Dregs of the Week: Aug 28 – Sept 03, 2011 (and thereabouts)

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Because if i don’t bring up the dregs, no one will. Like here i got a guy who had all his orifices occupied while driving, a thief who could’t keep his pants on or his beer down, Shia pet exploding all over Marilyn Manson and a brief appearance by Jane Lynch before i give the floor show to Heather Morris only because i can.

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to Jane Lynch: The Cast of Glee – Tik Tok

Commoner Dregs

August 24: Multi-flasking

George E. Howard Mug Shot

Here’s a guy who wants to try everything once before he dies, plus he wants to try them all at once—and while driving. George E Howard (aka Paul E Chronic) was driving erratically while sucking a beer so the police pulled him over. When they approached the car, they saw a woman’s head resting on the happy place in his lap. The officers told old George E to get his ass and the rest of him out of the car and when he did his pants fell down to his knees. George admitted to simultaneously drinking, driving, fucking and doing everything  any other 58-year-old could ever hope to do in a year, then proceeded to fail the dreaded field sobriety test while his girlfriend unsuccessfully attempted to hid the beer can under her dress. Yes, he got arrested, but is that all you learned from this?

August 24: Arrested By His Pants

The video can say a lot more about this than i can. Miguel Ortiz went to shoplift some beer and this is what happened:

Click on the Pic to See the Vid

All you really need to know here is that this ass-pants got arrested. Don’t believe he’s an ass-pants? He did all of this for Bud Lite.

Celebrity Dregs

August 28: Same Shia, Different Day

Shia LeButt erupted at an event in a box called The Box in L.A. and i just know they’re bummin’ i thought of the name The Bar None first. Still Shia Pet got super drunk on pro’lly wine coolers and started spitting water he sipped from a bottle on his girlfriend’s leg and whenever i try shit like that i suddenly don’t have a girlfriend anymore. But LeBum gets a pass because he’s famous and girls’ll let you do whatever the fuck you want if your famous because famous people are better than you and me otherwise they wouldn’t be famous.

You know who was pissed off as well as ‘pissed’ on, though? Marilyn Manson. He was sitting at the table with his girlfriend and Shia spit on him and Marilyn was all, like, miffed. So Shia ran away and his girlfriend followed him because that’s what women do when you’re famous. Even if you look like this.

Shia and His Girlfriend (maybe not)

August 22: The Uh Glee Truth

You know Jane Lynch from Glee? She’s the one who plays Sue Cunningham, the cheerleader coach. Which is probably a job she’d like in real life, what with her being a lesbian and all. Lesbian, as in “I’ll have the tuna for Lynch.” Or “All You Can Eat Lynch Special for Seniors”. Anyway, guess what else but i know you already know so just stop playing and sit back and enjoy the wit while it lasts.

Jane, at 51, has been dry for 30 years and even goes to AA, which i’m sure must be cool despite my going there for going on 8 months now. But, in order to sell a few extra copies of some book she’s peddling, she came clean about sipping NyQuil before bedtime, not really thinking about the alcohol content . The article doesn’t say if she stopped or not. Or how many extra books the publicity from the “shocking revelation” pushed.

The Bar None's Artist Hallucination

The good news is that Heather Morris, who plays “Brittany” (or something) on the show, looks shitloads better in a bikini than Jane so i’m going with her for the photos. Plus, Heather drinks. Here’s what that’s about.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Not only that, she may not be a lesbian, like Jane, but she plays one on TV.

And let’s not forget the huge scandal about Heather being the poster child for Domestic Violence.

There’s tons more shots of her filling my drawers. Just keep scrolling down til you find the happiness.

Bar None Dregs

You know how i’m not busy enough, right? In honor of that and the fact that i don’t have enough to beat myself up over not doing, i’ve decided to open another bar Blog. It must be real because it even has its own domain name. Check out alkhallanonymous.com for the softer side of sobriety.

Al K Hall-ic Anonymous is a place where i can share more of the personal shit going on with my recovery and not worry about sounding like a wuss.

Also, that annoying little Saint Pauly kid posted another one of those things that can’t be called a review. It’s on a Nick Cage wreck called Season of the Witch. Check it out, you don’t believe me.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Heather Morris (24)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

5 thoughts on “Dregs of the Week: Aug 28 – Sept 03, 2011 (and thereabouts)

  1. Mr Howard simply made a miscounculation in driving skills. Had he held it together (waving to the cop hiding in the alley is a plus), what tales he would have to tell (hell, I’ll bet he was the star of the drunk tank that night).

    The irony of Mr Ortiz is multi-fold as baggy pants originally became popular for what could be hidden in them, but other than his fashion sense, he must be applauded for parking the get-away vehicle so that his licence is perfectly framed in the parkinglot camera (no need to run, they’ll be waiting for you at your house).

    Shia Le Poof running from someone wearing more make-up than his girlfriend. A picture of manhood.

    Lynch: “It’s made with alcohol?? I just felt run-down all the time and it picked me up. Who knew? (other than every 7th grader raiding their parents medicine cabinate).

    Heather: “No really, I was just acting. Yeah, I’m that good.”

    Seriously Al, another blog? Are you slacking at work? Is Ms. D looking wistfully at the empty side of the bed? Has sobriety given you amazing disapline and creativity to write (oh I can’t even count them all) several blogs a week?

    • Thanks for the input, brother Wayne! Your perspective always adds a bit of perspective.

      As for work, i’m actually busier than ever but yes, Miss D (soon to be Mrs D!) has spent 1 or 2 evenings alone, though i do try to be good about going to bed at the same time as she does. Sobriety hasn’t so much given me discipline as it has given me more time because i don’t sit around nursing a hangover as i did before. The creativity has always been there,just now i have a chance to exercise it!

      Thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

      PS 5 going on 6 blogs is the official count. One for each personality. 😉

    • The Rod!

      Like i mentioned in the other comment, don’t feel obligated to follow the sobering blog. It’s got some personal shit about me that might be of interest, but the messages might not interest someone not in need of recovery! Thanks for the props, regardless!

      And thanks for patronizing me,

      Al K Hall

  2. ..Zack Kouns Addicted to Gambling.The night before he was supposed to leave for VoV Zack Kouns of stayed up all night and got blackout drunk with his girlfriend then decided to leave early for the festival and hit up a casino.

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