Bottomless Pitt: Why Brad & Angelina Jolie Broke Up

Before i get into this, i’d like to congratulate my fellow struggler, Alcoholicstruggler, on reaching his target of 30 days sober. Congratulations, brother, and best of luck with your moderation.

A toast to Alcoholicstruggle (and Brad Pitt): from the juiced-box, i give you AC/DC – Have A Drink On Me

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i’m not here to gossip. Everyone knows what separated Brangelina into Brad & Angelina and it was more than an ampersand, it was booze.

i’m here as your International Functional Alcoholic Slurperson (FASe) to address this issue for us Drunks Really Involved Now Known as Exiles Reunited. i’m here for that generation of D.R.I.N.K.E.R.s; i’m here for the D-Generation.

Love Is Blind…Drunk

You meet someone, you fall in love. It happens to the best of us, literally. Sure, they have their defaults: they crunch ice with their mouths open, they don’t wash their hands after they go to the bathroom, they can pick their teeth with their toenails and insist on proving it. But hell, Love is loving someone not despite their defaults but because of them. Love means loving completely, not being picky and choosing. Love is more than accepting differences, it’s embracing them.

Alcoholism is a shortcoming. Binge drinking is an inadequacy. If you really really and truly love a drinker, you embrace that. It’s not a sacrifice, it’s easy. It’s Love. At the beginning, anyway.

"Are You Drinking What I'm Drinking?"

Love Is Hard…Alcohol

Falling in love with a serious drinker is tough. You basically get two choices: beat them or join them. Joining them sucks ’cause if you’re already a drinker you’ll drink each other silly and end up poor, trailerless and sporting jailhouse tats.

Beating them doesn’t work either ’cause they’ll give you all those BS arguments i just talked about in the previous section. “If you really loved me, you’d accept me. If you loved me, you’d love all of me. If you’re asking me to change, it means you don’t love me for who i am.” Blah blah blah. Total BS from an animal who’s afraid you’ve cornered him and are cutting off his source.

You can’t please a drinker because it takes two to please. The please-ee has to want to be pleased by things other than booze. You can’t make a drinker happy, they have to decide to want happiness. And babes, hate to be the one to break it to you, but serious booze hounds drink because they’re not happy. Or at least feel they’re happier when then they drink.

What does this mean for you, the non-drinker? The one who wants things to change? Are you doomed to either leaving or living with the pain? How do you choose between your life and love?

Simple—you can’t.

Love Is Strong…Booze

Other than bailing, you don’t have a choice. The drinker does. Sick as it may seem, this messed up alkie you’ve had the misfortune to fall for, this souse eroding your existence is the one who has all the power.

My Fellow Alcoholics, this one’s for you:

You have to decide. Do You Love that person sticking with you despite all the crap you’ve thrown up at them?

There is no right or wrong answer but i’ll give you a hint: ask the sober one in you. The drunk fµcker is gonna lie to save his glass, but the person hiding inside you before you had your first sip can tell only the truth.

More hints… Here are some tell-tale signs that you’re not in love:

  • You blame your partner for your problems
  • You claim your significant other drives you to drink
  • You complain your soulmate won’t drive you to get a drink

This is what happened to Brad Pitt. Angelina became a road block on his drunk drive of life.

There is another choice. There will come a time when you realize the person who’s got your hair back is the one for you. What to do?

It’s time to get functional.

Drinkers, Alcoholics, Alcoholics who want to be moderate drinkers, binge drinkers… You don’t have to take twelve steps but you have to make a couple. You have to make at least a little effort to show your (non-)drinking partner you’re in love. My suggestions are the following. (Remember i’m not a professional but i play one on the Net.)

  • Tell them. Tell them that you love them and then hold onto them and never let them go.
  • Be honest. Don’t hide your bottles or your drinking. Tell them exactly what you drank that day. If they love you back, they’ll understand.
  • Give that person at least one night. No matter what kind of drinker you are, you can hold off for one night. Spend it in bed with the one you love.
  • Spend some sober time with them. Show them the person you can be.
  • Beg for their understanding. You and i know what it means to be an alkie, but if your lover isn’t one, they just won’t get it. Tell them this and then plead for their forgiveness.

Love Is Everything…Alcoholic

This here is the bottom line:

If you love someone enough that you want to change, then do it.

If you don’t love them enough to feel the need to change, don’t die before you meet someone you do.


Love Is Wasted

If you’re here for the hot babes then sorry, all i’ve got is Angelina Jolie:

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Angelina Jolie At The Bar None