Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of IRON MAN 2

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: AC/DC – Highway To Hell

That’s right, babes. We got Iron Man 2 here in Yeman weeks before y’all. Go ahead and enjoy this sneak peek before next Friday. Don’t worry, i put up some spoiler alerts if you don’t wanna know before you know, you know?

Ramblings: Get The Lead Out, Iron Man!

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you get drunk with some guy’s son? The dad is cool and someone you like to hang with, always lookin’ good and you have these really exciting nights so you think it’s gonna be a blast to hang out with his kid because “like father like son”, right? ‘Cept the kid is really long winded and doesn’t really drink at all so he’s kinda boring and god can he talk but he doesn’t really wanna do anything other than look through pictures of his vacation to Mesa Verde when he was 8. He looks enough like his dad but somehow the “cool” gene got lost in transmission so you just kinda sit there looking at your watch, having a good enough time but ready to leave as soon as you can for something more kick ass. That’s kinda the way it was with Iron Man 2.

So yeah, Iron Man 2 was rusty, especially after how much i liked the first one. The stuff i liked about Iron Man, the rock & roll, the cool fx, the humor… were all here but more diluted, like a watered down rum & coke that’s been sitting in the sun and the ice has pretty much melted and the coke’s gone flat but you can still savor the lingering original but more as an aftertaste than the real thing.

Robert Downey Jr rocked, that’s a given. You can’t be Robert Downey Jr and not rock. Even if he tried not to rock, he would rock at not rocking, s’what i’m saying. He carries Iron Man and Tony Stark with the same swagger he had in the first one—as a strong actor who’ll never let you down. To think he does it all sober and after so many screw-ups in his past makes me wanna get up off my ass and stand on my chair and start a slow clap.

The other actors do their jobs well. It’s always a pleasure to see Scarlett Johansson do anything, even if it’s just standing still and taking (very) deep breaths, but she plays a believable Natalie Rushman / Natasha Romanoff, proving her range and letting us know she’s not just another chesty face.

Mickey Rourke played a killer Ivan Vanko / Whiplash. Rourke has all the kick of cheap tequila from a broken bottle with salt you snorted after forgetting the lime. He’s a solid actor, he has always been a solid actor and the fact that his mug is a little cracked doesn’t make the nectar any less potent.

Oh, and i gotta take a quick minute to congratulate Garry Shandling for his role as a Senator Stern. i’ve been a fan of his for years and it was nice to see him adding a depth to this role that i’m sure wasn’t there on the paper. Next round’s on me, Gare.

Nah, the only problem i got with the casting calls was the choice of Don Cheadly as Lt. Col. James ‘Rhodey’ Rhodes. There was soma kinda divorce between Terrence Howard (the original ‘Rhodey’) and the Iron Man people, but us kids don’t want to hear about your grown-up problems. Cheadle can pull off a lot of jobs, just not action hero.

The only other kink in Iron Man’s armor is that his punch has lost its..punch, i guess. Not many kicks from his…kicks, if you follow me. Look at it this way, imagine we’re splitting the check, OK? i had five action scenes (the one in Monaco was excellent) and each one was about 10, 15 minutes max. That makes 75 minutes, with the tip.  OK, the total movie was 124 minutes, which leaves us 50 minutes of not much. Who’s gonna hafta pay for that? You are.

Too much back story, too much side story, too much back and forth story… Too much not enough is what we got here. Sure, the director was nice enough to try and hide the exposition with fancy images and CGI computers and crap, but after a couple minutes you see through these and realize the story is kinda stuck again.

Basically, Iron Man 2 will be all over like a cheap Iron Man suit: polished and good looking but not always effective.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 3 Shots

i’ll tell you right up front that there’s not gonna be any nudity here. There’s tons of hot girls but the closest you’ll get to any skin is the marvelous Scarlett Johansson (25) undressing down to her bra in the back of a taxi cab. Why? So she can wear her secret hero suit.

Here she is, looking super in (and out of) just about anything.

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

[AlKHallism: Pheelix has brought to my attention that the fourth pic on the left is NOT Scarlett. You’re gonna have to enjoy that one a little less, i’m ‘fraid.]

There’ll be more shots of her, including three in The Bar None, below in my drawers. Just scroll down, yo.

Of course there’s also the lovely Gwyneth Paltrow (37) reprising her role as Pepper Potts (at least they didn’t ask Don Cheadle to do this, too). No sex but she does kiss Tony Stark / Iron Man. Hey, it’s a passionate kiss—though it does get cut short by…Don Cheadle.

She’s hotter here than in the movie, trust me.

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

Yes, there’ll be more shots down in my drawers.

Also coming back for another round in Iron Man 2 is Leslie Bibb (35), who plays journalist Christine Everhart. Interesting (or not) factoid: In real life she’s together with Sam Rockwell, the guy who plays Justin Hammer in Iron Man 2.

Anways, here’s why she plays Everhard Everhart (oh c’mon, like you didn’t know i was gonna go there).

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

More shots of Leslie are loitering in my drawers.

Silken Butterflies

The first butterfly to flit across the silver screen is Olivia Munn (29) perfect for the role of Chest Chess Roberts, a TV anchor.

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

i got drawer shots of her, too, just look at the bottom of this post.

We also get to see the stunning Kate Mara (27), just for a moment, in the pants of a U.S. Marshal (i mean in the role of a marshal, babes).

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

Drawer shots of her down below, as well.

Finally, there’s Helena Mattsson (26) who plays Rebecca. Y’all might remember Helena from when i exposéed her the first time in Surrogates.

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

You gotta check out the shots of her in my drawers. i won’t let anything slip, but you’ll be glad you scrolled down to see her arrival at the Iron Man 2 premiere.

For those of you who prefer Nuts to Sockets, there’s The Man, Robert Downey Jr (45) himself (who i also threw up a couple shots of on my Sherlock Holmes post.)

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

Finally, before we get to the living legend himself, i’d like to throw up a Before (Life) / After (Life) shot of one of my heroes.

He may not be the sex symbol he was back in the day of 9½ Weeks but Mickey—you out there, Brother?—i really wanna party with you, man.

Here’s the reason why i wanna hang with Mickey Rourke (57):

 

 

Mickey Rourke In The Bar None Wallpaper

 

A Smoke

Drink: 3 Shots

i know, right? 3 shots? But guess what: There’s an Iron Man drunk scene! Swear to god. Peter Stark gets drunk at his birthday party, puts on the Iron Man suit and the fun begins. He staggers, falls down, tells the audience how he pees in the suit, swigs champagne from the bottle, tells everyone he loves them then accidentally blows his place to hell with his palm exploder light thingy.

Other than that, there’s these:

  • Ivan (Mickey Rourke) drinks vodka from the bottle in vodka
  • Champagne in the lab when Stark makes Pepper CEO [see photo up there]
  • In that scene, Pepper says, “I don’t know what to think,” and Stark says, “Don’t think—drink.”
  • Everyone drinks in a Monaco restaurant/bar

 

Sam Rockwell as Justin Hammer at the Monaco Grand Prix

 

  • Ivan drinks vodka at the fancy meal in Hammer’s hangar
  • Hammer drinks Crown Royal on the rocks
  • Scarlett brings Stark a vodka and mouths with all her lips in close-up, “Is that dirty enough for you?”

There was pro’lly one more reference but i can’t read my note. It looks like “Sees a bottle of chom-Rural the…”

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 2 Shots

[Press ‘Play’ for something from the juiced-box and the movie: The Clash – Should I Stay Or Should I Go]

i’d be ready to give this lots more, ’cause what rocks here rocks hard but there was just too much down time between the tracks.

The music was pretty hard as well. In addition to what i’ve posted, there’s also AC/DC’s “Shoot To Thrill”.

Tragically, the movie is dedicated to DJ AM (Adam Goldstein), who died after filming a cameo as himself as the DJ at the party Stark gets drunk at. Apparently, Downey Jr took a shining to the kid, perhaps while remembering his own difficulties in his youth. The director decided to keep the cameo in, including when Peter Stark says, “Adam, I need a phat beat.”

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Justin Theroux (screenplay)
Stan Lee, Don Heck, Larry Lieber, Jack Kirby (Marvel comic book)

Directed by: Jon Favreau

Starring

Robert Downey Jr. – Tony Stark / Iron Man

Scarlett Johansson – Natalie Rushman / Natasha Romanoff

Gwyneth Paltrow – Pepper Potts

Mickey Rourke – Ivan Vanko / Whiplash

Kate Mara – U.S. Marshal

Leslie Bibb – Christine Everhart

Helena Mattsson – Rebecca

Olivia Munn – Chess Roberts

Bottom Line

Babes, i already told you, Robert Downey Jr’s in it. Standing policy at The Bar None: nothing rated below 3 Shots and a guaranteed recommend to see.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Scarlett Johansson (25)

 

Scarlett Johansson in The Bar None

 

 

Scarlett Johansson in The Bar None

 

 

Scarlett Johansson in The Bar None

 

Gwyneth Paltrow (37)

 

Gwyneth Paltrow In The Bar None

 

 

 

Gwyneth Paltrow In The Bar None

 

Leslie Bibb (35)

 

Leslie Bibb In The Bar None

 

Olivia Munn (29)

 

Olivia Munn In The Bar None

 

 

Olivia Munn In The Bar None

 

Kate Mara (27)

 

Kate Mara In The Bar None

 

Helena Mattsson (26)

 

Helena Mattsson In The Bar None

 

17 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of IRON MAN 2

  1. Geek goddess Olivia Munn makes an all too breif appearance the the Geekfest that is Iron Man 2? Too Cool!

    I can’t believe that Rourke used and tossed away Carrie Otis. Oh sure, he regreted it later and stalked her until the police made her displeasure clear.

    Gotta bring up someone who was not in the movie. How much do we HATE/ENVY Brad Pitt. Sure he’s a semi-talented pretty boy, but he’s banging Paltrow, who he tosses for Anisten, who he tosses for Jolie, I mean, who on earth gets their pick from a hand like that??

    • Ken!

      Yeah, while looking for photos of Olivia i came across quite a few of her signing shit at comic book conventions and other diverse gatherings of that ilk.

      There’s a lot i can’t believe Mickey threw away but, hey, we all have our own hoes to rode, eh?

      And i agree, it’s hard for me to hate Brad too much because he is talented, despite being a pretty boy. Kinda a pop Johnny Depp, i guess. Still, can’t slag his taste in women…

      Thanks for patronizing me, Brother,

      Al K Hall

  2. At least the women in the film are hot, even if the film itself isn’t. I’m a little worried about seeing it now based on that, because I really liked the original film!
    Great review, and of course, great pics!!! Scarlett Johannssenneennenn whatever her name is is by far the sexiest woman alive. Next to Jessica Alba.

    • Hi mate!

      You should pro’lly give it a shot just to say you saw it. And there’s a lot of Scarlett worth seeing! (Although i tend to go for more the Keira Knightley type—Mélanie Laurent anyone?)

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

    • Brother Boris, “The Fons”!

      Glad you had such a good time in The Bar None, brother. i appreciate your enthusiasm! No need to come back every day, as i post only ’bout 3 times a week, but if you care, you could subscribe to e-mail notifications on the home page. That’ll save you some “wasted” visits. Also, if you get the chance, friend me on Facebook. Everyone needs friends, right?

      Thanks for patronizing me, Boris. If you had a good time, invite a friend…

      Your Functional Alcoholic Slurperson,

      Al K Hall

  3. I. Love. Scarlett’s. Boobs.

    If I had some girls like hers, you bet I would be showing them off, too.

    This is so, so true:
    “Robert Downey Jr rocked, that’s a given. You can’t be Robert Downey Jr and not rock. Even if he tried not to rock, he would rock at not rocking, s’what i’m saying.”

    BTW, before I forget it and because I am too lazy to try to link back there again (maybe add the “Recent Posts” widget instead of “top posts” one???), Natalie Portman is NaTalie, not NaTHalie as you posted in the NY, I ❤ U movie review… I just remembered I was going to comment it there, and forgot to do it.

    I LOVED the Monaco racing scenes, and Rodney, if you read this, go and see it even if just for that action sequence. I enjoyed IM2 a lot, just not as much as IM1. It is still a fun ride and worth at least a matinee screening, for sure!

    • Not much to add to what you said here; maybe just let me reiterate that i don’t condone large breasts and, in fact, prefer smaller, sleeker models.

      Sorry, just had to get that off my chest.

      Thanks for patronizing me, babe,

      Al K Hall

      PS i’m gonna go back and make the changes to NP’s name. Thanks for pointing that out!

  4. Really liked the pics and info! Almost too much to look at and read.

    BTW, the fourth pic from the left, top row, in the Johansson gallery (with the exposed boob) is NOT Scarlett! Have the orig pic gallery somewhere in my softcore collection. It is some college girl with a great rack.

    Watching a streaming version of IM2 right now.

    • Pheelix!

      Welcome!

      Welcome to the Bar None, brother! Pull up a stool, make yourself at home and what can i get you to drink?

      Thanks for stopping by the Bar None and especially thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. You’re right about it being a little dense in here, but you know me, i’m kinda dense and i also believe in big servings. Don’t be afraid to take a doggie blog and ingest it in your own sweet time.

      Re the nip slip pic…yeah, i kinda thought it was too good to be true and it doesn’t even look all that much like her but so many other sites had it up as the real thing i decided not to research it too much, y’know? Still, i’ll go back and put in a disclaimer.

      Thanks for patronizing me, if you had a good time, invite a friend!

      Al K Hall

  5. Dude – I finally got around to scabbing a copy of the BluRay on this film: and I really enjoyed it!!! Mr Downey Jr certainly has come a long way since the drugs and jail…. I for one think Hollywood is the richer for his return to the screen!!!

    I’m linking to this review when I post my own in a few weeks, as usual! Great job again!!!

    • Brother!!

      Yeah, i’m a big fan of the Downey. Glad you got as much a kick out of it as i did. Thanks for waiting so long to post your real professional review so i could get a few hits before the world makes the move over to Fernby Films to see how a real reviewer does it.

      Thanks, as well, for patronizing me…

      Al K Hall

  6. Pingback: WTF: Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) | 1,2,3 WTF!?

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