33 thoughts on “Thank You

  1. I think he’s probably moody, possibly maudlin because he quit smoking.

    How’s that going, anyway, Al?

    I maintain that the key to breaking a habit/addiction, is to replace it with something positive. That’s why I started running marathons again after quitting drinking. But it could be anything. Perhaps you want to take up cooking? Or go back to porn? Or maybe take up cooking AND go back to porn?


  2. Hello from Miss Demeanor —

    I’m just here to say that Al was NOT sober enough to post this, and in fact did harm to himself in the process, i.e., he was drunk and self-harmed.

    Medically & bodily, he is now stabilized, but is under evaluation still for at least two more days.

    Al has to figure some things out, so your good thoughts and support are welcome.

    Thank you.

      • Hey Prius Envy Chicas!

        LOL! Funny thing is, he and I actually pretty much *do* have the same taste in movies! Okay — granted, he likes mindless action & horror a lot more than me, and he just fell asleep in the theater a little over a week ago while watching “Another Year” (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1431181/), which I thought was a really well-done film (he was also jet-lagged, though. Thing is, I found a lot of parallels with that film and a Raymond Carver short story, an author he loves, but he was too sleepy to have gotten into it, I guess). But we’re on the same page with Quentin Tarantino flicks, for example, and his faves are often my faves, too.

        Unfortunately, as for a guest-post, what’s first and foremost on my mind is how much I want to smack him upside the head with a two-by-four, and how much I would like this blog to turn into a humorous look at sobriety with a capital “S.” I’m afraid that is the only kind of blog post I could come up with for here at this point…

        When I told him I commented what I did up there, how I “got real” in the comment and said that Al “self-harmed,” he got pissed off at me, saying this was his blog and I did not have the right to comment the way I did (i.e., honestly, spilling the dirt that he got drunk and, let’s just say it — I’m in this far: tried to kill himself with an overdose of sleeping meds which contained Tylenol, something that can be lethal by shutting down the liver, which nearly happened to him. No liver = no life, yanno). But, I know that while we are anonymous internet users in so many ways, I also know that in some way, shape, or form, we really *do* care about one another, and have an interest in what happens to one another. I know that you all love this blog, see the humor in it, and don’t want it to stop. Well, it nearly did stop in a very permanent way this week.

        While I have writing privileges on this blog (and, let’s face it, know most of his PWs and could post on here using his admin status, anyway), I’m going to leave it alone for Al to come to terms with.

        I know as someone who loves him very much, that while I want to see him keep writing his humorous and well-written posts (his writing is one of the core reasons I love him, you know), I also want him to see just how destructive alcohol has become in his life, and how he is on the verge of losing me, his kids (his son was present for the whole ordeal and as of the moment wants *nothing* to do with his dad), his home, his job and everything good in his life. He cannot continue to be Al K Hall and have a sustainable life.

        IMHO, he needs to wake the fuck up.

        And if he is angry with me for saying that boldly here, then so be it. If that is the case, then maybe I belong with someone else, eh?

        So there you go. I guess I managed to guest post anyway, eh? 😀

        I’m just tired of burying my head in the sand as to how bad it is, and feeling a lot of anger at Al right now. So, it’s going to come out somewhere, somehow, and now that all the panic and adrenaline has worn off, and I am out of shock, the feelings are hitting me.

        I hope that Al’s readers understand that…

        Miss D

      • Thank you for sharing, Miss D. I usually don’t share such personal things but feel strangely connected to you.

        My dad is an alcoholic who has been sober for 10 years. He is my hero and the most incredible man in the world, but also unrecognizable as a drunk. Getting sober saved his family, career and life.

        For addicts sobriety is beautiful and necessary.

        I feel lucky to have gotten to know you and Al through this channel and wish you the best of luck in this endeavor.

        -Bianca and the girls.

      • Okay, I’ve PM’s Wayne and await a response… after reading all the above, am a little surprised to say that I’m actually surprised.

        Will await the outcome…

  3. If he is angry with you Miss D, he will be angry with me also, but I think that anger is just misdirected self-anger. He say in this very blog that one of the reasons for this blog was to confront alcolism and we have discussed the negative side effects on him. That being said, he has also shied away when directly confronted on (and I don’t want to say “his” weaknesses, because they are weaknesses we all share)times of weakness. This would bea wonderful thing for him to share here, let those who also are on the edge of having that drink know that “one little drink” can have consequences. I have so much more to say, but I’ll save it for him.

    While I do not have access to “Guest Post” I will share these links and say this. Look carefully at all the details of these mugshots and you can discern a story. It may be quite obvious that alcohol played a big part in these pictures being taken, there is more, much more to the story.

    That is the way it is with all of us. Let us take or Bar Nun for an example. Yes, Lindsey Lohan has substance abuse problems, but often, not always, but often addicton is a substitute for something else that is missing. She has two loving, but dysfunctional parents and from this base she went from child to adult in Hollywood where her talents brought her anything her heart desired, no questions asked. Where would she find a rudder to steer her back towards reality? an anchor to keep her from drifting towards those beautiful and enticing waterfalls? When we pass folk like those pictured her, we will see the scars, but will we see the story behind those scars? Do others know he story behind our own scars?

  5. I’m so sorry I am late in responding here but please know AL that my thoughts are with you. Going to light and burn a white candle with hopes that you can find peace within yourself soon.

  6. I’m sorry Miss D, but I feel you crossed a sacred line between public & private. Personally I very much wish you had not. But what is done is done, & can not be undone … ever. (Thus why I am so reclusive on the “interwebs”.)

  7. bats0711, I understand your point of view. I still stand by my belief that no one, even those IN one’s life, have the right to share that kinda information for another. I have known “Al” since 1984, long before he moved to “Yeman”. I know much about him & his life but I am not going to share any of it, ever. I also know much about Miss D, & I am not going to share any of that either, again, ever. What someone shares with others is their choice. Maybe it is just me, but that is how I feel.

    • Thanks for getting my back, Brother. Even if i agree with you—my secrets / issues are mine for me and me alone to share when / if i want— i kept her comments down there because 1) i’m anonymous on this blog, for the moment at least, and 2) i plan to write a blog about what went down anyway so there’s no real harm done. Nice to see you’re there lurking, though.

      Thanks for patronizing me, my Brother,

      Al K Hall

  8. “Even if i agree with you—my secrets / issues are mine for me and me alone to share when / if i want”

    Tell me what is so secret when “suicide notes” not only were posted here, but also were on two Facebook accounts, on one other blog, with yet another blog post in the works before Al collapsed? Clearly Al did NOT want this to be secret on the interwebz. In fact, he used the Net to broadcast exactly what he was doing. So there is no “secret” here to be spilled.

    Another thing — this “secret/issue” became mine the moment I found Al unconscious and collapsed, and had to ask Al’s son to call an ambulance. Al’s life was in my hands at that moment, and his actions made this story absolutely MINE in that process. Al lost any and all privileged information when he *publically* posted those suicide notes elsewhere (which I will NOT share because I do think that would be a gross invasion of privacy). He also lost the privileges to “his” secret when he made it mine by trying to commit suicide in mmy presence, thus involving me in the whole story. It became my secret and issue to share as well in that choice.

    Knowing someone for a long time (and I met him in 1986 myself), talking to him once a year for less than 48 hours (if that) and living with someone day in and day out who is an alcoholic are entirely different spheres. Totally different universes. Al has made this my story by his involvement with me, and including me in his day to day life.

    If anyone has a right to share this kind of information, I do. No one else except Al’s son and I had to live this story. Al was not even present in it because he was unconscious, on the verge of death (and I am *not* exaggerating there. YOU watch someone you love, that you have had sex with and shared dreams and life with being intubated on your living room floor, and then we will talk).

    I understand eballad’s concerns for Al’s privacy, but A) this is a totally anonymous blog, and B) this is MY story now, too, not just Al’s. This is actually the ONLY secret place I have to share my feelings about this, too, you know. And I have a lot of feelings about it, too…

    I also know that addiction feeds and thrives on secrecy, and I for one am calling “B.S.” on doing that anymore. It’s not really loving, but co-dependent, to keep something that is this significant, this important, in the life of this alcoholic under wraps.

    IMHO, Al chose to make this public even before my comments appeared, comments that I tried to keep somewhat innocuous, but as my own shock and stress over the situation gave way to a lot of emotion.

    I guess I finally want to say this: if Al did not want something like this to be written on his blog about alcoholism, then he should not have done what he did. Period.

    • I didn’t finish this sentence: “…but as my own shock and stress over the situation gave way to a lot of emotion…” I wrote the comments I did (that’s how I intended to complete the sentence).

  9. MissD said “I also know that addiction feeds and thrives on secrecy”

    I don’t think truer words have ever been spoken about alcoholism/ addiction which ever is the politically correct terms these days.
    Even with sober time under my belt my alcoholism seems to be the biggest secret I have in life and the only way I was able to get help this last time was for my hubby to take control over my life (because shit I sure as hell didn’t control it any longer anyway)and make my alcoholism a public problem and then dropped me off at a detox unit. Meanwhile all the neighbors, my inlaws, my children were told that I’m an alcoholic.

    • Bats — Thanks for speaking up so much in this post. I have meant to comment to you, and also to Bianca on behalf of the Prius Girls, with thanks for the support, for me, for Al, and with such openness and honesty, too.

      I also know that absolutely eballad has the best of motives and love in his heart with what he writes, too, and I realize that how he likely found out about all of this was to read comments here. I wish I would have had a number to call him to let him personally know what had happened, but I did not. I’m hoping that most of all his words were written because of shock and anger, maybe not so much out of my (anonymous) honesty, but out of fear for what Al had done. I have to say, it’s been hard enough to have to go through all of this, only to be called out on what I really felt was something very important to share. Even if I had a lack of judgement in posting what I did (I still don’t think I did, but just to acknoweldge there are other opinions on this), I did appeal to readers to have understanding & forgiveness in the situation, which has been hard, shocking, traumatic, and very emotional for me. I appreciate that many of you have gotten that, and been supportive of what I am trying to write and express about the whole issue/event.

      Bats, I can see that you have hoed this row before. 🙂 It’s hard work, and very painful stuff to be confronted with shame and the exposure of shame, which is really what this is all about, as I understand it. The reason the addictions need to be kept secret is because of the shame that surrounds them, the shame of being less-than-perfect, the shame of the part of the self that really wants to be in control of things and is not. I know this is a really multi-layered issue and process, and I am not trying to oversimplify it. At any rate, what I really want to say is thanks for the support in telling a piece of your story in this. It’s important for me, and maybe for others, too, to know how some of this shit “works,” if that makes sense, so that we can shine a light on it, and look at it for what it is. People who enter recovery are very, very brave IMO, and I admire them greatly for facing up to the darkness on which alcoholism/addiction seems to thrive.

      Al is already making some really intelligent choices for himself, for me, for his loved ones, right now. I think that he is going to be able to enter this phase of being an alcoholic, the recovery phase, with bravery. I’m greatly encouraged by this. I know it is a long road ahead, but I have hope that he and I can walk this path together. I hope that I can do what is necessary on my end of things, too, in order to see that he has many successes in the future with handling his alcoholism.

      • Miss D. I’ve read and stared at your comment to me for a couple days now, I wasn’t going to say anything but I wanted to IMO Al and the rest of this darn world are lucky to have you. Being an alcohol (extreme) I hate to air my dirty laundry and my skeletons that whisper to me from my closet, no that’s true I hate it when others share it. However if my husband wouldn’t have 29 months ago and just walked out with the kids, I would be dead right now. Sometimes we have to hurt and piss off the one’s we love to save their lives. It is I whom should thank you for your brutal honesty in this thread.
        and AL if there is any way ANY WAY I can help you through this or anyone read this for that matter, please don’t hestitate to ask.

        MissD said “Al is already making some really intelligent choices for himself, for me, for his loved ones, right now. I think that he is going to be able to enter this phase of being an alcoholic, the recovery phase, with bravery. I’m greatly encouraged by this. I know it is a long road ahead, but I have hope that he and I can walk this path together. I hope that I can do what is necessary on my end of things, too, in order to see that he has many successes in the future with handling his alcoholism.”

        and that just deserved to be repeated.

      • Hi Bats,

        Thank you so much for posting this lovely sentiment. i could not agree more and probably haven’t been vocal enough in my support of and gratitude for Miss D. She has been a tremendously big help in all of this and has been remarkable in dealing with such a delicate situation. Among those “intelligent choices” she mentioned is choosing her to be my wife!

        Thanks for patronizing me,

        Al K Hall

  10. Miss D, have I complimented you lately on how short & concise your comments are? 😉

    Seriously, you do not need to justify your actions to me. Just because I disagree with them, does not mean I am mad at you. I do understand why you did what you did. I am a very observant person & I have witnessed many things. People deal with their demons, whatever they are, when they are ready to & not a freakin’ second before. Therefore, my thoughts on the matter have not & will not change.

    • Arriving late, but had to weigh in.

      @eballad – enable much?

      Have to support Miss D re: airing dirty laundry in public. Had to happen to blow the lid off this. You’re only as sick as your secrets, you know.

      • Hi Kitten!

        Thanks for stopping by and stepping out of the shadows to leave a comment. LOL @ your comment to eballad. It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to enable me. What are brothers for? i really do love that quote, “You’re only as sick as your secrets.” Is it yours or did you get it from someone?

        Thanks for patronizing me,

        Al K Hall

  11. I first want to say to Al that I hope you are doing better. I can only imagine the shame, pain and maybe regret for what ever took place has taken on your mind. I also would like to say that by the looks of these comments you are truely fortunate to have people around you that love you and are totally commited to that love. You can tell by the honesty put forth by them on your blog that they care. A rare find. I don’t know what you did, wrote, said or acted on or why. I have no advice to give. A comment maybe…When your kids are over 25 you do not want them sitting around the Thanksgiving table talking shit about you. That shame will indeed bury you. I also want to thank you for being my only blog reader/commenter. It made me get through some tough days, just knowing someone somewhere took the time to comment made me feel good. I hope I can do the same. I will leave this at I sincerely hope you can make the best choice possible for you and all who care about you. I don’t know you but I think you have a lot to offer. All my best to you as you navigate your way.

    • My Sweetest Hangover!

      Thanks for such a lovely comment. i really am fortunate to have friends as good as you and those here in my real life that are here to support me as i get my shit back together. You’re right when you say that the main thing now is to take care of myself and my realtionship with my kids. My daughter and i are doing fairly well, better than i would have expected even, but then again that’s her nature. My son, on the other hand, is still very angry at me and refusing to speak to me. It’s not surprising when you consider he’s 16 and was with Miss Demeanor when she found me. i’m confident he and i will recover, but it’s going to take some time.

      Anyway, thank you again for your continued support and i look forward to returning the favor.

      And thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

Leave a Reply to Miss Demeanor Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s