Dregs Of The Week: Feb 21 – Feb 28

Beer dregs this week, y’all. We got drunk German Protestants, a sword wielding mother, drunk monkeys, cures for alcoholism brewing, a smoking DWI, the Sheen family needing rehab from rehab, the Canadian hockey team’s beer on ice, drunk cops, Playmate butt cleavage, the girls of Lost and kegs more fun…

From the juiced-box and dedicated to Margot Kaessmann: Joe Raphael & Die Party Singers – Biertrinkers Lieblingsmelodien

[Press ‘Play’ to kick off a FebFest]

Feb 24: “That’s no lady, that’s my MOM!”

Don’t you hate it when you’re in elementary school and your mom gets drunk and threatens to cut people as she runs through your school’s corridors waving a sword?  A second grader in Memphis sure does. Some little girl spit on our little girl, so our girl’s mom went to the school to exact revenge after pounding a 40 oz Colt 45. Coulda been worse, 32-year-old Toni price could’ve been packing a Colt instead of just drinking one.

Feb 23: Just Plain Sad

Speaking of stellar mothers… What do you do if your mom leaves you and your siblings alone to take off for the bar? You follow her. Sandy Bellanger’s (38) 14-year-old drove to the bar with his 4-year-old sister and 2-year-old brother in the car to beg their mom to come home. She refused. She told him to drive back home. The cops stopped him for driving erratically, and while they were interviewing him his mom pulled up with her ride (who was driving without a license, failed to appear on a previous DWI, and was carrying weed). Sandy was busted for being a bad mom (letting an unlicensed minor drive, improper supervision of a minor, and child endangerment) as well as having an open container in a motor vehicle. Sounds like a candidate for drug therapy…

Feb 25: Drug Addiction May Cure Pesky Alcoholism

Apparently, alcoholism is getting out of the gutter and swimming deep enough in the mainstream that drug labs are going to start milking us. i’m not gonna give you all the boring details (click the link if you care) but, in a shotglass, docs are screwing around with drugs that’ll dam our desire to drink, make us feel like swamp muck, or water down our withdrawal symptoms. i have a full bottle of Disulphiram, the drug that gives you an instant hangover while depriving you of the booze buzz, but i’ve never tried it: i seem to be functioning well-enough on love (for Miss Demeanor). My only remark is that there are two kinds of alcoholics, those physically addicted and those mentally addicted and a “cure all” sounds too easy. Plus, we have to want to give up the booze bad enough to pop the pills.

The picture below is home brewed. Click on it and it’ll take you to my drink recipe for Medesin.

Feb 22: A Guy With Priorities

Here’s a guy straight out of The Bar None. Richard Fodrie (34) took cops on a high speed chase, getting up to over 100 mph on the freeway, until he finally pulled over. Why didn’t Dick pull over in the first place? He told the cops it was because he knew he was going to jail and wanted to get one last smoke in.

Feb 26: More Fun Than A Drunk Monkey

Zhora, a Russian circus monkey, retired to a zoo. Proving once again that monkeys are our close cousins, after he fathered several monkey kids he started smoking and drinking beer. He got hooked and began bugging passers-by for a fix, much like an unemployed father on the street. Unlike a human suffering from the same problems, however, he was sent to a rehab facility and not jail. i’m not sure this was completely necessary, as experience has shown me all you need to do is spank the monkey from time to time.

Feb 26: Cops Fail Sobriety Tests

Not as exciting as you might think. Dayton, Ohio cops volunteered to get drunk so their fellow officers could practice breathalyzers and field sobriety tests. One of the few times a hangover counts as a work related accident.

Feb 26: Beer On Ice

After the Canadian Women’s Hockey team spanked America’s lard ass, they did what comes naturally, take the party onto the ice.

Click On The Image For A Close-Up

The IOC got their collective panties in a wad but i don’t really see why. C’mon, peeps, we’re talking about a country who got their national symbol off a beer bottle…

Feb 24: Pop Bishop Gets Popped

“Pop Bishop”, 51-year-old Margot Kaessmann, head of Germany’s 25 million protestants was pulled over for drunk driving after running a red light. She clocked in at more than 3 times the legal limit which puts her at over 0.24% (click here to get the details about BAC). Holier than no one, the ‘high’ priestess resigned.

Here’s another song from the juiced-box, dedicated to Margot: Will Glahe & His Orchestra – Auf Wiederseh’n Sweetheart

The upside to all this is it gives me an excuse to exposé German girls.

Celebrity Dregs

Feb 22-24: ObSheen

Exclusive Scoop! Rehab centers in Cali celebrate the opening of the Sheen Revolving Doors, funded by Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller.

‘Member how in last week’s dregs i talked about how Charlie wasn’t gonna go to rehab, no no no? Well, it appears my article made him see the error of his ways because he decided to get drunk despite the risk of returning to court. Then he decided to go to rehab. It was a crazy week in the Sheen household, and TMZ was right there with them.

  • Feb 22: Brooke Mueller bails from her rehab.
  • Feb 22: Brooke Mueller checks into a new rehab.
  • Feb 23 (pro’lly): Charlie Sheen falls off the wagon so hard he breaks his parole.
  • Feb 24: Charlie Sheen checks into rehab.

God, these repeat stories exhaust me.

Feb 22: Speaking Of Re-Runs

Lindsay Lohan was interviewed by The Sun and talked about booze enough to get a mention in the Dregs for a record of something like the third week running. Here’s what she had to say about alcohol:

I’m allowed to drink now but I know my limits. There are certain situations where I have obligations. There’s no reason to (drink) because I don’t want to feel like s**t in the morning. I’ve now learned my boundaries and I’ve been very good with cleaning house with people who I know didn’t have my best intentions at heart. A lot of people in LA are very self destructive. Partying so hard simply isn’t worth it. Life is worth living and there is so much to do and experience, it’s wonderful.

Mini Dregs

Feb 26: Some Chick Named Vicki Gunvalson…

Some chick named Vicki Gunvalson from some show called The Real Housewives of Orange County got drunk and did a nasty. This 47-year-old married mother of two spent a night getting wasted and making out with a 25-year-old college kid.

Feb 26: Some Chick Named CoCo…

Some ex-Playboy bunny named Nicole “CoCo” Austin got this picture stripped from her MySpace page:

She seems to think it was because of the ass cleavage, i’m betting it’s because the photo includes an alcoholic drink. (Bet y’all didn’t see that unless you’re a woman or like musicals.) i’m gonna exposé CoCo here, but i just want to say i don’t get what the draw is. OK, sure there’s the natural gravitational draw of her massive globes, but are they really that sexy? Seriously? It’s like she’s got two heads growing out of her chest, for chrissakes. While they must be practical in a car accident, where does she put them when she eats? Nope, totally un-sexy. Give me a lovely lady with curves, not hemispheres, any day.

Feb 21: Dominic Monaghan Gets Up Chucked From A Bar

Seems Dominic Monaghan (Charlie from Lost) got drunk at a club called Voyeur in LA and grabbed a girl. He got thrown out and tried to sweet talk his way back in, but the bouncer told him to get Lost. You can see the video of this on my Facebook Page (and Friend Me! Please friend me!) or at TMZ Video. The moral of the story is this, if the place is called “Voyeur”, touch with your eyes not your hands.

Which gives me a good enough reason to exposé the girls from Lost.

Evangeline Lilly (30)

Emilie de Ravin (28)

Elizabeth Mitchell (29)

Maggie Grace (26)

Girls Of Lost Collage

Click on Image For Wallpaper Size

Bonus Round

Selma Hayek as Bavarian Beer Girl

Dregs Of The Week: Feb 15 – Feb 22

Hayden's Not The Only One Lickin' The Dregs This Week

This week at the bottom of the dregs we got a fallen hero, a visit from Lindsay, Pete looking petered, Charlie Sheen’s wife in rehab, Charlie Sheen not in rehab, Emma Roberts smarter than you think, Dita Von Teese in her cups, Jesus’trail of broken beer bottles, why you can’t pee in Rio and oh so many more things that aren’t my fault.

From the juiced-box and dedicated to Hayden Panettiere: Ron Hacker – I Got Tattooed

[Press ‘Play’ to get tattooed]

Feb 17: Drinkin’ Makes Me Horny And Stupid, Too

This 45-year-old in Bunnell, Florida drove herself to the local prison for a conjugal visit with her homey-away-from-home. Only problem was, she was late for her visitation pass. Only other problem was the jail doesn’t allow conjugal visits. The real problems started when she came back a short time later and the deputies realized she was totally drunk. They called the road patrol who found her sitting in the car in the parking lot. She failed every test they threw at her: field test, breath test and she had a BAC of 0.256%. She was arrested, but the cold hearted bastards wouldn’t even throw her drunk ass in the same cell as her jail-mate—the babe had to go home and work release in solitary.

Feb 15: An Upstream Battle

You can be arrested for peeing in Rio. Seems years past, revelers got liquored up and found sweet relief just about anywhere to the point the gutters were rivers of liquid gold. Well, not anymore. To stem the primrose tide, city officials are fining and even arresting main vein drainers. At last-call, 77 golden showerers were cut off.

Feb 17: Not That Funny

i tried to find a way to make this funny, god knows i did, but there just isn’t anything funny about it. Nathan Lewis (21), of Lewiston (no relation, i’m guessing), Idaho got himself hitched on a Sunday. That afternoon, he got popped like K-Mart champagne for D&D, which is lingo for Drunk & Disorderly, not Dungeons & Dragons. So I. M. Redneck gets out on bail and then goes home and gets busted again, this time for domestic violence because he beat up on his new wife. Arrested twice on his wedding night, that’s how you know when the honeymoon’s over.

Feb 15: Cops Find Jesus

Jesus Perez (26) got drunk in Massachusetts, like everyone else in the freakin’ state, but made the mistake of driving into 6 parked cars. But even that doesn’t set him apart from the rest of the Massachewtards. He’s smarter than the average christ ’cause when he fled the scene, he grabbed his case of Heineken. He failed as beer savior, though, ’cause there was a hole in the case and he kept losing bottles that smashed on the ground behind him as he ran. All the police had to do to arrest him was follow the trail of broken glass. Handsful & Cretin: a truly Grimm fairytale.

Celebrity Dregs

Feb 15: i’m Breaking The Rules

i normally avoid anything that has to do with drugs because the scope of this blog is already wide enough, but y’ll made me change my mind by hitting Celebrity Dregs Of The Weeks: Nov 30 – Dec 13 a freaking 77 times last Saturday. And it was all about Brian Bonsall. i tried to figure out why this old post received so much attention and uncovered that Brian recently got busted for ‘openly’ smoking weed in Boulder, Colorado (which is as astonishing as drinking in Massachusetts, eh Jesus?) while on parole for drunkenly beating up his buddy with a barstool. Anyway, here’s the  mug shot, fresh with new tats for the occasion.

Feb 17: Charlie Sheen, “I Ain’t Gonna Go To Rehab, no, no, no”

In news that has nothing to do with tattoos, seems that while his wife, Brooke Mueller, went to rehab for an addiction to crack cocaine, the rest of the world was hinting Charlie should follow her lead and check himself in for his alcoholism. Basically, he said screw that noise, despite admitting to having a drinking problem in the past. And despite having a sober coach with him on Christmas Eve, just before roasting his chestnuts on an open, booze fueled fire and then getting arrested for going at Brooke. This denial proves once and for all the old adage that, “You can lead a ho to alcohol but you can’t make him think.”

Brooke Mueller from D-Listed

Feb 19: Dita Von Teese Wants You To Join Her In A Drink

Stripper Dita Von Teese found a way to get her ex-husband Marilyn Manson out of Evan Rachel’s Woods: Bathe in gin. Unfortunately, Evan is hotter, so the gin’ll only work if Manson drinks the whole, giant glass and he’d only do that if it wasn’t tainted by Von Teese’s huge, giant Dita. Plus, even if he did, he’d be too drunk to do anything with anyone anyway.

(Click On Image For Wallpaper Size)

Feb 18: Pete Doherty Must’ve Drank The Whole Von Tini

Petey came of a Camden Club called Koko looking like Kaka. If a  picture’s worth a thousand words, a collage has gotta be worth a bajillion, right?

Feb 18: Lindsay Apologizes To Me

After last week’s thrashing about abusing alcohol by throwing vodka at her gal-pal Sam Ronson, Lindsay tried to sneak her way back into my good graces. This time, she decided to blow off a DUI hearing in Beverly Hills so she could party in London. Here’s a shot of her coming out of a London club at 4:30am, the morning of her trial. Say what you will, she looks one hell of a lot better than Pete Doherty.

In fact, Lohan didn’t have to be in court, her lawyer’s got her BAC. Her presence was optional because she’s been attending alcohol education classes, as scheduled. See that picture up there? That’s her leaving an all night cramming session.

Feb 17: Emma Roberts Drinks Legally—At 19

From the juiced-box and dedicated to Emma Roberts: The Doors – Wild Child

Speaking of going to London to get out from under the law… Emma Roberts showed rich kids how they can get their drink on at 19: Go to Europe where the drinking age is 18.

Emma Drinking Gin & Tonics

Here’s Emma Roberts exposéd:

Feb 21: Fallen Hero

A guy from Heroes named Adrian Pasdar (who played a guy named Nathan Petrelli) was officially charged for drunk driving after being busted for doing 90 on the freeway on January 27. Yeah, i care as little as you do, but at least it gives me an excuse to exposé Hayden Panettiere.

Click On Image For Wallpaper Size

Finally, why the song about Tattoos at the beginning? ‘Cause Hayden wins The Bar None’s irony award this week. Here’s her tattoo:

It reads: Vivere senza rimipianti.

It means: Live without regrets [in Italian].

It’s ironic: One wonders if she lives without regretting the spelling mistake. There’s an extra “i” in “rimpianti”.

Dregs Of The Weeks: Feb 01 – Feb 14

Click On Image To Get Your Heart-On

This week hearting the Dregs we got Grandpa giving drunken lap rides, drunk streakers, Charlie Sheen’s sentencing, a sober Kieth Richards, good news for beer drinkers and Jennifer Aniston partying.

The Dregs are like a box of chocolates: The whole thing at once will make you sick.

Speaking of, from the juiced-box we got Brooks & Dunn – Drunk On Love

[Press ‘Play’ with yourself]

Feb 02: What Not To Say When You Get Pulled Over

As your Functional Alcoholic Slurperson, i’m here to serve up some good advice. For example, don’t follow the example of Daniel Mahoney. Even though the 40-year-old from New Port Richey, Florida was driving with a broken front axle, police caught up with him only after he’d crashed into a fence and was sitting on his back bumper. (Hey, i’m not the one who’s gonna say the police are slow.) As the cops approached him, he said, “I’ll be honest with you. I’ve had too much to drink tonight and I hit a pole.” Tip 1: Don’t be honest with cops. They gave him a field sobriety test and then a breathalyzer (he blew around 0.16%). As they were slapping on the cuffs he told the arresting officers, “I’ve been drinking and driving for twenty years and never got caught.” Tip 2: Try not to brag how long it’s been since you last pulled a DUI.

Here’s something else you shouldn’t do when you get pulled over:

Feb 10: The Other Thing Not To Say When Drunk Driving

Fred Campbell, 54, is an all around great grandfather. By drinking and driving with his 2-year-old grandson on his lap, he was simultaneously teaching the tot how to drive, drink, and drive drunk. Unfortunately, the police officer who pulled him over for a broken taillight didn’t agree with me. Campbell came away with a BAC of 0.13%. He pulled a DUI and Reckless Endangerment, which’ll probably give him a year behind bars (and not the good kind), but that doesn’t count breaking parole for a murder charge. Oops. Here’s what Fred said, and you shouldn’t, when you get pulled over: “Yeah, I’ve drunk six or seven beers.” Babes, if  you’re gonna lie, lie big. Also don’t say, “The cold beer there is the one I was drinking while I was driving.” If i were him, i woulda said it was the kid’s.

Feb 08: Turns Out Guinness Really IS Good For You

You know what i love about Brits? They’re always looking for good excuses to justify their binge drinking. The latest news out of the UK shows that beer is good for building strong bones and preventing osteoporosis (sounds like “Hottie, Poor Ol’ Sis”). Add this to my list of Reason Why i Drink #3: For My Health.

Here are some babes with really healthy bones:

Click On Image To Get A Wallpaper

Feb 09: Drunk Man Loses His Patient

Some guy in a Wisconsin ski area was so drunk he decided to steal an ambulance. Could be worse, and it was. Seems the patient and the paramedics were all in the vehicle while the guy drove around the parking lot.

Feb 08: A New Twist On The Stripper Thing

‘Member last time about how Julia Laack took her clothes off in front of her kids and the cops so they wouldn’t arrest her? Well, Kenneth Hook (41, Prescott Valley AZ) explored a variant on this theme. He got busted for drunk driving by a K9 officer (that’s one fast freaking dog) and told the cop he had a seizure disorder so the cop took him to a local hospital. The cop left to get some police work done (read: Search for donuts and hit on night nurse) he saw Hook running out of the ambulance entrance in only his hospital gown. Dude sprints across the parking lot, runs into a barbed wire fence and when he flips over it, his robe gets torn off. So he sprints naked across the field until the officer catches up to him and takes him down. This gives new meaning to ‘Rip Torn’.

Celebrity Dregs

Watch Out! Transition Zone

Feb 02: Rip Off

Last week i told you about Rip Torn. TMZ posted side by side pictures of his house and the bank he confused with his house. Whaddya think? Normal mistake?

i’m thinking it is. Both places have roofs, right? And windows. And a door. If you think this is weak, you’ve never been as drunk as i have.

Feb 05: Lohan Alcohol Abuse

Tell you what, it’s getting harder and harder to defend. What’s not to like? She’s young, parties hard, didn’t let rehab get to her and she’s hot. Yes, i said she’s hot. Told you i was one of the few remaining bloggers who’s got the girl’s BAC. After her latest stunt, though, it’s getting tricky to stick up for her. This time, she’s abused alcohol, and not in the good way. Seems she was at a club to see her on again / off again and then on again and then off and back on and off and on and off and on and off, faster, faster, yes yes YES! girlfriend, Samantha Ronson.

See! Sexy young bisexual alkie! What more could a guy want?

Anyway, while at the bar, Lindsay was drinking vodka straight out of the bottle and trying to get Sam’s attention. Sam wasn’t playing that tune, so Lindsay confronted her and Sam threw a “Why don’t you have another drink?” in her face. So Lindsay picked up a drink and threw that up in her face. Like i was saying, alcohol abuse. Least she coulda done is hit her with the bottle (after putting the cap back on, of course).

Lindsay Lohan At The Bar None

Feb 08: Charlie Sheen Sentenced Before Trial

Back on Christmas Day last year, Charlie Sheen was busted after Brooke Mueller called 911 to say “Merry Christmas, Charlie Sheen is kicking my ass.” She blew 0.13% (at 8:30 a.m. Xmas morning) later kinda recanted but that didn’t stop the hammer from falling on Charlie. And fall it did. A judge has said that, before the trial in March, he cannot possess firearms or harass Brooke. No biggie. Get this, though: He isn’t allowed to drink alcohol! Auuugghhhhh! Talk about cruel and unusual punishment.

Jan 25: Keith Richards On The Wagon, More Booze For Everyone

End of last month, Ronnie Wood felt what was like to be a teen again by picking up a few.

He got toasted and partied hard enough to justify Keith Richards’ decision to fall on the wagon. Yep, believe it or not Keith stopped drinking at about the same time. Seeing pictures of Ronnie wasted musta made the difference, especially as there are no sober pictures of Richards for him to compare against.

Click On The Image To See The Article

Feb 07: Jennifer Aniston Parties

No real big news here. Jennifer Aniston celebrated her 41st birthday in Los Cabos, Mexico with Gerard Butler, Sheryl Crow, and Courtney Cox among others. They drank but there were no reports of any excesses. Still, gives me a good excuse to exposé Jennifer, and that’s 23 years overdue.

Courtney Cox And Some Fruity Drink

Courtney Cox And Some Fruity Drinks


A shout out to Miss Demeanor on this Valentine’s Day. She’s visiting a friend somewhere south and leaving me to my own devices, all three of them. The only thing i got to say is that her absence has only reinforced the certainty that i want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Dregs Of The Week: Jan 03 – Jan 10

This Weeks The Dregs Go Way Down Under

From the juiced-box and in the Russian dregs: Tatu – All The Things She Said

[Press ‘Play’ to play]

Dec 30, 2009: Tara Re-Biller

Think back and try to remember when i told you about Tara Biller, the chick who ditched her 10-year-old daughter on December 7 last year. Not one to play favorites, Biller repeated her offense with her infant son. Last week she was arrested for a traffic violation driving a stolen Chrysler (another indication of her stupidity—everyone knows if you’re gonna steal a car, steal foreign) with her infant son in the baby seat, not strapped in obviously ’cause that might be mistaken for for good motherhood. Oh yeah, it goes without saying that she was under the influence of something.; otherwise she wouldn’t be here.

Her Latest Mugshot

Jan 3: Drunk Angry Guy At Wall-Mart (And In Other Shocking News: Trailer Trash Drink Pabst)

Rodger Wynn went to a Wall-Mart in Ohio, grabbed some BBQ crap and 12-pack of Steel Reserve beer [again, if you’re gonna steal can you not boost better quality?] Then he walked around the shop and yelled profanities at other shoppers, drinking the beer the whole time. So he was busted for aggravated menacing, theft and disorderly conduct while intoxicated [as opposed to ‘orderly conduct while intoxicated’]. The real reason i like this guy is he pissed himself several times in the interview room. Pee stories always crack me up.

[Speaking of funny pee stories, Drunken Stepfather (site NSFW) has a video of a drunk chick peeing in public filmed at a concert by guys on the tour bus. Check it out.]

Jan 7: Apparently Drinking And Reading Is No Longer Limited To The Beer Runs

A bookstore in Australia has decided to stock its shelves with more than books. In Sydney, you can go to this one place and drink up wine and literature at the same time, because we all know how fun it is to read Proust while buzzing. The store, i’m guessing, is named after the sound you make while barfing and reading Proust: Berkelouw Books.

Anyway, good enough for this crack retorter to exposé some Aussie chicks:

Jan 7: Drunk Angry Guy In A Nazi Costume Arrested For His Own Safety (Yes, it was Tennessee, how’d you guess?)

Michael Amyx got lit up and went to evict his dad, ’cause that’s what drunk assholes wearing Nazi uniforms do. So he was ‘visibly intoxicated’ (his girlfriend—oh those Tennessee girls—told police that Amyx always fights with his father when he drinks) and creating such a fuss in the front yard of his dad’s place that the cops were called out there several times and in the end decided to take him in for unknown charges. Basically what we got here is, “You’re under arrest for being an asshole in danger.” Thank god that isn’t against the law in Yeman, otherwise i’d have been arrested more times than i can spell.  The corker here is the comment someone tacked on at The Weekly Vice website. (The sardonitalic comments in brackets are mine.)

The Weekly Vice Opinion:

I can’t believe you can even buy a vile outfit like that!! Why the hell did he have it on? I guess I would rather him wear it at home then out in public where he can offend any Jewish person that sees him. [Wow, apparently a dude in a cheap ass Nazi uniform only bugs Jews. None of us goys have a problem with a Storm Drain Trooper walking around sporting the colors of the Third Reich.] Can you imagine some of the memories this could drum up [should be ‘drudge up’ my littlerate Mandi with an ‘i’] for people who have been through those times? [Yeah, ’cause we all know Backwater, Tennessee houses the world’s largest population of Holocaust survivors.]

Mandi [See? With an ‘i’.] Milenko

The Weekly Vice


Dec 30, 2009: Pantie Raid

i bet it’s happened to all of us at least once. We’re sitting around, getting our buzz on and start wondering what it’d be like to put a pair of women’s panties our head. i know i’ve done it at least once this week and no blood, not foul. Still, it’s not a good idea to then decide to rob a convenience store hoping the panties will provode a good disguise. They won’t, and the sad story of Larry Bernard attests to this. He got drunk, put some panties on his head and took a knife to rob a convenience store and got away with some cash, cigarettes and a lighter. After the cops looked at the videotape, they found Larry drunk and staggering in a nearby alley, which apparently they needed the videotape to do. Wearing woman’s panties on his head: he probably thought he was slick but ended up with a permanent stain on his record.

Jan 2: Vodka Now 3 Bucks/Bottle in Russia

Yes, sad but true. Russian authorities have decided to double the price of cheap vodka to dilute alcoholism. You’ll now have to drop 3 bones for a fifth of the cheap stuff in Moscow. Don’t cry too hard, your tears’ll freeze. [A free tequila for my Brother Ken, who brought this news to my attention.]

To soften the blow, i’ma exposé Tatu, my favorite famous lesbian schoolgirls.

Miss Conception

Sports Dregs

Jan 5th: Unfortunate Sun

This guy is The Hoff of pro sports… Jayson Williams, formerly of the NBA Phoenix Suns, drunk drove into a tree and was arraigned from his hospital. This is the same guy who murdered his limo driver with a shotgun in 2002, got tased by police in a New York hotel where he was drunk, violent and suicidal in April 2009, and got busted for busting up some guy in a bar in Raleigh in May 2009. [Wiki details all this really well.]

Jan 8th: Islamisbad, Pakistan

The National Parliament in Pakistan has fined members of the men’s field hockey team up to $1,175 for getting drunk and hugging a woman. A Pakistani news channel posted pictures of one guy hugging a woman and another drinking a beer. Yeah, i pretty much posted this for the ‘Islam-is-bad’ pun ’cause no one has decreed a Fatwa against me in like forever.

Celebrity Dregs

Jan 5: Brooke Mueller Went To Rehab While Pregnant

Remember all that crap i talked about with Charlie Sheen getting arrested for getting his wife some bruises for Christmas? Turns out Brooke Mueller, the wife in question, is no saint either. She ended up in rehab at 5 months pregnant after bottles of booze were found hidden in her car. Hell, if the bottles were vodka and Kahlua then the twins coulda got a White Russian while breast feeding.

Jan 1: Bow Wow Is A Twit

Some singer named Bow Wow started the New Year off right by twitting:

Face numb im whippin the lambo. Tispy as f*k. Just left @livmiami. Im f**ked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris might have to drive after next spot.

Oh those wacky drunk drivers. Dude shoulda taken out the Georgia Funeral Insurance.

Jan 6: Mariah Carried

Mariah Carey got smashed before winning some kind of award and went on stage to prove it. Click on the title to this paragraph for the story and the TMZ video. It’s not all that surprising. While looking for pictures of her drinking, the problem was too many to choose from. Here’s what i’m on about.

Still, i was able to find some sober pictures of her as well.

Dregs Of The Week: Dec 20 – 27 (or sumpin’)

The Dregs---Where i Let Slip More Than Denise Richards' Sex On The Beach

From the juiced-box and dedicated to Tara Biller: Anita & Kyle & Dominique & Julie – Take Care Of Our Children (Don’t Drive Drunk) (circa 1986—yes, it’s important to specify, you’ll hear why)

Dec 7: Mom Ditches Kid, Literally

Tara Biller (30) is a drunk mother. She was drunk chauffeuring her 10-year-old daughter around, weebling and wobbling so much a pizza delivery guy called the sheriff’s department. Just in time too, ’cause the mother drove the car into a ditch. The panicked kid banged on the window so Tara let the girl out—and drove away, abandoning her offspring on the roadside. The pizza delivery guy looked after the daughter while the police found the mom and busted her for DUI, driving with a suspended license and child endangerment. On the bright side, now the kid knows what to give her mom on Mother’s Day: a fifth of vodka.

Dec 22: I’ve Got An18-inch Lizard In My Trousers For You. Can I Have Some Booze?

Something wild other than turkey comes from Kentucky, and i’m guessing it lives in a trailer.

David Martt (44) and his son Harley D Martt (18) (no mention is made of their daughter Mini) went to the Eagle’s Landing Pet Hospital and petshop-lifted an 18″ bearded dragon lizard worth $350. They took it to JB’s Gun & Pawn to get some cash for it but no dice. So the pair took their bearded dragon to Freight Station and First Street liquors and tried to trade the reptile for booze. Apparently not everyone in Kentucky is as thick as the thieves ’cause the duo got shot down. Police arrested them as they were entering an apartment complex. “Big”, that’d be the lizard, is recovering in the Pet Hospital from a bad case of hypothermia. The dad is still in the cooler.

Not Legal Tender

Dec 22: Only Because She’s Drunk And Nineteen

Some 19-year-old chick ripped Santa’s beard off his face outside Conseco Fieldhouse in Indiana. It wouldn’t be big news except the fake Santa said “it hurt when the firmly attached beard was ripped away”. It still wouldn’t be news except he told cops the girl was very drunk, and when police caught up with her inside the arena, they found a fifth of vodka under her shirt. Hey, what a drunk 19-year-old girl wants, God wants.

Celebrity Dregs

Dec 24: Priest Gets Ass Kicked At Kardashian’s Christmas Party

i’ve been looking long and hard and the only employ i can come up with for this Khloe Kardashian babe is Professional Cleavage. Anyway, she had a Christmas party at her place and some guy got drunk, fell over and cut his chin. Pastor Brad, who married Khloe and Lamar, tried to help the dude up, but the dude punched Pastor Brad in the face; pro’lly for having such a stupid ass name.

Here’s what i was talking ’bout before, about Professional Cleavage:

See-Through. Unfortunately.

Worth mentioning, she was busted for DUI in March 2007 and served 3 hours in jail.


Dec 22: Photo Op

Not much going on here. Just i’m a huge Sean Penn fan and there’s a shot of him having a tequila shot with Dan Akroyd.

Dec 25: Brooke Mueller’s Day Off

i love this one. Denise Richards’ Christmas present came right on time. Her ex-husband, Charlie Sheen, was arrested on Christmas morning for abusing his wife, Brooke Mueller. Brooke has since said it was the booze talking when she called 911. Police had tested her when they arrived and her BAC was 0.13—at 8:34am Christmas morning. i wanna party like the Sheens do.

Here are the best shots of Brooke i could find, and two of them only work if you like pregnant women (pregnant with twins even):

It was easier to find pictures of Denise:

Here’s your tender bartender serving up the money shot. It’s a nip slip while Richards lesbian kisses Neve Cmpbell in Wild Things.