Final Proof: 3 Shots
You know how you get drunk with your best friend? You wake up early and take a long shower and grab an unhealthy breakfast on your way to work and you try to pay attention but it’s so goddamn boring so you write down to-do lists of things you’ll never do and do this in every fucking meeting until lunch time when you eat something that upsets your stomach not enough to make you sick but enough you feel like shit but still you return to your desk all afternoon and then you go home and the traffic’s not too bad so you park and then you sit down on the sofa in front of the tv and you almost nod off and why not, you don’t have any plans but then your friend texts you and says to go out and you’ve got nothing better to do so you debate taking a shower and decide it’s a good idea (if you’re a girl) or that it’s not worth it (if you’re a guy) and then you get dressed and head out and get drunk. That’s what Doctor Strange was like: all back story and build up and not enough action.
i had high hopes for this movie and it turns out i should’ve been the one high and not my hopes because this movie is trippy as fuck. Which you would think would be a good thing until you see it and then you realize it’s some kind of 70s acid flashback, much like the comic itself.
There was even this one scene i won’t talk about because spoilers but it went on too long in the same way the card scene in Now You See Me 2 went on too long. Plus it was too hippy, even for me, and I have a “high” tolerance for hippy, no pun intended even if I put it in quotes so you didn’t miss it.
But apart from that, it was perfect, right? Welllllll, not so much. My main complaint about the Doctor wasn’t his drugs but his life story. They spent so much time on his origins and his background and his back story that i felt like i was at a fucking history lecture and not a movie. By the time “Make Me” Mads Mikkelsen arrives to kick the story into gear, everyone’s pretty much already gone to sleep.
But apart from the 70sr style and long ass explanations, the movie was really good. They stole special effects from Inception and stole them super well because it looked cool as hell. The directing was decent and the actors did a great job. Benedict Cumberbatch and his American accent were good enough that people may even start being able to remember and pronounce his name.
My final verdict is you should see the movie. A 3 out of 5 isn’t bad unless it’s your final grade because 60% sucks, but in movie ratings it’s decent. This movie falls somewhere between the first Captain America flick and Winter Soldier, so it’s entertaining enough for at least one good watch.
Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)
Sex: 1½ shots
Poor little Rachel McAdams had to carry all the sex appeal of this movie by herself and she’s the kind of good looking that can do it, but it was hard because she was in doctor’s scrubs the whole damn time and not looking enough like this.
Drink: 1 shot
The only, and i swear to god this is true, drink reference in the whole fucking film comes during the after-credits scene where Doctor Strange is hanging out with Thor. He asks Thor if he wants some tea, but Thor says he doesn’t like tea so the Doctor magically changes the tea cup into a giant beer stein and refills it again after Thor chugs the first one. ☕ ⇒ 🍺 🍺
Rock & Roll: 2 shots
The action wasn’t as good as the special effects, that’s for sure. And the special effects were so good i was kinda bummed i saw it in 2D, especially the scene where Stephen Strange has an LSD drug trip. i know i said it was too long, but what I meant was, while the scene looked cool, it didn’t fit in with the rest of the movie. And it was too long.
Boring Technical Crap
Steve Ditko (comic)
Jon Spaihts, Scott Derrickson, C. Robert Cargill (screenplay)
Directed by: Scott Derrickson
Tilda Swinton – The Ancient One
Rachel McAdams – Christine Palmer
Benedict Cumberbatch – Dr. Stephen Strange
Mads Mikkelsen – Kaecilius
Chiwetel Ejiofor – Mordo
Benedict Wong – Wong
Watch it to say you did, but then watch Batman v Superman again instead of rewatching this one.
Al K Hall’s Drawers
What follows, Barmaids and Beerhounds, it’s even less fit for human eyes than what you’ve already seen, and on top of that it’s NSFW. If you read on, you have no one to blame but your hormones.
Being the imperfect gentleman that i am, i’ll start off with a little one for the ladies (at least that’s what i always tell them). Here’s some shots of the Cumberbatch…