Surprise! (aka the Simon Pegg Post)

Hello there patronizers of The Bar None! This is Mrs . Demeanor here, on a guest post. On the sly. This might get me into big trouble, heh. A long while back, Mr. Al gave me posting privileges, though, and I decided tonight to go ahead and use the privilege because, hey, I can. ūüėČ

Al forgot something in his Booze Revooze post about MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE ‚Äď GHOST PROTOCOL. That something was a photo collage of the estimable Mr. Simon Pegg.

In comments on that post, Al wrote:

LOL, i knew i was gonna catch crap from you on this! If i have some time and the ‚Äėputer is up and running, i‚Äôll see what i can do.

Well, since Al’s ‘puter has been all funky and all, I decided to take matters into my own hands, and present to you Sexy Simon Pegg — a wallpaper for your desktop, should you be a nerdy girl like me who has the hots for him. Hot Fuzz, indeed! Beam me up, Scotty! ūüėÄ

For the wallpaper, click on the pic and then right click to save.

You’re Welcome.
xoxo
Mrs D

Simon Pegg in the Bar None

A Big ChristmAss

Happy Holi-gays

From the Juiced-Box: Dirty Boyz – All I Want For Christmas Is To Get It Crunk

[Press ‘Play’ for “What you want for Christmas? What you want boy? All I want for Christmas is to get it drunk.”]

Welcome Barmaids and Beerhounds. ‘Tis i, your (Temporal) Functional Alcoholic Slurperson here for my annual visit, putting the “X” in Xmas and the…uh… “ass fucker” in “Kick Ass Mother Fucker”. i’m making my annual appearance, putting my family aside for the moment to come here and put together a blog for those of you good enough to make it in on this the most massy of days.

2,124 of y’all have stumbled in so far (it’s 9pm right now in Yeaman) and i’m here with you to let you know you’re not alone and that i appreciate each and every one of your visits. As proof, here’s…

Drunk Santa

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

 

You think that’s scary, check this shit out.

Christmas Planking

To be followed by “My 1st Hangover”.

After Santa arrives, where does he leave the presents? Under the…

Drunk Tree

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

So here it is…my gift to you…Christmas Cookies.

Finger licking good.

Live it up , y’all. i really hope you enjoy this holiday season and i thank you on this day of all days for patronizing me.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – GHOST PROTOCOL

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Eminem (feat Pink) – Won’t Back Down

Yeaman, once again, received this movie shitloads before the Americans and i don’t know what y’all in the States did to piss off whoever the fuck it was that decides these things but the powers that be-came to Yeaman where i watched this and snapped stills like this just so you’d believe i was there.

Sometimes i accidentally make art with this shit

The rest of the stills are in the drawers. Just scroll all the way down ’til you hit the link to click on to get into my drawers.

Ramblings: Go Proctologist

Final Proof: 3¬Ĺ Shots

You know how you get drunk with a high class call girl? Ooh, she knows which of your buttons to push and when to push them and how to push them just right because she makes a business of doing pleasure with you while you lay back and let the pleasure wash through you and out of you like the warm rolling waves of intoxication carrying you overboard until you drown in the ecstasy only to wake up cold and wet and alone because you were way deeper into her than she ever was in you and she was only going through the motions when she took you for your ride but what a fucking ride it was all the way around the world and anyway, you weren’t paying her to be sincere, just to take you away for a couple hours. That’s what Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol was like.

[Cue Mission Impossible Theme: Da – da da duh dada Da- da da duh dada nene-oo – nene-oo (Da – da da…)]

All Three Food Groups

There i was at work and i knew the movie was premiering early and i was supposed to be working on reports and taking some calls but i cleared my phone schedule and walked right out the front door acting all normal even though i was cutting out prematurely and the boss was watching me… Then, i didn’t have enough time to eat dinner so i had a candy, popcorn and Coke Zero dinner (see photo) at the theater and to top off this action packed excursion to the movies i also had an impossible¬†mission which was to stay awake because i’d been sleeping around 4 hours a night every night and that was catching up to me so would i be able to stay awake for the whole film after a 2-course (popcorn and candy) meal?

Nene-oo, nene-oo Da -da da duh dada…

Cutting to the chase, like a cheap hooker on meth-laced Irish coffee it was mercifully easy to stay awake the entire time. There was a lot of action and what worked in MI: Ghost Protocol was that the action scenes were strung together well and that the scenes were both rather original and well shot.

Sometimes action movies only have two or three action scenes and the rest of the movie is guys crying and sharing their feelings, or sometimes there’s a lot of¬†lazy¬†action when the¬†director¬†can’t squeeze out any original ideas so he¬†pinches¬†everyone else’s and you get one cliche car chase followed by a hackneyed karate fight scene, but not here, man. Here the action comes non-stop and hard and you even get Tom Cruise doing his own stunts which gives this puppy a certain credibility.

The acting? The acting was perfect because there was none of it. We don’t fucking need acting if we have action, all we need is Paula Patton, Tom Cruise and Jeremy Renner looking good while they do exciting shit and that works.

There were some downers to this. First off, everyone’s gonna tell you this movie was funny because it had humor mixed in with the action which is bullshit. They dragged Simon Pegg into MI: Ghost Protocol just for these moments but it’s all just standard boring obligatory comedy you’ve already seen on Get Smart reruns—not as edgy as the action, s’what i’m saying.

"Ugh, what's all this sticky white stuff on the gloves?"

What else sucked? The CGI kind of. Sometimes it really worked (the sand storm) but other times (Red Square explosion) it looked like it was a teenager playing with his mom’s cell phone camera and an old version of Picasa, which was distracting. And that’s about all the sucky parts, which is why i liked Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol better than all the other Mission Impossibles¬†especially¬†because i can’t even remember any of them.

It’s worth the wait, babes.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 shots

The first thing i jotted down in my notebook was about how the first three names in the opening credits were all guys. “In technical movie review terms, we critics refer to this as ‘A Bad Sign’,” is what i wrote exactly.

Girl Fight at the Bar: This Movie Rocks

On the other hand (and that way you can pretend it’s someone else’s), i kinda get that because this movie was all about the action and the director didn’t want to get it bogged down with romance, which is just fine with me because i don’t come to these things to watch awkward pretend kissing and uncomfortable sexual gyrating because i get enough of that shit at home. Truth be told, i was even pleasantly¬†surprised¬†the director resisted the temptation to stick in a romance where it wan’t necessary and didn’t even belong.

Still, would it have killed anyone to inject a few bathing suit scenes or gratuitous boobage in this movie? The closest we come (which is to say we don’t come at all) to that is Paula Patton changing down to a bra in the back of a taxi.

The lead female actor is Paula Patton (36) who does not get any romance on but who cares as long as we get to look at her looking like this.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

There are literally tons more shots of her in my drawers down at the bottom of the post, after the “Continue Reading” link. ¬†(And yes, “literally tons” because if you add up all her weight in all the pictures i’ma post of her then it comes to tons, so stop splitting hairs and get back to enjoying this shit.)

Thrown into the mix is 26-year-old mademoiselle fran√ßaise who’s hot because she’s a 26-year-old fran√ßaise mademoiselle named L√©a Seydoux who has an accent on her name an everything which makes her butt loads exotic. i’m thinking about adding one to my name, to: Al K H√†ll. What do yo think? Not as convincing as this, i bet.

Léa Say-Do

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

For those of you who are less into “Miss Shins” than “Posse Bulls” (oh shut up, i know) we get Tom Cruise (39):

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

There’s also a couple handsome wallpapers of him in the drawers (’cause i got Tom Cruise in my drawers, yo), just go beyond the “Continue Reading” click.

There’s also some of that Jeremy Renner (40) action.

And more in the drawers. With Tom Cruise. Jeremy Renner and Tom Cruise are both in my drawers, is what i’m saying.

Finally, we got some Josh Holloway. Why? Good question. He’s in the movie, is why, and he’s in the movie because Bad Robot helped produce this and Bad Robot is J J Abrams’ company and it created Lost which had Josh Holloway. Just like Bad Robot produced the only good Star Trek movie and Simon Pegg was in that as Scottie and so JJ brought him over to be in this one, too.

Anyway, here’s Josh. Just Josh ‘n’…

There are many ways to butcher those we love....

Shh, it’s a secret but there’s an extra special bonus collage all the way at the very bottom of my drawers down there.

A Smoke

Drink: 2¬Ĺ Shots

Not so bad, actually. i mean, sure, alcohol wasn’t a fundamental part of the show but it didn’t need to be and there were enough references to keep a drinker satisfied. Here’s the dirt from my notes…

  • [Jeremy Renner] drinking whiskey while giving back story
  • In the party [Paula Patton] is drinking champagne and the Indian Mahjong [in my notes i have a special kind of long shorthand] asks if she likes it and she says she was always a bourbon girl.
  • Beer in the bar with big black guy. Kronenberg?

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 4 Shots

Not a lot of rock music but this movie kicked so much ass it’s shoes smell like the shit. Plus, there’s the Eminem song they play with the trailer, but i’m not sure i remember that actually being in the movie. Still, if you’re looking for a cool version of the Mission Impossible Theme…

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: 

Josh Appelbaum & André Nemec
Bruce Geller (television series “Mission: Impossible”)

Directed by: Brad Bird

Starring

Paula Patton – Jane
Léa Seydoux РSabine MoreauTom Cruise РEthan Hunt
Jeremy Renner – Brandt
Simon Pegg – Benji
Josh Holloway – Hanaway

Bottom Line

If i can succeed my Mission Impossible and stay awake through this after only 3 hours sleep, you can certainly handle it.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Click “Continue reading” to access the Drawers where i keep the extra sexy and extra, sexy photos.

Continue reading

10 Drunk Xmas Gifts (A Top 10 Lips)

Christmas is upon us like a drunken stripper on Ecstasy and, just like that North Pole dancer, Xmas is a bitch we have to buy presents for before she fucks us over and so the day after we wake up poor, hungover, and alone.

“Better to Give than Receive” my ass. The only thing that’s better to give than receive is herpes, so here’s a list of last minute ideas for the drunkard in your life so you can get this gift shit out of your way and get back to the business of serious partying.

And, just like that Christmas Whore, there’s a bonus at the bottom for y’all.

What Do You Get Someone Who Has Drunk Everything?

1a. Toys for Boys

Hey, Don't Blame His Taste, Blame Yours

1b. Toys for Chicks

Redneck Barbie

2. Toys for Neither

Bored Games

Not So Bored Games

3. For the Makers Marksmen

The Shot Gun

4. For the Festive Drinker

Reinbeer

5. For Those with a Green Tongue

The Booze Tree

6. Drunk Test #1

Pretty Wasted or Ugly Bottom?

Drunk Test #2

When You're Lap Is Wet, You're Drunk

7. For the Impractical Joker

Father Pissmas

8. For the Fashion Unconscious

Does Not Come In Small

9. For Daniels, Jack Daniels: The Spy Who Drunk Me

The Beer-ed: Real Subtle

The Beer Belly (or The Pregnant Man)

Check Out Her Jugs

10. This. No one has ever had anything like this. How can you criticize something that doesn’t exist?

And here’s my present from me to you. A Christmas Gif

North Pole Dancer

Sorority Girls With Sticky Fingers

An anthem dedicated to drunk sorority girls everywhere: Ke$ha – Tik Tok

[Press ‘Play’ for “Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack /’Cause when I leave for the night, I ain’t coming back”]

December 12: Away With The Manger

i’m an asshole for writing this post. Seriously, a big fucking asshole because i support these Sorority Girls and i think what went down with these ladies (no, it wasn’t me) totally reeks to high heaven.

Let’s get the Before and After pics out of the way first.

Let this be a warning to all you blossoming young things out there¬†everywhere. The lighting sucks in police stations so you don’t want to go getting your ass arrested because the photo will look¬†totally¬†like you without make up. Can i got an “Oh my god!” from y’all?

These 5 young ladies, i’ma call them the 5 Mouths (because it sounds more like a cause that way and they’re from Monmouth in a state called Illinois which is apparently not even close to Tennessee or Florida and i may have just poked my finger right smack dab in the problem right there) were out getting their buzz on because one of the things Sorority Girls like to blow off is steam. (Yeah, i can pretty much keep this up all night. Fair Warning.)

They were cruising around in an SUV with a designated driver, i’m sure, because every last girl was 21 or over except for the driver, who was 18. Anyway, i love these girl, every last one¬†of¬†them, so i’m sure they had a designated driver when they came across a nativity scene in a public square. “What’s a nativity scene?” you’re asking me you heathen sums a bitches? It’s one of those Baby Jesus sleeping with sheep while three guys in dresses stand next to him and watch scenes. Here, maybe this’ll help.

There you go. Now the baby girls were feeling a little Christmas joy spreading through their netherland regions because they’d been drowning their sororities in a bar before and they decided to pull the prank so hard it came to them that they should steal some of the Holy Meal Figurines and lay them on the lawn of the University President.

Remember how i said before the problem was that this happened in Illinois and not Florida (or Tennessee)? Because that’s this part right here. Some witness squealed like a Nativity Pig bringing Little Baby Jesus the bacon and told the cops that 5 babes in an SUV kidnapped the Nativity Scene and don’t even tell me you already forgot¬†what¬†that was. Here, it looks like this, ‘member?

The police found the girls and the SUV behind a Taco Bell which proves what upright citizens they are because girls who drink booze and eat at Taco Bell are the kinda women you want around when you need them. i respect this so much i’m not even going to spend the next 10¬†minutes¬†thinking of as many Sorority Girl / Fish Taco jokes as i can like some twisted Boggle game gone horribly wrong.

Then you know what the 18-year-old designated driver does? She goes, “Can we give them back?” i mean look at her up there in the mugshots. She’s the second from the left all red eyed from bawling and shit. Like, i know, right!?

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

You know me (and if you don’t i have a Bottom Bitch position available), normally i’m all about publishing the names of these waste cases who stumble their ways into the Bar None dregs. But this time, No! i’m making a fucking stand. As your FASe (Functional Alcoholic Slurperson), i’m saying these girls were having a fun time, drinking responsibly with a designated driver and they went off on an innocent joke that didn’t hurt¬†anyone¬†or damage anything. You wanna bust chicks for this? Hell no, which is why i’m going to let them keep their anonymity.

But that’s not all i’m going to do for the 5 Mouths. i’m also sending the following email to the Police Department of Monmouth Illinois.

Dear Chief Zeigler,

I don’t know if you remember or not, but on December 12, 2011, police officers of your department arrested five young ladies on the charge of misdemeanor theft after they were caught frolicking completely clothed late one evening. They simply liberated a Baby Jesus and other Nativity Statues and temporarily relocated them to another place. No harm, no foul, right? This is merely the outdoor equivalent of a tipsy pillow fight in the dorm rooms and I don’t need to tell you how prevalent those are in the sorority system.

Chief, I think you and I can both agree that these kind of¬†shenanigans¬†are par for the course for ladies of this age and they seemed to have been acting responsibly in choosing a designated driver and offering to replace the displaced goods. Can we not find it in our hearts to let them off with a¬†warning¬†this holiday season? ¬†A little generosity would be construed as a priceless gift of freedom and I have no doubt you would feel much better yourself after this selfless act of giving. Indeed, perhaps now is the most appropriate time of all to ask ourselves, “What would Jesus do?” If you’re like me, you know the answer is things like “Judge not lest ye be judged” or “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you,” if you roll more New Testament style.

Let’s stand united,¬†Chief¬†Zeigler, arm in arm, side by side and turn the other cheek together.

Regards,

Al K Hall
(Temporal) Functional Alcoholic Slurperson

You know what i think? i think y’all should write a letter of your own to get deep into the 5 Mouths cause. It doesn’t have to be long, just a couple lines saying that the powers that be in Illinois should go light on the 5. In case you missed it, the email address is:¬†brad.zeigler@monmouthpolicedepartment.com

BTW, i’m not even kidding about this. i seriously cut and pasted the above note and emailed it. If any of you follow my lead, please post a copy of the text of your note in the Comments Page.

The Contests

Because Sorority Girls develop into women in Universities, i thought it would be appropriate to have a pop quiz. i’ll show you a picture and ask a question and you have to answer it without peeking. The answers are at the very bottom of this post, after the Continue Reading click and the Drawer Shots.

1.Which one of these Sorority Girls most regrets her arrest?

2. Which one of these Sorority Girls is the biggest slut?

3. Which one of these Sorority Girls is the biggest alcoholic?

4. Which one of these people would Al K Hall NOT sleep with?

Again, the answers are after the jump and after the drawer shots, so click if you want to see how well you did.

Continue reading

Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE ARTIST

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Billie Holiday – Pennies From Heaven

[Press ‘Play’ for a better version than the one in the movie]

Ramblings: The Autist

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you get drunk with a clown? Not the kind that parks his SUV at an angle across two handicapped zones right in front of the bar, but a real honest to goodness clown with the red nose and more than that because god knows in the Bar None we have our fair share of bulbous claret colored¬†proboscises, but also the white face, lipstick, afro wig and big, floppy shoes kind of clown drinking fruity cocktails and squirting people with some gag flower he keeps in his zipper. It’s fun because when was the last time you drank with an authentic clown so you got that whole novelty aspect going for you like the first time you tried trail mix and you couldn’t believe someone mixed candy corn with peanuts and m&ms. Just like that trial test taste of trail mix, the clown idea is funny and good at first even if it gets a little more bland with every mouthful because at first the jokes crack you up and there’s even original gimmicks no clown has ever done before and that keeps you smiling but in the end no matter how much everyone in the bar tells you that you gotta like him,¬†you’re still having drinks with a clown. That’s kinda what seeing The Artist is like.

i had to see this bad boy twice because the first time a woman came down two fucking times to the front row to scold me for eating popcorn in this silent movie, after which i promptly fell asleep. The second time i was able to stay awake for the whole thing so i could give y’all a real review.

The “real review” part is pretty important with this movie, too, because everyone’s gonna be telling you this film is things like a breath of fresh air and analyzing it by saying it’s the perfect movie for these morose¬†and / or moribund (not my words, yo, it’s what real critics are gonna say) times and then they’re gonna toss in an ‘uplifting’ once or twice. You know how i know?

Because already the New York and LA art crowd have a hold of it and are dissecting it like million dollar cocaine on a diamond mirror with a solid gold razor blade sharpened on a rock found atop the tallest peak of the moon. i mean, come on, this is a silent French movie, so poseurs can say they understood a foreign film without subtitles. Even worse, it already won something like the Palme d’or at Cannes, which is a big movie beach in France, even if it wasn’t the main¬†palme d’or it was a best acting one and it’s so fitting because palme d’or is French for “Golden Palm” and that’s what critics get from mutually polishing each other’s knobs.

What i’m getting at is that by the time the movie has trickled down to your level, there’s going to be so much pomp and circumstance shrouding it you won’t know what the hell you’re supposed to think. Think this, The Artist is like crackerjacks: good,¬†well-made,¬†sometimes a little stale, and has some pleasant surprises in the box.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 Shots

Ooh, there’s so little anything by way of the sexual¬†ass-pect¬†in here that we cannot call it the “sexual¬†respect” of the movie but the “sexual dis-respect” of the movie. If memory serves as well as the Barmaids here in the Bar None, the closest thing we get to sex in that disrespect is a chaste kiss.

Sure there are pretty girls. There’s a very pretty girl by the name of¬†B√©r√©nice Bejo (35) who plays Peppy Miller, the female lead. Bejo was born in Argentina but grew up in France, which means there’s a little “ooh la la” mixed up in her “cha cha cha”. This is the photo-graphic evidence of all that.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

There are some shots of her spicing up my drawers at the very very bottom of this post.

Also mixed up in here is an actress i’m liking more and more the more i found out about her. Her name is Missi Pyle (39) and she did some cool roles before this like the ugly unibrow chick in Dodgeball (Fran Stalinovskovichdavidovitchsky)¬†plus she was Violet¬†Beauregarde’s mom in Tim Burton’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But guess what and you don’t have to because i’ma tell you right away anyway, she’s also a talented singer. She and some other chick (Shawnee Smith) have a country-rock group called Smith and Pyle that’s just fucking incredible. So much so i’m going to slip one of their songs in the rock and roll section below. Speaking of incredible, check out this Pyle driver.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Silken Butterflies

Making an appearance here is an artist in her own right, is¬†Bitsie Tulloch (30) and i know how upset you just got that you went through your whole life til now without the nickname “Bitsie”. Even more unforgettable than her name is her talent because she was so talented i forgot who her character Doris is in the movie. Here’s another possible reason why.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

There’s all kinda shots in the drawers all the way down there.

Rounding off the Silken Butterflies is the stunning¬†Nina Siemaszko (41) who took on the difficult role of “Admiring Woman” and acted the shit out of it. Now’s our turn to do some admiring of our own.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

For those of you not into the Slap but into the Stick, i got some Frenchie Jean Dujardin action for you.

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

There’s a “Handsome” collage of him in the drawers for any female brave enough to dig down that deep.

A Smoke

Drink: 2 Shots

2 shots is surprisingly not surprising because if you think about all the old original silent movies that were old and silent there was lots of drinking in them. Here’s a brief run down of my notes.

  • [George Valentin] drinks whiskey when the stock market crashes
  • Whiskey and a smoke when his wife leaves him
  • His career stalls so he pawns an old tux to get cash for a bottle of whiskey
  • He begins drinking shots in bars and having hallucinations
  • Drinking until blacking out

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

Oh come on, like you expected some rock. But you know me (and if you don’t, you can always count that as a blessing), i hate to leave a public empty handed so here’s a load to fill your hands with.

[Press ‘Play’ to hear some Smith & Pyle”Ass”.]

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Michel Hazanavicius

Directed by: Michel Hazanavicius

Starring

  • B√©r√©nice Bejo – Peppy Miller
  • Missi Pyle – Constance
  • Bitsie Tulloch – Norma
  • Nina Siemaszko – Admiring Woman
  • Jean Dujardin – George Valentin
  • John Goodman – Al Zimmer
  • James Cromwell – Clifton

Bottom Line

Definitely worth the watch. Plus it’d be good to drink to, so there’s that.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Hawtness from here on down… Click “Continue Reading” to see the what that smells like.

Continue reading

What Redneck People Do

Before we get any deeper into this shit, you gotta check this song out…

November 28, 2011: You Now Have A New Slogan

Say “hello” to Mark Wach, as in “Wach ya doin’?” Which he would answer by sayin’,

“Gettin’ drunk and shootin’ the shit.”

“‘Shootin’ the shit’, Mark?”

“Yeah, you know, shootin’ the yard…the lawnmower… The shit.”

They grow ’em a special kind of weird in Florida.

Mark was all drunk and shooting his lawnmower with a .380 pistol, which looks something like this for those of you who don’t live in the United States and get them free in your cereal boxes. The police come over because apparently shooting your lawnmower is illegal in Florida, and didn’t they make a CSI Episode about that with Horatio on one knee, tearing his sunglasses away from his face while saying, “It’s what Redneck people do.”

Because that’s the new slogan and exactly what “Off The” Mark said when the cops were throwing his ass in the cruiser. First, he said he shot his yard all the time (and if it was dead, this would explain why he could feel safe to shoot the lawnmower) and when the cops got on his case for whuppin’ on his 18 year old son, Wach-o retorted,

Fighting’s what Redneck people do.

So next time someone doesn’t like what you’re doing and is demanding an explanation why you’re doing it, just tell them, “This is what redneck people do.”

OK, you know me (and if you don’t, it’s what redneck people do), i fucking live and breathe for this kind of news story because i can get all up inside it with the funny humor and the all day looking for photos to accompany it. What can i say, it’s what redneck people do.

So sit back and make yourself comfortable because i got fucking redneck epic for your asses.

Redneck Boys Will Be Boys

Redneck Boys Attend Redneck Games

And Hook Up With Redneck Women

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

Or Themselves

Before Settling Down In Their Trailer Park Estate

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

And Finishing Up In The Bar None