God but i love headlines that don’t need my help to be funny. And that are educational to boot–how else you gonna learn what a “stoat” is if it’s not for me? Y’all are probably too drunk to remember, but a while back i posted about a Scottish brewery called Brew Dog. They came up with this record holding 41% beer. Until this wimpy German brewery pushed the record by a measly 2% to 43% So what did the Brew Doggers do? Retaliated with The End of History— 55% (Brew) Dawg! The cool part is you get to drink it out of a stuffed animal. Only thing worse than i can’t afford it at $750 a bottle is that there aren’t any left if i could.
The worst thing about criminals is we got all kind of shots of their ugly mugs and none of their victims. ‘Cause i really wanna see what kind of dude would be engaged to Maureen Geddie, this 65-year-old entity in Huntington Beach. To show her gratitude to this guy for his ultimate sacrifice, she ran him down on the Pacific Coast Highway. Then did it again. Then tried to do it again but bystanders pulled the doomed guy away to “safety”. When the cops came, she ran a red and tried to run them over but crashed into a parked car. Mixed in the cocktail of her arrest report was driving under the influence.
i have no freaking idea how many fish it takes to tipple vodka (you didn’t really think i allowed racial jokes in the Bar None, did you?). But in other, less exciting news, Polish vodka tasters are tense, stinky sloths—this because they aren’t allowed to smoke, wear perfume or drink coffee. The real reason i included this in the dregs this week is so i could post the collage up top and this young lady. Who wouldn’t want to do body shots off this stripper Pole?
You know how you drink wine out of those tiny little baby glasses they should reserve for toddler tipplers? The drink lasts like 5 minutes tops and then you gotta keep heading back to the stoop out behind the trailer to get more. Here’s the solution: a wine glass big enough to hold an entire bottle. Look at the ad, it holds both chardonnay and merlot; talk about practical. Wonder if it works as well for white?
i know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Sure, that’ll work for my Cozy Night In, but what about special occasions?” i got your backs, babes. Amazon has the same for champagne…
Bar None Dregs
As y’all have noticed, i haven’t been behind the Bar much this week. Several reasons for that and i’ll just spew them out here for anyone who cares. First off, i’ve created another blog life and it’s kind of eating away into my time here with y’all. The reason is linked to my catastrophic, i’m literally hoping not to be evicted, bank account situation which means i’m looking for ways to pimp myself out and not let people in on my alcoholism. On top of that, i’ve also got my real life thing going on and, between you and me, i’ve been a little blue lately. Link that to the bank account and to the numbers of patronizers here at the Bar None.
You may remember last week how i was all psyched about my figures. Remember? How they went over 3000 in one single day? This week, they’ve nose dived and crash driven straight into the toilet; there have been days when i didn’t even make over a thousand page hits.
On top of that, maybe i’ve been feeling bad because i started drinking again. Not a lot, but i wanted to hold off until this coming Friday but i had about 4 glasses of wine at two lunches last week and about 8 beers on Friday. So yeah, i guess i’ve been ashamed to come back in here and ‘fess up about that. On top of that, i’ve got four business lunches next week. Jesus god.
Al K Hall’s Drawers