Too fucking high. i’ve been spending so much time in the dregs lately i’m to the point where i can come up with themes. Today’s theme is “Too Fucking High” ’cause there’s some weird shit going down when people get up, up and away.
From the juiced-box and dedicated to the airheads: Eminem – Superman
[Press ‘Play’ for “till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin’ runway hoe”]
American “Fly Like An” Eagle pilot Kolbjorn Kristiansen was soaring even before he got on the plane. He showed up for his 7 a.m. flight with his BAC already up there and booze on his breath obvious enough for “a witness” to call the sky cops who pulled Cold Bro off the plane and took his ass down, along with the rest of him.
Question: how can you tell if a pilot is FWI (Flying While Intoxicated)? It’s not like there are lines to tell if he’s swerving or anything.
Assume trashed positions. Gudmundur Karl Arthorsson of vodka on Iceland decided to get red eyes on the red eye. He drank an entire fifth of duty free booze in the first 2 hours of a 6-hour flight, started grabbing the women next to him but they weren’t the meat or the fish on economy menu. So he spat on some other people to get them as lubricated as he was and then commenced screaming that the plane was going to crash.
After he began choking some dude, the other passengers wanted to get in on the in-fight entertainment so they banded together with some flight attendants and latched his fat behind to the seat. His head was in the clouds but his ass was in a sling.
Who else other than you is glad their name isn’t Gudmundur? Wes Scantlin, singer of the defunked group Puddle of Mudd. Wes is glad because he pulled the same shit as Gudmundur on an airplane but wasn’t bound and gagged…until he landed in Austin, TX. ‘Cept the plane was going to L.A. Why did the plane land in Texas? For the soul purpose of getting “Scat” off it.
Apparently during the flight he got wasted and then got in a fight with the crew when they wouldn’t sell him booze. i’m thinking it’s not that they wouldn’t but that they couldn’t because he done drank it all.
In an effort to be impaired and unbalanced, i will state for the record that the charges against the Wesser of Two Evils were dropped last November due to lack of evidence.
Not to be undone by Wes, this soap opera diva got popped before she could get in the aria.
Senait Ashenafi, one time “star” of “General Hospital” was discharged from a plane in Dallas (proving once again that Texas is like Lindsay Lohan: people wanna be drunk when they’re in it) because, basically, she wasn’t being treated like someone of her status. Like she’s the Pope, or even the President, or even Oprah Herself for god’s sake.
Senait “Investigation” got pissed off because she was seated in economy and not first class. So, no-class babe that she is, she took it out on a flight attendant. i tell you what, just writing these dregs today is given me a whole new respect and pity for flight attendants.
Police came and busted her for public intoxication, which is not all that easy to spot in Texas.
My favorite thing about the Twilight movies is now the werewolves.
Think about it. Vampires drink blood so they’re of no real interest to alkies, but werewolves are like booze hounds on crack.
Case in point, Bronson Pelletier, aka Jared the Werewolf in the Twilight movies got drunk in an airport and decided to mark his territory like any self rejecting werewolf. There he was peeing all over the place when security came pissed off and arrested him. My second favorite part was were he denied it. My favorite part was when the video of him doing it surfaced days later.
Bar None Dregs
Saint Pauly did it again. His reviews are like Justine Bieber naked: You don’t wanna laugh, but you can’t help yourself.
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