0-5 Shots: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

A Booze Revooze Quick Shot

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Smaug Alert

Not at all from the Juiced-box but the only song with words in it from the soundtrack: I See Fire – Ed Sheeran

Here are the derogatory shots to prove that yes, they let me see this bad boy 2 days before the civilized world.

Desolation of Smaug stills 01 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze

Bilbo disappearing with the ring

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Merlin–uhm, Gandolf

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Some half-bear, half-man guy

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Precious

They’re blurry and badly taken? No, they’re of a movie i saw in 3D and only here to prove i saw this bad boy.

Ramblings: A Hard Hobbit to Break

Final Proof:  3 Shots

3 shotsYou know how you get drunk with a daughter of a whore who’s a whore herself? She’s just as flashy as her mom and aims to please but she’s a little sprier, a little faster on the uptake and quicker on the down-low. She parties harder and keeps a better rhythm so she’s more satisfying than mom, even if she’s just a shallow party girl and you’ll never fall in love with her or spill your guts or bare your soul to her and you don’t care enough to wonder what her real name is but you’ll remember her stage name for up to a week which is more than you can say for her mother who was totally forgettable in every way. That’s what The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug is like after the not Unexpected Journey.

Desolation of Smaug 02 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze

The Hobbit looks Paramount

  • Nice because you can doze on and off through much of the film and still follow the story
  • Didn’t they already have a giant spider in one of the Lord of the Rings?
  • The second movie i’ve seen in 2 weeks that ends with a “To be continued” (Hunger Games 2 was the other)

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

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Still looks Lost

Sex:

  • Evangeline Lilly extra fully clothed
  • The dwarf/elf love story is highly annoying
  • Great special effects because they make Evangeline Lilly ugly– that isn’t easy to do

Drink:

Desolation of Smaug 04 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze

How you feel choosing wine

  • Mead and ales in a Middle Earthen pub
  • Drunk guards passed out
  • Post-feast a dwarf wakes up late and downs the bottom of a glass of ale

Rock & Roll: 

  • Great action scenes
  • Why does the dragon want all the riches? What’s he going to buy with it, cigarettes and dragon hookers?

Desolation of Smaug 05 AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze

Not ‘Cupid’, but rhymes with ‘Cupid’

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Fran Walsh, Guillermo del Toro, Peter Jackson, Philippa Boyens Screenplay

Directed by: Peter Jackson

Starring

Evangeline Lilly – Tauriel
Graham McTavish – Dwalin
Ian McKellen – Gandalf
James Nesbitt – Bofur
Ken Stott – Balin
Martin Freeman – Bilbo Baggins
Richard Armitage – Thorin Oakenshield
Stephen Hunter – Bombur
William Kircher – Bifur
Adam Brown – Ori
Aidan Turner – Kili
Benedict Cumberbatch – Smaug
Conan Stevens – Azog

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The Hobbit pays better than The Office


Another Round

the-hobbit-an-unexpected-journey-poster

Booze Revooze: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

WTF!? The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round

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2 thoughts on “0-5 Shots: The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

  1. Pingback: » Movie Review – The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Fernby Films

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