Dregs Of the Weeks: March 01 – March 21

Click On The Image For A Walllpaper

Three weeks of dregs building up and i’m getting beer balls. It’s getting a little thick in The Bar None, let me tell you. Hanging out in the bottom of this barrel of fun, we got a Warrant warrant, a home wrecker who takes “I’m coming” literally, a guy too drunk for his DUI trial, a Flales Wanker, Canadian shots, a Canadian spread, vintage Lohan getting Ricci, “Twit-light” Pattinson lit up and oh so much more…

From the juiced-box and in honor of Jani “It’s My Name I’m Really A Guy” Lane’s appearance in the Celebrity Dregs, i give you: Warrant – Cherry Pie

[Press ‘Play’ To Try The Pie]

March 15: Could Be Worse, You Could Be The Husband Saw the above screen shot and it made me think of y’all. My question is, why does she have the Jail number blocked?

March 12: i’d Want To Be Drunk, Too

Speaking of Multiple Car Accidents… Jason Botos, this 30-year-old in Nebraska, was driving while soberly challenged last September. Apparently his car jumped a curb and hit 5 cars (and here i am wondering what the hell the cars were doing on the sidewalk to begin with). Anyway, his sentencing was a couple weeks ago and he was soberly challenged again and who can blame him? For sure i’m gonna get me some liquid clemency before i go up in front of the judge. Botos’ dad drove him to the courthouse and had to find some cops to help him get Jason out of the car ’cause that’s how drunk the dude was. He was arrested in the parking lot ’cause he couldn’t walk to the pokey and clocked in at 0.43% on the BAC test—this week’s high. Some days you just don’t ever want to wake up sober again.

Mug Shot - Jason Botos

March 10: An Honest Drunk

If your name is Slaughter, you pro’lly don’t want to drive drunk. And if you do, you probably don’t want to swerve back and forth between the lanes and cross the yellow line next to the median. On an interstate. While going 20 mph. Tommy W Slaughter did and, because he was hammered, he got nailed. Another tip no matter what your name is: it looks bad when, after the cops pull you over, you forget to put the car in park before you get out of the vehicle and it starts to roll away. All of this and more happened to Tommy W Slaughter (57) who was surprised to be stopped by Tennessee police—surprised because he thought he was in Virginia. When the officers asked him how much he’d had to drink, he said, “Too much. I’m drunk. Do what you gotta do.” So the police asked him to take a field sobriety test. “I”m drunk,” was all he said. A breath test? “I’m drunk.” What about a blood test? “I’m drunk.” Apparently the law finally believed him because they busted him for DUI and “violation of implied consent” (which is a charge i’m gonna start imposing on babes in the bar who reject me). Oh yeah, the corker? This was his tenth offense. Babe, if at first you don’t succeed, drink, drink again—while you wait for a cab.

Mug Shot - Tommy W Slaughter

March 2: A Flales Wanker—uhm, Wales Flanker—Gets What’s Coming

BTW, ’cause i know you’re dying to know, the “Flales Wanker/Wales Flanker” thing is called a Spoonerism. Swear to god, look it up.

This Welsh rugby guy was also busted for driving slow on a “motorway slip road”. It’s hard enough driving on the wrong side of the road like they do over there, but to do it while drunk? And in a golf cart? On something called a “motorway slip road” when no one even knows what the hell that is? Madness, i tell you, sheer madness. The rugby guy got his license suspended for 15 months, was  fined £1000 and was booted from the team. There’s only one kind of driving you should be doing with a golf cart, and it involves your wood and your balls.

Mug Shot - Andy Powell

March 2: “This Is Where I Get Off”

Speaking of driving and wood and balls, this guy in Lewiston, Idaho was driving when he decided to go all the way with the car…and the passenger. They were “participating in sexual activity” while he drove and i’m betting it involved trying to start his engine because when i drink it always takes my motor a few extra minutes to warm up. Regardless, all this was going on when he got off—the road. And crashed into a house, causing $50,000 damage to some couple’s kitchen. Man, talk about home wreckers…

March 11: Magic Bus

(Press ‘Play’ to get on The Magic Bus )

After Tommy Slaughter, now we got a babe with a roller derby name… Betty Burden. i’m pretty sure she was named after a Rolling Stone’s hit off of Some Girls. Whatever, Betty (54) got caught driving drunk on the job (her coworkers turned her in). Only problem is, Betty’s job is driving a school bus and when the Transportation Coordinator got on at her first stop, she was transporting a full load of elementary school kids. He didn’t smell booze on her breath but followed behind her with the cops, who eventually did pull her over, after she’d dropped off 50 of her charges. She blew 0.230% at the scene and 0.226% back at the station (click here for the BAC explained). She admitted to pounding a few screwdrivers and so was screwed: suspended without pay and arrested for DUI on a $10,000 bond.

Mug Shot - Betty Burden

March 10: The Naked Truth

‘Member Julie Laack from the Stripper Dregs i posted back in mid January? Well, her story was better than Irving Howard’s. Perv-ing took off to the bar barefoot and when he got called on it, he took off all his clothes and ran into the Ladies’ Room, pro’lly ’cause he’s a pussy. When the cops called him out, he screamed and ran out fists clenched, only to get tased. Twice. This explains the look on his face and his naked self in the mug shot…

Mug Shot - Irving Howard

March 24: $3.37 For A Beer?

Forget that Denis Danny Roberge (19) got busted stealing a beer and that he now has to go back to the clink for 60 days because he’s a repeat repeat offender. The thing that freaked me out was the beer cost $3.37! Even if you consider it’s Canadian dollars, that’s still a lot in real money… Aren’t 40’s a buck twenty or something? He must’ve chosen the good stuff because he was shoplifting to celebrate being released from jail, after 8 months served for theft.

March 19: More Canadian Silliness

Apparently some kid named Barack Obama read my Booze Revooze of Invictus after he got his ass elected President of the United States of America [and instantly there are so many CIA/FBI/INTERPOL/and other initials i can’t even spell cyber spies swarming onto this post that there’s an IT vacuum created over all of China]. Anyway, he saw how Morgan Freeman (pretending to be Nelson Mandela) won a booze bet with the President (or whatever) of New Zealand. Obama bet a case of beer on the US/Canada Olympic Hockey Game and lost when the U.S. team choked in overtime. In a very presidential move, Obama paid his DUIOU by sending a case of Molsons and a case of Yuengling, the ‘Bama’s favorite brew. The Canadians, being Canadian, promised to put it in the Hockey Hall Of Fame in Toronto. No, i’m not kidding.

"Drink It? HELL No! This Is Good For The Museum!"

Here are some Canadian chicks who weren’t afraid to drink the ‘water’:

Celebrity Dregs

March 5: Lindsay “Miss The Beat” Lohan

i’m back to lovin’ Lindsay again. Linds was in London at the beginning of the month and was a celebrity DJ in some club. But only for a minute. Seems she was so bad that it was embarrassing and, according to the party revealers, she constantly had a drink in her hand and was a “total drunken, incoherent mess.” Nice to have you back on the good side of The Bar None, babe.

March 09: Christina Ricci Drunk

In news so related it’s incestuous, Slohan showed up at the scene (a fashion week after-party in Paris) of another Crime Against Humanity. Before you pass judgement, check out the Crime Scene Photo-Collage:

Click On The Photo For Wallpaper

Why am i serving up drunken shots of Christina Ricci? OK, apart from the obvious reasons… Because Linds was there (see why she’s back in my good graces?), aids-ing and a-bedding like the best of accomplices. Here’s the proof:

So what do you think? Does Lohan feel guilty about Ricci’s loss of innocence? The jury may be out, but not nearly as much as Ricci Rich.

Speaking of her large assets, here’s a collage of Christina Ricci. There’ll be some individual shots hiding at the bottom, in my drawers.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

One final thing about Ricci because i’m drunk enough i can’t let this pass… If you’re reading this it means you know me by know (and if you don’t know me now, you will never never never know me, oooh ooh ooh) which means you know i’m more a fan of AAAs than D’s and i’m not talking about batteries. Point being, while Ricci is not my type, i love the huge mole she’s got in her cleavage because it’s kinda like the Holy Grail: once you got your hands on it, your quest has ended. But then she had to go and ruin it all but TATTOOING her tit! Auugghh!

There is no madness equal to the insanity of tattooing or piercing a female breast. The Goddess, in her infinite wisdom, gave us humans the embodiment of the ideal, of heaven here on this earth in the form of the female breast and some infidels tamper with this breast-loved symbol, thinking they can improve on perfection. Yet in doing so, they debase it. They make it mundane. Sorry to wax so poetic on y’all, but talkig about hooters hits me where i live. Check it out and tell me i’m wrong.

March 18: Twi-Light Weight

While i’m on drunk stars, Rob Pattinson got drunk. Seriously, why does it seem i’m the only one surprised by this? If i were him, i’d be drunk, like, all the freaking time.

And to think Lindsay Lohan was nowhere to be found…  Here’s a collage of the decadence for y’all::

i don’t mean to freak you out, but i’m gonna continue to maintain that Pattinson is a solid singer. In my defense, i offer offer up Exhibit A: Rob Pattinson – Never Think.

March 3: Warrant Warrant

Goes something like this. On May 18, 2009, ex-Warrant frontman goes on TV to talk about how he’s all clean and sober.

“It’s just a matter of deciding you’re done, in my opinion. I mean, that probably oversimplifies it, but really, really and truly you have to go, ‘You know what? I’m done with this. I don’t like feeling like this, I don’t like living like this.’ And it’s also nice to get the creativity back, which is impossible to flow when you’re unconscious.” [From Blabbermouth]

Then, on June 17, 2009, Jani got in a fender bender and turned out the boy was drunk, which got him arrested for DUI. Guess he did oversimplify after all. His trial was originally set for February 23, 2010 but Jani had other plans. He also stood up the judge on the makeup date, February 24th. Two no-shows for the showman who won’t show up meant a warrant for his arrest was issued at the beginning of the month.

Jani Lane Mug Shot

March 17: For Kiefer Sutherland, Every Day Is St Patrick’s Day

Here’s a shot of Kiefer and a bottle of whiskey, wishing all of us a happy St Pat’s.

Here’s a shot of Kiefer as a bottle of whiskey from last October, wishing us a happy St Pat’s.

March 17: In The Buffy

Nicholas Brendon, who played “Geek Assistant #1” (or something) in the TV series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, got his ass slayed on St Patrick’s. Someone called in a drunk guy causing much ruckus in Venice Beach and the Buffy Slayers showed up and, after Brendon took a swing at them and ran away, the cops tased Brendon, twice. i don’t know about vampires, but you slay me, bro.

Nicholas Brendon Mug Shot

The good news about this is that it gives me a good (enough) excuse to exposé Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Click On The Image For Wallpaper Size

Sarah Michelle Gellar in The Bar None

Like Christina Ricci, there’re more hot shots in my drawers, down below.

My Drawers

Christina Ricci

Christina Ricci In The Bar None

Sarah Michelle Gellar

Bonus Shot

Sarah Michelle Gellar Kissing Selma Blair

12 thoughts on “Dregs Of the Weeks: March 01 – March 21

    • Rodney!
      Door Mat
      Welcome to The Bar None, brother. Come on in, make yourself at home. What can i get you to drink?

      Thanks for the props on the picture. i was kinda fond of it myself.

      Feel free to stop by anytime, the door’s always open.

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  1. Al, I’m sure you alreay know that the jail blocks its number from showing up (as well as not having it marked on the payphone itself) so that no one can phone in (only out) which is wholly unfair because no one expects to be there and brings a pocket full of coins. Thus the only calls one can make is collect.

    Speaking of unfair, I am sure that celeb hotties such as Ricci party with “Handlers” so that when they get as blitzed as that they don’t end up waking up next to someone like me the next morning.

    As disturbing as it is to see Kifer dressed as scotch, I was a little more wierded out by the preist groping the guy (Perry Farrell?) in the cheerleader skirt.

    • Brother Ken,

      Actually, i did not know that the jail blocked the number when they called, but it does make sense.

      Speaking of making sense, for Christmas i wan “handlers” and people. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again.

      Speaking of saying it before and again, i want to party with Lindsay Lohan, Peaches Geldof and Kiefer Sutherland (but not his boys).

      Here’s me, over and out (again),

      Al K Hall

  2. OMG — this is almost too much to get through! You spooged the booze newz all over the place, dude!

    I’m not even halfway through yet, but after all I had read so far with all the stuff going on with the Booze Loozers, I got to here and wanted to bang my head against the computer desk: “Betty’s job is driving a school bus and when the Transportation Coordinator got on at her first stop, she was transporting a full load of elementary school kids.”

    Jesus, Betty. It’s one thing to fuck with your own life, but another altogether to fuck with a bunch of kids’ lives. I am very much a live-and-let-live kind of gal, and if Betty wants to make a mess of things for herself, fine, but I hope they slam her ass in jail for a long time for driving a bunch of schoolkids while drunk. Idiot.

    Skipping ahead to the Cristina Ricci pics, I have to say I do not mind the tat. I’d still touch it! And I bet you’d still tap that if you were given even an eight of a chance, dude, lol. I know you get all righteous and up in arms about tats on the tits, but I still think she is cool and looks cool. And I mean, isn’t a boob a boob? Who cares what size they are and what is tattooed on them?

    (Maybe one just has to be a hetero dude to understand this whole “type” thing. I’ve tried to understand and empathize with it, and realize I just can’t. *throws up hands in air*)

    As far as SMG, goes, that photo of her in the red swimsuit looks like a Photoshop of her head on another’s body… Just sayin’. The others of her look a lot better/more realistic.

    Here, “She’s always been a perennial favorite of mine as well.” Don’t you mean “perianal”? heh heh

    (Vocab lesson for those who might need it: Peri- is a prefix borrowed from the Greek. It means “around or about.” Thx to the Merriam-Webster online dic.)

    Thanks for the amusement, hon.
    Miss D

    • Yeah, there was a lot here to ingest, for sure. Booze spooge all over the place, indeed.

      i dunno about Christina. i’m with you, i’d touch her boob (with you). But as far as “flashing” at her on the street…nah, i really don’t think so. You are so much sexier than she is, abbé!

      Love right back atcha,

      Al K Hall

  3. I was going to comment about my girl Linds, until I was shocked into silence by the Nicholas Brendan news!

    OH, not my Xander!!!!

    • Beautiful Shells!

      Look on the bright side, the odds that you will find him on chat roulette seem to be increasing exponentially.

      Thanks for patronizing me, Princesse,

      Al K Hall

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