O, America! i know just how you feel. You went out on a bender on a weeknight — a Tuesday, no less! — and now you’re paying the price. It was fun while it lasted, though, wasn’t it! You got a little (lot!) crazy, let your hair down, got flirty with some very unsavory characters, and put your morals on hold for the evening. Good for you! Everyone deserves to let loose every once in a while.
Especially after how good you’ve been lately. Eight years of working hard and getting shit done. Staying as classy as you were for so long is no easy task and so it’s only natural for you to blow off some steam. Stir up some trouble. Raise a little (a lot of!) Hell.
Remember when Kendall Jenner turned 21 last Saturday? She sure doesn’t. But it’s normal, she turned 21 and that’s what 21 year olds do. Anyway, I’m sure it’s the first time she ever drank, right?