Drunk Elves 01 (AlKHall Bar None)

A Bar None ChristmAss (2014 Sedition)

Drunk Santa 01 (AlKHall Bar None)

As of right now, 403 patronizers have found there way into the Bar None, and you can add one more because i’m here with you. i know you have the choice of a lot of places to go and get shit faced today, and that you chose my corner of the internet means a lot to me. May the season find you happy and safe and full of a lot of cheer. Though maybe not as much as Santa.

But before we pass on to that… From the juiced-box and dedicated to Kris ‘Krispy’ Kringle: Big & Rich – Drunk on Christmas

Continue reading

Christmas Pissed List 01 (AlKHall Bar None)

10 Christmas Gifts on a Drunk’s Pissed List (A Top Ten Lips)

Christmas Pissed List 01 (AlKHall Bar None)Bar Angels and Boozehounds, the time has come yet again to waste some of your hard earned beer money on other people who won’t be able to contain their disappointment when they open the presents you bought with cash you should’ve spent on cheap tequila and that one heavy chick who wears a bikini top to the bar even if it’s winter and you live in Duluth.

What’s even worse than this torture? Well, for me it’s going through this sober, but for you normal drunks? The worst part is trying to hide the disenchantment you feel when you open yet another bag of dress socks that only reminds you that you have to go back to the office after the festivities have ended in a gut wrenching hangover.

Fret no more, dear Patronizers, i’ve compiled a list here of shit you can ask for so that all you have to do is share this with loved ones so that you can be sure to get more than slapped this holiday season.

Continue reading

Battle of 5 Armies 09 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

0-5 Shots: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

Battle of 5 Armies 01 poster (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Not from the juiced-box but the soundtrack: Billy Boyd – The Last Goodbye

[Press ‘Play’ for maybe the only thing gayer than a hobbit]

For those reading this the day before the US release, here’s the smart phone proof i got to see it before y’all. Don’t hate the player, hate me.

Battle of 5 Armies 02 Collage (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Ramblings: Happy Ending

Final Proof: 3½ Shots

3  & 1-2 shots

You know how you get drunk on bumblewine with wee tiddlers in the Land of Nodd? The yarns they spindle numb your senses and you feel the weight of night petals settle over your eyes and pull you into Slumberland like a boat of Fire Mead. You’re able to dull out the incessant blades of their boredom as they harp out of tune tales meant for children and petty criminals. Just as you decide you’ll suckle the last dram from the bottom of the caphorn and be on your way, the stories finally become interesting. Like the whelm of the liquor, their tales turn to epic sagas of bravery and sacrifice, of blood and courage, of death and magic. You find yourself captivated by the heartbeat of their tongues, your eyes are regaled by their words and you’re happy you stayed the course and settle into the comfortable inebriation of the night realm. That’s what The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies was like.

Continue reading