Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of KICK-ASS

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: The Pretty Reckless – Make Me Wanna Die

[Press ‘Play’ for a Gossip Grrrl]

Ramblings: Kick-Ass Does

Final Proof: 4 1/2 shots

You know how you get drunk with a kid on his 21st birthday? You meet him at his place and the night starts off slowly while you get to know him but you like him right from the get-go because he’s funny and kinda cute and reminds you of yourself a little when he was your age and he has the coolest attitude pro’lly because you get the vibe that he likes you back and that even if the whole party is about him, he wants to be sure you have a good time, too. Then, when the party really kicks off, he’s a sweet drunk that knows a lot of other cool kids and hot girls who are way too young for you but that really doesn’t matter because you’re not there to hook up, just have a good time and, man, do you ever have a good time. It’s one of those nights where things just fall into place and you have all these crazy adventures involving hottie-stalking drug dealers and microwaves big enough to nuke a man but you know it’s that kind of night where the worse thing that could ever happen is the locals complain you’re laughing too hard. The best thing about this kind of night where you tie one on with a kid who’s legally a grown up but is still just a geeky kid? You know from the very beginning you’re not gonna have a hangover the day after. Yeah, Kick-Ass is just like that kid and just like that night.

You know what Kick-Ass has? Balls. A huge set. Balls the size of baby heads. i swear to god, you ain’t never seen an Ass with such big balls. ‘Cause it woulda been so easy to go all PG-13 on this flick but to do that would be to castrate the bastard and you know what that means. It means Kick-Ass would have no balls.

Some people are gonna wanna tell you that Kick-Ass is too violent. Don’t listen to that bull. The film needs to be violent on a congenital level to fulfill its destiny. To make a movie for those who share the age of the actors would be to castrate the film, and you know what that means so don’t make me go there again.

Think about it. Chloë Grace Moretz was 12 while making the movie, which means she’s too young to see it because her character violently kills tons of people, uses the ‘C’ word once and the ‘F’ word a couple times. But if she had said “you jerks” and “screw you” instead, the movie woulda sucked. Matthew Vaughn, the director, made a ballsy choice to go balls out on this film and it pays off big time.

The thing i appreciated most about Kick-Ass was its ability to constantly surprise me throughout. i love movies that take standard clichés and put them on their ass. From the young super hero wanna-be who never becomes one to Damon Macready shooting his daughter Mindy, i was frequently caught off guard and if you’ve seen as many movies as i have, seeing the unpredictable is refreshing. OK, the ending gets as traditional as cheap wine at a Thanksgiving dinner with your grandparents, but the incredibly shot action scenes kept me from falling asleep.

As for the actors, well, i thought Aaron Johnson did a Kick-Ass job as Dave Lizewski / Kick-Ass and Nicolas Cage wasn’t bad enough to destroy the movie. i’m thinking Matthew Vaughn cut his scenes to a bare minimum to reduce the risk of another Ghost Rider crash & burn.

To wrap this up, you never read my Booze Revooze of 500 Days of Summer but you shoulda. If you had, you would know what kind of wild genius i am. i don’t wanna gush too much about myself because that would imply masturbation but who was it that said about Chloë Grace Moretz, “Keep an eye on her, she’s one to watch”? Wait, i know, it was me in that review i just mentioned that you didn’t read. Go back and read it, you don’t believe me, you unfair somsabitches.

Speaking of Chloë Grace, you got it, i gotta card her here. She’s only 12 and thus too young for the sexy. As is policy here at The Bar None, nothing age inappropriate.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 shots

i’m not gonna lie to you, there’s no nudity in this bad boy. Like at all. But we got other stuff.

Like we got Lyndsy Fonseca (23) as Katie Deauxma, Dave Lizewski / Kick-Ass’ love interest. There’s this one scene where she thinks he’s gay and she asks him to apply tanning lotion while she’s naked and holding her hands over her bare bosoms. Ummm…bosoms. And then, later, when she finds out he’s not gay, they make out and he gropes her. With his super hero gardening gloves still on. Think of them as thick, yellow, leather boob condoms.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Look in my drawers (scroll down, you can’t miss them) for the indie shots of Lyndsy.

What else we got? We got us some Silken Butterflies.

Silken Butterflies

We got a couple minutes of Dave Lizewski beating off into a kleenex. Even better is what excited him so much: Down blouses of his large chested English teacher, Mrs Zane, who (in his fantasies) takes off her blouse and caresses herself, calling out young Dave’s name. Anyway, here’s Deborah Twiss (38)…

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Do we got better? Hell yes we do. In the scene in Rasul’s drug den, there’s this stunning brunette who, when Kick-Ass asks for Rasul, grabs her boobs over her slinky red dress and says something like, “I’m Rasul, can’t you see from my titties?” Bothers and Sissies, i give you Katrena Rochell (and her titties) who appeared collectively as Rita, The Junkie.

You wanna know what kicks even more ass? i interviewed this angel for The Booze Talkin’! Now who rocks The Bar None, babes? Al does. Just sayin’.

For those of you who prefer Big Daddies to Hit Girls, this is Aaron Johnson (19).

Click On The Shot For A Wallpaper

Aaron Johnson In The Bar None

A Smoke

Drink: 1 shot

Definitely the weak link of the film. Basically the only thing resembling a booze reference is when Kick-Ass goes over to Rasul’s (the drug dealer) place and there’s tons of empty wine and champagne bottles sitting around all over the place. Oh yeah, and Katrena Rochelle, the hot actress who plays Rita The Junkie (did i mention i’m interviewing her?), breaks a bottle of wine on the table to attack Hit-Girl with and it doesn’t work out.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 5 shots

Yep, only the second time i’ve ever given a 5 shot rating (the first being for the drinking in Crazy Heart). Here, it is doubly deserved for two reasons. The first is the action. There’s tons of action here, babes, along with very cool comic book violence. You wanna talk rock & roll attitude? Kick-Ass has become the new definition for rock & roll attitude by which all other movies will now be judged.

So we got that. But what else? Check this out, from the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Primal Scream – Can’t Go Back

Here’s the entire soundtrack for y’all, ’cause i’m nothing if i’m not thorough.

  1. The Prodigy – Stand Up
  2. Mika Vs. Redone – Kick Ass (We Are Young)
  3. Primal Scream – Can’t Go Back
  4. The Little Ones – There’s A Pot A Brewin’
  5. The Prodigy – Omen
  6. The Pretty Reckless – Make Me Wanna Die
  7. The Dickies – Banana Splits
  8. Ellie Goulding – Starry Eyed
  9. Sparks – This Town Ain’t Big Enough For The Both Of Us
  10. The New York Dolls – We’re All In Love
  11. Zongamin – Bongo Song
  12. Ennio Morricone – Per Qualche Dollaro In Piu
  13. The Hit Girls – Bad Reputation
  14. Elvis Presley – An American Trilogy

If you wanna hear any of these, just let me know and i’ll post it/them for you. i’m your tender bartender and i’m here to serve you.

Here’s a shot for Ken: The Hit Girls – Bad Reputation

Here’s a shot ordered up by Josh (actually, he was more interested in the sound byte at the beginning): The Dickies – Banana Splits

For those of you who’ve made it this far, Miss Demeanor and i have this debate goin’. i posted a song by The Pretty Reckless at the top of this review. i know you didn’t listen to it, so do me a favor and scroll back to the top and give it a good listen. It’s OK, i’ll wait… Done? So, what do you think? No, really. Not bad, right? Well, Miss D says it can’t be good because Taylor Momsen (of Gossip Girl fame) sings it. i say it’s a good song even if a good looking girl sings it.

What do you think?

If you picked the right answer, there’s a reward waiting for you at the bottom of the post.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Mark Millar & John S. Romita Jr. (comic book)

Jane Goldman & Matthew Vaughn (screenplay)

Directed by: Matthew Vaughn


Chloë Grace Moretz – Mindy Macready / Hit-Girl

Lyndsy Fonseca – Katie Deauxma

Katrena Rochell – Rita, Female Junkie

Deborah Twiss – Mrs. Zane

Sophie Wu – Erika Cho

Aaron Johnson – Dave Lizewski / Kick-Ass

Nicolas Cage – Damon Macready / Big Daddy

Bottom Line

See it or i’ll kick your ass.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Lyndsy Fonseca (23)

Bonus Round

Taylor Momsen and The Pretty Reckless

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Click here for a taste of my other Booze Revoozes

17 thoughts on “Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of KICK-ASS

  1. I do want to see this film. After reading your review, I want to see it even more!!! Arrgghhh. Will have to wait for the BluRay release….. in like 6 months or so!!!

    might have to drink more to make the time pass quicker.

    • No problem, Rodney, what can i pour you?

      As your tender bartender here in the Bar None, i aim to serve. First one’s on the house, so what’ll it be?

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

      PS You gotta vote on the Taylor Momsen poll in the Rock & Roll section of the review to get your drink.

  2. “Chloë Grace Moretz was 12 while making the movie” Just like the vid I posted of Corby Yates (playing clubs he was too young to get into otherwise), you’ve got to wonder about this. Is it not as bad to “do (ie portray someone who does) these things as opposed to viewing someone doing it? Mind hurts, top off my drink please.

    Ya think Cage was roped into this just because they needed a “name” to draw a wider audience or do you think his perchant for edgy work drew him to it?

    Just like Hitchcock was more effective implying violence, do you think movies that imply the most outrageous sexual situations are more scandalous than those with gratuitous tits?

    I’ve actually got some of the classic tracks from the soundtrack (and I hope their appearance here spurs the Dickies on another tour!!). Is the Hit Girls song a cover of Joan Jett?? (that would be so cool)

    • Mr Cage needs a hit film to get his career back on track. Mr Tax Man is out go get him, so I’m guessing any work he can get will be good for him.

      The world needs more films with gratuitous tits. FWIW.

    • Hi there, Brother,

      i saw an interview with Chloë where the guy asked her about the swearing and she explained that after putting on her costume, she was in character and so it wasn’t really her doing it but Mindy Macready / Hit-Girl. Topping off your drink as we speak—tequila, right?

      You’re probably right about Cage getting attached to the project for name recognition. i don’t think he’ll be in the sequel. i can’t really comment on his “edgy” choices as i truly believe Nick Cage is the American Christophe Lambert.

      As for implied sexual content, i think it depends on how well it’s done. If a director is as capable of mastering the art of eroticism as Hitchcock was with violence, then i think it could be really hot. Otherwise, i’m not averse to a couple gratuitous titty shots in my movies.

      Serving up The Hit Girls remake of “Bad Reputation” in the rock & roll section above. While you’re checking it out, you could also listen to The Pretty Reckless song and vote in the poll!

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  3. Taylor Momsen – The Pretty Reckless – Make Me Wanna Die

    The song hold up well on its own lyricly and musically and her delivery is all rock and roll. There have been actresses who can sing (Juliette Lewis) and singers who can act (Bjork) and some who can’t do either (Jennifer Lopez)and cross-over disasters (Brittney Spears, Jennifer Love Hewitt), there are hotties who can sing (Shakera) and other who should just stand there and look pretty (pretty much any of the Pussy Cat Dolls), there are pretty girls who’ve tried singing, did well and then tried to write their own material and failed (Natalie Imbruglia)and of course there are rockers who would never be fashion models (Janis Joplin).The whole point is packaging, material and ability, sometimes two can make up for the lack of the other.

  4. Hey Al, this is my first visit to Bar None – great name btw. Love the double entendre. I stumbled upon this review completely by accident – thank the modern gods for Google, right?

    When I saw the previews for this movie, I never gave it a second thought, but after reading your rather glowing – and clever – review, I decided to see it.

    I gotta say – thanks, man! Kick Ass delivered for sure. But, Hit Girl really stole the show – just ask her how to get in touch with her! I almost pissed myself – hah!

    I’m not *certain* the sound track rocks as hard as you rate – some of the music was a bit dull – but the parts that were -supposed- to rock, certainly did – I thought there was a reference to “Bad Reputation” somewhere above… and that tune framed one of the best scenes in the movie.

    Overall I’d rate the movie a solid 8/10 – far far better than I’d imagined – but mostly ‘coz Hit Girl transformed the movie from a Peter-Parker-without-the-radioactive-spider into a balls-to-the-wall action flick.

    Thanks again for guiding me to this charming/wicked/bloody/novel movie!

    Eat your hearts out, Marvel and DC! There’s some new kids on the block – and they Kick Ass!

    • Josh! Welcome to The Bar None, brother.

      VIP Door Mat

      Sit down, put your feet up, make yourself at home… What can i get you to drink?

      Thanks so much for the thought-out reply. i’m glad you stumbled in, let’s all drink to the Google gods and their serendipitous good fortune!

      i ‘preciate the props on the ‘clever’ and was glad the review led you to a good time. i totally agree about Mindy Macready / Hit-Girl’s (Chloë Grace Moretz) stealing the movie. As for how to contact her, i’m posting the clip from the soundtrack that includes that sound byte, look for it in the Rock & Roll section, just below The Hit Girls’ – Bad Reputation i posted for Ken. While you’re there, don’t forget to vote on “Taylor Momsen: Rock or Product Placemat”.

      As for the music, i totally agree. Still, many here have criticized me for being too strict in my definition of ‘rock’ so i’m trying to expand my horizons. And i really like “Make Me Wanna Die”, the Joan Jett cover and tunes like Primal Scream’s “Can’t Go Back”. It also sounds like we agree on the overall rating. You put it at 8/10 and i gave it 4 shots out of 5. Great minds drink alike!

      Thanks for patronizing me; brother, if you had fun, invite a friend!

      Al K Hall

  5. I’ll take a Glenlivet 12, neat (good whiskey is spoiled by ice/water/soda/etc). Thanks for askin’! But, I can get happy with naught more than a few Busch Lights 🙂

    Love the sound byte starting “Make Me Wanna Die” – and the song is decent – kinda fluff rock, but thats pretty enjoyable when the mood is right. I’m a big fan of Rock legends like Pink Floyd, Aerosmith, Led Zeppelin, and early Metallica (oh yeah, also Black Sabbath and Ozzy). Hell, even some of the newer stuff (Chris Cornell can do some amazing work when he’s not TOO stoned). Obviously there are too many good “rock” artists to list without wasting a ton of space 😉

    As far as patronage goes, glad to be here, and thanks for a really great response. Love that you take the time to read the sh..tuff that peeps write and respond personally.

    Think I’ll hang out for a few drinks, and see what else ya might say! (Nothin beats chewing the fat – and a few beers – with a complete stranger you meet in a bar).

    Here’s to Bar None brother!!!!

    • One Glenlivet comin’ up. You can have some beer back: Pabst from the can or we also got Chimay Triple, an 8 percent alcohol Trappist ale imported from Belgium.

      i’m with you on the classics; more recently i’ve been getting into Mudvayne, Disturbed, Dark New Day…

      So yes, welcome back. Nice crowd here and they just keeping nicer and crowdier. Many of them subscribe to my Facebook page ( As i only update a couple times a week, you’d get updates there, or you could subscribe on my home page; either would save some visits.

      Anyways, i am a very hands on bartender an i aim to serve.

      “Think I’ll hang out for a few drinks, and see what else ya might say! (Nothin beats chewing the fat – and a few beers – with a complete stranger you meet in a bar).”

      Well said, brother… Look forward to seeing you around!

      Bottoms up and thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  6. Great review — fantastic comments. I’m so glad that your readers are chiming in and that they are appreciating your posts! 🙂 You deserve it!

    I really liked this movie a lot. I think you are spot-on with explaining why the movie has balls. It does. I don’t think this is a movie for everyone – I don’t know that everyone is going to appreciate balls the same way as you and others have. But for an edgy action-comedy, this one really fits the bill.

    Re: Momsen. Yeah, if you would NOT have told me it was Momsen, I probably would have been fine with the song. Momsen just gets up my nose. I think Ken is right here: “The whole point is packaging, material and ability, sometimes two can make up for the lack of the other.”Time will tell if she has a legitimate, long-term talent as a rocker or not. I don’t want to say what a **great** rocker she is when she seems so pre-packaged and over-produced. IF she manages to overcome her roots as yet one more TV-to-singing-career crossover, and if she has the chops to keep doing it for a few years (a true ability), then I will call her a true rocker. For now, she is a slick-sounding wannabe who seems more like a little girl wanting to be badass than really being badass. I don’t think she is competition for Joan Jett just yet.

    I just had to add that 19-year-old Aaron Johnson has another project in the works: dad to the baby that his 43-year-old finacée is pregnant with.

    Yeah. She = 43, he = 19.

    She = directed him in 2009’s “Nowhere Boy.” She = mother of other kids, one of whom is only six years younger than Johnson.

    Just wanted to add that in.

    • Thanks for props, Angel!

      You shoulda voted on the Momsen thing! Right now it’s 3 – 0, you coulda helped balance that out.

      i heard about the Aaron Johnson thing, but i didn’t know it was with a previous director of his. Can you say, “Mommy fixation”? And now it’ literally, because she’ll be the Mommy of his baby! Sure, i can understand a fling with an age difference like that, but what’s gonna happen in a couple years when he wants to play with girls his own age? He’s only 19, for chrissakes, one year older than corrupting a minor…and she gets pregnant by him!? That’s child abuse, right there. i hope he dumps her and leaves her alone with the kid—the sooner the better.

      Just wanted to add that in.

      MWAH, babe,

      Al K Hall

    • ” I don’t think she is competition for Joan Jett just yet.”
      Jett shaved her head and still rocked (Brittney wasn’t even original there either).
      Nice to know that cradle robbing isn’t reserved for jr high school teachers.

  7. Al, watched this film last night and I have to say it: balls.

    This film has fucking plenty of balls, and most of them are on a 12 year old girl How screwed up is that!!! Amazing film, well worth a look, and your review summed it up perfectly. I’ll link to yours when I post my own words on the matter!!!

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