Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed View of THE TOWN

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

From the juiced-box and the soundtrack: Slaine – I Ain’t Done

Press ‘Play’ for a song that wasn’t really in the movie. i’m kinda only half cheating through because Slaine performs other songs on the soundtrack that i can’t find anywhere. Plus he’s also in the movie, so chu’ up.

Ramblings: Affleck Paints THE TOWN Red

Final Proof: 4 Shots

You know how you drink with Good Hood and Bad Hood? They’re like Good Cop / Bad Cop except they’re criminals and one of them doesn’t drink a drop of booze and the other one’s shitfaced on whiskey he drank in his dirty bathroom even before he got to the bar. The Good Hood is asking you crap about yourself  ’cause he cares and he’s so nice you’d even set him up with your little sister because there’s honor in his system, while the Bad Guy is ‘accidentally’ burning you with the tip of his cigarettes to see if you’ll be dumb enough to start a fight with him so he can kick your ass and break your knee for the hell of it. The nice thing is, even if they’re opposties, they play off each other well because the evening would be too boring if you were just pounding Shirley Temple slammers with the Good Hood but the night would be less sincere if you were just chugging Jaëger and Red Bull until you passed out or killed someone. Balance through the extremes is a good thing and also what The Town was like.

The Town is this working class neighborhood of Boston where a lot of people work on robbing banks. Ben Affleck grew up in another neighborhood of Boston called Cambridge which is more “class” than “working” but that didn’t stop him from directing 2 movies about the wrong side of the tracks. Normally, i’d rag on him about slumming it to make a buck but there’s two things that are stopping me. The first one is that i think he’s sincere and the second is that he does a great freaking job.

Ben Affleck should be called Clint Penn because his directing style is like Sean Penn’s and Clint Eastwood’s, which is a good thing because those guys rock and so does Ben. These guys are able to avoid stereotypes and build real filmscapes with real people and real situations. Affleck doesn’t break new ground in The Town but the ground he covers he covers really really well.

So what’s keeping this from being a 5-shot review? Just a couple minor things. The movie is a little long and while i liked the romance because it was realistic and not romantic, there was TMI at times not because they were dishing out a lot of gross personal stuff, just too much stuff period with everyone talking about their troubled pasts all the time. The movie was 2 hours and 4 minutes and Ben-Gay coulda whittled this down a little by cutting some of the boy-girl chatter.

No one’s sadder than me to say that the other downer in The Town was Blake Lively. i mean, c’mon, Blake Lively is. Only problem is she’s also out of her league in this picture. You know how i know everyone is a good actor in this movie? They all speak with accents and you know me, i don’t know shit about movies but i know a good actor uses foreign accents like how all the actors in The Town spoke with an Irish accent. Blake Lively tried but just couldn’t get the hang of it so you know what Ben told her? Swear to god and you won’t believe but that’s too bad for you because it’s true and you can even ask Miss D. He gave her the same advice The A-Team director gave Quinton Jackson: “If you can’t act, mumble so people will assume you’re acting.” The upside is that Blake looks really hot as the slutty ex-girlfriend.

Blake Lively in the Bar None

So yeah, i recommend you visit The Town. It has a perfect balance of action, drama, realistic romance, cool dialog and then more great action. You get the Good Hood and the Bad Hood in the ‘hood of The Town.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2 Shots

Here’s some music from the juiced-box and the soundtrack to peruse by: Ray Lamontagne – Jolene

[Press ‘Play’ to learn what a “cigarette song” means]

As i mentioned up there, we got Blake lookin’ Lively as Krista Coughlin, the working class single mother bar slut ex girlfriend. The other cool thing is she uses words you’ll never hear her use on Gossip Girl if you’re into hot girls swearing and you know i am. What she lacks in acting talent here, she more than makes up for in hotness. Here’s what i mean.

Click On The Shot For Wallpaper Size

Here’s how i know Blake Lively and Ben Affleck are famous: when they have sex they don’t take their clothes off.  They do show glimpses of how Lively Blake’s ass looks in jeans but not nearly long enough. There’s some nice shots of Blake down in my drawers, however, that you may gaze upon to your hardon’s contents.

The other lead female in The Town is Rebecca Hall, who i may remember as Vicky in Woody Allen’s Vicky Christina Barcelona. Here’s how i know she’s not as famous as Blake Lively but still a little famous anyway: when she does Ben, they’re naked but they don’t show anything. Actually, that’s how we’re supposed to know he really loves Claire Keesey (Rebecca Hall) and not Krista because he bothers to take of Claire’s clothes. That’s the definition of love right there, peeps. “Love” means you care enough to see her naked. Anyway, Doug MacRay (Ben’s character) doesn’t give a shit because he gets to bang both of them, love or not. What’s not to love?

There’s a couple more shots of her rolling around in my drawers at the end of this post.

Silken Butterflies

As for the miscellaneous sex in The Town, there’s not much other than the flash of a nipple in a strip club. i also noted in my notes that the lovely and talented Corena Chase did a stunning job as FBI Agent Quinlan, so stunning that i contacted her for an interview but i’m not as famous as we thought because she didn’t even bother to respond. Anyway, here’s a shot of yet one more woman who’s too good for me.

For those of you more into high-rises than cubby holes, i got some Ben Affleck for you. Tell you what, Ben is pretty damn buff. He takes off his shirt and does chinups in the hall and his 6-pack abs look a lot different than my 6-pack gut.

A Smoke

Drink: 2 ½ Shots

  • Bar scene: Bud in bottles
  • Ben is dry
  • Bad robber orders beer in the bar
  • Blake Lively sipping long necks
  • Beer at park / BBQ
  • FBI: bottle of Jameson, 2 fingers [in FBI office]
  • Blake Lively drinking Bud Light from the bottle at the bar
  • BL in a DUI

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 4 Shots

[Press ‘Play’ for some Slaine drinking music. i swear to fucking god he says “Yo Al, I think they got a problem” at the beginning.]

One really rock and roll thing about The Town is Slaine. i feel Slaine. A lot. You could say i go around feeling Slaine if it didn’t sound gay because we all know that if i decide to go that way i’m going to Michelle Rodriguez. Slaine is this white rapper from Boston who sounds like a raw Eminem and apparently he hangs with Affleck because not only does he contribute songs to the soundtrack of The Town and Gone, Baby, Gone (Ben’s directorial debut), he also acts in both of them. Can he act? Better than Blake, babe.

It’s not exactly rock and roll but Affleck chose to end the movie with one of all my all time favorite cigarette songs. Defining a cigarette song would require a whole new post and more night than i got left but i’ll get around to it eventually; suffice to say it’s a song so sincere you want to smoke a cigarette as you listen. The song i posted at the intro to the Sex section above, Ray Lamontagne’s “Jolene”,  is as cigarette as a song gets and i appreciate Ben’s closing his film to the strains of “Jolene, I ain’t about to go straight / It’s too late / I found myself face down in a ditch / Booze in my hair and blood on my lips / A picture of you holding a picture of me in the pocket of my old blue jeans”.

Also very rock and roll in The Town is the action scenes. Affleck does a very nice job shooting the action and he includes more than i’d expected so i really got to tip my hat to him. Next round’s on me, Ben and i was so pleasantly surprised by the rock and roll attitude you hit at times that i promise not to make any JLo references or to bring up that fucking hilarious South Park episode about you.

Slurred Speeches

Doug MacRay (Ben Affleck) is talking to Claire Keesey (Rebecca Hall) about how his dad acted when his mother abandoned the household:

He sat in the kitchen and drank a case of beer while I went out and asked people if they’d seen my mother.

Doug attends an AA meeting and a recovering alcoholic tells this story (i’m paraphrasing here):

This is the story of a priest who comes up to this guy at the bar. ‘I’ll tell you right now,’ the guy says, ‘I got nothing against you, Father, but I don’t believe in God. See, a few years back I was hiking in Alaska and I went snowblind in a blizzard. I got lost and I knew I was going to die and so I promised to God that if he saved me, I’d believe in him for the rest of my life. Then an Eskimo came and rescued me.’

‘I don’t understand,’ the priest answered. ‘Why don’t you believe in God? You’re not dead, he saved you.’

‘No, Father. God didn’t save me, the Eskimo did.’

Everyone see that woman there? That’s Janice, my wife, sitting right there. Janice is my Eskimo.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by:

Chuck Hogan – novel Prince of Thieves

Peter Craig, Ben Affleck, Aaron Stockard – screenplay 

 

Directed by: Ben Affleck

Starring

Rebecca Hall – Claire Keesey

Blake Lively – Krista Coughlin

Corena Chase – Agent Quinlan

Ben Affleck – Doug MacRay

Jon Hamm – FBI S.A. Adam Frawley

Jeremy Renner – James Coughlin

Slaine – Albert ‘Gloansy’ Magloan

Pete Postlethwaite – Fergus ‘Fergie’ Colm

Bottom Line

Go to The Town.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Blake Lively (23)

Blake Lively Slipping Out of the Bar None

Rebecca Hall (28)

Rebecca Hall in the Bar None

Haven’t Had Your Fill of the Booze Revooze? Click here for another round.

Booze Revooze: A Drinker’s Skewed Review of THE PRIVATE LIVES OF PIPPA LEE

Just One Life To Live

From the juiced-box and the song during the credits: Lucinda Williams – I Lost It

[Just press ‘Play’]

[Click here for a guide to Booze Revooze and the rating system used]

Ramblings: The Lives Of Pippa Lee’s Privates (Porn Title)

Final Proof: 1½ Shots

You know how sometimes you drink with chicks and there’s this one babe who’s pretty enough and she starts talking about her life and makes you believe she’s had this wild existence because she believes it so much? So you buy her another Cosmopolitan (and that shoulda been your first sign) and she reveals all these deep, dark secrets and you feel a little tenderness at the beginning because it’s cute how she thinks these episodes from her life are so fascinating even if they’re more common than beer rings on paper coasters but after a while you start to tire of her going on and on about her ‘insane multiple lives’ when you’ve lived more most weekends. That’s kinda what The Private Lives of Pippa Lee is like.

You know me and how sensitive i am, right? i feel kind of bad about trashing this movie because the book and screenplay were written by the director, Rebecca Miller, which means it’s pro’lly autobiographical. Look, ‘Becca (can i call you ‘Becca?) i’m not knocking your life. i’m glad you’ve enjoyed so much success telling people about it but, babe, there’s only one ‘life’ here and there isn’t much living in that one.

Plus, i hate Keanu Reeves. Always have. He can’t act. He could fake it in Matrix because Neo is a character who has the personality of someone who doesn’t know how to act. But man, Keanu in a real movie? Makes you wish you had a case of whatever Kenneth Branagh was drinking when he tapped Kan’ya for Much Ado About Nothing. Anyway, K-boy drags this movie down in a big way and it wasn’t even that far up there to begin with.

i will raise a glass to Blake Lively, however, who has a richer role here than in Gossip Girl and doesn’t disappoint. Another drink to Alan Arkin who is like good whiskey: the older he gets, the better he is.

The other thing i liked was how much smoking there was in this movie. Pippa (Robin Wright Penn) and Young Pippa (Blake Lively) both smoke Marlboro Lights and there’s something about close-ups of a girl smoking that really flare my hot box. The only minor disappointment was that Blake Lively is obviously not a smoker and was just going through the motions. A real smoker can tell.

As for the rest of the movie: it’s slow, uneven and doesn’t end at the right time. That’s Life.

Buzz Kills (Watch Out for Spoilers)

Sex: 2½ Shots

i gotta give it something considering the sheer quantity of female glory that strolls through this thing…

Ironically, the only nude scene isn’t the hottest part of the movie. It’s by Christin Sawyer Davis who plays Shelly, Julianne Moore’s lesbian lover. She undresses before getting into a sexy photo shoot (think Blake Lively in a pony tail and frilly diaper pretending to be a baby in a playpen or wearing a French maid’s outfit with a leash).

Julianne Moore isn’t in the film long but rocks as Kat, Pippa’s aunt’s lover. There is a nice girl/girl kiss between Kat (Moore) and Aunt Trish (Robin Weigert). The other nice part is that Kat never wears a bra and struts around the apartment in a tight knit thingy (ask a woman if you names for clothes). Kinda like this:

My other beautiful surprise in this film was seeing Winona Ryder again. Sure, she had a brief appearance in Star Trek (2009) but that was just a teaser to remind me of the days my cousin and i walked around singing: Na na nanana Na Na nanana Na Na nanana My Winona!

Screw it. You listen to the song and sing the above lyric.

[Press ‘Play’ and sing along]

Anyway, i was thrilled to see how truly beautiful she is, but even more, to see how excellent her performance was as Pippa’s friend, Sandra. She was truly the funniest and most fun thing about the movie. Here are some shots of our little girl growing up:

Coming back to Blake Lively… i won’t repeat how impressed i was by her performance as well, but i will say there was some Blake Lively Titty Blocking (when an actress is topless but the director hides her boobs through different miss-directing techniques). Still, you tend to forgive this when you remember her first scene was her looking incredible in denim cutoffs. The TB here was done while she was lying naked beside Alan Arkin (and if that didn’t give him a heart attack he’s good to go for another ten years) and she blocked her tit with her arm. While i’m on the subject of Blake, i loved the way her mouth curled around the ‘F’ word when she said, in close-up, “I’m a fµck up.” Maybe it’s just me, but women always look hot as hell when they say that word. That and “bitch”. The things a woman’s lips does when she says “bitch” are better than two Viagra and a shot of scotch. But enough about me, here’s Blake:

Leaving The Bar None

S’All Right, Babe, i Got Your Back

There’s another kinda sex scene with Keanu rubbing off Pippa (Robin Wright Penn) to a climax inside her jeans. She does a good job of faking it (hmmm, maybe that’s why she filed for divorce from Sean Penn last August…) and then cries afterwards. Hey, you’d cry too if you just had Kenau Reeves’ hands down your pants.

Speaking of Ke-no-no, another thing that bugs the crap out of me is how in movies they always have women walking around wearing pajamas with a bra on. Every guy knows women hate sleeping with a bra because it’s as uncomfortable as sleeping on the wet spot. But actresses are too sensitive about revealing a little jiggle action, so they always get right out of bed all bra’d up. Fake, annoying and a buzz kill. Robin Wright Penn had some of that going on here and i couldn’t let it slide without a little rant.

That said, up for a little Robin?

Is That An Outtie Or Are You Just Glad To See Me

Finally, there was a surprise appearance by Monica Bellucci as Herb Lee’s wife, Gigi Lee. Her role was short but she looked good filling it. Here’s what i mean:

 

At The Bar None

A Smoke

Drink: 2 Shots

A quick ‘rum through’ of the notes i scribbled during the movie:

  • The movie starts with a red wine toast at dinner to an editor and his wife, Pippa Lee.
  • A bottle of red as a present at a party.
  • Vodka martinis at a party.
  • Young Pippa does cartwheels on the beach and hits from a wine bottle (red).
  • Champagne at the divorce meeting and a drink to ‘transformation’.

Picture From My Personal Stash

A Smoke

Rock & Roll: 0 Shots

There’s a song that young Pippa dances to in her room while on speed and i think it’s “Still To Be Painted” by Pitcher’s Pony but i can’t find the song or confirmation.

There’s a Dusty Springfield song (“I’ll Love You For A While”) but i can’t scrape that up either.

The song i posted above, Lucinda William’s “I Lost It”, rolls during the credits.

Boring Technical Crap

Written by: Rebecca Miller

Directed by: Rebecca Miller

Starring

Robin Wright Penn – Pippa Lee

Blake Lively – Young Pippa

Winona Ryder – Sandra Dulles

Julianne Moore – Kit

Monica Bellucci – Gigi Lee

Christin Sawyer Davis – Shelly

Alan Arkin – Herb Lee

Bottom Line

Don’t see it, not even to score ‘Chick Flick’ points because chances are she won’t like it either.