Dregs Of The Weeks: Feb 01 – Feb 14

Click On Image To Get Your Heart-On

This week hearting the Dregs we got Grandpa giving drunken lap rides, drunk streakers, Charlie Sheen’s sentencing, a sober Kieth Richards, good news for beer drinkers and Jennifer Aniston partying.

The Dregs are like a box of chocolates: The whole thing at once will make you sick.

Speaking of, from the juiced-box we got Brooks & Dunn – Drunk On Love

[Press ‘Play’ with yourself]

Feb 02: What Not To Say When You Get Pulled Over

As your Functional Alcoholic Slurperson, i’m here to serve up some good advice. For example, don’t follow the example of Daniel Mahoney. Even though the 40-year-old from New Port Richey, Florida was driving with a broken front axle, police caught up with him only after he’d crashed into a fence and was sitting on his back bumper. (Hey, i’m not the one who’s gonna say the police are slow.) As the cops approached him, he said, “I’ll be honest with you. I’ve had too much to drink tonight and I hit a pole.” Tip 1: Don’t be honest with cops. They gave him a field sobriety test and then a breathalyzer (he blew around 0.16%). As they were slapping on the cuffs he told the arresting officers, “I’ve been drinking and driving for twenty years and never got caught.” Tip 2: Try not to brag how long it’s been since you last pulled a DUI.

Here’s something else you shouldn’t do when you get pulled over:

Feb 10: The Other Thing Not To Say When Drunk Driving

Fred Campbell, 54, is an all around great grandfather. By drinking and driving with his 2-year-old grandson on his lap, he was simultaneously teaching the tot how to drive, drink, and drive drunk. Unfortunately, the police officer who pulled him over for a broken taillight didn’t agree with me. Campbell came away with a BAC of 0.13%. He pulled a DUI and Reckless Endangerment, which’ll probably give him a year behind bars (and not the good kind), but that doesn’t count breaking parole for a murder charge. Oops. Here’s what Fred said, and you shouldn’t, when you get pulled over: “Yeah, I’ve drunk six or seven beers.” Babes, if  you’re gonna lie, lie big. Also don’t say, “The cold beer there is the one I was drinking while I was driving.” If i were him, i woulda said it was the kid’s.

Feb 08: Turns Out Guinness Really IS Good For You

You know what i love about Brits? They’re always looking for good excuses to justify their binge drinking. The latest news out of the UK shows that beer is good for building strong bones and preventing osteoporosis (sounds like “Hottie, Poor Ol’ Sis”). Add this to my list of Reason Why i Drink #3: For My Health.

Here are some babes with really healthy bones:

Click On Image To Get A Wallpaper

Feb 09: Drunk Man Loses His Patient

Some guy in a Wisconsin ski area was so drunk he decided to steal an ambulance. Could be worse, and it was. Seems the patient and the paramedics were all in the vehicle while the guy drove around the parking lot.

Feb 08: A New Twist On The Stripper Thing

‘Member last time about how Julia Laack took her clothes off in front of her kids and the cops so they wouldn’t arrest her? Well, Kenneth Hook (41, Prescott Valley AZ) explored a variant on this theme. He got busted for drunk driving by a K9 officer (that’s one fast freaking dog) and told the cop he had a seizure disorder so the cop took him to a local hospital. The cop left to get some police work done (read: Search for donuts and hit on night nurse) he saw Hook running out of the ambulance entrance in only his hospital gown. Dude sprints across the parking lot, runs into a barbed wire fence and when he flips over it, his robe gets torn off. So he sprints naked across the field until the officer catches up to him and takes him down. This gives new meaning to ‘Rip Torn’.

Celebrity Dregs

Watch Out! Transition Zone

Feb 02: Rip Off

Last week i told you about Rip Torn. TMZ posted side by side pictures of his house and the bank he confused with his house. Whaddya think? Normal mistake?

i’m thinking it is. Both places have roofs, right? And windows. And a door. If you think this is weak, you’ve never been as drunk as i have.

Feb 05: Lohan Alcohol Abuse

Tell you what, it’s getting harder and harder to defend. What’s not to like? She’s young, parties hard, didn’t let rehab get to her and she’s hot. Yes, i said she’s hot. Told you i was one of the few remaining bloggers who’s got the girl’s BAC. After her latest stunt, though, it’s getting tricky to stick up for her. This time, she’s abused alcohol, and not in the good way. Seems she was at a club to see her on again / off again and then on again and then off and back on and off and on and off and on and off, faster, faster, yes yes YES! girlfriend, Samantha Ronson.

See! Sexy young bisexual alkie! What more could a guy want?

Anyway, while at the bar, Lindsay was drinking vodka straight out of the bottle and trying to get Sam’s attention. Sam wasn’t playing that tune, so Lindsay confronted her and Sam threw a “Why don’t you have another drink?” in her face. So Lindsay picked up a drink and threw that up in her face. Like i was saying, alcohol abuse. Least she coulda done is hit her with the bottle (after putting the cap back on, of course).

Lindsay Lohan At The Bar None

Feb 08: Charlie Sheen Sentenced Before Trial

Back on Christmas Day last year, Charlie Sheen was busted after Brooke Mueller called 911 to say “Merry Christmas, Charlie Sheen is kicking my ass.” She blew 0.13% (at 8:30 a.m. Xmas morning) later kinda recanted but that didn’t stop the hammer from falling on Charlie. And fall it did. A judge has said that, before the trial in March, he cannot possess firearms or harass Brooke. No biggie. Get this, though: He isn’t allowed to drink alcohol! Auuugghhhhh! Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.

Jan 25: Keith Richards On The Wagon, More Booze For Everyone

End of last month, Ronnie Wood felt what was like to be a teen again by picking up a few.

He got toasted and partied hard enough to justify Keith Richards’ decision to fall on the wagon. Yep, believe it or not Keith stopped drinking at about the same time. Seeing pictures of Ronnie wasted musta made the difference, especially as there are no sober pictures of Richards for him to compare against.

Click On The Image To See The Article

Feb 07: Jennifer Aniston Parties

No real big news here. Jennifer Aniston celebrated her 41st birthday in Los Cabos, Mexico with Gerard Butler, Sheryl Crow, and Courtney Cox among others. They drank but there were no reports of any excesses. Still, gives me a good excuse to exposé Jennifer, and that’s 23 years overdue.

Courtney Cox And Some Fruity Drink

Courtney Cox And Some Fruity Drinks


A shout out to Miss Demeanor on this Valentine’s Day. She’s visiting a friend somewhere south and leaving me to my own devices, all three of them. The only thing i got to say is that her absence has only reinforced the certainty that i want to spend the rest of my life with her.

3 thoughts on “Dregs Of The Weeks: Feb 01 – Feb 14

  1. I dunno about not bragging to cops. They can’t bust you on “hear say”, but have to actually witness the infraction. It is usually the driver that will finish a beer after being pulled over (yes, my blood alcohol is high, but can you prove it was while I was driving eraticly?) Fred Campbell bares a striking resemblence to Josef Fritzl of Austrian infamy. Speaking of reseblances, that first guinness pic resembles a fond memmory of my ex (there aren’t many and it wasn’t a beer bottle or foam). Mr Hook has my admiration to be drunk enough to be pulled over and still athletic enough to sprint parkinglots and vault barbed wire fences (I imagine there may be an opening on our summer olympic team and speaking further of resemblences, he could pass as a younger Rip Torn). Which brings us to Rip and while the bank doesn’t look like his house to my sober eyes, it doesn’t look like a bank either.

    Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey. Why should she cry (first pic)? Any one can tell you that there is no such thing as bed publicity. If I showed my penis, I’d be arrested, but appearently it is ok for them to t\show theirs (second pic). Aand how about that pic in the parking lot? Cover face, uncover breasts, yeah, that won’t attract attention.

    Mr Sheen, I would challenge the constitutionality of any authority over our right to drink. OH Ron, how drunk do you have to be to take that one in the back home with you? Al, you know by now that you could simply post pictures of Aniston without text and I’d patronize this bar forever drooling over them. A certain male singer she once dated said that while Jessica Simpson was sexual napalm, Jennifer was the one good thing he should have kept (then rattled off a list of juvinile excusses why he didn’t)

  2. “Cupid sucks, so should you” hahahahaha!!

    Thank you for the VD wishes at the end, sweetie. And myyyyy, that monkey end! That is spectacular.

    “The only thing i got to say is that her absence has only reinforced the certainty that i want to spend the rest of my life with her.”

    I’m so glad. Now be honest — it is also nice to have someone doing your laundry, huh. 😉

    This particular dregs of the week really walks the line between funny and not, you know? To see how people are really so stupid (and also with the attitude of “there but for the grace of god/dess go I”) is pretty damn funny. But then there is that one with the grandpa driving drunk with the two-year-old on his lap and it’s just so blatantly abusive it feels tragically sad. Well, I am also reading the story of Truddi Chase (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Truddi_Chase) and it has me in a sober kind of mood.

    I’m just seeing the level of abusiveness by many of these folks, even the HoHan, and it makes me feel very sad. Just my mood today, I guess.

    Hope all is well on the homefront, and looking forward to seeing what else you can dreg up for this post, Al.

    Miss D

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