Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE LOVELY BONES

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: This Mortal Coil (w/ Elizabeth Fraser of The Cocteau Twins) – Song To The Siren [Tim Buckley cover]

[Press ‘Play’ for ambiance]

Ramblings: [i will not say Lovely Boner, i will not say Lovely Boner, i will not say…]

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you drink with psychos? i mean, there are psychos and there are psychos. The first kind is no problem ’cause they come in sporting a suit of rotting fish, pick a fight right away and get thrown out faster than you can say “Is that a spoon in your hair or are you missing a shoe?” That’s not the kind of psycho i’m talking about here. i’m talkin’ about the kind of guy who looks cool and talks cool but every once in a long while he mutters a strange aside that makes you wonder. And the way he looks at you makes you wonder so you get tense and drink less than you wanted ’cause you feel like you gotta be on your guard at all times so this guy doesn’t jab cocktail umbrellas into your eye sockets while you’re scoping out the young talent surrounding you. He’s a weird one all right. Off kilter enough like you’re always looking at him through a half-empty bottle and just by existing makes you feel guilty for being human. Yeah, The Lovely Bones is kinda like that.

i gotta say i liked The Lovely Bones. The problem Peter Jackson has is that geeks aren’t gonna like this because there aren’t any hobbits in it and film buffs are gonna slag it ’cause the dude made three whole freakin’ Lord Of The Rings movies and a King Kong to boot. But hell, if you don’t know who Peter Jackson is or don’t hate on him for having more money than you’ll ever see in three lifetimes, then you should see this.

There’s a lot here to like. The actors really flesh out their parts, with special props to the young Saoirse Ronan who assures in her role as the murdered teen, and Stanley Tucci who freaked the crap out of me. Also, normally The Bar None is against credit but i’ll give it where it’s due and tonight it’s due to Peter Jackson. He took some risks when filming the nether region and i thought he pulled it off damn well.

For example, it’s a well-established fact that i hate movies with violence against women, but the way it’s treated here is so suspenseful that it made me kinda sick. Sure, it’s an unpleasant sensation but what i’m saying is that he was able to make me feel something rather than just sit there thinking he was an asshole for making a movie about hurting young ladies.

Don’t get me wrong, i didn’t love everything here. Some of the long passages were long and the movie kinda loses direction a little in the middle. There is one WTF moment that bugged me so much i woulda yelled at the screen if i’d been drunk and plus this is another one of those movies that keeps ending. You think it’s over, nope, one more scene. Done? One more ending. Ok? Just one more. It’s like that guy at the end of the bar who says he’s leaving and is on his third ‘last drink’.

Maybe you read the book but i don’t read anything longer than bottle labels so i can’t compare it to the novel. What i can tell you is that The Lovely Bones is more suspense/thriller than it is a literary film.

Before we move on to the next section—and you knew this was gonna happen so stop your whining—i gotta card Saoirse Ronan (who apparently pronounces her first name SAIR-sheh) ’cause at 15 the babe is really only a babe and, unlike the psycho nut job in the movie, i’m all about age appropriateness in The Bar None. (But check out her eyes! You won’t believe me, but Miss Demeanor has the exact shade of infinity blue in her eyes, too.)

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

i also got some tuneage from the juiced-box and the soundtrack for you while you peruse the photos: The Hollies – Long Cool Woman (In A Black Dress)

[Press ‘Play’ to rock dem bones]

Sex: 2 Shots

Guess what. No nudity. Yeah, yeah, i know, not my fault. Anyway, with the theme of the movie, any kinda nudity here would be as unwelcome as a stripper at a bris. Which doesn’t mean we can’t have hot babes, thank goddess.

Case in point, i get to exposé Rachel Weisz just a few days after doing her in Agora.

Rachel Weisz In The Bar None

Starring as Lindsey Salmon, the younger sister, we got New Zealander Rose McIver. Is is just me or is it weird that we got a 22-year-old playing a 15-year-old’s younger sister?

Finally, another Kiwi, but this one is a newcomer. Meet Carolyn Dando (21) who plays Ruth, the dark friend who sees dead people. (Clicking the link will take you to her webpage.)

For those of you who prefer bones to tissue, i got some Mark Wahlberg (38) action for ya:

"What the f*ck is this sh*t?"

"Now that's more like it!"

This here’s Reece Ritchie (23):

A Smoke

Drink: 1 Shot

The only character that does any drinking here is Susan Sarandon as the alcoholic grandmother. i’ll give her a shot for that but no more ’cause i’m still pissed at her for dumpin’ my man Tim Robbins for younger meat. (And i’ll apologize profusely and offer you a drink on the house if any of y’all got more time than i do to find out if i got the story wrong.)

  • Grandma drinks Jim Beam, brings a fifth to take care of daughter
  • Drinks whiskey with ice
  • [She drinks from a ] Bottle of Crown Royal (?) in grandson’s room; calls booze ‘medicine’
  • [She] Drinks cooking sherry when she’s out of booze
  • SS chain smokes

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 2 ½ Shots

Here’s another ‘rocker’ from the juiced-box and the soundtrack (y’all gotta remember the movie’s set in the ’70s,  k?): Dave Edmunds – I Hear You Knocking

i’m being generous with my shots here, but i got my reasons. There’s no real rock here, other than the two i’ve already posted, but the other tunes (Cocteau Twins, This Mortal Coil, Brian Eno) suited the mood. Brian Eno wrote the original music as well and also included “1/1” from Music For Airports. Sure, it’s not what i’m gonna listen to get my drink on, but it was served at the right temperature for this film.

On top of that, like i said before, the suspense really got to me, especially for the first half hour, and that’s gotta count for something on the rock and roll scale.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

  • Alice Sebold (novel)
  • Fran Walsh, Philippa Boyens, Peter Jackson (screenplay)

Directed by: Peter Jackson


Saoirse Ronan – Susie salmon

Rachel Weisz – Abigail Salmon

Rose McIver – Lindsey Salmon

Carolyn Dando – Ruth

Mark Wahlberg – Jack Salmon

Reece Ritchie – Ray Singh

Bottom Line

Yeah, i’d see it. ‘Course i already have, but there ya go.

Bone-us song:

Here’s another one of those ambient things: The Cocteau Twins (feat. Dead Can Dance) – Alice

7 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE LOVELY BONES

  1. I’m looking forward to seeing this with you when I return to the capital city of Yeah-man!

    I skimmed — did not want to read too closely before seeing it, but in the pictures, I LOVE Saoirse Ronan’s gray dress in the last photo! And my Rachel looks spectacular in that third photo with the dress with the awesome collar. I love Carolyn Dando’s look, too — that forest green top or dress looks really good on her. Yes, I am watching WAY too many episodes of past seasons of “Project Runway” with Miss Anne Thorpe here in the south of Yeah-man. All I can do is think about clothing and styling right now, hahaha.

    My favorite pic of the dudes is Marky Mark in the suit and nerd glasses with his hand partly down his pants. That’s brilliant! 😀

    I’m scared to see Stanley Tucci as creepy, though. I really like him as an actor and do not want to get too freaked out by him, you know? Sounds like he took a risk with the role as he did such a good job. I guess it remains to be seen in his following work if this one has any effect, negative or positive. He is a very competent actor, though.

  2. Oh and one more thing — I will see if I can find info on Susan Sarandon. She is so beautiful, in my opinion, and should be represented here for her beauty as well. I mean, you had pics of Meryl Streep before. I like to see older beauty represented, too, even if she was the one to break it off with Tim. Just MHO. I do love her look, though.

  3. Looks like the rumor mill is that yes, Susan Sarandon is with Jonathan Bricklin. The New York Post and Huffington Post websites have articles about it. I don’t know if Susan left Tim for Jonathan, though. Maybe Susan is having a fling to get back at Tim, who was rumored to have wandered himself in the 23 years they were together.

    It’s weird in any case as Bricklin is a full 20 years younger than *Tim* (51). Susan is 63. Part of me wants to say “ewww” and part of me wants to say “you go, girl!” It’s funny, though. No one thinks very much of a man who is 63 being with a woman who is 31. There are lots of precedents for that. I’m sure if you had a girl 32 years younger than you hitting on you —– okay waiiiiit. That would be sick. Okay, 25 years younger than you, let’s say. That would be legal. You might be interested, too, especially if your relationship were already on the rocks like it sounds like Susan and Tim’s was. Just sayin’. I loved the idea of Susan and Tim, too, but there is no info that Susan was the dumper and Tim the dumpee in this whole sitch and methinks we dost make hasty conclusions about the whole thing.

    Susan in the pics I saw online at 63 is *luminous*. I hope I can look as good in 21 years!!!

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