Charlie Sheen: i Want You for Functional Alcoholic Slurperson

Charlie Sheen: i Want YOU! (for FASe)

[Press ‘Play’ for the Charlie Sheen Apocalypse Me theme song: Carlos Santana – #Winning]

My Flow Alcoholics,

For those of you sober enough to notice or drunk enough to care, my title has officially changed to Temporal Functional Alcoholic Slurperson. As i failed at functioning and quit being a practicing alcoholic (and with all that practicing you’d a thought i’d have gotten it down by now), i feel i am no longer qualified to hold the position i so ceremoniously elected myself to last year and to which y’all cared about me enough not to put up a stink.

My fellow D.R.I.N.K.E.R.s (Drunks Really Involved Now Known as Exiles Reunited), members of the D Generation (i.e. Drinking Generation), i humbly nominate as my replacement the ONE and ONLY #Winning-est somebitch of all time, Charlie Sheen. Through these last few weeks Charlie Sheen has proved time and time again that he understands that fine balance between alcoholism and functioning. And winning.

Charlie? If you’re reading this, we here at the Bar None raise our glasses and ask that you become the new International Functional Alcoholic Slurperson (FASe). Basically the job entails doing nothing other than drinking and speaking your peace. And wasting trolls (but without hating too much, as there’s a strict No Hating policy here at the Bar None).

For those of you in support of this movement, please be so kind as to cut and paste the following to your Twitter:  @charliesheen Please become our new Functional Alcoholics Slurperson #winning #fastball #tigerblood #AlKHall #BarNone

Thank You for Patronizing Me,

Al K Hall

Temporal Functional Alcoholic Slurperson

Charlie Sheen at the Bar None

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