The Hot Rod Unloads: A Good Riot Never Solves Anything

There were a variety of choices for the song from the Juiced-box to accompany this post (high on the list would have been “London’s Burning”, but that would’ve been too obvious) and this was the one which pinged my twisted sense of humor. Enjoy a bit of Twisted Sister. 

I haven’t had a drink – of any kind – in about a month. For me, this is nothing new: I’m not what you’d class as a raging alcoholic, nor am I really a social drinker in the true sense of the word. About the only time I’ll drink (with the exception of my pre-Christmas “I Quit My Job” booze-up) is at home with the wife and maybe a few good friends over a well cooked meal and some nice conversation. I go to the bar – I drink Coke or juice. I go to someone else’s party – I drink Coke or juice. I get home from a hard day at work – I drink Coke, and play with my young daughter and watch the children’s programming on TV. Only on the odd occasion do I pull out a bottle of cheap red from the cupboard and swig it like I stole it.

Ahh, now THAT was an awesome party....

If I was a cop in Britain right now, man, I’d be drunk off my gourd and slumped in a dark corner somewhere, waiting for the darkness of unconscious oblivion to swallow me whole. I’d be as far away from London, Manchester, Bristol and wherever else Sony warehouses are burning to the ground, hiding in a dark corner somewhere, my police badge conveniently left at home. I would be so smashed, the mere thought of entertaining a thought about joining the riot squad would begin with the line “An Aussie, a Yank and an Irishman walked into a bar…”.

What a typical Bar None window looks like after a big night...

We’ve all seen the pictures filtering through the poorly orchestrated media circus of Britons swiping, burning, smashing and stealing their way through most of Southern England. Fuck me if that doesn’t look like a wonderful time, eh? Skinheads, punks, skanks, slags and fuckwits just running about with abandon and destroying property and lives because it seems like a good time. I’m almost disappointed that I can’t join in and steal a few plasma TV’s and Reeboks as well – because if you’re gonna have a good riot, then fuck me, why not steal a bunch of shoes. Pansy ass, lowbrow, jut-jawed neanderthal faggots, if you ask me. No disrespect to all good faggots out there, but if all these feral stains can think of is flogging a few shoes, some jewelry and clothing, then England’s worse off than I thought. I trawled the web a little the other day, and not once did I see a bunch of hoodie-wearing fucksticks clambering out of a pub with a few cartons of beer under their arms, scampering away as the cops arrived.

Typical Bar None patron - focussing on the guy with the camera, not the explosion behind him...

For all that’s been stolen, it strikes me as an alarming statistic that (and I’m just making this shit up, now) almost no alcoholic premises were looted for the booze. There’s a fair bit of damage to property, from what I’ve seen, but nobody really thinks of booze as an expensive item to pilfer. I’m no criminal (at least, not that can be proven in a court of law) but I’ll bet some other rioting wanker will be sitting there next week, when all the shit’s died down, slapping his head mumbling something about stocking up on a nice set of Shiraz or Cabernet, instead of pillaging a quickfix of Harold And Kumar BluRays from Blockbuster. Priorities, guys. I’d rather a good drink than a too-small pair of Nikes.

None of these people feel the need to riot. All of them appear to be regulars at the Bar None.

Maybe if these dopey bastards (here in Australia they’d be called “Drongo’s” or some other colloquially cringe-inducing shit by the media) had bothered to flog some booze, go home and get fucked up, we’d have been spared the sight of London burning, people being killed, and vigilante groups arming themselves to combat the violence. A good riot never solves anything, but maybe a few drinks at the local could’ve.

11 thoughts on “The Hot Rod Unloads: A Good Riot Never Solves Anything

  1. Honestly enough, Miss D and I only just heard about this on Fox radio (it’s my dad’s car, he chooses the radio). Does anyone know how these riots got started?

    Totally good point about the rioters not pilfering the pilsner. Seems like an obvious choice of fuel for a viscious circle.

    Thanks for the photo of the patronizers! i’ll take the blonde in the orange pants, please.

    And thanks for tending to the Bar None, brother,

    Al K Hall

    • I thought you’d go with the girl in orange. I’m partial to the one in pink pants.

      No dramas holding the fort, mate. I’ll swing by in a week or so with another pointed post at more that amuses me/pisses me off.

    • You know AL, here in the USA there hasn’t been too much coverage of this so I am confused on why it was even started. I did hear a rumor though (us Americans are fabulous for rumors, aren’t we?) that it was getting so out of hand because of the social networking, something like they would tweet that they were going some place and starting a riot so to come and join in. But even that doesn’t make any sense to me.

  2. The police shot a drug dealer to death ( http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/aug/08/mark-duggan-profile-tottenham-shooting ), but this is a sympton of something we’ve been dealing with for the last ten years here in the SF Bay Area and I am not surprised it is speading. The excuse is usually to do with a police action ahttp://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/aug/08/mark-duggan-profile-tottenham-shootingnd no matter how black and white it is, a group wil claim it is a sympto of years of injustice, butality and profiling. A peaceful protest/march will be planned. This is where a separate group from the ones protesting get involved, anarchists (or that is what they claim to be). They will join said peaceful protest, then at an opportune moment they will break away and escalate. They will shout harder and angrier rhetoric to stir up the crowd to cover their true cause mand as the crowd rampage, they start the destruction (fun, but still not their main target). Under cover of the destruction, the looting begins and that is where they profit big time. They claim to be anarcists against all forms of autoity and oppression, but they are merely profiteers (very destructive profiteers).

  3. yeah, I meant comments. I was having trouble seeing the whole of my comment (and it was bouncing my mouse around) due to my own computer being funky right now and the length of my comment (should have used a word program, then cut-and-pasted), but often my keyboard drops a letter and I don’t catch it until I’ve hit enter.

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