2014-11-11 Vodka for Kids

10 Vodkas 9-Year-Olds Will Love (A Top 10 Lips)

2014-11-11 Vodka for KidsHow many times have people come up to me and said, “Al K Hall, my kids just aren’t taking to vodka as quickly as I did at their age. What can I do to get them on the bottle sooner?”

Ok, no one has ever come up to me and asked me that question, but if they did, here’s what i’d answer…

But before we get into that, i have a little song for you from the juiced-box, to get you in the mood. Korpiklaani – Vodka

Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Bar None Kiddie Vodka Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

10 Vodkas Your Toddlers Will Eat Up

1. Peanut Butter & Jelly vodka

Kiddy Vodka 01PB&J Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

No crusts in here

2. Cookie Dough vodka

Kiddy Vodka 02 Cookie Dough Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

For when real raw cookie dough doesn’t make you sick enough

3. Chocolate Covered Pretzel vodka

Kiddy Vodka 03 Chocolate Pretzel Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Everyone’s go-to junk food, am i right?

4. S’mores vodka

Kiddy Vodka 04 S'more Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Good for getting drunk on right next to a roaring bonfire

5. Cotton Candy vodka

Kiddy Vodka 05 Cotton Candy Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Will stick to the toilet bowl, not your fingers

6. Bubble Gum vodka

Kiddy Vodka 06 Bubble Gum Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Now no one can burst your bubble

7. Red Liquorice vodka

Kiddy Vodka 07 Red Liquorice  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Liquor-ice

8. Fluffed Marshmallow vodka

Kiddy Vodka 08 Marshmallow  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

A new way to get toasted

9. Buttered Popcorn vodka

Kiddy Vodka 09 Buttered Popcorn  Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Quieter for the movies

And if you want extra butter

Autumn Butter vodka

Kiddy Vodka 09 Butter Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

666: The number of the eats

10. Root Beer Float vodka

Because you need something to drink to wash all of these down…

Kiddy Vodka 10 Root Beer Float Vodka (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Sink or Swim

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

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10 Celebrity Halloween Costumes (A Top 10 Lips)

red-noir-lips bar none 10 celebrity halloween costumesTired of the question “What will you come as?” when you’re not sex role playing? Tired of being yourself and yet still don’t know what you want to be this year for Halloween? You’ve come to the right Bar None.

i’ve assembled a list of celebrity Halloween costumes to inspire you and, after some hemming (and hawing), i think i’ve got it all sewn up. Here, then, are ten Halloween costumes worn by actual celebrities that we can pattern ourselves after.

From the juiced-box and to get you in the mood, Marilyn Manson – This Is Halloween.

[Press ‘Play’ for Manson’s cover of the Danny Elfman song from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas]

1. Justin Bieber Going as “A Male”

Justin Bieber - Male Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Justin Bieber Dressed Up As A Boy

Ahh, Justin Cider, you’re still my favorite lesbian. Bielibe that.

2. Mitt Romney Going As “Presidential”

Mitt Romney - Presidential Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Mitt Romney Pretending To Be Someone Who Can

Don’t forget, you still have time to vote in the US Presidential Election. If you ware not an American citizen and would like to vote, i’m selling my vote to the highest bidder.

3. Kim Kardashian Going As “A Human”

Kim Kardashian - Human Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Kim Kardashian Almost Looking Like She Comes From This Planet

Nice twist on the “I’m going as an alien”, we have an extra terrestrial coming as one of us.

4. Lindsay Lohan Going As “A Camel’s Toe”

Lindsay Lohan - Camel's Toe Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lindsay Lohan Gets Bestial

Lindsay as her (second) favorite part of a camel’s anatomy.

5. Lance Armstrong Going as “An Athlete”

Lance Armstrong - Athlete Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lance Armstrong Wants us To Believe He’s Clean!

Drug addicts always pick costumes that reveal what they think they really are.

6. Honey Boo Boo Going As “A Child”

Honey Boo Boo - Infant Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Peter Dinky-lage’s Inamorata Pretends To Be A Grown Up

She even acts childish!

7. Rihanna Going As “An Intellectual”

Rihanna - Intellectual Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Rihanna Looking Like She Should Know Better

Only problem is, she can’t wear this costume if she goes with Chris Brown because no one would get she was smart.

8. Miley Cyrus Going As “Dafuq?”

Miley Cyrus - Dafuq Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Miley Cyrus Living The Meme

Why so Cyrus?

9 Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake Going As “Lovers”

Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake - Lovers Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Prick Or Teats

i also could’ve put “Justin Timberlake – Straight”.

10. Amanda Bynes Going As “Air Bags”

Amanda Bynes - Air Bags Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Amanda Bynes on Shalloween

My personal favorite. Amanda went ironic this year in reference to both her drunken hit & runs.

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

Dregs of the Week: May Whatever, 2012

LUSH (Lesbian Until Sober, Honey) Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

To all you mothers out there… a special Dregs dedicated to those special women in our lives that make each day easier, better and sweeter–and our mothers, too. i’d also like to take this opportunity to come, come, come out in support of Obama’s pro-gay marriage stance. i think my position on the issue should be pretty clear from the above collage / wallpaper. You know who’s joining me? Mariah Carey was Lesbian for an evening as well. Read on!

Commoner Dregs

2012-05-13: Putting the ‘Mother’ Back in ‘Mother Fucker’

Rather than spew on and on about how much i love mothers, i thought it’d be a less fitting and more interesting tribute if i went through my a Top 10 Lips of…

10 Mothers In The Bar None

1. A good mother teaches her daughter a career

2. A smart mother teaches a career by example

3. A good mother keeps liquor out of her children’s reach

4. A proud mother takes frequent pictures of her children

5. A Fairly God Mother lives like Sleeping Beauty: Happily Ever After

6. A concerned mother provides air bags even on a bicycle

7. A protective mother looks out for her baby. And her dog. In the tub.

8. A thoughtful mother is always prepared

9. A loving mother stays by her child forever and ever. No matter what.

10. A good mother…yeah, i got nothing.

March 15, 2012: Going Native

XXXX, an Australian beer, has made the brave decision of coming out of the closet in erecting an ivory tower of support for US President Obama’s backing stance behind gay marriages. While not officially stating this, their latest promotional event makes it clear that the fourth X in their Triple X is NOT a chromosome.

Their idea is to send four mates out on an island alone, with no women. You can “banter with your mates” on this “ultimate destination for mates’ trips away”, and as for the rest, well: “The sunny sky’s the limit.

Coors Was Behind Gays Before XXXX

Celebrity Dregs

Mariah Carey at the Abbey - West Hollywood

Mariah Carey at the Abbey – West Hollywood

May 10: Smells Fishy To Me

You’ve heard of LUG (Lesbian Until Graduation), but here’s LUSH (Lesbian Until Sober, Honey). Maria Carey celebrated gay marriage in her own way by going out (and in and out and in and out and in) to The Abbey in West Hollywood which everybody knows is a lesbian bar. Hairy Carey hung out until closing time and then went somewhere else to hang out. Let’s face it, she hangs out a lot, wherever she goes.

Mariah Carey Hanging Out

Mariah Carey Hanging Out

Bar None Dregs

Drunk & Demotivated: Stinking Rich

Just to let you know, Saint Pauly posted another not unfunny review at that site he keeps afloat. What can i say? He’s got a good sense of humor, which is a good thing because he needs one with the face he’s got.

Thanks for patronizing me, Barmaids and Beerhounds,

Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

10 Sports You Can Do While Drinking (A Top 10 Lips)

1. Bocce Ball

The first boozer sport. Invented by ancient Aztec alkies so they could get their drink on while exercising. Or something.

Bocce drinking

Check Out The Wuss Drinking From A *Glass*

2. Horseshoes

Proof that rednecks are descendant from ancient Aztecs.

Horseshoes

Yeah, Like You Needed Proof

3. Bowling

Sure it’s a sport, the men got those developed bellies.

Bowling

Ball Handlers

4. Darts

Drinking even improves your performance.

Darts Strip

An Extra Challenge? Strip Darts!

5. Golf

The only sport where you can drink and Drive.

golf sexy drunks

Swingers

6. Fishing

Sometimes all you catch is a buzz.

Fishing

What Does He Do If He Actually Catches Something?

7. Canoeing / Rafting

Not kayaking, though—there’s no place for a cooler.

Rafting

Mmmmm, Water Sports

8. Croquet

Yes. It’s a sport. Chuttup!

Croquet

My Wicket's All Sticky

9. Jarts

The danger factor is an added bonus.

Jarts

Whoa! Watch The Tip, Babe!

10. Bar Hopping / Pub Crawling

Like you didn’t know this was coming.

Bar Hopping

First You Hop, Then You Crawl

An Al K Hall (Functional Alcoholic Slurperson of the D-Generation) Top Ten List