Darwin Awards for Drunks: 2013 BarWin Awards (Can-idate #3)

Used 2014-01-08 BarWin Awards Can 3 01 (AlKHall Bar None Bar-Win Awards)

You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their passing helps out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool.  What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.

Candidate #3

Highway to Hello Kitty

This attractive 29-year-old has two strikes against her because she’s blonde and lives in Arkansas, though there are bigger things we can hold against her. One of these, however, would not be her partying skills because when she gets her drink on, everything else comes off and by that I mean she may not give you the shirt off her back but pro’lly will her pants.

Used 2014-01-08 BarWin Awards Can 3 02 (AlKHall Bar None Bar-Win Awards)

Speaking of a piece of class, this lovely thing was drunk driving a Pontiac Grand Am when she lost control and crashed into a motor home because that’s what they all live in in Arkansas. Then she spilled out of her car to flee the scene wearing a white sweatshirt and nothing else, and 50 cents naked (half “buck naked”, yo) stole the motor-home guy’s ride: a Power Wheels Truck. She climbed out of her wrecked car, hopped on the Power Wheels toy and started to make her getaway. Motor-home guy took his children to his mom’s house and when he came back, the babe was still in the middle of making her getaway. Finally the police came and when she blew, she blew big: three times the legal limit.

Used 2014-01-08 BarWin Awards Can 3 03 (AlKHall Bar None Bar-Win Awards)

First the margarita drive-thru, then YOLO, BITCHES!

Why should you vote for her? Because she’s the only can-idate sexy enough to reproduce.

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Can-idate: The mas so stupid he kidnapped himself!

Click here for a complete list of the Can-idates

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