Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of AN EDUCATION

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Ray Charles – Tell The Truth

Ramblings: Education Fail

Final Proof: 2 Shots

You know how you drink with jail bait? They drink virgin cocktails that don’t stay that way for long and have these great learning curves because their innocence goes like a shot and they learn how to use their lucky charms to get exactly what they want. You pay for their rounds and they drink you down, down into blue ruin and they ruin themselves as much as they do you. Sure they wake up with the same hangover but because they’re young and beautiful nothing really and truly bad ever happens to them. They use you like a pencil on someone else’s tab and then they get famous for telling their stories and leave you wasted away. An Education is kind of like that.

There are a couple things i need to clear up right away. The first is that i was drunk as hell when i saw this movie. The second is that it really pissed me off and this was because of how well the film was made. It got up my nose because it was too easy for me to identify with some of the characters and that means from a film-making point of view it worked. But from a drinker’s point of view (meaning from the floor up) this film is irritating as all get out.

What left a bitter taste in this alkie’s mouth was the lack of consequences for Jenny (Carey Mulligan), our addictive little heroine. Yes, she did have her heart broken but she used the pieces as steps to ascend to greatness and get everything and more than she wanted from life.

David (played impeccably by Peter Sarsgaard), on the other hand, is the most complex character in the movie because he evolves from perverse to idiot to cowering simp. Jenny’s dad (Alfred Molina) is pretty much a boorish oaf at the beginning and his arc leaves him stranded on the top of Mount Idiot.

The thing we learn about men in An Education is that we’re boobs. Men are basically weak assholes and we have to suffer the consequences for this fact of nature.

Don’t get me wrong, this is not an anti-feminist rant. i agree with everything that’s said about men here. Seeing myself as a simpleton for 2 hours is just a little depressing and when i left the theater i hated men and myself. i just want to be a teenage lipstick lesbian is i guess what i’m saying.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 3 Shots

It’s a tricky subject because the movie is based on a young girl (played by 24-year-old Cary Mulligan) who loses her virginity to a much older man at the then legal age of 17. You’re supposed to watch this movie and not be creeped out but instead impressed by a touching coming of age tale. i’ll ask for the same indulgence as you read this section; just keep thinking “touching tale, touching tale, touching tale” over and over again.

There are lots of high school girls in uniforms during the opening credits.

There’s also Carey Mulligan (24) who was nominated for an Oscar for her portrayal of Jenny. Here’s a cute bit for you:

Jenny’s Friend (holding a banana): I thought we might get the messy bit over first.

Jenny: I don’t want to lose my virginity to a piece of fruit!

Here’s some other cute bits.

Carey Mulligan (And Shia Lebeouf) In The Bar None

Miss Demeanor nudged me during the movie and whispered that Miss Stubbs (Olivia Williams–41) was secretly hot even though there was no way to know it behind the sadistic librarian look.

Here’s what she looked like in the movie and in a promotional shot:

Miss Stubs / Olivia Williams

Here’s more proof that Miss D was right and that Olivia was hot in disguise.

Appearing as Helen is Rosamund Pike (31). Y’all might also remember her from my exposé of her in Surrogates.

For the Silken Butterflies in An Education, let’s start off with British jazz singer Beth Rowley, who plays Nightclub Singer. Before i give serve you the shots, here’s a song from the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Beth Rowley – You’ve Got Me Wrapped Around Your Little Finger

Beth Rowley At The Bar None

There was also the cute Ellie Kendrick (20) as Tina:

For those of you who prefer carrots to the whip, i got Peter Sarsgaard (who i already exposéed in Orphan):

A Smoke

Drink: 2½ Shots

Lots of little references:

  • Drinking with the [first] boyfriend; he tells her “You drink anything put in front of you and then you drink it down and ask for more.”
  • A pint of beer at birthday dinner
  • Whiskey for David
  • Wine at the [unintelligible]
  • Champagne at the dog track
  • Bloody Marys for [illegible]

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

Some nice jazz but nothing rock, even if this is set in the early sixties. We’re talking Mel Tormé, babes. Still, there was Duffy doing “Smoke Without Fire”. Here it is on the juiced-box.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Lynn Barber (memoirs)

Nick Hornby (screenplay)

Directed by: Lone Scherfig

Starring

Carey Mulligan – Jenny

Olivia Williams – Miss Stubbs

Rosamund Pike – Helen

Beth Rowley – Nightclub Singer

Ellie Kendrick – Tina

Peter Sarsgaard – David

Bottom Line

Learn from my mistakes: don’t see it.