Celeb Dregs of the Week: Sep 09 – 29, 2010

Click on the Shot for Wallpaper Size

There was neither enough room nor time for all the dregs i threw up on Sunday, so here’s the Celebrity Dregs.

From the juiced-box, an arrested Warrant: Warrant – Cherry Pie

Celebrity Dregs

July 19: Arrest Warranted

Let’s get the boring shit out of the way first. ‘Member how back in March i told y’all about Jani Lane? You didn’t know who he was, remember? And i told you he used to be the singer for Warrant and you were all like, “Oh yeah, I kinda ‘member” and i was all, “Yeah, well he just got busted for a 2nd DUI in 2 years”? Well, here’s the big mystery and i’ll let you drink free all night if you can solve it. Last news was, Lane got sentenced to 120 days hard time back in July and he was supposed to report to the jail on July 28, 2010. Then there’s a black hole of information because now he’s talking about fronting for the White Stripes and no one, not even TMZ or WIKI, can tell you if he went to the pokey or not.

What do you think? Maybe he’s in Witness Protection because he once did cocaine with Obama back in the “Hey” days of the eight-tays. Well anyways, Lane is the poster child for alcoholism. Check out the following picture and tell yourself, “Wow, if I can kick this drinking problem up a notch think of all the money I can save on shampoo and showers.”

July 19: Project Run-away

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS GRAPHIC DESCRIPTIONS OF ALCOHOL ABUSE.

What do you do if you gotta fuck a lot of frogs? Fuck the most boring ones first because you’ll still be able to work it for the hot ones at the end. Which is kinda what i’m doing in today’s celebrity dregs, ’cause we got another “guy story”—yep, 2 in a row — before we move onto the hot. Or will i? Drink and see, patronizers, drink and see…

You know how you know you’ve hit bottom of the barrel? You got to a bar to pick fights with reality show almost-rans. And waste booze. Which makes Arturo Trejo-Perez the King Of Loser Assholes because he’s got some pretentious name and went to some club in West Hollywood and saw some dude who’d been kicked off Project Runway of all shows. So Pear-ass goes up to Rami Kashou (bless you) and starts hassling him. Kashou-Nut just wants to get his drink on so he tells the Asshole King “I’m nobody, just a waiter, leave me alone.” Nope, not good enough for “In the Land of the Hinds, The One-Brown-Eyed Man is King” who dumps his beer (AUUGHHH!!! Alcohol Abuse!) on Rami’s bald head and then T-P (see, even his initials are asshole related) smashes the beer bottle in Kashout’s face. What a douche. If you still care, click on the link at the heading but i got bored of this ages ago and i just wanna post Heidi Klum pictures because she’s in Project Runway.

Heidi Klum in the Bar None

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

There’s gonna be tons more single shots of her down in my drawers— just scroll all the way down.

Sept 26: Piece of Class

A quick note about Gloria Stuart, an old woman who played the old woman in the movie Titanic. She hit 100 (years old, not miles per hour) back in July and just a couple days ago her heart didn’t go on anymore. i’d like to raise my drink and offer a toast to this classy lady who could run an obedience school for today’s young pups and bitches and train them what it means to age gracefully. Barmaids and Beerhounds, i give you Gloria Stuart.

July 31: Trailer Trashed

Case in point.

In your decadent country of those United States, it’s apparently possible to become professional trailer trash. This is a job i could do well. Apparently not as well as some girl named Snooki who we’ve never heard of here in Yeaman because our definition of celebrity isn’t as wide as some of yours are. So this Snooki character got arrested for disorderly conduct after she did body shots in some bar (and with the size of that gut, i’m guessing her navel holds a double shot), fell off a bike, walked around with a beer bong and just got into all kinds of general mischief. Here’s some shots of her bust.

July 29: Reid Between the Lines

Speaking of ladies in trouble…

Tara Reid was super hot in some old episodes of Scrubs i saw a couple months ago. i was all looking forward to doing some research on her for this post when i saw that she got super trashed at this one party in St Tropez over the summer. The good news was, she’s a party animal. Who the hell knew other than not me? Damn, it was so easy to find pictures of her trashed, as you can see by the collage at the top of the post. Shit, here’s another collage of all the men, women and old freakin’ astronauts (Buzz Aldrin) she made out with in the South of France.

The bad news is, her boob job turned out as wonky as some other reality star who also got drunk. You’ll see later. Lesson here, ladies? Don’t touch the boobs! That’s my job. Plastic surgery will screw up your golden orbs and make you depressed enough to want to drink all the time.

Sept 22: Foxx News

This is what’s known as a musical interlude. Jamie Foxx got shitfaced in Santa Monica the other night, drinking Patron Tequila and livin’ the life i should be living. How did he get to be so hot, talented and successful? Blame it on the Alcohol.

From the juiced-box and a Jamie Foxx song: Blame It (on the Alcohol)

July 29: Beer Goggles

Back to the chick action. So this other chick, let’s call her Audrina Patridge (because that’s her name) was in London over the summer and got royally toasted. She got so toasted her eyes went as wonky as her fake boobs, and that’s some scary wonky right there.

Here’s another shot of her partying, but there’ll be more of her in my drawers.

Audrina Patridge and Lauren Conrad in the Bar None

Sept 07: US Open Bar

You know what kind of girl i wanna party with? The kind that can make a party happen wherever she goes. Even if that place is as boring as the US Open. Ashlee Simpson, who is a singer i’ve never heard of here in Yeaman, bottled up her A-game and didn’t just go there, she went there and brought it and danced around with it and brought it all the way back home.

More drawer shots of her coming up, babes. Just look down.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Heidi Klum (37)

Tara Reid (34)

Tara Reid in the Bar None

Audrina Patridge (25)

Ashlee Simpson (25)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

4 thoughts on “Celeb Dregs of the Week: Sep 09 – 29, 2010

  1. Yea, Lane looks like a train wreck, but look at the picture, he’s a train wreck surrounded by hot underaged girls (dirty ol wanker).

    Ah Snookie, no offence to those you’ve interviewed here, but I don’t do semi-reality tv and had never heard of this drunken midget until she became the twitter pal of John McCain.

    Tara is not really news type news because she’s always “three sheets” gone and slipping ot of her clothes somewhere (is it that hard to get something that fits well enough to stay in place when you’re that rich?)

    Never liked foxx as a comedian, but he makes an entertaining action/drama star and has good taste in booze and women.

    Poor Ashley couldn’t live up to sister Jessica’s hotness so she hooked up with Disney to give her a career, but like most of the current disney stock, shows about as much class as you’d find in any hollywood trailer park. She should team up with Jamie Lynn Spears for a “we can be raunchier than our older sisters” tour.

    • I don’t look unlike Lane, except for the entourage around me. Still, there’s lots of good to be said about my entourage.

      Miss D made a nice point about Tara, saying that she seemed like a sweet girl trying to fit in with the cool kids but in so doing, screwed up her life and still remained the butt of the cool kids’ jokes. Miss D approves of her more than the Hohan or the little Lavigne girl.

      i dunno, brother, i thought Foxx did a damn good job with Ray…

      And i’m thinking poor Ashley is hotter than her older sister, but then again, maybe that’s just me.

      Thanks for patronizing me, brother,

      Al K Hall

  2. Get a fucking life u fat balding troll. Must u show the whole world that u never get laid. Waste ur energy gossiping & hating people u dont know kusy cuz theyr obviously above u. Join a gym sloppy ugly bitch

    • Dear Silly Troll,

      Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment on my blog! It’s always nice when someone cares enough to make the effort.

      If you don’t mind, i’d like to give you a few pointers to make your destructive criticism a little more effective. First off, i recommend using the word “you” and not the letter “u”. Using just the letter makes you look like an 8-year-old who borrowed his mommy’s telephone while she’s at the store buying you pull-ups because sometimes toilet training takes just that long, am i right?

      Also, you should try to use correct punctuation. By completely ignoring things like commas and question marks, i’m afraid some of my more intelligent readers may get the impression you’re one of those guys who dropped out of 7th grade because counting past 10 is such a chore and the alphabet is a tricky thing to master.

      Finally, and i realize this is asking a lot from someone like you so don’t get too uptight if you find it a challenge, i’d suggest making better use of your spelling and grammar checkers. The sentence fragment in the middle of your essay detracts from the overall strength of your argument because you set up this criticism we sense will be especially virulent, only to be left hanging by your apparent inability to link two words together.

      Then, seriously Silly, “kusy cuz”? “Kusy cuz” makes absolutely no sense and while neologisms have their place in troll babble, here you just come across as a feral child raised alone in a closet whose only experience with communication is the brief exchanges you have with the sock puppet you soil with frightening regularity while referring to it as your “sister-wife”.

      Look at my version of your rant and tell me, honestly, if you don’t think it’s better.

      Get a fucking life, you balding troll. Must you show the whole world that you never get laid? You are wasting your energy gossiping and hating on people you don’t know, and who are so obviously above you. Join a gym, you sloppy, ugly bitch!

      See, if i’d have received that comment, i’d still be curled up in a ball on the floor gnashing my teeth and weeping with shame.

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

      PS i truly do appreciate your visit. i’m trying to boost my numbers to get some cash from this blog and every time you visit, it gives me more credibility. Like right now, you came back to see what i would answer and -boom- another hit on the counter. Please continue to leave comments as well because organizations that look for successful blogs pay attention to the number of comments that are made, so the more you write the better i look. Keep up the good work, friend!

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