You know that period of your youth when you think you can do just about anything, and get away with it consequence free? Well, now you can’t, apparently. Today, I want to discuss the truth of being an idiot and accepting a stupid, stupid dare, and getting caught. I had a laugh at this imbecile online today, and felt it was important to not only highlight yet another example of what happen when people with limited intellect are given a higher opinion of themselves by other imbeciles, but also to recognize just how awesomely cool this guy is for the world to see. Click the link below for the video…..
Yes, it’s a dude riding a motorbike through a supermarket. Full helmet and gear, so I guess he was trying to be a safe rider, but his major problem was the automatic sliding door at the other end of the complex – which he hits and is forced to walk away, rather than ride. Is it just me, or is there something hilarious about all this? I mean, sure, he put the safety of other shoppers at risk, and no doubt his own safety was a concern to the folks who tried to assist him in not getting away with it – at least until the fake family member arrived to berate those same people whom this superhero tried to mow down – but man, what a laugh. You can’t begrudge a man for taking on a challenge, a challenge most likely set up by his drunken mates around a pool table one night who no doubt bet him that if he lost the next frame, he’d have to scooter through a supermarket and make the nightly news.
Haven’t we all?
No seriously, haven’t we?
Traditionally, the concept of the stupid dare (or bet) falls to the male of the species to execute – be it petty theft, jumping on, over or through something that wasn’t meant to be used to jump on, in or over, driving something fast somewhere truly imbecilic, or otherwise behaving in a fashion designed to shorten your lifespan or lengthen the time you spend in intensive care. I know, it’s a sexist argument, but look at the facts. Almost all the Darwin Awards are won by men, and the participation rate of women in said Awards is, not surprisingly, low. Of course, when women get drunk they tend to simply undress each other and fall into bed in a strange, Penthouse-style lesbian tryst – or is that just my overactive imagination? No, women don’t do stupid things like this, right? They just giggle, flirt and fall over a lot when they’re pissed, but men…. well, men take things to a whole ‘nother level. God, YouTube would cease to exist if they had to take down all the video’s of stupid people (men) doing stupid things – pissed or otherwise. That and those annoying cute animal/baby videos.
The point I want to make is this, and I apologize for not getting here earlier – men, it seems, moreso than women, are predisposed to acting like infantile lunatics once they’ve had a skinful. Sure, we’ve all streaked naked through a public place, and who hasn’t spent the morning wondering how their car ended up in the pool of the next door neighbor? Men naturally behave like the cavemen we’ve developed from because alcohol causes our brains to revert to this behavior because it’s where we have the most fun. Safety in a booze-sozzled state seems ironic considering how many people have been killed thanks to an over-consumption of the amber ale, but that’s Man Logic for you. Don’t expect me to explain everything. But looking at the facts, and the sheer weight of numbers provided by The Internet as proof of mans stupidity, it seems to me that history in this area is, to borrow a phrase from the classic song, just a little bit repeating. Women get drunk, but men get drunk and behave like monkeys.
I can’t claim to have ever tried to ride a moving vehicle through a shopping complex, although a few screenings of The Blues Brothers during a drinking session at high school (yes, we drank in high school) tended to make us think we could do something similar. We didn’t, but perhaps the dude on the motorbike took it just that little bit further. For God’s sake, surely he was dared to, right? I can’t imagine anybody sitting there thinking “shit man, I think I’m gonna ride my Ducati through the express lane, pick up a dozen eggs, a block of chocolate and make it back home to watch reruns of Baywatch” and actually going through with it. No rational person, anyway. The only other excuse I can give him is that he got lost thanks to Google Maps and turned left instead of right when the voice told him to. After all, Google don’t fuck it up, right? So it must have been some sort of dare, a bet or other wager to which he either lost, or was in the process of winning. “Man, if you make it through there on your bike I’ll give you a hundred bucks”. That’s the ticket to fame, right there.
Which leads onto my question for this post: what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever done on a drunken dare, or drunken bet? I just know many of you will read this and cringe with embarrassment, perhaps a little shame-faced at the lack of police activity which followed your night of misjudged deeds and the fact you got away with it – here’s the place to air your dirty laundry. After all, we’re all anonymous on the internet (except for me, because anybody with the slightest ounce of web-savvy could find out who I am – it’s no secret!) so let fly with your stupidest, most insane drunken bet story. We want some dirt people, and if possible, some video proof if you have it. For once, let’s celebrate the idiots we all become when we can’t control our impulses.
Hot Rod Out.