2016-09-29 Selena Gomez in the Bar None Wallpaper

Selena Gomez: Don’t Worry, Rehabby

2016-09-29 Selena Gomez 00

i don’t know if you know or not because she’s not really a Bar None type of gal, but there’s this girl singer called Selena Gomez. You might remember her from when she made an appearance her in Spring Breakers where she played a good girl going bad. If you missed that one, though, no big deal because all you have to do is look at her life. She’s pulling that same shit there.

Continue reading

2016-09-25-cara-delevingne-drunk-collage

Hell Just Thawed

You know how i stopped writing this blog when Hell froze over because that was the only way i’d ever leave the Bar None? Well, Hell must’ve just thawed because there is only one convergence of events that would’ve ever got me back here and against all the odds and ends, the stars miraculously aligned.

2016-09-25-cara-delevingne-and-amber-heard

You see that glass in front of them?

And when i say “stars”, i of course mean Cara Delevingne (or Cara Delavagina as she’s known around here and other parts) and Amber Heard who aligned and are still aligning like wild cats, i bet. And that image is hot enough to melt even a Hell that froze over. Which brings us back to why i’m here right now.

Continue reading

Angelina Jolie 2014-05-28 Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Told you so! (Why Brad & Angelina REALLY broke up)

Hey there barmaids and beerhounds. It’s me, Al K Hall, your ever loving tender bar tender here at the Bar None popping in to brag a little.

Click On Image For Details

Way back in 2010, i forecast Bradgelina dividing into Brad and Vadgelina, and i even gave the reason: Brad’s drinking. i may have been premature (like usual, what can i say?), but i got it so fucking right.

Continue reading

Harry Styles Exes Bar None Wallpaper - Click on the Photo for a Wallpaper

Dregs: Hairy Styles

Harry Styles Exes Bar None Wallpaper - Click on the Photo for a Wallpaper

Harry Styles’ Exes in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Photo for a Wallpaper

There’s only one direction to go from here and that’s further down. Read on to see exactly what Harry styles. (Hint: it’s puke.)

Here’s a ditty NOT from my juiced-box, dedicated to Harry and his Exes: One Direction – Up All Night

[Click on the link to find out why Harry was Up All Night. Hint: He was puking.]

Hairy Styles Cannot Hold His Liquor

The proof is, he keeps throwing it up all over the place.

There’s this English kid called Hairy Styles which sounds more like a fashion statement than a name but that’s how they roll in jolly olde England. If you’ve never heard of this guy don’t worry, i haven’t either. My ignorance isn’t all that surprising, though, when you realize i know everything there is to know about good music.

The reason i’m babbling on about this kid is because this photo was splattered all over the front page of the Internet a while back. Seems Hairy had to pull over and stomach sneeze.

Harry Styles vomit puke 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Harry Styles vomit puke 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

At first i thought he’d been innocently listening to the radio when all of a sudden one of his own songs came on and, before he could change the station, he heard enough of it to make him hurl. Turns out there was a contributing factor. In addition to getting sick on his own tunes, he also had a hangover from drinking the night before with Lily Allen at the Nice Guy Bar in LA.

Harry Styles after the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Harry Styles after the Bar None

My assumption that his music was to blame is understandable, though, when you realize the effect One Direction’s “songs” (and i use the term as loosely as a whore’s vagina after giving birth at a donkey show) have on humanity at large. For example, check out these poor, impressionable young things that accidentally heard One Direction…

One Direction fans 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

The music is killing us from the inside!!!!!

One Direction fans 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“Oh my god, mom! They raped my ears with their limp penis pop!”

One Direction fans 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“I’m ruined for life! I can’t un-hear it! I CAN’T UNHEAR IT!”

One Direction fans 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“You have a One Direction Ringtone!? Make It Staaahhhppp!!!!”

One Direction fans 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“The noises you make are making me vomit!!!”

One Direction fans 05 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“My ears! My ears! Clean them with bleach!!!”

One Direction fans 06 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“How much pain can one girl bear!? I just got my period and now this!”

Which is not to say all girls hate the band, but One Direction fans are a special breed.

One Direction Psycho 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Psycho 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Psycho 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

And collectively, these fan girls have formed the Nutsy party with the intention of eliminating all traces of good music from the planet with an ordered and systematic final solution. They’ve even given an old salute a modern twist to hail their leader.

One Direction Nutsy salute 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Nutsy salute 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Nutsy salute 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Nutsy salute 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

But if you’re a One Direction fan and would like to date one of the members of this boys bandwagon, look at the following photographs of Hairy Styles’ exes and ask yourself: 1) Am I that hot? 2) Do I drink that much? If the answer to either is “No”, then send me an email with a naked picture of yourself (or at least topless) and then we’ll see which direction we go.

Cara Delevingne

Cara Delevingne 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Cara Delevingne 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Cara Delevingne in the Bar None

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Taylor Swift 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Taylor Swift in the Bar None

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner 01 see through (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kendall Jenner 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kendall Jenner in the Bar None

Kimberly StewartKimberly Stewart 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kimberly Stewart 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kimberly Stewart in the Bar None

Caggie Dunlop

Caggie Dunlop in the Bar None Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a Wallpaper (AlKHall Dregs Bar None)

Caggie Dunlop in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a Wallpaper

Emily Atack

Emily Atack 00 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Emily Atack 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Emily Atack in the Bar None

Emily Ostilly

Emma Ostilly 00 (AlKHall Bar None dregs)

Emma Ostilly 000 outside the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None dregs)

Emma Ostilly outside the Bar None

Felicity Skinner

Felicity Skinner (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Felicity Skinner in the Bar None(AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Felicity Skinner in the Bar None

Kara Rose Marshall

Kara Rose Marshall (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kara Rose Marshall in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kara Rose Marshall in the Bar None

Caroline Flack

Caroline Flack 00 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Caroline Flack in the Bar None

Bar None Dregs

Let me take a moment now to raise a glass of Pepsi Max and and drink a dry toast to Saint Pauly over at WTF!? (Watch the Film). A few years ago he started his little blog where he imitated my writing style (the sick bastard), and after a few emails, i encouraged him to be his gay self and press on. Well, last week was the first week that WTF!? (Watch the Film) surpassed this blog in total readers, so i want to congratulate him on well deserved success. And to take some credit for it. And to tell him now he has to start promoting the shit out of this blog, for a change.

His latest review is…

WTF!? review of Behaving Badly

As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Bar None Drawers

Prints to share with your friends and Facebook page

Wrong Direction (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

One Direction meme 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction meme 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction meme 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction meme 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction meme 05 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

What lies beyond is even more NSFW than the shit you just saw.

Cara Delevingne

Cara Delevingne 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Cara Delevingne 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Cara Delevingne 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Taylor Swift 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Taylor Swift 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner 00 see through (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kimberly Stewart

Kimberly Stewart 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Emily Atack

Emily Atack 01 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze) Emily Atack 02 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze) Emily Atack 03 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Caggie DunlopCarrie Dunlop 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Carrie Dunlop 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Emma Ostilly

Emma Ostilly 01 (AlKHall Bar None dregs) Emma Ostilly 02 (AlKHall Bar None dregs)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs of the Week: Cara Delevingne & Michelle Rodriguez: Full Court Press

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 01 (AlKHall Bar None)

Too young? Half your age plus 7 inches, baby!

Here’s my New Year’s resolution, for more shit like this to happen. For hot bi girls to get mega drunk and make out with top models in public. My New Year’s resolution is more Michelle Rodriguez.

Michelle Rodriguez, the King of Queens and still the first woman i’ll call if i turn gay, had a date with a 21 year old blonde top model who looks like this:

Cara Delevingne None (AlKHall Bar None)

And acts like this:

Cara Delevingne 00a None (AlKHall Bar None)

Cara Delevingne 00b None (AlKHall Bar None)

Michelle took Cara Dlelevingne (pronounced: de-la-vagina) to a basketball game and it was hard to tell, oh so very hard, who had the most balls because Michelle kept trying to convert the young woman to either Lesbianism or Alcoholism or both and you know me (and if you don’t there oughta be a law) i already invented a word for that too and it’s LUSH, which stands for Lesbian Until Sober Honey.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 02 (AlKHall Bar None)

“Psst, if I were a woman, would you be a lesbian?”

What’s the take away? These photos are the fucking take-away and they’re so great it’s like Santa came again and if he didn’t, i will.

You know you’re Michelle Rodriguez drunk when…

1. …this is ‘smiling’.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 03 (AlKHall Bar None)

2. …you can only keep one eye open at a time

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 04 (AlKHall Bar None)

3. …you give a urine sample in public

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 05 (AlKHall Bar None)

4. …everything reminds you of vaginas.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 06 (AlKHall Bar None)

5. …you finish first. Without her. At a basketball game.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 07 (AlKHall Bar None)

6. …your ‘come face’ turns into a ‘go face’.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 08 (AlKHall Bar None)

7. …you get this kind of lucky.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 09 (AlKHall Bar None)

As i already got more than enough Michelle Rodriguez pics to choke a drunken whore, i thought i’d concentrate on Cara Delevingne from here on out.

Cara Delevingne Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None)

Cara Delevingne Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Al K Hall’s Drawers

What follows is NSFW, babes.

Continue reading

Cressida Bonas: The Other Royal Baby

Prince Harry's Royal Baby 01 (Al K Hall Bar None Dregs)

Prince Harry’s Royal Baby

[Press ‘Play’ for Kylie Minogue playing “Drunk” from her album…Impossible Princess.]

Dregs

Cressida Bonas Drunk Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Cressida Bonas in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for the wallpaper

July 16: Royally Fucked Up

The Harry Prince continues his glorious rise to the bottom. His grace has already graced the Bar None with his drunken antics and he assures me that we can continue to count on his patronage. He’s told me this in person, through the choice of his new princess consort: Cressida Bonas.

(Note that “Bonas” is UK-speak for “Boners”. As in, “Prince Harry should marry Cressida and take her name so people would call him, “Harry Bone-ahs”.)

The best part about her apart from everything else is that she’s a party animal just like his High – ness.

Just recently they have been seen

But don’t take my word for it…pictures drink louder than words.

Cressida Bonas LUSH Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Cressida Bonas LUSH in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for the wallpaper

Evidence Cressida is a LUSH (Bar None slang for Lesbian Until Sober Honey).

And here’s Cressida making one of her favorite Drunken English scenes.

Cressida Bonas 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

The Original Drunken English Girls

Cressida Bonas 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Cressida’s Tribute Version

Cressida Bonas 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Proof it’s Cressida

She’s a Princess of Darkness on her way to becoming Queen of the Night.

Bar None Dregs

Am i an asshole?

You know me (and if you don’t, you’ll probably answer the ‘asshole’ question wrong), i’m a sensitive mother fucker.

Case in point, i recently came across this video on YouTube and it seriously moved me.

Jillian Jensen, the young lady singing, was bullied for years in her school and this passionate performance grew out of that pain. [For the complete story behind this performance, follow this link.]

Now, the Bar None has always been a No H8R zone, and this video as forced me to declare the premises a Bully Free zone as well. The problem is, i’m trying to decide what constitutes bullying, so i’m asking for your help.

Your answers will help me decide who and what i write about in the dregs coming up.

WTF Banner

Saint Pauly over at WTF!? Watch the Film has been keeping busy with his reviews as funny as old meat smells.

Check out:

human-centipede-2-01-poster-wtf-watch-the-film-saint-paulie

WTF!? (Watch the Film) Human Centipede 2

god-bless-america-01-poster-wtf-watch-the-film-saint-pauly

WTF!? (Watch the Film) God Bless America

darkest-hour-01-poster-wtf-watch-the-film-saint-pauly

WTF!? (Watch the Film) The Darkest Hour

resident-evil-extinction-01-poster-wtf-watch-the-film-saint-pauly

WTF!? (Watch the Film) Resident Evil: Extinction

As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Photos Cressida Bonas 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Cressida Bonas 05 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Prince William picks up Harry's Royal Baby (Al K Hall Bar None Dregs)

Prince William picks up Harry’s Royal Baby

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs of the Day: Cory Monteith Commits Suicide

Cory Monteith Reruns In Peace (AlKHall Bar None Diarya)

Cory Monteith: Reruns In Peace

Yeah, i said it. Like everyone else hasn’t been saying it already.

As of this writing (2013-07-14 13:11 Yemen time), the news of Cory Monteith’s death in a Vancouver hotel room has hit the net. The official cause is still unknown, but authorities say that no foul play is suspected.

People, if you die alone in a hotel room and no foul play is suspected, it’s either an INXSTC neck tie or you killed yourself with substances, intentionally or not.

i’m not here to mock him. If you don’t know who Cory Monteith was, which is entirely possible when you think about the typical patrons of The Bar None, then, well…what i can tell you is that he was the star of a TV show called Glee and if you don’t know what that it is well, what can i tell you? Other than he was a teen idol and that it doesn’t matter.

What does matter is that he had addiction issues which seemed to begin with alcohol (he first went to rehab at 19) and then evolved into drug use.

What also matters is that you will die the same way he did if you do the same shit he does. So he was like you and especially like me and not because i’m a drop dead sexy mother fucker. OK, not just because i’m a drop dead sexy mother fucker.

i am an alcoholic in recovery after a 30-year drinking career. i got sober after getting out of the hospital where i spent 10 days (three in ICU where family and friends were called to my bedside in case i didn’t make it) when i tried to kill myself.

i was lucky. Cory Monteith wasn’t. That’s what it comes down to.

What it really comes down to is you. This post is all about you.You have not committed suicide, on purpose or otherwise. Don’t start now.

Ask for help when you need it.

_______________________________