0-5 Shots: The Amazing Spider-man 2

Amazing Spider-man 2 01 poster (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Alicia Keys ft. Kendrick Lamar – It’s On Again

Ramblings: The Adequate Spider-man 2

Final Proof: 2½ Shots

2 & 1-2 shots

You know how you get drunk with a hot girl at a party? You already met her before and feel comfortable with her even if she was a little boring but she still was pretty cool and you were kind of looking forward to seeing her again so it puts a smile on your face when you walk into the room and find her there. Then you guys start hanging out and she’s doing keg stands in a mini skirt so you’re thinking it’s gonna be a hearty party but then she comes over to where you’re sitting on the sofa and plops down beside you and starts talking about all of her problems like her ex and how her life is complicated and her dead uncle and her crappy job and how money is tight and you listen politely because she’s hot but you’re only waiting for her to turn things up a notch again, which she finally does at the end so the evening wasn’t a total waste but you’d be a hell of a lot more interested in seeing her again if she’d grabbed your attention and squeezed the entire time. The Amazing Spider-man 2 is so like that girl and so like that party.

Amazing Spider-man 2 02 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

“I got blue balls!”

i had an extremely not unpleasant time seeing this film. Pro’lly most of the people reading this want to see it too so i’ll start off with the good shit. Like the special effects were great from beginning to end, but at an estimated production cost of $200,000,000, you get what you pay for. Also, Andrew Garfunkel (Garfield, whatever) acts better in this one than he did the first one. Plus, the musical score kicked ass. There you go. If you don’t want to see me criticize this movie until it cries like a little bitch, you should stop here.

Amazing Spider-man 2 02 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

“Imma punch your punk ass.”

Because the special effects were good but designed for 3D, so if you see it in 2D, you’ll catch yourself wondering what it would look like in 3D and that’s distracting. Or maybe it’s just me. And Andrew Garfield (like the cat but less funny and he reminds me of Art Garfunkel’s love grandchild) acts better than the first one but still not really well. Even Emma Stone only brought her C game, which is the grade she would’ve gotten if this was a class, of which she had none.

Amazing Spider-man 2 07 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

“Hang on a sec.”

My main complaint about The not-so-Amazing Spider-man 2 was the lack of bad guy screen time. The bad guys they had rocked but they just weren’t in the movie enough. They were kind of like rap stars that get paid shitloads of money to make an appearance at a club and then after they show their faces, they take off to go to a better place and have fun. That’s what the antagonists (Greek word for ‘bad guys’, or Uncle Agonist’s wife) did in this movie.

Amazing Spider-man 2 05 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

“Guess who I ran into, today…”

Look, you and i both know i’m not going to talk you out of seeing this movie (like i actually did to a real guy with Pompeii) and i’m not even trying to. All i’m doing is telling you to be realistic and don’t get your hopes up about a movie that gets things done, but takes the long way to get there.

Amazing Spider-man 2 06 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

Driving a hard bargain

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 1 shot

1 shot

Am i the only one who heard that story about Emma Stone a couple years ago that she was in a bathroom before she was famous like she is today and these two young girls came up to her for an autograph and she treated them like shit, telling them to get a life and that she was too good for their asses? i swear i heard this and since then, i can’t find it in my heart to find her sexy again. OK, that’s bullshit, of course i find her sexy, i’m a straight guy with eyes and a beating heart, but because i have a heart i can’t think of her as anything more than just eye candy.

Amazing Spider-man 2 04 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

These expressions are 99% of every relationship. The other 1% is sex. Which is enough to put up with the other 99%.

And the candy shop was closed here because she was almost as covered up as Spider-man for the entire film and, let’s face it, as a blonde she looks pretty–ridiculous. We’re a long way from Easy A. In other words, before the movie, stock up on your eye candy here, where she’s cheaper.

Emma Stone 2014-04-30 Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall)

Emma Stone Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

And here’s a free shot for you patrons. It’s Emma Stone hanging out with her hot besties. Ah, how i’d love to come between friends.

Emma Stone 2014-04-30 Come Between Friends Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall)

i’d love to come between friends

Speaking of, check this out.

Emma Stone & Taylor Swift Kiss (Bar None AlKHall)

There’ll be some more shots of her in my drawers, all the way at the bottom of this post, so just keep scrolling down until you hit the dirt.

The other sexual frustration in the movie was Felicity Jones (as Felicia). She’s this beautiful young English lass and she was on screen about as much as the bad guys, which means not nearly long enough. You get to see a lot more of her here than there, and i do mean ‘more’ of her.

Felicity Jones 2014-04-30 Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall)

Felicity Jones Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

There’s a handful of shots of her in my drawers as well, rubbing on top of the ones of Emma Stone.

Silken Butterflies

The lovely Jessica Abo plays herself, which means the role of a TV reporter, and she’s all over the news in New York (as a presenter, not a psycho zombie lead story). Look how pretty:

slideshow_std_h_1)-Jessica-Abo

For those of you more interested in Spider Men than Spied Her Lady Parts, Dane DeHaan (the guy from Chronicle) was the sweetest meat in this.

Dane DeHaan 2014-04-30 Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall)

Dane DeHaan Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

A Smoke

Drink: 1 Shot

1 shot

Nothing to write home about, or in this review either for that matter. There were a couple of scenes where we see Harry Osborn drink scotch from a decanter and one time he complains to his dying father about how for his sixteenth birthday he got a bottle of scotch and a card from his dad’s assistant.

Amazing Spider-man 2 10 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 3½ Shots

3  & 1-2 shots

Definitely the best part of the movie and i would have gone higher if there’d been more action. i didn’t want to say anything up top because of the Spoilers thing but down here i already gave a spoiler warning so if you’re still reading and you don’t want any spoilers you should stop right now.

Amazing Spider-man 2 09 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

Harold looks like shit

Because the bad guy (Jamie Foxx as Electro) was a cool looking mother fucker but he wasn’t in most of the movie. He made an appearance at the end for the main fight but that was basically it. Same with the Green Goblin. In a supreme moment of WTF, Harry happens to find a Green Goblin suit standing right in front of him when he’s suffering from the side effects of injecting spider venom into himself and then he flies off in it to fight Spider-man at the end of the movie, too. And then, also at the end of the movie, Spider-man fights Rhino but it’s so at the end of the movie that they don’t even have time to finish fighting before the credits roll.

Amazing Spider-man 2 08 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

The Hard-nosed approach

The other really cool hing was the music, by Hans Zimmer who made the right choice to go electronic because of the enemy being Electro and all. i’m not even a big fan of that kind of “music” but what they put here worked for me and especially for the movie.

Amazing Spider-man 2 12 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Alex Kurtzman, Roberto Orci & Jeff Pinkner – (screenplay)

Alex Kurtzman , Roberto Orci, Jeff Pinkner and James Vanderbilt – (screen story)

Stan Lee and Steve Ditko – (Marvel comic book)

Directed by: Marc Webb

 

Starring

Emma Stone – Gwen Stacy
Felicity Jones – Felicia
Jessica Abo – NY1 Reporter
Andrew Garfield – Spider-Man / Peter Parker
Jamie Foxx – Electro / Max Dillon
Dane DeHaan – Green Goblin / Harry Osborn

Bottom Line

Would lose a battle against any of the Avenger Superhero movies (except Ironmen 2 & 3, who both sucked).

As a small PS, while i’m not a big fan of either Emma Stone or Alexander Garfield (wait, wasn’t that a US president?), i do want to give them props for this:

Amazing Spider-man 2 11 (Booze Revooze AlKHall)

Nice move: Credit where credit is due

Another Round

The Rod takes a look at the first in the series

Because WTF!? reviews are funny as shit

WTF!? review of a hotter Emma Stone by Saint Pauly

Booze Revooze: Captain America kicks Spidey’s ass

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Nothing left but some of those NSFW photos i talked about up there.

Emma Stone

Emma Stone 01 Bare AssAssin Skirt (Bar None AlKHall)

Bare AssAssin Skirt

Emma Stone 02 see through (Bar None AlKHall) Emma Stone 03 bikini (Bar None AlKHall) Emma Stone 04 (Bar None AlKHall) Emma Stone 05 (Bar None AlKHall) Emma Stone 06 (Bar None AlKHall) Emma Stone 07 (Bar None AlKHall) Emma Stone 08 (Bar None AlKHall)

Emma Stone 09 in the Bar None (Bar None AlKHall)

Emma Stone in the Bar None

Emma Stone 10 in the Bar None (Bar None AlKHall)

Felicity Jones

Felicity Jones 01 (Bar None AlKHall) Felicity Jones 02 (Bar None AlKHall) Felicity Jones 03 (Bar None AlKHall) Felicity Jones 04 (Bar None AlKHall) Felicity Jones 05 (Bar None AlKHall) Felicity Jones 06 (Bar None AlKHall) Felicity Jones 07 (Bar None AlKHall) Felicity Jones 08 (Bar None AlKHall) Felicity Jones 09 in the Bar None (Bar None AlKHall)

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

3 thoughts on “0-5 Shots: The Amazing Spider-man 2

  1. Pingback: » Movie Review – Pompeii Fernby Films

  2. Pingback: » Movie Review – Amazing Spider-Man 2, The: Rise Of Electro Fernby Films

  3. Pingback: Boldly Go: The New Star Trek Series |

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