Celeb Mug Shot: Estella Warren

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Here’s a song straight from the juiced-box and dedicated to Estella Warren: Drive by Truckers – Women Without Whiskey

[Press ‘Play’ for Trailer Park Rock]

Warren Peace

My first thought when i heard that Estella Warren was arrested for drunk driving was, “Who the hell is Estella Warren?” Closely followed by my second thought, which was, “i hope she’s hot.” Judging from the above collage, i think you’ll agree that i had happy pants upon learning she is an actress/model, or, as we call them here in the Bar None, Role Model.

[If you want to see her acting assets, you can check out my Facebook page…and why not Friend me while you’re there?]

Estella Warren "Mug Shot"

So, the international star of Jack the Kangaroo —and how the Oscars could miss her doing that to a Kangaroo, i’ll never know—hit three cars driving home the other night. The neighbors heard the racket and chased her down until she got out of her car and screamed that they were all trying to steal her shit. Someone called the cops and she started bitch slapping one guy to pass the time until the cops arrived.

Too drunk to study, she failed her sobriety test and started kicking one of the officers to punish him for putting handcuffs on her. The cop failed his field arrest test, though, because back at the hoosegow Warren Remembrance slipped like a nipple from her confinement and ran away. But not too far because she got caught like and STD and arrested again.

For her second DUI (the first was 2007), the lucky wench got four Miss Demeanors while i still only have the one.

[AlKHallism: There’s some more shots of her in my drawers right down there.]

Immoral of the Story

Man, the view is nice from up here on my pedestal but the height is making me a little sick. Rather than stomach sneezing on all you little people down there, i thought i’d share something from my past to show i’m not as high and mighty as i make myself out to be.

One of the reasons i started this blog was, i told myself a couple years ago, to talk about my drinking and make this a forum for drunks and drinkers, those who want to stop being either and those who love them. Well, this is me living up to that.

Hell, Estella, i'm no angel either.

i graduated from University back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and just after that i was so obsessed with this beautiful girl that i didn’t notice she had Dumbo ears. She led me on as only a pretty girl who realizes you can’t see her defaults knows how to do, and part of this back and forth was a back and forth because she lived in a University town 1 ½ hours from where i lived. i’d regularly drive up to her place to let her abuse me on weekends where she’d give me just enough to make me want some more but nothing of any consistency (which, thinking about it, is a lot like alcoholism).

We’d hang out in the sports bar where she waited tables and i was included in the inner crowd who would drink free beer with the owner after closing time, my cute addiction sitting on my lap but refusing to kiss me before i’d go back to her place where we’d snuggle on her sofa before she left me for the comfort of her double bed.

One winter’s night, i was in my home town getting drunk with friends watching my alma mater get trashed in a championship basketball game. Even more trashed than my team, i had a sudden craving for Honey Whine. i hopped in my car, hit the highway and began the long drive north.

Estalla Warren and Al K Hall Road Trip (Guess Who's Who)

Halfway into the trip (the car one), i fell asleep at the wheel and drove straight into a guardrail going about 60mph—for those of you who work on the metric system, this corresponds to “really fucking fast”. i remember waking up seconds before and seeing the grey metal rush at me.

i bounced off the windshield hard enough to crack it. The engine was still running until my trembling leg slipped off the accelerator. The next thing i remember is tying the hood down with my jean jacket somehow and driving to the nearest exit where there was an all night truck stop and i bought some bungee cords to lash down my hood.

i finished the drive but instead of going to Honey Whine’s, i drove to my best friend’s place (who attended the same school). Driving into his parking lot, i nearly drove into a ditch because i fell asleep again.

So yeah, i’m not perfecter than Warren, s’what i’m saying.

What about y’all? Anyone have any drunk driving stories you’d like to share? That’s what the Comments Section is for, you know.

Bar None Dregs

Saint Pauly has graced us all with another WTF!? (Watch The Film) movie review. This time it’s of The Fighter. It’s worth a look and is pro’lly funny if you’re a little drunk.

A special shout out to Ganjicu and Super8wentzville (you know who you are, ’cause i sure as hell don’t) for subscribing to this Diary-a of a Chronicle (Non) Drinker. Welcome to the Bar None, don’t be shy and thanks for patronizing me.

Bar None Drawers

Estella Warren (32)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

13 thoughts on “Celeb Mug Shot: Estella Warren

    • The Rod!

      Thanks for making me look up a new word today. Just one question, do you mean:
      1. A network of interconnecting rabbit burrows. OR
      2. A densely populated or labyrinthine building or district.?

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

      • Oh no. Oh no oh no. Don’t tell me you’ve straightened up and can’t see the rather obvious euphemism for oroficial intercourse? Or are you playing Abbott to my Costello?

        Sod it. I meant 1.

        LOL!!!

      • LOL!

        Fact: i did not know what “Warren” meant.
        Fact: After looking up the definition, i knew exactly which one you were referring to and was indeed playing Moe to your Curlies.
        Question: When you say “sod it”, is that another “warren” reference?

        Thanks for patronizing me still,

        Al K Hall

  1. There should be a law that says if you are famous, you have to be a mellow drunk (although drunken beligerence of the famous is an entertainment all its own). Seriously, “Oops sorry, I’m drunk, how can we mae this better?” and you know me, Al, I never drink and drive (hell, most of the time I can barely drink and walk).

  2. Hey Al

    I’m just checking in. Congrats on your 5 months. I’m approaching 20 months now and not looking back.

    A co-worker walked by me at 10:45 this morning, reeking of top-shelf Scotch and all i could think was, “Man, what an amateur.” I almost took pity on the person and referred him to this gem of an article I came across during my juicing-on-the-job days:

    http://www.drunkard.com/issues/07_03/07-03-juicing-on-the-job.htm

    I decided that that might make me be too much of an enabler, but I still felt like I should give the poor sod a clue. So I casually mentioned that Smirnoff used to have the slogan “Smirnoff leaves you breathless” and that it’s a both a double entendre and good advice.

    Then it occurred to me that you could be putting your experiences to good use by writing for Modern Drunkard magazine.
    http://www.drunkard.com

    If you have tales of debauchery from your past self, that you recall once your brain starts repairing itself, you might want to put those to good profit rather than on this site. I’d read it either way. Just a thought.

    Cheers!
    ITSB

    • Hey ITSB!

      Thanks for stopping by. Always good to see an old friend. Yep, 5 months and counting. On the 11th of July i’ll reach 6 months, which will tie the record for my longest sober stretch since i started drinking. Congrats on your 20 months… Wow, that’s a long fucking time.

      i appreciate the link as well. Looks like some good reading. i also appreciate the suggestion for publication but i checked out their submission page and they’re backed up both for fiction and articles, so it looks like fame will have to wait a little. In the meantime, i’ll keep plugging away here for the good folk like you.

      Thanks for the support, brother, and thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  3. I am ashamed to say, that in my younger drinking days, I did drink and drive, often. Once in my mid 20’s I passed out while riding my motorcycle and ran right into a tree. No typo there, I actually passed out cold while riding the bike shit faced with a passenger on the back. Luckily, we were going so slow neither of us got hurt. I picked up the bike, now wide awake, and drove a few blocks back to my apartment. I am happy to say, that while I do drink in moderation today, I don’t drink and drive.

    Congrats to both Al and ITSB on there sobriety.

    • Hi A.S.

      Thanks for stopping by. i’m trying to wedge some of my recovery in here and still keep the Bar None a fun place to hang, so your story was much appreciated. Something i’ve learned from working the rooms is the value of a good share and i admire the honesty of yours. You are officially the first person i’ve ever met who fell asleep riding a motorcycle. Respect. Yet even more Respect for being able to change your habits and drink moderately for…how long’s it been now? Y’all reading this really really need to check out his site and see how it’s done.

      Thanks for the props, brother, and thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

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