Celeb Dregs: Lindsay Lohan is FREE (and still Cheap!)

It’s true you haven’t heard much from me lately about the Bar None’s Bar Nun and much of that’s because In The Same Boat talked about how he ran into her at a party (because he’s all the time hobbing his knob with the upper crusties) and she was a real prima donna bitch.

You know me (and if you don’t you oughta get your shots while they last), i’m a really super forgiving guy and i can overlook every kind of default like being a hot fire crotch who loves to party. But one thing that straightens my bender are people who think they’re better than me. Just because she starred in a Love Bug remake and was arrested for covering Stevie Nicks’ Edge of Seventeen doesn’t make her shit any hotter than mine.

[Oops, my bad, i just found out the crime she was arrested for had to do with drinking and drugs. Still, have you heard her “Edge of Seventeen”? You came to the right place, i put it at the end of this bad boy. To get your whistle all wet, here’s her singing an “original”, “I Wanna Be Bad”.]

[Press ‘Play’ to hear Lindsay get her wish]

On June 29, 2011 Lindsay Lohan was able to go home after being released from her…home. Your chance to go to her place and tell her that her home cooking tastes like prison food is officially over. Too bad you didn’t do that on June 13, when the Bar Nun had a party and got her petite wrist slapped for having a Girl’s Prison Party, which, ironically, is also my favorite movie of 1974.

Lindsay and the Lo-Los

So Close to a Moment It's Criminal

Yet the powers that bleed (and if you know what that means, please explain it in a comment below because i’m as lost as virginity at a frat kegger in Cancun) did not want her to suffer the punishment of being grounded any longer. Another point in 190 proof is that she set off her alcohol alarms all over the place with her ankle jewelry ballin’ chain and the judge tried to throw the book at her but she was so damn squirmy that she wrangled out of that hold and ran for the freedom line.

So, let’s have a Lindsay Lohan is Free and Cheap Party. Here are the tunes…

…and i’ve got just the drink.

When You’re Rich Enough to Drink the Very Best…

drink it, and not this shit. Luxor, so tacky it’s named after a Vegas hotel, decided to add another bling to “bling bling” and came out with Bling Bling Bling Champagne.

Which looks something like this.

Is That Dirt?

Guess what. It’s not dirt. Look again…

No, it’s not dust… Once more.

Yes! 24 karat gold flakes you can drink, but don’t worry, it still tastes like shit. At least it’s overpriced, only $253 a pop. Emphasis on “Pop”.

Just when you thought you couldn’t find a kitscher way to brighten up the trailer.

Bar None Dregs

A drink to sobriety… Let’s hear it for Bats, my dear friend over at The She Chronicles, who just celebrated 2 years without a drink. Well, she had stuff to drink, it’s not like she went 2 years without any liquid whatsoever or else i’d have bumped this part up a little bit on the page. Still, 2 years without alcohol, 2 fucking years, is an incredible feat and i want to congratulate her for hanging in there and thank her for her support of me and the Bar None.

Next up, i just hit 6 months sober last Monday. i won’t babble on too much about this, i’d just like to say that AA has been an amazing experience and i’m grateful for all the support i’ve gotten in the rooms and from y’all here in this room. To congratulate myself, you may have noticed i changed the header from “Diary-a of a Chronicle Drinker” to “The Bar None–High and Dry”. You know, because i’m dry and still acting like i’m high.

Wrapping this up is a little reminder that Saint Pauly over at WTF!? (Watch the Film) has just posted a new thingy about The Tranformers movie. The first one.


Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

5 thoughts on “Celeb Dregs: Lindsay Lohan is FREE (and still Cheap!)

  1. Dude, I wouldn’t go there with YOUR cock, let alone mine.

    I don’t understand why she’s so “famous”, considering she’s done sweet sod all really in the last few years – her cameo in Machete notwithstanding.

    Freckles aren’t hot. Fact.

    • The Rod!

      i think i’d go there even with my own scepter. Even if i’m not a fan of big boobs, i adore freckles and she’s so famous i could pro’lly attract a few new guests to the Bar None. It’d be nice to say, “i came, i saw, i came in that.”

      Thanks for patronizing me, brother,

      Al K Hall

  2. Hey Al, I didn’t see Lindsay at a party. I saw her at a Bikini bar in Hollywood, called “Jumbos Clown Room,” which is the best place in Los Angeles, drinking or no.

    You have me all wrong. Even though Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes used to be my neighbor, and he let me park my car in front of his Topanga house, I’m not Mr. Hollywood. Although I can say I saw Kate Hudson painting on his porch once while I was boozing it up with my neighbors. We were so drunk, we fell down as they were carrying me back to my place. I got a black eye while she watched, laughing. But that doesn’t make me a star.

    • In the Same Boat!

      Welcome back, brother. What i said about you hob nobbing was more tongue in cheek than anything else, though didn’t you once mention that you worked out in a gym with a porn star? So, porn star, Lohan, Chris Robinson and Kate Hudson…let’s just say you know more famous people than i do. Jumbo’s Clown Room sounds like a trip!

      What i wouldn’t give to have Kate Hudson laugh at me while i was bleeding. You’re always a star here in the Bar None, brother.

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

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