Maura Grierson 04 RoboCop (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)Maura Grierson 04 RoboCop (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

The Booze Talkin’: My Exclusive Interview with Maura Grierson

Maura Grierson 01 (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

Maura Grierson 02 (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

You know how i saw RoboCop before any of y’all did because it came out 2 days early here compared to the States? Well, we could weigh the pro and cons of this until the cows come home and ask us what we’re doing trying to place theoretical concepts on a bathroom scale but i think all of us can agree–cows included–that the real reason everyone is jealous of me is that i got to discover Maura Grierson 2 days before the rest of the world and that means i’m 2 days ahead in the Maura appreciation department. Not only did i discover her first, i also got to interview her about her role as the journalist in RoboCop and tons of other stuff at least as interesting. Read on, if you don’t believe me…

It was the craziest thing, I was sitting in the back of a limousine, sipping gulps from a real glass on my way to accept the Global Award for Sarcastic Humor to acknowledge my generous contributions to the universe of the Internets. i won’t lie, the G.A.S.H. i was about to get excited me and i wondered what it would look like and how it would feel and if i would polish it as often as i did my knob (the brass one that matches my balls). Just when i was trying to decide what to do with the G.A.S.H. when i got it home, the limo stopped so suddenly i sloshed my virgin Grey Goose and coke. The back door flew open and in slid what will momentarily come to be known as the new standard for universal beauty.

This incredible blonde reached for my knob (the plastic one on the radio) and turned up Arcade Fire’s “Reflektor”, ’cause she’s all about the radio. As a matter of fact, i of course recognized Maura Grierson right away from all the radio work she does. 

“Maura Grierson! Famous sexy woman and funny girl! Wow, they really bent their backs overboard for this thing. Imagine, me being interviewed by Maura Grierson!”

“Oh Al,” she said with that way she has, you know that way, the one that says it all in only two words, “you were sent to interview me, you sad, egotistical, teetotaling son of a beach bum. ”

Al K Hall: Damn, i guess that means no GASH for me tonight. Once again, i’ll come home empty handed, so to speak. But enough about my hand, this interview is all about the ‘Maura’. Speaking of, did your parents name you ‘Maura’ because “That’s less for you and Maura for me?” Or wait, “The Maura the better,” right?

Maura Grierson: [She shot me that look she has–you know the one–the one that says, “shut up”.] “Maura” is Gaelic for “Mary”. But alas, “Maura” easily gets mistaken for “Moira” or “Laura”.

Maura Grierson 06 (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

Al K Hall: Maybe you should work on getting a fresh name?

Maura: When I’m feeling particularly fresh I go by ‘Mo G’, but only a select few know this.

Al K Hall: Got it. You can trust me, i’ll keep that secret to my grave. Like your address.

Maura: I live in Toronto now, but was born in Guelph.

Al K Hall: Whoa, was that a wet burp or are you just happy to taste that drink again? “Guelph” sounds really freaking Canadian, though. Like what’s something super Canadian about you?

Maura: I went to university in Montreal and it was there that I learned overalls shouldn’t be worn to the bar. Funny, overalls are now back in style… so looks like I wasn’t so off point.

Maura Grierson 07 (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

Al K Hall: Like you could ever be off point about anything. As far as setting fashion trends, how do the cool kids like you get their kicks?

Maura: I usually play with Jerry for a bit.

Al K Hall: And Jerry’s what you call your…

Maura: Jerry’s my new kitten. 😉

Al K Hall: That’s what i meant, but what about the hard partying life of a rock and roll queen?

Maura: I get up super early for my radio gig so I’m a bit of a nerd weeknights. I like to be in bed by 9:30. Weekend evenings must involve food with friends, then I’m happy.

[Press ‘Play’ for “Happy”, by Pharrell Williams, a song Maura herself requested from the Juiced-box]

Al K Hall: Yeah, “happy”. i bet you are. What’s something you do when you get a get a few bottles’ worth of “happy”?

Maura: I can balance a pint full of beer on my head for as long as you ask me to.

Al K Hall: Better be careful, i can ask people to do stuff for a long time. Is beer the secret to your amazing sense of humor?

Maura: I’m the baby of a 5-kid family. We were loud at dinner tables and verbal abuse was encouraged and considered hilarious the harsher it got. I steal most of my material from my older brothers who are the funniest people I’ve ever met.

Maura Grierson 09 (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

Al K Hall: Yeah, but looks aren’t everything. While we’re on the subject of looks, i’d love to see more of your sparkly pants dance like in your “Showhouse Showdown” clip on YouTube. Where would a guy be able to find something like that?

Maura: Oh yes! Check out this  for a break-dancing vignette entitled ‘Maura Grierson Break Dancing’ and thank me later.

Al K Hall: Hell, i’ll thank you now and avoid the rush. That was crazy good, emphasis on the ‘crazy’. How’d you get a start in the break dancing radio business?

Maura: I have always known I wanted to be a performer. As long as I’m on the mic, or in front of a camera I’m happy.

Al K Hall: Which is cooler, the mic or the camera?

Maura:  In radio, you can show up in whatever outfit you want, with no make-up and crazy hair and still put on a great show. In film and TV there are all those extra hours just getting ready to look the part before you even begin to do the work. But I love it all.

Maura Grierson 03 (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

Maura Grierson with Lady Gaga

Al K Hall: You host the show Battle of the Blades which as near as i can tell is like a Dancing with Stars on ice skates because it’s Canadian. Don’t you freeze your balls off? Metaphorically?

Maura: I got to be a part of Season 3 of BOTB. I was a competitive figure skater for most of my life and often wondered when I moved on from the sport if I’d ever use what I learned on the ice. When the opportunity came along to work on Battle of the Blades, it seemed like the perfect combination of all of my skill sets. It was awesome to be on the ice again.

Al K hall: That explains so much about your moves. And how you have the poise for the beer on the head thing. Was skating hard?

Maura: 6 am practices 6 days a week for most of my life!

Al K Hall: Jesus, sounds like you’ll take any job as long as you can wake up early in the morning. Were you an early bird to get the worm in RoboCop? If memory serves, your first scene is also the first in the film. You’re a reporter on the scene in Iran with Samuel L Jackson in ‘the studio’. So the shoot was like a real life Argo, i bet.

Maura Grierson 04 RoboCop (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)Maura Grierson 04 RoboCop (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

Maura Grierson in RoboCop

Maura: The scene in Iran was actually shot on a huge outdoor set in Toronto.

Al K Hall: No! Next you’re gonna say the presentation of RoboCop to the public wasn’t filmed in Detroit…

Maura Grierson 05 RoboCop (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

Maura Grierson still in RoboCop

Maura: The Mayor’s presentation of RoboCop was shot at a building at the University of Toronto. They flew me to Vancouver as well for a few scenes.

Al K Hall: You jet setter, you. But the booze, babe: was there a wrap party?

Maura: Yes, there was a wrap party! But I was on my best behavior.

Al K Hall: Wow, what’s that like? ‘Course i’m internationally unknown for being on my best misbehavior, so to each his own, i guess. Obviously, you know how to act in all situations, so if a casting agent or director or whatever is reading this, what’s the best way to contact you?

Maura: MauraGrierson.com

Maura Grierson 08 (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

A lucky fan @the Toronto Beer Festival

Al K Hall: Now it’s time for the dreaded Bar None questionnaire. Think of it like my virginity: awkward but the trauma will fade with time. What’s your favorite alcoholic drink?

Maura: Red wine.

Al K Hall: To match your eyes, right? No? OK, moving right along. When was the last time you had a hangover?

Maura: I’m pretty good at avoiding those these days, thank god!

Al K Hall: That’s what they all say, and then they wake up under an overpass with puke on the only shoe they have left. Oh wait, that was just me. Speaking of, what’s your favorite thing about me?

Maura: That you live in [Yeaman]! Great choice.

Al K Hall: Ah well, you know, you don’t choose Yeaman, Yeaman chooses you.

Just at that precise moment, the limo pulled to a complete stop in front of the red carpet. i tried to get out and walk it with Maura but cops were on me faster than penicillin on syphilis, so you’re going to have to be satisfied in knowing that from here Maura went on to become the international superstar that stole our hearts. 

A Smoke

That ends the entertainment portion of our show. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, this whole exchange in the limo never really took place because i never really met Maura face to face. The entire interview was done through e-mail, and while i rearranged and reworked my questions, her answers remain untouched and exactly as she sent them to me.

Maura Grierson 10 (AlKHall Booze Talkin Bar None)

i owe a big debt of gratitude (which is all i can afford) to Maura for taking the time out of her busy schedule to do this. She graciously accepted my request for an interview…which we knocked out in 2 days because she was pressed for time to get to the RoboCop World Premiere in Los Angeles. While i took my sweet time editing and blowing off, she made a huge effort to entertain us here at the Bar None, so y’all should be grovelling, too. Thanks Maura, for rocking it the hard way.

Signing off, here’s another of the songs she chose from the juiced-box: Souls Of Mischief – From 93 Till Infinity

If y’all are interested in the other The Booze Talkin’: Exclusive Interviews, just click on the link.

Pompeii 03 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

0-5 Shots Booze Revooze: POMPEII

Pompeii 01 poster (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Once again Yeaman received a film before the rest of the world and sometimes it’s a blessing but sometimes it’s like what you say when you wake up before 7 with a hangover and stub your toe on the toilet and pee your pants: a curse. i know y’all don’t believe me but that’s cool, i don’t believe me either, so here’s the repository proof.

Pompeii 02 proof (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Ramblings: More Hot Air

Final Proof: 2 Shots

2 shots

You know how you get drunk on the Titanic? There’s tons of activities to do but nothing all that new because shuffleboard on a boat is like shuffleboard not on a boat and the novelty wears off faster than you can finish your bottle of beer so it encourages you to drink faster but even the beer goggles don’t hide the sight you see that your trip is a series of romances and fights that are absolutely no different than the romances and fights you have when you’re not on a sinking boat. Of course the ending of a binge on the Titanic is traumatic but after the boredom leading up to the disaster you’re glad for the excitement the shipwreck will bring. That’s what Pompeii is like.

Pompeii 03 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Fire Works

All you need to know about this flick is the pitch the producers threw up on the studio: Pompeii is Gladiator meets Titanic for kids too young to remember either. They should have named this Gladick.

The first thing i thought when i sat down in my seat in the front row was if my homeless nemesis was going to sit down next to me. He didn’t. So the next thing i thought was, are they going to do the eruption at the beginning or the end of the movie and, if it’s at the end, what are they gonna do for the first hour?

Pompeii 04 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“How you doin’?”

Y’all are too young to remember but in the 1970s disaster movies were a big thing. The Towering Inferno, The Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake… were awesome because they started out with 10 brief minutes of exposition to introduce the characters and then the action would kick in high gear, starting with a nice display of disaster and then the heroes suffering through it and the aftermath. That’s a fucking movie right there and Pompeii would’ve been a hell of a lot better if that was the route it had taken.

Pompeii 10 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“There goes the neighborhood.”

But no. They decided to save the eruption for the end and guess what, it wasn’t much of a surprise ending because we know what the fuck was coming from the beginning by looking at the poster. What they decided to fill it with was a poor slave gladiator who fights his way through the ranks and impresses a rich benefactor who takes him to Pompeii, where the poor slave falls in love with a rich young woman. Imagine Gladiator takes a trip on the Titanic and you’ve written this movie.

Still, it’s easy enough for me to be hard on this movie as i’m nowhere near it’s target market. Pompeii is looking to spew on teens and not on those of us who enjoy movies.

Pompeii 06 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Hot Piece of Ash

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 shots

Pompeii 07 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“Here comes the lava, but you first.”

You know what kind of sex we had? One kiss. Swear to god, there was only one kiss and, like everything else even remotely interesting about this film, it’s on the fucking poster.

  • Mother [Rebecca Eady as Milo’s Mother] killed at the beginning [and is hot]
  • Browning’s assistant [Jessica Lucas as Ariadne] [is hot]

A Smoke

Drink: 0 shots

Pompeii 08 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“Soon we’ll be doing chalice stands and goose lip self portraits!”

It’s the Vinalia, Milady. The streets are blocked with drunkards.

  • Wine in goblets at festival
  • Kiefer Stherland Senator wants to drink wine to seal the deal [with Cassia / Emily Browning’s father]

Terrible waste of good wine.

Cool black gladiator cleans Milo’s wounds with wine

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 3 shots

3 shots

The music was almost as unremarkable as the the action. The action they did have was a lot of gladiator fights and i was too lazy to note every one of them in my notes, so what follows is a brief summary. Still, might as well say it here, the CGI was super well done and was probably the best part of the film.

Pompeii 09 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Swinging in the Rain

  • Short battle against rebels
  • A short gladiator battle
  • Slave fights are the hobo fights of 65 AD
  • Long battle in arena
  • Volcano eruption lasts last 20 minutes

Boring Technical Crap

Pompeii 05 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

When the shit hits the fan

Written by:

Janet Scott Batchler
Lee Batchler
Julian Fellowes
Michael Robert Johnson

Directed by: Paul W.S. Anderson

Starring

Emily Browning – Cassia
Carrie-Anne Moss – Aurelia
Jessica Lucas – Ariadne
Rebecca Eady – Milo’s Mother
Kit Harington – Milo
Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje – Atticus
Kiefer Sutherland – Corvus

Bottom Line

Playing “hot lava” in the living room is more fun.

Pompeii 11 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“Let’s exchange dresses later on.”

Pompeii 12 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

How “Dark Ages” got the name

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

0-5 Shot Booze Revooze: RoboCop

RoboCop 01 poster (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Normally, i’d be all about posting screen shots of the film to prove i was there, but i got in an argument with the unemployed guy who sat beside me (in Yeaman, the unemployed get a discount for movies) over my eating candy and popcorn. As i didn’t want to risk getting my ass tossed taking screenshots with my phone, you’re going to have to settle for a picture of the ticket stub.

RoboCop 02 ticket (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: The Clash- I Fought the Law

[Press ‘Play’ for a song that doesn’t make much sense for this film]

RoboCop 03 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“Hey you, motherfucker eating popcorn in the front row!”

Ramblings: RoboCop Out

Final Proof: 2 ½ Shots

2 & 1-2 shots You know how you get drunk with a sex doll? Sure, she’s lots of fun and looks good on the surface and she’ll make you feel good but she doesn’t really have a heart and you know you won’t remember her after you leave her behind because she didn’t mean anything special to you. You drink your drinks but the fuck puppet isn’t having any so you feel a little cut off from the whole thing as you struggle to get into it and keep it up because your spirit is willing but your willy is weak so you just lie there, pushing rope, not having an unpleasant time because it’s sex and drink after all but still you can’t help wondering how long it will be until true love comes again. RoboCop is that sex doll.

RoboCop 04 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“It’ll feel like someone else’s hand, you lucky bastard.”

When i heard a while back that they were going to remake RoboCop, i was pretty psyched. The movie seemed like a perfect candidate for a retooling. It has a good story, potential for action, places for special effects… i was looking forward to opening this puppy up and giving him a test drive. Unfortunately, this RoboCop has a few kinks (and not the good kind), some bugs and acts a little rusty. The problem with a remake is that it’s like sleeping with twins, you’re going to end up comparing them. This RoboCop doesn’t measure up because it’s the shallow twin: the one with no soul. Not the RoboCop dude himself, but the movie. Beta RoboCop (1987) was directed by Verhoeven and his strong points are making movies like Good and Plenty candy. They got the chewy licorice center of political satire hidden deep inside candy coated kitsch. He knows how to package this junk and whenever he hesitates between two choices, he chooses the one that goes farthest over the top.

RoboCop 05 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Speedbump of the future

This RoboCop is a straightforward action film with none of the fun, which is cool, not everyone can be likable (look at me) but then it should kick ass in other parts. Like The Dark Knight wasn’t a fun movie, but made up for this with credible script, non stop action, a cool look, deeply personal themes and a villain that redefined villains. RoboCop tries for all of this but cannot make the leap so falls short in almost every aspect. The script is thin, the action is cliché, and the look was polished but not stylish, like a generic cell phone case that’s overpriced and doesn’t fit the IPod you have anyway. Plus, our villains are a money grabbing Mr Mom at the head of a big bad Corporation and Samuel L Jackson, who is a conservative talk show host on a Fox-type network that only shows infomercials for high-end weaponry.

RoboCop 06 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“You were in Batman, too? No shit?”

The one thing i liked in version 2 was that more attention was paid to RoboCop’s internal wiring. In the original, RoboCop had moments of consciousness stuck inside the suit and sitting under a plastic sheet on the lab floor, but there are no tests run on him and we get no real feeling about his mental workings. This RoboCop performs much better in these aspects, and while it’s almost too much at times, it certainly is better than not enough. Finally, you know me and if you don’t i’m the exception that breaks the rule, i’ll say what other critics are afraid to say and here’s the ugly truth about Joel Kinnaman playing RoboCop. Inside the suit, he looks like a giant penis in a condom. He walks around like an upright cock with his circumcised head exposed and is the spitting image of a Durex advertisement. It’s so ri-dick-ulous it’s distracting.

RoboCop 07 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

“Looking at you reminds me of your circumcision.”

Basically, RoboCop works but looks clunky, runs but never hits its stride. At least the director kept the drug factory from the first one. (Here’s a GIF from Saint Pauly’s review).

Have some Coke and a smile

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 shots

 2 shotsLike a pre-teen with a Playboy bunny, José Padilha had his hands full of beauty, but didn’t know what to do with it. i’m sure he’s some famous foreign director because he’s so good at choosing women for his movies, but he’s not modern enough to give them some meat to their roles or cleavage to their necklines.

MauraGrierson-RoboCop1

The exquisite Maura Grierson

As Murphy’s wife, Mrs Murphy, there’s the gorgeous Abbie Cornish, who i’ve exposéed before. In RoboCop  there’s a scene where she’s in her bra, making out with her husband on top of the sheets but you’ll see more action watching alcoholics in corner booths. Abbie Cornish who is not a hen but is a chick and here’s the proof of that.

Abbie Cornish RoboCop Bar None Wallpaper Booze Revooze AlKHall

Abbie Cornish Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

There’s some single shots of Abbie in my drawers down below. Just scroll down til you hit the dirt. Before that, though, there is the amazing Aimee Garcia who we all fell in love with when she played Harrison’s nanny in Dexter. Maybe you fell in love with her first in Jag, and if you did, RoboCop may just well be the movie for you. Aimee played a lab tech in this movie so her white coat hides all of this.

Aimee Garcia 2014-02-08 RoboCop Wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Aimee Garcia Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

And there’s shots of her down in my drawers as well. Silken Butterflies Let me just say here that the director (José Padilha) is  Like the first woman we see right at the beginning of the movie is a super hot journalist doing a live broadcast in Iran. This lovely young lady is as talented as she is hot and very cool on top of it all. This i know because her name is Maura Grierson and she was cool enough to do a Booze Talkin’ interview for the Bar None that i’ll be posting faster than a horny rabbit on a conjugal visit.

Maura Grierson 01 Bar None Booze Revooze AlKHall

Wrapping this up is the stellar Melanie Scrofano, who plays the guitarist with the mechanical hand’s wife. Or maybe something shorter but does it really matter when at the end of the day she looks like this, and i bet at other times of the day as well.

Melanie Scrofano 2014-02-08 RoboCop Bar None Wallpaper

Melanie Scrofano Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a Wallpaper

A Smoke

Drink: 1 Shot

1 shotNot a lot of drinking to be found here, and what they had was pretty incidental, so if they’re going to do the bare minimum, so will i. Still, here’s the blow by blow:

  • Vallon drinks whisky with dirty cops
  • Murphy’s wide gives him a beer at home when he’s sad
  • Beer at picnic in his robot dream
RoboCop 09 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Rush Limblack

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 3 shots

3 shotsNot bad, though if you want my opinion (and if you don’t you should probably stop fucking reading this), the rock and roll in this movie was like my sex life, there was a lot going on but not much you’d necessarily want to watch.

RoboCop 11 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

  • The best action scene was the first one, a fire fight between terrorists and cool robots in Iran
  • Shoot out at a restaurant between Murphy and his partner and machine gun wielding baddies
  • Yodel rock during test [phase] montage
  • RoboCop at Vallon’s [lair] shootout, nothing new
  • Shootout against Omni Corp [robots] good FX but standard fight
  • Punk version [by The Clash] of “I Fought the Law” to roll credits by

Boring Technical Crap

RoboCop 10 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

The Agents of Panty S.H.I.E.L.D.

Written by:

Joshua Zetumer – screenplay
Edward Neumeier & Michael Miner – 1987 screenplay

Directed by: José Padilha

Starring

Maura Grierson – Kelly
Abbie Cornish – Clara Murphy
Aimee Garcia – Jae Kim
Melanie Scrofano – Wife of Man with Prosthetics
Joel Kinnaman – Alex Murphy / RoboCop
Gary Oldman – Dr. Dennett Norton
Michael Keaton – Raymond Sellars
Samuel L. Jackson – Pat Novak

Bottom Line

Someone should make a movie with the heart of the first one in the special effects of the second one. Rather ‘should have made’ because i don’t think we have another RoboCop remake in us. He’s not Superman, after all.

Another Round

robocop-01-poster-saint-pauly-wtf1

WTF!? Review of RoboCop (1987)

Starship-Troopers-Review-Logo-808x323-custom

The Rod’s review of a Veerhoven (or whatever) movie

iron-man-3-01-poster-bar-none-booze-revooze1

Booze Revooze of another man in a suit movie

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Shutting down the hilarity to make room for the titillation. All that comes from here on out is pretty much NSFW. Continue reading

0-5 Shots Booze Revooze: Out of the Furnace (2013)

Out of the Furnace 01 poster (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

Sometimes your battles lose you

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Pearl Jam – Release

[Press ‘Play’ for what the movie was shooting for but missed]

Ramblings: Out of the Furnace leaves me cold

Final Proof: 2 Shots

2 shots

You know how you get drunk in a public toilet? Not one of the nice ones in a fancy rest area but in one of those parks where the grass won’t grow because the ground is dead and the playground equipment is either broken or rusted away and anyway the only kids there are in their 20s and are busy dealing or dropping out. The toilet stalls don’t have doors and the floor is constantly damp where it’s not wet and the odor of pee is as permanent as the brown stains at the bottom of the sinks and toilet paper blocks the back of the bowl so you can’t see whatever is dead or dying at the bottom but it doesn’t stop the smell from permeating your clothes on its way to live in your nose. You have one of those bad buzzes that takes you straight from sober to sick without the detour to drunk and you find yourself ill before your time so you go to puke in the toilet and the shit already in the bowl makes your sicker so you puke more and the smell hits you and it’s a perfect shit storm until finally the only thing you end up heaving is sour spit and you reach for some paper to wipe your face but the roll is empty so you slip and hit your head on the porcelain before landing in the dregs of the person who went there before you. That’s how Out of the Furnace will make you feel.

Out of the Furnace 02 (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

Going home after trying to catch a train – and missing it

Look, i ‘m not going to spend a whole lot of time telling you about how this movie sucked especially when it didn’t. The actors were good, so good that even Willem Dafoe brought his A game and we get to watch Casey Affleck prove he’ll be an actor one day, hopefully in time to do a remake of Gone, Baby Gone where he can play the same role only as someone more talented.

And while we’re on the actors and i know a couple of y’all would like to be, shut up talking about Christian Bale because he’s not bad but he’s no Woody Harrelson who fuckin’ rocked this movie as hill folk Harlan DeGroat. His performance here was amazing yet not quite but almost enough to make me forgive his hair piece in Hunger Games.

Out of the Furnace 03 (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

Changing his mind about playing Choo Choo Train

And the director directed shit and there were the things you expect when you watch a movie, like not too many boring parts were here and the script was full of things like good words and people doing shit you would do and shit. Plus, the Zoe/Christian bridge scene was fucking brilliant and would win an Oscar for best scene if there was such a thing.

If everything was so cool, why did i fucking hate this movie? i’ll tell you, it’s because it was depressing as fuck. The film was like a date with me, it started off in a bad place and only kept going downhill to the point that everybody is looking at their watches before looking for the back door. Yes, it was a well made movie, but who wants to see perfect desperation happening to people you don’t give a shit about? Is a 2-hour movie about torture a good movie if it’s technically well made? You know what, i don’t care. When I spend 2 hours in the dark, i want to have more fun than i had here. This isn’t Europe after all.

Out of the Furnace 04 (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

Had too many fish sticks

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 0 Shots

Out of the Furnace 05 (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

Only one woman in this whole fucking thing if you don’t count Peggy (i think her name was Peggy) the cashier at the bar and Brenna Lee Roth as a meth addict,vulnerable and plain, the type i always end up falling for.

The woman in the movie, though, was Zoe Saldana and i don’t think i’ve ever seen her look so good as she did in here. The only thing wrong with her performance was that it was too fucking short.

Here’s what Zoe looks like when she’s out of the furnace and super cold.

Zoe Saldana 2014-01-23 Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall Baooze Revooze)

Zoe Saldana Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a Wallpaper

There’s gobs more shots of her in my drawers, just scroll all the way down to the bottom.

Silken Butterflies

As mentioned, the beautiful Brenna Lee Roth (who i already spotted in The Road) was in Out of the Furnace for a second, and it was one of the best seconds of the film because she looks and acts this good.

Brenna Lee Roth 01 (AlKHall Booze Revooze Bar None)

Brenna Lee Roth 02 (AlKHall Booze Revooze Bar None)

Brenna Lee Roth 03 in the Bar None (AlKHall Booze Revooze Bar None)

Brenna Lee Roth in the Bar None

A Smoke

Drink: 3 Shots

3 shots

Those of you who hang out here regularly know that i rarely give this many shots for booze in a movie and so this was kind of special. Not just because there was a lot of it to be seen, but because it played an important role in the film. Here’s what the blue by blow off that turned out to look like.

  • Woody Harrelson pounding vodka from the bottle and kicking the shit out of people in a drive-in
  • Willem gives Christian a whiskey from a bottle he initially refuses and they drink a silent toast
  • Pivotal moment is a drunk driving accident
  • Casey drinking shots of something and Christian drinking beer the night he gets out of jail
  • Christian Bale drinking beer on the front porch
  • Casey drinks a beer after jogging
  • Woody with vodka shots while he sizes up Casey
  • Woody drinking moonshine from a mason jar

Out of the Furnace 06 (AlKHall Booze Revooze)

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 2 Shots

2 shots

The film open and closes with the same song: Pearl Jam’s “Release”, which i like but is the only real music in this film that isn’t background incidental music. As far as the action, well, there was that kind of back alley boxing where people don’t wear gloves and fight until someone goes into a coma. There’s some gun play and a kind of exciting-esque scene towards the end but nothing really we’d call rock & roll.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Brad Ingelsby and Scott Cooper

Directed by: Scott Cooper

Starring

Zoe Saldana – Lena Taylor
Brenna Roth – Meth Girl
Christian Bale – Russell Baze
Woody Harrelson – Harlan DeGroat
Casey Affleck – Rodney Baze Jr.
Sam Shepard – Gerald ‘Red’ Baze
Willem Dafoe – John Petty
Forest Whitaker – Chief Wesley Barnes

Bottom Line

Don’t watch this if you like to like movies.

Another Round

Saint Pauly’s most controversial review and i can’t believe he writes anything controversial compared to my shit but read the comments if you don’t believe me.

winters-bone-00

WTF review of Winter’s Bone

Terminator-Savlation-Review

Fernby Film’s review of another Christian Bale movie

mud-01-poster-alkhall-bar-none-booze-revooze

Booze Revooze of Mud

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Enough about me, what about Zoe? Note, the photos are pretty pretty and pretty NSFW. You’ve been warned.

Continue reading