From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Willy Moon – Railroad Track
[Press ‘Play’ for a cool ass song played in the background during a barracks’ scene, i think]
Ramblings: Groundhog War
Final Proof: 4 Shots
You know how you get drunk in a video game? You want to be a player so you get turned on and then you play around but when you start buzzing you lose control and then you die but it’s a video game so you get a free guy and go for another round. After you boot, you reboot and when being level gets hard you take another shot until you get it right. At the end, you have a kick ass time, even if things get a little repetitive before you meet the boss. End of Tomorrow was a lot like
playing watching your best friend play that cool fucking video game.
People are going to compare End of Tomorrow to the classic comedy Groundhog Day, but people are wrong a lot of the time and this is one of them. i wouldn’t be surprised if Hiroshi Sakurazaka (the guy who wrote the book this is based on, All You Need Is Kill) didn’t even see that movie. What i do know is that fucker played a lot of video games. i say that because all gamers know how when you die you stomp your foot, jerk your head and make a quick spit sound with your teeth before you go back and try the level again, without making the same mistake.
Basically, End of Tomorrow is this video game and Tom Cruise is the player and the guy in the game at the same time. Whenever he dies, he goes back to the beginning of the level and tries again until he reaches the boss at the end of the film. The idea is pretty simple and not all that original, if you ask me (and even if you don’t), but then there’s not a whole lot of originality in movies now days anyway. Look at the last six blockbusters i reviewed: Maleficent, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Godzilla, The Amazing Spider-man 2, Captain America Winter Soldier, and 300: Rise of an Empire. Not one original bone in their bodies of work.
Given that this is as original as a Chanel bag you buy outside a subway, what about the rest? Well, the good news is the rest rocks. Tom Cruise, who i like as an actor and don’t know as a guy so i can’t judge, does a solid job as the hero who has to keep reliving the same war over and over again. Emily Blunt buffed up for the film and what’s not to like about her? She’s a decent actress and in real life bumps uglies with John Krazinski (“Jim” in The Office) who’s so goofy he has to be cool.
Let’s face it, though, nobody gives a shit about the actors. The main attraction here are the special effects and the action and End of Tomorrow delivers both. The film’s premise of remaking D-Day alien style requires bitching monsters and lots of fighting them, so we get to see a lot of action there. Fortunately, for the most part, the action is different enough each re-set that we don’t get too bored. For the most part.
What we end up with is an entertaining movie that doesn’t slow down, with tons of action and special effects done well enough you don’t notice them. So, yeah, you should give End of Tomorrow some play time.
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: ½ shot
Cage (Tom Cruise) and Rita (Emily Blunt) kiss at the for absolutely no reason and i’m glad they do because it made the movie suckier and easier to review. Seriously, the movie was supposed to end 5 minutes before they unplugged it. That they kept it going long enough to force a happy ending down my throat made me gag a little, and not in a good way.
Other than that, there was the beautiful Emily Blunt and they let her be sexy in that one scene where she’s doing a floating pushup and then arches her back as she lowers herself down and that’ll make a good GIF when Edge of Tomorrow comes out on video. For now, we’ll have to make do with this because, other than this shot, Emily goes through the movie in more armor than a medieval knight wearing Mormon underwear.
Don’t worry, there are gobs more shots of her in my drawers, way at the bottom of this post.
Coming in as this hardcore, transvestite, butch, Michelle Rodriguez lookalike with metal teeth and funky hair is the beautiful, if unrecognizable, Charlotte Riley.
There are a couple more shots of her in my drawers as well. Just keep scrolling down ’til you get lucky.
No alcohol references at all. Think “AA meeting in a Muslim desert on Sunday”.
Rock & Roll: 4 Shots
Like a fatty orgy, Edge of Tomorrow had tons of action. What’s even more surprising is that it was, in large part (see me still working that heavy sex metaphor?), original for the most part. Sure, the movements were somewhat repetitive but they were able to throw in a little surprise twist with each insertion that made the experience pretty damn pleasurable.
As for the rock and roll, yeah, well, like those overweight bastiches in their sweaty pile, there was much more roll than rock.
Boring Technical Crap
- Hiroshi Sakurazaka – Novel “All You Need Is Kill”
- Christopher McQuarrie, Jez Butterworth & John-Henry Butterworth – Screenplay
Directed by: Doug Liman
- Emily Blunt – Rita
- Charlotte Riley – Nance
- Tom Cruise – Cage
Worth seeing, and then seeing again.
Al K Hall’s Drawers
What happens below this is pretty much NSFW, so change to your phone and take a bathroom break.