Back with a flash: Amanda Bynes has been officially charged with Hit ‘n’ Run (and i would, for sure) following all the shit i unload here in this blog i originally wrote back in April when we were all younger and innocenter and reeling from the news of another Disney Kid Gone Wild.
Guess what that is right there… A News Flash! (See what i did there?)
You know who else flashes? The police, when they pull you ass over. Just ask Amanda Bynes who decided to join the really ranks of the rich and shameless.
Not from the juiced box…
Press ‘Play’ for a flashback to a simpler time… Young Amanda Bynes and her cute little accent reading Nina Laden’s The Night I Followed A Dog.
i’m sure y’all remember the cautionary tale of one Estella Warren who decided to get drunk, smash into parked cars and then have a meltdown while the confused neighbors called the police. At the time, i told you not to get drunk and run into parked cars. Well, not in so many words, but if you read the post then i think it’s pretty clear i’m not in favor of it.
Alackaday (which is such a real word i can’t believe you don’t believe me that it is), Amanda Bynes must not of read it and so she pulled all kinds of drunk crap you’re not supposed to do while driving.
“Like what?” you ask, quizzical bastards and curious beaches that you are.
Like she tried to pass a cop car. i’m not sure what the number 1 rule is for things not to do when drunk driving but i’m pretty sure number 1 is “Don’t pass cop cars.”
Followed by Rule #2: If you do pass a cop car while drunk driving, don’t crash into it. i’m even gonna be so bold as to generalize and say that it’s a general rule of thumb to never run into a police cruiser under any circumstances short of the zombie apocalypse. (And speaking of zombies, did you see Amanda Bynes Mug Shot?)
But Good Bynes doesn’t have the good fortune you do of knowing me and reading shit like this all the time. Because she passed the cop car and then ran into the back right quarter panel, which is shop talk for “the back side piece over the wheel thingy”. So the cops stopped her and decided she was in no condition to drive but she was in condition to go to jail.
TMZ also said that ol’ (what, she’s 26…that’s like tons old in dog years) Amanda has been partying hearty lately and pulling all kind of rapscallion moves and drunk driving and–you’re gonna love this– bailing on cops while they’re in the middle of writing her a ticket. Her balls are so big she has to wear them on her chest so they don’t chafe.
There’s more shots of that down there deep in my drawers.
Al K Hall’s Drawers
Amanda Bynes (26)