Dregs of the Week: Sept 30 – Oct 3, 2010

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

Looks like you picked the wrong day to come into the Bar None for a shot. This week, the dregs are packing a whole new way to be loaded in the bar, deep fried beer and, you know it, Oktoberfest. Do you feel me? Do you wanna? That’s not even mentioning the Celeb Dregs with the Bar Nun, underage Bristle Pain and Hayden Pantyhair at…you know it…Oktoberfest. Let’s kick this off with a song that’s #1 with a bullet.

From the juiced-box and dedicated to y’all in Tennessee: Jake Kellen – Guns and Beer and Girls

Commoner Dregs

Oct 3: Loaded in Bars

You know how someone steals your drink in a bar and you wish you had a gun to shoot them in the face? Me too, so let’s go to Tennessee, Virginia, Arizona and Georgia (hey, birds of a feather get shot together) where, by law, we can get all kinds of shots. There is finally legislation that explicitly allows me to carry a sidearm into a public house, and just in time too, because i was all set to start bitching about how the USA isn’t enough like the Wild West. Or Somalia.

Gun people (and you just gotta love gun people, doncha?—especially because if you don’t they shoot you in the face) pressed lawmakers like a trigger to pass the law after the Supreme Court, who was apparently smashed out of their minds on Supreme Cognac the time, said that Americans have a right given to them by God and country not just to arm a militia but themselves as well in the defense of their home; which obviously includes bars because you just know the kind of people who fight for this kind of shit practically live in bars anyway.

But who am i to judge someone who wants to marry their cousin and play William Tell in a saloon down south? Let’s look at this objectively, k?

Here are the pros:

All right, and here are the cons:

Hmmm.

Anyway, what’s sure is that i got more shots of guns and girls in my drawers, if you scroll down.

Aug 31: Deep Fried Beer

Because Texas is jealous that Tennessee always gets to look stupidest, some guy there invented deep fried beer. Apparently, he takes whatever passes for beer down there and puts it in a small pocket of pretzel dough and deep fries it. He says, “It tastes like you took a bite of hot pretzel dough and then took a drink of [oil saturated] beer.” Yeah, after a long hard day “wrangling” cattle (Texas talk for porking the livestock), what you really need to cool down is hot, flat beer soaked in grease.

A special shout out to my one and only Miss Demeanor who brought this bit of tid to my attention. Thanks, darlun.

Sept 18 – Oct 4: Rocktoberfest

i really don’t got nothin’ to say about this because, like an orgasm during a bowel movement, it’s already come and passed. Still, i’m always looking for opportunities to post pictures of hot girls drinking and this’ll do as good as any this week. Besides, i keep hoping if it keep posting this crap y’all eventually are gonna take up a collection to send me there one year.

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

Celeb Dregs

Sept 25: Hayden Has Hollow Hooters

Hayden Panettiere took her boobs to Munich to show them Oktoberfest. Her boobs look bigger and a lot of websites are saying the twins are recent add-ons but i’m not so sure. i mean, she’s no taller than a German beer stein, right? So where does all the beer go when she drinks it? i’m thinking it fills her boobs. Judge for yourselves…

Here’s the requisite collage and there’ll be shots of her overflowing my drawers at the the bottom of the post.

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

Sept 28: Bristol Palin Does NOT Drink (& Bears Do NOT Shit In The Woods)

Remember that mini scandal you never heard about? Republican’t politician Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol Palin, is only 19-years old and got caught popping into Rumrunner’s Old Towne Bar and Grill in Alaska. But she didn’t drink, she went there for the nachos. Which is like saying i drink for social contact or read Greased Irish Midgets In Latex for the articles.

Here’s a collage of her not drinking.

 

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

 

She also does not carry a gun.

i bet she moves to Tennessee real soon.

Sept 30: Ho-hum-han

Lindsay Lohan is back in rehab. Blah blah blah. After last week’s revelation by InTheSameBoat, i’ve lost some motivation to dwell on our Bar Nun. She’s gonna hafta do something really spectacular to get back in my good graces. Or something really slutty. That’d work, too. Anyway, here’s a blurry picture of her in rehab from Egotastic.

Bar None Dregs

One Giant Step Towards World Domination

We’re kinda super famous! If you’ll remember, i posted an interview with Olga Fedori, the lovely actress from The Wolfman a while back. Well, guess what? Today i discovered Olga now has a Wiki page, which makes her officially (i think because i haven’t bothered to check the rest) my first interviewee to have a Wiki page. Check it out.

Did you see it? Didja? Look very closely at the “References” section. Who comes in just after “Dead Link”? Oh no, they didn’t. But, oh yes, they did go there! Pow. We here at the Bar None are becoming reference material. Didja see my name? My name in Wiki goes something like: Hall, Al K. Which makes absolutely no fuckin’ sense. But still, it’s a first step. Today, reference #2 just after “Dead Link” and tomorrow…maybe i’ll replace “Dead Link”. Dare to dream, babes.

Get Well (And Then In Another Accident)

On another, less personal note, i’d like to thank Juliette Lewis for getting in a car accident. The day after her car crash, the Bar None had it’s second “highest” day ever, coming in at exactly 2,996 page views, mostly for my review of Whip It. Thanks for coming by in drunk droves. And Juliette? Anytime you want to get hit and run, you know where to come, babe.

Where i’m At

For those of you guys who read about my new drinking rule and still care anyway, i’ve been sticking pretty regular to only drinking out of the house. 2-3 business lunches a week, the open bar office party on Friday’s, champagne at art gallery openings… i’ve only broken the rule once and it turned out badly because i drank a bottle of white at home and got mad at Miss D for some shit i should of talked to her about when i was sober but oh well, once in 3 weeks is a hell of a lot better than it was before. So the rule stands for the foreseeable future.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

No more wit. The wit is over. From now on the post is just pictures and completely witless.

Girls With Guns


Oktoberfest 2010

But wait, don’t girls drink at Oktoberfest? Let’s see…

Hayden Panettiere (21)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

9 thoughts on “Dregs of the Week: Sept 30 – Oct 3, 2010

  1. Ahh, a feature on the good old beer wench. I was wondering when you’d get around to it.

    Love the Oktoberfest man, but I am surprised you’re not over there yourself, sorting it out!!!!

    • Thanks for popping in, brother,

      The good young beer wench indeed. And i’d love to be over there, i’m just waiting on the royalty check from my guest post on Fernby Films to arrive. Guess it’ll have to wait until next year.

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  2. and just who thought it was a good idea to mix guns and alcohol? wonder if those wizkids in Texas know that if you cook alcohol all your left with is the taste sans alcohol (near bear anyone?) You do know that Bristol’s ex is running for her mom’s old job – mayor of Wasila. The “Bar Nun” has some slutty things in the works, but if those promises are anything like those she’s given the judges she has stood before, I’ll take notice what they happen (that being said, have you seen the clips of her scenes in Machete??)

    • “near bear anyone” supposed to be near beer, but seein as I can’t stand beer, I ain’t drinkin near beer. After a few tequilas, bear is what you get,and, an…what was I talking about?

    • Ken, thanks for chiming in, Brother,

      Tell you what i miss, though. i miss those summaries you’re able to pull together of the week in alcohol. Either you’re gonna have to update me more regular or else tell me how you do it but i don’t seem to find anywhere’s near the good dirt you do.

      As for the idea on bullets in bars, it seems to come from our friends at

        N

      early

        R

      etarded

        A

      ssholes and they’re trying to make it the latest trend. And while the deep fried beer sounds gross, like beer without the alcohol, i’d still try it if i was condemned to spending anytime in Texas–just to say i did. i’ll keep my eye out for the slutty things, but in the meantime i’m still waiting on Machete to make it’s way over to Yeaman. And it seems to be taking it’s ol’ sweet time doing it.

      Thanks for patronizing me, Ken,

      Al K Hall

      etarded Assholes

      early Retarded Assholes

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