

He´s a bastard so they say,

Tried to go to heaven,

But he went the other way.

During the Finals, Mandela is sitting beside the President of New Zealand and they have this exchange:

MANDELA (to NZ P.M.): Perhaps we should make a small wager?

NEW ZEALAND P.M.: All your gold, for all our sheep?

MANDELA: I was thinking more along the lines of a case of wine.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Anthony Peckham (screenplay)

John Carlin (book)

Directed by: Clint Eastwood


Morgan Freeman: Nelson Mandela

Marguerite Wheatley – Nerine

Leleti Khumalo – Mary

Bonnie Henna – Zindzi

Refiloe Mpakanyane – Jessie

Matt Damon – Francois Pienaar

Scott Eastwood – Joel Stransky

Bottom Line

Like Pizza Night in The Bar None, this has something for everyone (though runts 15 and under will miss out on the historical significance).

7 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of INVICTUS

  1. “i’m a sensitive wuss and most of the film had me choked up like a beer belch that can’t decide which way it wants to go. I love this sentence. It captures you so well, my dear, lol! It is the beautiful oxymoron which encompasses who you are. Not calling you a moron, love, as you know. It just captures the essence of who you are: so sensitive you do cry in movies and so rude that you can compare it all to a belch! Hee hee! Love it. It works.

    This film was a really good one — so well done. Also, with Matt Damon, after his role in “The Informant” and “Invictus” here I am once again partly able to take him seriously since for the longest time all I could think of with him was his marionette in “Team America: World Police” and his only being able to repeat his name like a retarded person.

    He does well in this one, as does Morgan Freeman, who is an acting god.

    And good on Clint, whose movies over the past 10 years just keep getting BETTER. His work is incredible!

  2. dude this was good… i am South African and although i am not a rugby fan i enjoyed this movie. i was too young to understand the importance of that game back then (i was 6) but now i can see why it is such a part of South African Heritage. I’m only posting because Miss Demeanor pissed me off and i had to set things straight(although the beer SIMILE was pretty good. F.Y.I oxymoron: Miss Demeanor is intelligent.

    Matt Damon is good in every movie but imho was best in the bourne trilligy. Born to be Bourne is what his performance was described as. He portrayed his role perfectly whereas Freeman slipped up on several occasions and although did well overall those slip ups were jarring to the experience.

    • Kanga Drew!

      Thanks for stopping in The Bar None, brother! i appreciate your taking the time to leave a comment.

      Don’t worry about Miss Demeanor, she’s harmless (and my fiancée!). She was just saying that my metaphor was typically me: sensitive and crass all at the same time. Ah, the complexities that are me.

      It was great having the input of a South African native! i was wondering how y’all would take the film.

      Come back anytime and thanks for patronizing me, brother,

      Al K Hall

    • Hey Kanga! I’m glad you stepped up and commented on the blog here — it is always nice to have more company. But I cannot for the life of me see what could have pissed you off in my comment!

      I compliment Al (like he writes, the love of my life), I compliment the movie, and compliment the actors. I honestly like Matt Damon as an actor, too! Love the Bourne Trilogy. The “Team America” comment was more of an inside joke with me and Al as it is such a funny part of that movie. Also, I come from Colorado where Trey Parker and Matt Stone originate (and even lived near the “South Park” of the cartoon for a while back in the day, too) and their sense of humor matches the crude part of me… I am actually *pleased* that Matt Damon in this role made me forget the whole “Team America” thing — I kind of meant that part in the comment seriously. He’s great in his role here. The more he can do like this, the better.

      Anyway, point is, I am glad you arrived, no matter how you did and that you decided to comment! As Al would say, “Thanks for patronizing the bar none.”

      Peace out,
      Miss D

  3. Very nicely written! I felt the same about this movie: inspiring movie, surprising moments and a shitty soundtrack! Thanks for the great song to listen to while I read. Why, oh, why was this song not in the movie??

    I, too, saw nothing offensive in what Miss Demeanor wrote and since KangaDresw didn’t explain – I’m at a loss. He made other good points though.

    Great blog! Fantastic baby picture 🙂 keep up the good work!

    • Hi TY!
      VIP Lounge Mat
      Welcome to the Bar None!

      Come on in, pull up a stool and make yourself at home, m’dear! What can i getcha to drink?

      Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a note. i’m glad you liked the review and the accompanying tuneage.

      Stop by any time and if you had fun, next time bring a friend!

      Thanks for patronizing me, babe!

      Al K Hall

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