Buy My Vote!

Mitt Romney Drunk and still Drinking the Bar None Slurperson Heinie

ONLY ONE WEEK LEFT TO BUY MY VOTE!

Just to remind y’all that i got my absentee ballot in the mail the other day and i’ve decided to auction off my vote to the highest bidder.

C’mon, people! How many of you have dreamed of having the chance to make yourself heard in selecting who will be the next most powerful person in the world!? Now’s your chance.

i’ll take offers of trade or cash and, at the beginning of November, i’ll cast my vote for the candidate selected by the winner.

Travel Mug Bid Bar None Buy My Vote

The ante has been upped.

A South African has given me a Starbuck’s travel mug (value $15). What do you say, are you gonna let some South African babe cast the vote that you could catch? Of course not!

Just let me know what your next best offer is in the comment section…

Mitt Romney Drunk and still Drinking the Bar None Slurperson

Obama Drunk and still Drinking the Bar None Slurperson

“I’mma upvote yo’ ass on dat, R-Money.”

O’Beerme

Before we got down to the dirty, let me drop this plate from the juiced-box on ya: Mark Lanegan – Morning Glory Wine

[Press ‘Play’ for the coolest thing you’ll hear today]

A couple weeks ago, President Barack Obama took his show on the road and his first stop was Ireland. ‘Cause apparently his ancestors are Irish and now I finally understand why they say “Black Irish”.

You and i both know another reason he went there was for the beer and if you don’t know what i’m on about, shame on you because i was all over that shit ages ago. For example, how come you didn’t read about Why the Nobels Chose Obama which i wrote way back in October 2009?! And there’s no excuse for not reading the very recent Obama Beer Laden and, in fact, i’m kinda pissed off because you’re lack of reading it meant no one launched a fatwad on me and i was kinda looking forward to that.

Anyway, i’m thinking Obama wanted to start off his tour with a free beer. This is why it’s called a “round” trip: he’s on a trip and it’s always someone else’s round. Here’s the photographic evidence of that.

Obama is not a beerholic. Probably not. But this doesn’t mean we don’t exist.

People are always saying they’re gonna stop drinking the hard stuff and only partake of beer or wine like that isn’t alcohol. i’m beer to tell you, Barmaids and Beerhounds, it’s entirely possible and i’m nearly not living proof. Emphasis on Proof.

Wine was my drunk of choice for ages because it packed a 13% punch, cost about 3 bucks a bottle and 1 bottle was the perfect buzz. Two bottles was a good drunk and after 4 bottles was some of the best near death experiences i ever had if i could only remember them. Wine was easy to plan, ‘swhat i’m saying. Wine was faithful. i always knew where i stood with wine and that was right by her side.

Beer was different. i never liked the taste of beer and it always made me feel full and i had to drink a lot to get someplace else but that was also the upside, Chuck. Because i drank faster than a hole, liquor knocked me out quicker but beer helped me draw the night out and plus i got to piss like every ten minutes. Self-regulating, yo.

I'll Drink to That

All’s i’m sayin’ is i don’t believe the hype. Scientific studies (that i conducted in my living room watching TV) have proven the alcohol in beer and wine is the exact same alcohol in evil spirits.

If you’re gonna drink, may god be with you and not take you to the places i let the booze take me. If you choose not to drink: beer and wine count as alcohol, babes.

Bar None Dregs

In other news, i’ve been busy lately with writing projects and other blogs and going to AA meetings. Speaking of, i hit 5 months sober last Saturday. Also, thanks to Bats for stopping by to check in on me. i’m doing well, babe, ‘preciate your asking.

Linked to that [get it, linked to that? Don’t worry, you will right now], i started a new blog for movie reviews called WTF!? (Watch the Film). i basically take notes while watching a movie and post the notes and try to be funny. i created another persona to head the blog—his name is Saint Pauly and we’ll pretend he’s someone else but anyone reading this far is a regular and i got no secrets from y’all. Please feel free to Visit WTF!? (Watch The Film) and especially please leave a comment while i try to get it off the ground. Thanks!