Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE WOLFMAN

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

That’s right, babes, The Wolfman came to Yeman two whole days before the States. Another Bar None exclusive…

Ramblings: The Wolfman’s Bark Is Worse Than His Bite

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you drink with Wolfmen? You think they’re gonna be all interesting and have tons of stories to tell and they kinda do but the problem is, you just wanna get drunk and hear all the cool parts but they always insist on telling you the whole long boring story about what happened before they got attacked and what happened after and what happens before they kill and what happens after. The cool parts are cool, sure, but they always skim over them too quickly and then go back to the boring parts. They look great and watching them change is a blast but they’re a lot slicker than you’d think and plus they always spill their drinks and run out on the tab. The Wolfman is kinda like that.

You know what? The things that bugged me are bugging me, so i’m gonna start off with them. Like i didn’t like how the movie was set in 1691. Nothing cool ever happened in 1691. And Anthony Hopkins is Benicio Del Toro’s dad? Right, and for my next trick Samuel L Jackson will play Taylor Swift’s father in a remake of Paper Moon. Benicio does a good job as the wolfman himself, but looks kinda silly wearing English dandy clothes and walking around in England in 1691. Just sayin’.

But not everything about the movie was horror-bull. The violence was pretty hairy, even if there wasn’t enough of it, and the actors have some bite. i just wish there had been less setting up the action and more action. The film looks sleek, though, and is easy enough to watch.

One thing that’s nice about wolfmen is that they’re kinda like drinkers. They’re nice and well-mannered on the surface, they can go through the whole day like a normal person, but every once in a while they let go and when they let go, man, they’re animals.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 1/2 Shot

Apparently nudity hadn’t been invented in 1691. The closest we come is a quick side boob of Emily Blunt, who plays  Lawrence Talbot’s / The Wolfman’s (Benicio Del Toro) love interest, Gwen Conliffe. Unfortunately, Blunt is pretty much the only woman in the whole movie (apparently girls hadn’t been invented in 1691 either). Fortunately for us, Blunt is sweet.

Here’s Smokin’ Blunt (26):

Emily Blunt At The Bar None

Click On The Image For Wallpaper Size

Here come the Silken Butterflies, those shooting stars that fly across the screen oh so briefly.

Jessica Manley plays a Gypsy Mother:

The gorgeous Olga Fedori (25), she of the killer eyes, plays Maleva’s Daughter. The photo link’ll take you to her MySpace page, where you can see her reel. Clicking here will take you to The Booze Talkin’ Exclusive Interview she did with me, Al K Hall.

Finally, there’s the tragically uncredited Elizabeth Croft, who has a flitting appearance as Ophelia:

For those who prefer Wolfmen to Wolfwomen, i give you Benicio Del Toro:

A Smoke

Drink: 1/2 Shot

Here are my notes about the booze:

  • Gets drunk [in a tavern] on magically refilling [glass of] white wine after brother’s death
  • Drinks from a carafe of whiskey during Scotland Yard interview
  • Smith [Hugo Weaving as Inspector Abberline] orders a pint of bitter in the tavern

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

Besides the fact that there was no rock and roll in 1691, the violence, though pretty rockin’, was also pretty scarce.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Andrew Kevin Walker & David Self (based on Curt Siodmak’s 1941 script)

Directed by: Joe Johnston

Starring

Emily Blunt – Gwen Conliffe

Benicio Del Toro – Lawrence Talbot

Hugo Weaving – Abberline

Jessica Manley – Gypsy Mother

Olga Fedori – Maleva’s Daughter

Elizabeth Croft – Ophelia

Bottom Line

A lot that’s good but nothing great. You wouldn’t be missing much if you waited for the DVD.

9 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE WOLFMAN

  1. Yanno Al, everyone looked silly in 1691 (have you looked at photos of us from 1974 lately?), the difference is that Hopkins can pull it off with a straight face (remember how we really thought we looked COOL in 1974?) and while Del Toro can portray the angst and torment of being this creature so very well, it does not prevent him from looking like a fish out of water otherwise.

    ” nice about wolfmen is that they’re kinda like drinkers ” actually I believe most are (cept those silly teens in that supid teen series of movies)and for the same reason many are drinkers, got a problem that they don’t want to face. Unless they are drinking a Budwiser “silver bullet”, avoidence is just going to make things worse (it must or there is no movie, cuz who’d watch a movie where someone gets drunk and suddenly all of their problems are solved?).

    Not only was there no nudity in 1691, women wore about half of their wardrobe, all at once, all the time (and bathing wasn’t all that popular back then. It is amazing that we continued as a species).

    • Hi Brother,

      i agree that many parallels can be drawn between monsters and drinking. Vampires and Dr Jekyl come immediately to mind. Hmmm, maybe i should do a Top Ten Lips on this….

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  2. Hey now..
    they’re a lot slicker than you’d think
    and plus they always spill their drinks
    and run out on the tab.

    All three of my problems reversed….
    Not slicker than I think
    Never spill my drink
    Always pay the tab for me and everyone else!

    Rock on have a great day!

    • My Sweetest Hangover!

      i bet you’re a hell of a lot slicker than you think, babe.

      As for not spilling your drink and always paying the tab, this is exactly why you have to come to Yeman and party with me and Miss Demeanor!

      Thanks for stopping by,

      Al K Hall

    • Hi Mad World,

      Thanks for stopping by The Bar None and taking the time to leave a comment.

      Actually, she’s been nude in several films, but none of them in 1691.

      Seriously, as The Bar None carries an “everyone, all the time” policy, there is no full-on nudity here as i want the female patronizers to feel at home, too.

      For the record, she was nude in Summer Of Love (2004—and there’s even a lesbian kiss!) and Henry VIII (2003).

      Thanks for patronizing me!

      Al K Hall

  3. Hey! I’m glad that it was a good ride, even if it had its defaults. That is kinda like some of the drinkers I know, too, haha. (Can I be tongue in cheek, too, or does that verge on snarky? It was meant to be funny…)

    Just so you know, on the computer I am using, the first photo of smokin’ Emily Blunt is pixelated very badly, as is are the fifth and sixth and they also did not load all the way, either, even after refreshing the page. I’m in Google Chrome. Not sure what is going on there, but they don’t look good. I don’t know if anyone else noticed these problems or not.

    I love the review. I love the pics of Benicio — he looks like he would be fun to hang out with! The chicas are, as always, very pretty. It’s all good in the world of the Bar None, looks like!

    Adios, mi amor.

    Miss D

    • Hi Goldilocks,

      Strange about the photos. i’ve checked them out here and at work and there was no problem on either. i’d be interested to know if anyone else has had that problem, or if the ‘puter where you are has a low screen resolution setting.

      And all is not good in The Bar None as long as you’re away. Just so’s ya know…

      Al K Hall

      • The photos are just fine now — looking perfect! So I am not sure what was up, either. At least they are good to go now. My those chicas are purdy! 😉

        I’ll be back in the Bar None soon, Al!

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