Dregs of the Week: May Whatever, 2012

Click on the Shot for a Funny Ass Wallpaper

Because these dregs are all about the stupidity, and you may be surprised to learn where the stupidity really is.

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to Steve O: Amy Winehouse – You Know I’m No Good

[Press ‘Play’ for what Elisabetta Canabis told Steve O from the very beginning]

Commoner Dregs

Absolut Nonsense

2012/04/25: Cleanliness Is Next To Odd-liness

Stupid is as stupid drinks. Kids all over the nation, if you believe the hype, have now turned to hand sanitizer as a way to catch a buzz. Here’s the dirt: Hand Sand contains up to 70% alcohol, which makes it 140 proof, stronger than almost every alcoholic drink on the market plus you can buy it in Wall-Shart without an ID. Apparently 6 Los Angeles youths were desperate enough to get hospitalized drinking this, so now the press is talking about an epidemic. Personally, just last week i saw a gang of toddlers using bad language to goad their moms into washing their mouths out with soap. Seriously, whatever happened to the good old days when kids would sniff glue and jam vodka soaked tampons up their asses?

You wanna know what really concerns me? Here’s the real problem with his scourge:

Anyway, Meredith from “The Office” was onto this shit way before LA teens.

2012-05-02: A 2-Second Binge

Thanks to my brother from another brother, Wayne, who posted this on my Facebook wall.

Here’s an idea i can’t believe is catching on… Some Fremerican scientist has invented (that’s his American side) a stylish bottle (his French half) of pseudo booze that will get you drunk immediately. Sounds good, right? Read the small print, Barmaids and Beerhounds, it’ll last for 2 fucking seconds and costs $26 a pop. Since when did the world become interested in paying more for a lot less? Their fucking slogan should be, “It’s over fast, but at least it’s over priced.”

WA|HH Quantum Sensations: It’s Over Fast, But At Least It’s Over Priced

It’s a lot of fun but lasts under a minute? Shit, my sex life is like that, my binges might as well be, too.

Celebrity Dregs

Elisabetta Canalis

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

2012-04-19: Truth Is Stranger Than Friction

i thought the only thing that could be harder to believe than the fact that Steve O and Elisabetta Canalis broke up was the fact they were going out to begin with. But i was wrong. The crazy part to this story is that he broke up with her.

Take a second to digest this.

This guy…

broke up with this girl…

But that’s not even the whole story. You know why he broke up with her? Pour yourself a drink because you’re gonna need one.

He broke up with her because she parties too hard and he’s afraid for his sobriety. We’re talking Steve O a guy who became famous for being a Jackass, for chrissake. That guy places his sobriety above George Clooney’s drunk lingerie soft porn top model ex girlfriend. i only got one thing to say to that.

Seriously, i’ve been sober for 15 months and my life is so much better now than it was a year and a half ago that my biggest fear is losing all i’ve since gained. But even me and my gratitude would be hard pressed if some 20 something party girl (or, hotter still, Mrs D) wanted me to party with them all the time. Would i have the balls to make the right choice?

Alls i can say i’m glad i’m butt ugly enough my sobriety will never be put to that kind of test. Alls else i can say is that the freakiest thing that’s happened to me in a long time is i have a deep, deep respect for Steve O.

Steve O, brother, i got some shots of Elisabetta in my drawers that’ll take the edge off your hug addiction withdrawal.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

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Amy Winehouse: RIPped

Amy Jade Winehouse: 14 September, 1983 - July 23, 2011

Directly from the juiced-box and dedicated to Amy Winehouse

[Press ‘Play’ for a bit of truth]

i’m not a hypocrite. i’m not going to spew forth glorious praise and sentimental platitudes about how Amy Winehouse was a great woman. She was not a great woman. She was an incredibly gifted singer, but the talent that came naturally to her in art deserted her when it came to living.

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Celebrity Dregs: Amy Wino

From the juiced-box and a message for the D-Generation: Amy Winehouse – Rehab

July 14: You Can Get Her Drunk But You Can’t Take Her Anywhere

Well you can, but you wouldn’t want to.

Amy chewed through an IVodka drip and bed restraints to escape to a movie premiere, but stopped by a Clown College first for some makeup and wardrobe. Hell, when it comes to bows, go big or go home.

Why am i posting this train wreck? For the chuckles of seeing Amy drunk yet again? Let’s test that theory, shall we?

Nope, nary a chuckle. Not even a chuck.

Maybe i posted this because the movie Amy went to see premiered was Psychosis because Reg Traviss, her boyfriend, wrote and directed it. KA-tching, right?! Bells are a ringin’ all through your pretty little heads right now and this is the star that’s floating comically around your skull.

Yes! Katrena Rochell! ‘member? Katrena was “Rita the Junkie” in Kick-Ass. Not only did i write a kick-ass review of the movie i also interviewed Katrena for The Booze Talkin’! The pictures of her in the Bar None turned out something like this…

The tie in to all this is that Katrena appears in Psychosis as an actress and was one of the executive producers! Go ahead and read the interview again, you don’t believe me; we talk all about it in there.

It’s one small freaking world, let me tell you, but i wouldn’t want to buy it a drink.

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Lindsay Lohan: SCRAM!?

You know how my blog is my temple, right? The Bar None has its Patron Deity (David Hasselhoff), its Patron Sain’t (Kiefer Sutherland) and now its Bar Nun: Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan At The Bar None

[From the juiced-box and from one lush to another: Amy Winehouse – You Know I’m No Good]

Y’all know by now that on May 24th, LA Judge Marsha Revel (and you’d think a judge named ‘Revel’ would know better) committed a crime against humanity by actually forbidding Lindsay from drinking any alcohol at all. Our Bar Nun now sports a new fashion accessory: The SCRAM (Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor).

Here’s Lindsay on the catty walk with her ankle jewelry:

Look, i’m not gonna drag this out longer than i have to. Suffice to say, if she can’t get drunk in real life, she’s more than welcome to hang out here and get all the virtual buzz on that she wants. They still haven’t found a way to take that from us.

Here’s what i’m talkin’ ’bout… Lindsay in The Bar None.

i’ll leave with you some shots of our Bar Nun in better times.

The indie shots are available after the wallpaper…

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper