You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their deaths help out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool. What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.
Our first contender is like a nearsighted foot fetishist because he got off on the wrong foot. He was refused entry to a club in Northampton because he was too drunk
This bloke in Northampton was out on a pub crawl and having a piss up when he was thrown out of a pub for being too drunk and that should be your first sign to call it a night. The problem with being that drunk, however, is you may drunk dial but you never call it a night. He didn’t want to go home so he tried to sneak in the beer garden out back (and want a wonderful country England must be if they can grow beer) where the bouncers denied him entrance for being still too drunk (sign 2).
In a “Hold my beer and watch this” moment, he decided to go all James Bond on their ass by scaling an iron gate, except he forgot how drunk he was because he fell on one of the posts and impaled his leg on one of the spikes. He hung around for half an hour while the fire department cut the fence is seven places to free him.
Why should you vote for him? Because the gate he tried to climb over was wide open.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Can-idate: A guy who castrated himself in a Busch