Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE RUNAWAYS

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Suzi Quatro – The Wild One

Ramblings: Cheery Bomb

Final Proof: 3 Shots

You know how you get drunk in a bar that’s just installed a classic jukebox? It looks cool and flashy as hell, vintage just like you hoped and you sit close to it with your drink and you’re so happy you have problems sipping without dripping because your grin is so big. You lean back, put your feet up and prepare yourself for a rocking night—until the music starts and it’s the same old song and dance and not even all that classic, just the same boring music you hear on the radio all the time. You end up having a good time anyway because even if the songs are tired covers, the juke looks good as hell. Still, when the evening’s over, you’re not so bummed that you want to stay past closing time. That’s what The Runaways was like.

“Jail-fucking-bait. Jack-fucking-pot.” Kim Fowley’s comment as he puts together the first all female rock band in history pretty much sums up the film. Or at least pretty well sums up what i like about this movie. i mean, you know there’s nothing age inappropriate going on here in the Bar None but The Runaways has 16-year-old Dakota Fanning running around in her underwear and teddys and shit so i’ll make you a deal: i won’t be any more age inappropriate here than the movie was.

Or real life. Because making money is the reason the film made so much of these very young women’s sexuality and their sexuality is what made them big enough to have a movie made about them in the first place. i’m not gonna babble on for paragraphs about how i got to see Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning kiss (but see it i did), i’m just saying there’s a good reason they hired a female director for The Runaways. Let’s just say Floria Sigismondi can make a movie about bi-sexual teens more easily than Roman Polanski could.

So apart from hot teenage girls prancing around, what else was there to this? So glad you asked, pull up that stool and let me pour you a beer. It’s like a lesbian romance (or any romance for that matter, but gimme a break, i’m trying to stay in the groove): the story of how the girls met is the interesting thing. The beginning of any romance is always unique, the end is pretty much the same all over. That’s what it was like with The Runaways.

Seeing how The Runaways formed was fascinating and you could tell from how specific some of the scenes were that they totally happened, like when Kim Fowley (deliciously played by Michael Shannon) gets neighbor kids to throw garbage at the girls while they rehearse in a trailer to teach them how to deal with unruly fans, you just know it really went down like that. Or when Joan (Jett–played by Kristen Stewart) pees on a rival band’s guitars. That kind of shit. Those were the good times.

The problem i had with this was that after they got that out of the way, the movie slips into the same clichés that the real Runaways did with booze and drugs. i’m not saying they shouldn’t have showed it because i know it really happened, i’m just saying the director’s job is to find an interesting way to show it. As it stands, the movie turns into one of those Behind the Music things on VH1, which are cool, but not really what i want to see here (which is basically, let’s be honest, Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart kissing).

Now comes the part where i’m gonna look like an idiot and y’all are gonna think i don’t know what i’m talking about because i’m gonna rag on Dakota’s and Kristen’s acting and you’re gonna tell me i’m full of shit and you’re gonna find tons of articles online that talk about how the actresses are transformed and are so amazing and authentic and i lost interest in this sentence long before you did.

Look, all i can tell you is what i saw. Kristen Stewart does a better job here than in Twilight which is kinda like saying sipping whiskey is better than opening a shaken can of Pabst directly up your nose. Still, is saying that she’s done a lot worse really the same as doing a good job? She can look tough but she can’t act tough, is where i’m going with this. i’m sure Joan Jett was a nervous, skittish little teen underneath her tough leather exterior but i think Kristen felt more at ease playing Joan’s soft sensitive side than riding the hard edge. And even Miss Demeanor said that Dakota Fanning was a little flat (and she wasn’t talking about the tube top scene).

Speaking of… Before we kick this up a notch, i got to card two youngins. First off there was the charming Hannah Marks who plays Tammy, Joan’s friend (who also kisses her) at the beginning of the movie. As she’s only 17, i can’t let her be seen in the same section as the sex. Here then, is the talented and young Hannah Marks:

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Plus, as i’ve already mentioned, Dakota Fanning is only 16 and thus must hang out here with Hannah.

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Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Before we jump in, you’re gonna want to hear this scoop. David Bowie’s “Lady Grinning Soul” was in the movie but didn’t make the cut for the soundtrack (the people who decide these things decided “Rebel Rebel” was a surer bet). Not only does Dakota Fanning do a great job of miming it in the movie, it provides a wonderful backdrop to scroll through the next section by.

[Press ‘Play’ to be serenaded 70s style]

Sex: 4 Shots

Yeah, put your dander down right there, buddy. There were a lot of girls in The Runaways that were over 18. And it’s like i keep telling you, the original band The Runaways used sex to sell and this movie used that same argument so what am i supposed to do, pretend there was no sexuality in the movie? ‘Cause there was and if you expect me to take the moral high ground in this debate you are drinking in the wrong fucking bar, brother and barmaid.

The Runaways

Cherie Currie (lead singer) / Dakota Fanning

Joan Jett (rhythm guitar) / Kristen Stewart (20), looking better than she acted, if you want the low down, down low. ‘Course that’s not surprising when you think about how good she looks. Here’s the collage to prove it and there’s some single shots of her hanging out in my drawers.

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Lita Ford (lead guitar) / Scout Taylor-Compton (21) was sadly understated in the movie. The actress is very talented and charming and i have a hard time believing that The Runaways went their whole career only using Lita’s name twice. OK, so Lita refused to give her life story rights to the producers, but is that a reason to neglect mentioning in the “where are they now” end credits that Lita Ford scored a respectable solo career and even did a cool 80’s metal ballad duet with Ozzy. Whatever, i still say Scout shoulda got lots more screen time. Shit, i’ll give her some right here.

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Plus, even if Lita wouldn’t give her life rights to the movie people, she did agree to meet with Scout and, after an emotional meeting, Lita said that even if the movie sucked, that Scout would do Ford justice.

Single shots in my drawers. Just scroll all the way down if you don’t believe me.

Sandy West (drummer) / Stella Maeve was, along with Joan Jett, co-founder of The Runaways. It’s a shame the film didn’t do her more justice as one of the motors for the bad. At least Stella was able to inject the role with the energy West was famous for, even if the director didn’t see fit to share it with us. At least not like i do, but then you know me and i’m all about the sharing.

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Robin (bassist) / Alia Shawkat (21) didn’t exist. The Runaways went through bassists like Spinal Tap went through drummers and if you don’t get that reference you shouldn’t be reading this blog. Nah, just joshin. Anyway, Robin is a composite of all the different bassists, especially Jackie Fox who also refused to give up her life rights in this thing because she’s a big fancy lawyer now. Yes, it is exactly that sad.  In other news, Shawkat is a kickass name. Here’s a composite of Alia, who is everything but sad.

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The Runaways was based on the book Neon Angel, written by Cherie Currie (Dakota Fanning’s character in the film). Because of this, we get a lot of Cherie’s personal life but none of the other girls. The good news is that Lisa Marie Presley’s daughter, Riley Keough (21), is in this movie as Cherie’s sister, Marie.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

There’ll be drawer shots of her as well.

Finally, coming in as Mrs Currie we got us some Tatum O’Neal (46). Little known fact, “Tatum” is a Latin word and is singular. One Tatum, Two Tata. Here then, are both Tatum’s tata.

Here’s the rest of the blow-by-blow job i did:

  • KS’s [Kristen Stewart] friend kisses her [at the beginning of the movie]
  • DF [Dakota Fanning] doing Bowie’s “Lady Grinning Soul” is sex
  • KS [sitting on toilet] gives masturbation lesson to a bandmate in the shower who has a hard time getting there until KS tells her to think of Farrah Fawcett
  • DF quickie [fully clothed] standing up in bathroom with roadie
  • KS and DF share cigarette smoke and then kiss
  • Very insinuated sex scene to “I Wanna Be Your Dog”
  • DF in hot pants and vest shoot for Jap[anese] mag
  • DF singing in teddy lingerie says “cock”
  • A little inside blouse of KS during landing in Japan

A Smoke

Drink: 3½ Shots

Here’s a good idea: a squirt gun filled with vodka poolside at some cheap motel like Joan/Kristen had.

There was quite a bit of drinking in The Runaways, which isn’t really all that surprising when you consider the movie was made about a rock group in the 70s. Still, it was nice to see and alcohol even played kind of a strong role in this because Cherie’s dad was a face to the floor drinker. For example, there’s this one scene where the dad drives home drunk and passes out in the car in the driveway and when Cherie opens the door to check on him he spills out of the seat on onto the driveway right in front of her friends.

Also, at the very beginning, the girls were at somebody’s house drinking a “Dirty Sink”. Now, before i go any further into this i just want to take a step back and appreciate the kind of society we live in where they can make a movie about teenage girls drinking when their parents are out (as long as it’s not my daughter). A Dirty Sink, then, is a mix of every bottle of booze from your parents’ liquor cabinet—in quantities so small they won’t notice—all poured in the same glass.

Another thing i’ll chew on your ear about was the trip to Japan. Seems The Runaways were big in Japan (even before Tom Waits made it cool) and so they went there for a live TV show. At some fancy dinner they drank a sake toast to the first TV broadcast that would be seen by over a million people and Cherie/Dakota (i think) says she wants a beer.

Here’s the booze dregs:

  • The girls drink directly from the bottle behind the Hollywood sign at night
  • Booze at house party
  • Kristen and Dakota smoke throughout the movie

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 4 Shots

First off, this was a fuckin’ movie about rock and roll and even better, The Runaways was a decent band. If you check out the soundtrack i’mma post you’ll see that not just are there some cool Runaway tunes, but also a nice selection of other artists from that era (mid 70s, for those of you who are drunk in the clouds).

To get you in the mood, here’s Dakota Fanning singing “Cherry Bomb” from the juiced-box and the soundtrack.

[Press ‘Play’ for the a song that’s…wait for it…the Bomb and then compare it to the original here.]

The Runaways (original version) – 1978

Before i go to the soundtrack, though, i’d just like to point out that Don Mclean’s “Vincent (Starry Night)” plays a prominent role in the film, even if it didn’t make the soundtrack. Another side note is that, though i can’t find it credited anywheres, whoever did the incidental guitar music for The Runaways did an excellent job. Very tasty solos.

Here’s the soundtrack:

  1. “Roxy Roller” by Nick Gilder
  2. “The Wild One” by Suzi Quatro
  3. “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” by MC5
  4. “Rebel Rebel” by David Bowie
  5. “Cherry Bomb” by Dakota Fanning
  6. “Hollywood” by The Runaways
  7. “California Paradise” by Dakota Fanning
  8. “You Drive Me Wild” by The Runaways
  9. “Queens of Noise” by Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart
  10. “Dead End Justice” by Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning
  11. “I Wanna Be Your Dog” by The Stooges
  12. “I Wanna Be Where the Boys Are (Live)” by The Runaways
  13. “Pretty Vacant” by Sex Pistols
  14. “Don’t Abuse Me” by Joan Jett

i’ll also raise a drink to Dakota and Kristen, who did a decent job of performing in the film and the OST.

Speaking of the rock, i just gotta show you this quote from the script.

KIM FOWLEY (explodes) Dog shit! Urine-stained dogshit! Rock n’ roll is a blood sport, a sport of men. It’s for the people in the dark, the death cats, the masturbators, the outcasts who have no voice, no way of saying “I hate this world, my father’s a faggot, fuck you, fuck authority — I want an orgasm!”

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Cherie Currie (book)

Floria Sigismondi (screenplay)

Directed by: Floria Sigismondi


Kristen Stewart – Joan Jett

Dakota Fanning – Cherie Currie

Stella Maeve – Sandy West

Scout Taylor-Compton – Lita Ford

Alia Shawkat – Robin

Riley Keough – Marie Currie

Tatum O’Neal – Cherie’s Mom

Hannah Marks – Tammy

Michael Shannon – Kim Fowley

Bottom Line

It’s probably better to get this on DVD so you can pause it where ever you want and plus i bet there’s a lot junk they put on it that would be pretty damn interesting.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Kristen Stewart (20)

Scout Taylor-Compton (21)

Alia Shawkat (21)

Riley Keough (21)

Riley Keough in the Bar None

Tatum O’Neal (46)

Tatum O’Neal in the Bar None

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of WHIP IT

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Tilly And The Wall – Pot Kettle Black

[Press ‘Play’ To Get Your Rock Off]

Ramblings: Whip It, Good

Final Proof: 3½ Shots

You know how you get drunk with a bunch of cool girls? They hang out in a group and some are cuter than others and they’re less clean than they are cut and sure they talk too loud but they’re rolling the good times and smoking hot. You drink them in and catch one of those forever buzzes you know will never fade until too soon. Because there’s no way you’re ever gonna get any, the pressure’s off  so you can just sit back in the good times and let yourself be carried along by their wave while you catch yourself smiling, practically joking, and you can’t even blame it all on the booze. As young as the night, they’re independent like the rock they play nonstop from the juice box and sometimes they try too hard but that’s part of their charm. They don’t swear right, dance badly, and can’t pull off a fist pump but that’s what gives them the luster of Suicide little girls. They’re careless but not because they couldn’t care less, they’re just living for the moment and they want you to come along for the ride. If you’re ever lucky enough to get swept along by a bunch of girls like this, hold your breath and keep your eyes wide shut so you don’t wake up from their dream. Whip It is kind of like that.

Drew Barrymore has concocted a finely brewed movie. Like an indie John Hughes flick (though this isn’t as alternative as it tries to be—let’s call it No Alternative), Whip It is a coming of age movie for the grrrls of today. Strong female roles give the movie the kick of a Mike’s Hard Lemonade six pack drunk straight from the bottle. [A special shout out to Miss Demeanor for her insightful comments about John Hughes.]

Shauna Cross--The Real Life Maggie Mayhem-- Author Of "Derby Girl" And "Whip It"

No, it’s not a perfect movie. Like i just said, it tries too hard to be Juno on keg beer and the soundtrack is just a little too perfect to be anything but market studied. And some of the lines fall as flat as one of those English beers they drink warm for no apparent reason other than to show off how odd they are.

But these little flies in the punch bowl don’t get in the way of a good time. The roller derby names alone are enough reason to see the film. (Bliss Cavendar’s derby name is Babe Ruthless and she skates for a team called The Hurl Scouts. Other skaters are known as Jackie Daniels, Iron Maven, Bloody Holly, Rosa Sparks, Smashley Simpson, Juana Beat’n and Jaba the Slut.) Yeah, the whole Roller Derby thing really worked for me.

Whip It will treat you like good beer: not a lot of sustenance but it’ll get you where you wanna go.

Before things heat up, i gotta card Eulala Scheel who’s only 11. She plays Bliss’s sister, Shania, and is Marcia Gay Harden’s daughter both in the film and real life.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 3 Shots

i’m being a little generous here because the only sex seen [sick] is in a pool between Bliss ‘Babe Ruthless’ Cavendar (Ellen Page) and her indie rock boyfriend, Oliver (played by real life indie coffee shop troubadour Landon Pigg). Even there, the only sex that’s seen is Ellen Page undressing to her bra and panties underwater.

Still, there’s enough talent in this movie that y’all are gonna hafta sit back and enjoy the ride ’cause i got a pack of sexy to deal with.

Let’s get this derby rolling with Drew Barrymore. Whip It is her first movie as director and she also gave herself a supporting role as Smashley Simpson.

Apparently Drew And Ellen Became Friends

Close Friends

Very Close Friends

Apart from the bra and panties in the pool, we also get Ellen Page (22, playing a 17-year-old) undressing to her bra on the street to switch t-shirts with her boyfriend. Plus, if Ellen Page isn’t  just as cute as the dickens i don’t know who is— i wanted to reach out and pinch her little cheeks, especially because she spends most of the movie in shorts.

Ellen Page In The Bar None

Alia Shawkat (20) plays Pash, Bliss’ best friend. There’s a scene of them sleeping in the same bed which gets up my nose because Ellen Page is sleeping with her bra beneath PJ’s and y’all know how that gets my Grey Goose.

Love Those Freckles

Brooke Cavendar, Bliss’ mom, is portrayed by Marcia Gay Harden who looks great at 50.

As for the skaters, Juliette Lewis (36) is Iron Maven. Juliette Lewis is the coolest with no qualifiers because that would diminish her coolness. She. Is. The. Coolest. Apart from Miss Demeanor, obviously, who is the coolest Ever.

Juliette Lewis Rockin' Out

Juliette Lewis REALLY Rockin' Out

Juliette Lewis Slippin' Out

Juliette Lewis Coppin' A Feel From Cate Blanchett

The rest of the skaters…

Rachel Bockheim (31) appears in the movie as Jackie Daniels. She’s also a real life skater for the Grand Raggidy Roller Girls in Grand Rapids, Michigan, and was a technical advisor for the flick.

Rachel Bockheim / Jackie Daniels

Kristen Wiig (36) is Maggie Mayhem:

Ari Graynor (26) as Eva Destruction:

Eve (31) as Rosa Sparks:

And Zoe Bell (31—the Kiwi stuntwoman Tarantino used in Death Proof) as Bloody Holly:

Zoe Bell At The Bar None

And, just in case one or two riot grrls stumbled in here, i’m offering up Andrew Wilson (45) who plays the coach, Razor:

and Landon Pigg (26) who plays the love interest:

A Smoke

Drink: 2 Shots

Nothing spectacular but everything looks better after the Twilight 2: New Moon debacle.

At least in Whip It there’s pitchers of beer being heavily consumed at an after-derby party and one of the skaters in a keg stand (when two people help balance a third doing a headstand on a keg while a fourth partier opens the tap into their mouth–invented by college students who simultaneously reasoned this position would help alcohol reach the brain faster and frightened me for the future of every ‘civilized’ nation).

There’s also Pash, who’s underage, drinking after a game and who chucks her beer as a cop approaches. She gets busted for drinking, a ‘minor’ offense. Earlier, Pash gets so drunk at another party that she has to stop making out with a guy in the shower so Bliss can encourage her to barf by telling her to imagine her parents having sex, down to her dad’s jiggling ball sack.

Oh yeah, also Bliss catches her dad drinking beer and watching a football game in a van. She asks for a beer, he refuses but tells her she can have a sip of his. She distracts him and chugs the beer in under a minute, belching loudly as she clears out.

That, and the Hurl Scouts spend a lot of downtime hanging out in a bar.

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 2½ Shots

i already bitched a couple times about how i found this a little too contrived and not enough rock, so i’ll shut up about that.

There is another song i’d like to share with ya’ll, though:

[Press ‘Play’ for Peaches – Boys Wanna Be Her]

Here’s the track listing:

1. Tilly and the Wall – Pot Kettle Black
2. The Ramones – Sheena Is a Punk Rocker
3. Cut Chemist, Hymnal – What’s the Attitude
4. The Breeders – Bang on
5. The Raveonettes – Dead Sound
6. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – Blue Turning Grey
7. Jens Lekman – Your Arms Around Me
8. Gotye – Learnalilgivinanlovin
9. Peaches – Boys Wanna Be Her
10. Dolly Parton – Jolene
11. .38 Special – Caught Up in You
12. Adam Green, Har Mar – Superstar Never My Love
13. Goose – Black Gloves
14. The Ettes – Crown of Age
15. Landon Pigg, Turbo Fruits – High Times
16. Little Joy – Unattainable
17. The Chordettes – Lollipop (Squeak E. Clean & Desert Eagles Remix)
18. The Go! Team – Doing It Right
19. Apollo Sunshine – Breeze

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Shauna Cross (book and screenplay)

Directed by: Drew Barrymore


Ellen Page – Bliss ‘Babe Ruthless’ Cavendar

Alia Shawkat – Pash

Drew Barrymore – Smashley Simpson

Eulala Scheel- Shania Cavendar

Marcia Gay Harden – Brooke Cavendar

Juliette Lewis – Iron Maven

Rachel Bockheim / Jackie Daniels – Jackie Daniels

Kristen Wiig – Maggie Mayhem

Ari Graynor – Eva Destruction

Eve – Rosa Sparks

Zoe Bell – Bloody Holly

Andrew Wilson – Razor

Landon Pigg – Oliver

Bottom Line

See it.