From the juiced-box and a favorite of Gabby’s: Rhianna (featuring Drake) – What’s My Name
i’ve said it before and here i am saying it again, but my favorite part of SAW 3D were the savagely talented and violently beautiful actresses who showed what they were made of at one point or another in the film. You think that’s freaky, i got your freaky right here: imagine my sending an interview request to Gabby West, one of these stellar actresses, and not hearing back until 4 months later. Hell, good things do come to those who wait…
In other news, Gabby was a true sport putting up with all my ridiculousity during the interview process and was a real sweetheart and professional all in one which isn’t easy to do—it’s like trying to juggle and be sober at the same time. Or be sober and do anything at the same time. Which reminds me to remind you: remember this is my first Booze Talkin’ since going sober three months ago so if the interview sucks ice, it’s all my fault because Gabrielle was rockin’ great to work with and funny and intelligent as hell.
A West wind blew me down south and when i woke up ankle deep in sobriety, i discovered gold Gabby West at my bedside, fist feeding me vitamins and doing things for my energy levels that filled my fluid bags faster than you could chug one of those airplane bottles of wine. “Unh,” i said, more from the sobriety than the brain strain of figuring out how VH1’s Scream Queen (2nd season) came to be my bedside Miss Manners. “Will you do an interview with me for the Bar None?” i grolfed, to which she gamely answered she would if i stopped asking her for mouth to mouth.
Al K Hall: Up there with life’s great mysteries like who killed Kennedy and what’s this taste in my mouth, is the Gabby West Conundrum. IMDB has you born in LA and your Wiki page says Bismarck, North Dakota. My question is this: why would someone famous enough to have a Wiki page agree to do an interview with me? Just kidding. Can you tell us where were you born for real?
Gabby West: I was born in L.A . I lived there till I was 7, but I moved around a lot as a kid. I’ve lived in Wyoming, North Dakota, New Mexico, Montana and of course California, where I’m at currently.
Al K Hall: Hell, i’d understand if you were embarrassed about being a North Dakotan…
Gabby: I graduated high school from Bismarck! I’m proud to have lived and had experiences in all those states. Whoever wrote different didn’t have all the information. Respectively.
Al K Hall: My bad. Just like Pamela Anderson with Tommy Lee, i’m sure North Dakota was proud to have you in it. While you were running around all these states, did you pick up any scars?
Gabby: Scars—hell yeah! I’ve got a scar on my left eyebrow from having it pierced. I used to hate it but now I feel it’s a unique memory. And one of my favs.
Al K Hall: Like your tats?
Gabby: Tattoos! I have 2. The one on my arm days “tiferet”. It’s Hebrew and my understanding is that it has many meanings, my favorite being “miracle”.
Al K Hall: Some of the other ones are also appropriate, like “beauty”. “Compassion” too, because you’re here helping me recover. “Spiritual” is another definition of “tiferet”. How accurate is that?
Gabby: I have another tattoo on my left wrist. It’s a cross and, in case of curiosity, I’m not religious, I’m spiritual. [AlKHallism: Her smile here was enough to convert me and did more for my recovery than any drug ever could.] The first one I got when I was 19, without really knowing what I was doing. The second I got almost 3 years ago, as a reminder of who I am.
Al K Hall: Nicknames can do that, too.
Gabby: I have a few. People close to me call me “Gabs” or “G”.Growing up and generally always being the new kid—there were some other ones, too!
Al K Hall: Staying with this idea of roots, i read that you’re part Sami from Norway. Who’s this Sami and why was he in Norway?
Gabby: Sami is a Norwegian tribe and, yes, I’m part of it on my mother’s side.
Al K Hall: What about the fun? What’s your idea of a killer day?
Gabby: For me, fun happens spontaneously, when I have no agenda. I like making up songs and singing them, particularly ones that don’t make sense but make you laugh. [And again with that smile that gets me drunker than booze.]
Al K Hall: How cute is that?! What about the rest of your day?
Gabby: The rest of my day? Taking photos, preferably a poloroid, picking flowers, mailing letters and lots of options for music everywhere I go! Especially on drives. I love going for long drives, it’s one of my all time favorite things.
[AlKHallism: To accommodate Gabby’s love for tuneage, here’s another of her favorite groups: Mumford and Sons – Little Lion Man (Live at Shepherd’s Bush Empire, London).]
Al K Hall: Where do you like to hang out when you’re not working?
Gabby: There are so many places I can be at in one day! They would consist of but not limited to: Vitamin stores, gobbling vitamins, on the phone to my sisters, reading my horoscope, snoozing, online shopping, vintage/thrift stores, Whole Foods, IN THE TUB!
Al K Hall: I’m sayin’. Which reminds me, what about a sponge bath? No? Tons of fun in the suds…
Gabby: And possibly some fun at Office Depot, or writing poetry or maybe just scrap booking.
Al K Hall: Scrap booking? Seriously?
Al K Hall: Life can’t be all celebrity shit like partying and scrap booking, though. A girl’s gotta have some downtime. What’s your definition of a boring evening.
Gabby: Bored is being broke and stuck.
Al K Hall: Yeah, but have you ever had nights like that?
Gabby: I’ve had a lot of them!
Al K Hall: Next time that happens, i’ll rescue you, swear to god. It’s the least i can do. Don’t be afraid.
Al K Hall: Other than a night with me, what scares the bejeesus out of you?
Gabby: First, clowns and balloons. Two, I’m extremely sensitive and I can pick up other peoples energy. When I see homeless people or people experiencing a hard time, it scares me, mostly on the basis that I literally feel their pain. Third, being trapped in an elevator.
Al K Hall: Wow, i hope you’re not feeling too much of my pain right now. Anyway, it’s true that your presence is like presents for me. [Al K Hall: On three…one, two, three “Awww”.] But just because i quit drinking doesn’t mean you did. What’s something i wouldn’t know about you until i got drunk with you?
Gabby: I don’t usually drink, soz.
Al K Hall: Wuckers. i’m sure you have other vices. What’s your favorite?
Gabby: Sleeping in really late. That, by far, is my favorite.
Al K Hall: Yeah, tell me something i don’t know…
Gabby: I like cars. I’m a vitamin whore. I see angels.
Al K Hall: What a coincidence, i’m a whore and i’m looking at an Angel right now! Uhm, yeah, this is the sick bucket. But enough about you, what about winning the 2nd season of VH1’s Scream Queen reality show? What’s something you came away from that experience with?
Gabby: To take care of yourself first, experience can only help you. Also, acting for TV and film is 90 percent technical… Oh! and “Every artist is at first an amateur,” Robert Frost. And! “You always pass failure on your way to success”- Mickey Rooney.
Al K Hall: Which works because i’m the failure you’re passing on the way to the top! Part of the victory package was a role in Saw 3D, where you played Kara. Which means you got to hang with Chester Bennington, your co-star and the guy from Limp Bizkit.
Gabby: Chester Bennington is lovely and an amazing artist. I particularly like their new song.
[From God’s mouth to my ears, here’s Limp Bizkit covering “Behind Blue Eyes”, which i dedicate to Gabrielle for obvious reasons.]
Gabby: We shot in Toronto, Canada. Yes, I did have a nice hotel. Biggest thing I ever stayed in!
Al K Hall: You obviously don’t know my ex.
Gabby: …?… Um, it had 2 or 3 huge rooms. It was really nice.
Al K Hall: Was there a wrap party?
Gabby: We had a party after the screening. Pretty fun. Lots of goofing around and a fabulous photo booth!
Al K Hall: Did you see the movie in the theater?
Gabby: Yes I did, we had a red carpet event. I saw the movie with close friends and John Homa! [AlKHallism: John Homa is an actor and Scream Queen judge.]
Al K Hall: What did you think of the movie and your performance?
Gabby: I liked my Saw movie. We saw some pretty cool developments in so far as technology and Detective Hoffman. Plus, my trap? Pretty fuqin cool, man. As for me, I thought I was good, thank you.
Al K Hall: No, thank you. Your next roll is in a feature film horror anthology called Chillerama. You play “Sara Lou” in the “I was a Teenage Werebear” segment. Is it scary? What will your fans like about the role.
Gabby: It’s Peggy Lou. Very fun and campy role and I’m singing!!!
Al K Hall: Wow, that is scary. Nah, just joshing. [i wink and she’s like all light and forgiveness for my humor deficiencies, hell it’s not my fault—i’m sober for chrissakes.]
Gabby: It’s gonna be fun!!! I’m gonna make you laugh and pee your pants.
Al K Hall: It’s amazing how you know exactly what i like. As for you, obviously, you like acting. What do you get out of acting?
Gabby: I can really only say one thing. When I do it, I am at home. And there is no place like home.
Al K Hall: Funny, i was going to say the same thing about your lap. Speaking of inappropriate, what would you say to a really, really drunk guy who stuttered up to you in a bar and confessed his undying eternal love for you?
Gabby: I would say, “Thank you and god bless you.” And I would smile because being loved feels great.
Al K Hall: Yeah, i wouldn’t know. Alright, alls we got left is the Bar None Questionnaire. Don’t worry, it’s as easy as falling off a log if you’re drunk and don’t hit your head and drown after. First question, what’s your favorite poison?
Al K Hall: When was the last time you had a hangover?
Gabby: Hmmm. March 5.
Al K Hall: [Snorts a little coffee out his nose.] That’s precise. Do you smoke?
Gabby: Never, baby!
Al K Hall: i so love it when you call me “baby”. What’s your favorite swear word? Do you swear a lot?
Gabby: Fuck and, yes, I say “fuck” a lot.
Al K Hall: Sounds like a good thing! Finally, what’s your favorite thing about me, Al K Hall?
Gabby: My favorite thing about you! That you take the time to write these wonderfully detailed questions… Thank you! You rock!
[That Gabrielle West says i rock reduces me top such a blubbering mess of gratitude that i’m unable to continue.]
[Outro and another of Gabby’s fave bands: Kings of Leon – Closer]
There you have it, my first sober interview. What did you think and don’t be afraid to lie, i can take it. The lying, i mean, i can handle a lot better than i can the ugly truth.
i would, however, like to thank Gabby once more. She was a real trooper and it was all kinds of pleasure to work with her.
Also, the situation described above never took place, of course. i never had the great honor of being in the hospital with Gabby. We never, fortunately for her and my police record, met face to face and the whole interview was done via e-mail. As per my MO, i messed around with my questions to provide transition but not once did i touch one little hair on her answers. The responses are all her; as you could pro’lly tell from how awesome they were.
Thank you, as well, Buds and Barmaids, for your time and attention. There are no better patronizers anywhere in the world.