You’ve heard of the Darwin Award, which lists the most ridiculous deaths of people so stupid that their passing helps out the human race by taking their genes out of the pool. What I’ve assembled here are not so much a list of stupid dead people but stupid drunk people, and that’s why I’ve changed the name to the Bar-Win Awards. Why ‘win’? Because you get to vote for 2013’s winner.
One of the other top contenders earned his place on this list the hard way, starting with his penis. This guy was fucking drunk–literally–which is only a crime because he was driving his car at the time. Then he rammed his car into another one at an inter-sex-tion (oh shut up, you love it and you know it) and the police came quickly. To make matters worse, he’s a love ’em and leave’ em kind of guy because he abandoned his naked girlfriend on the street at the scene (and i hope she at least got off before she got out).
Why should you vote for him? Because when the cops caught up with him, he was wearing only one shoe, had his shorts on inside out…and was hiding behind a cactus.
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Can-idate: The woman who called 911 to report drunk people…in a bar.