Celebrity Mug Shot: Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon 2013-05-01 Bar None Wallpaper dregs

Reese Witherspoon Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

What’s worse than being famous? A lot of things are worse than being famous. What’s worse than being drunk? A whole of a lot is worse than being drunk. But what’s worse than being drunk and famous together? Ooh, that’s another drunkalog and if you don’t believe me, i totally understand because i’m one lying somebitch. So you should go ask Reese Witherspoon.

Directly from the Bar None juiced-box (see? there i go lying again) and dedicated to “Peewee” Reese (totally not a lie this time): Destiny’s Child – Say My Name

[Press ‘Play’ for Witherspoon’s “Do you know who I am?” song]

Reese Witherspoon Bar None Dregs Mug Shot

Reese Witherspoon Bar None Mug Shot

Celebrity Dregs

April 22: Reese In Pieces

Here’s what’s not news. Reese Witherspoon’s husband got pulled over for drunk driving. Who the fuck cares? It’s not even Reese’s piece that got arrested herself it’s her goofy ass husband. Only a little more newsy is that she started threatening the officer because she’s famous but you can’t blame her because we all do it (wait, don’t we?). You also can’t blame her that it didn’t work, because every time i tell some cop not to bust me because i’m Reese Witherspoon, he always does anyway.

Reese Witherspoon 00 Bar None Dregs in the Bar None

Reese Witherspoon in the Bar None

Besides, this stopped being news when Reese was all cool and apologized and was really humble and talked about her kids. You know me (and if you don’t, i’m not cleaning that up), as an alcoholic in recovery this kind of share always makes me wet and by ‘wet’ i mean ‘teary’ (perv…it’s the pictures i post of her that make me wet).

Reese Witherspoon 08 Bar None Dregs in the Bar None

Reese Witherspoon in the Bar None

You know what the real news is? Watch that TMZ video up there i stole off of YouTube. Did you see what her husband did there? Exactly! Fucking Nothing! He just stood there with his mouth hanging open while his wife gets taken out like garbage. It was me, i’d be telling her to shut her Reese Witherspoon ass up and sit it back down in the car. Or, and this is only on a good day, i start telling the cop to go back away and easy on my wife or else i’mma barbecue his bacon and eat it while he watches, but jesus, you gotta do something, am i right?

Reese, babe, if you want to be with a real man who’ll stand up for you, call me, you have my number (it’s on the wall of every Ladies Room stall in every police station in Georgia).

Reese Witherspoon 07 Bar None Dregs in the Bar None

Reese Witherspoon in the Bar None

Bar None Dregs

Bet you didn’t know my frenemesis Saint Pauly posted another on of his things that made me smile over at WTF!? (Watch the Film). This time he takes the piss out of The Day.

Or you can find out all about me.

All About Al K Hall

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Sexy Photos of Reese Witherspoon without all the big words

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10 Celebrity Halloween Costumes (A Top 10 Lips)

red-noir-lips bar none 10 celebrity halloween costumesTired of the question “What will you come as?” when you’re not sex role playing? Tired of being yourself and yet still don’t know what you want to be this year for Halloween? You’ve come to the right Bar None.

i’ve assembled a list of celebrity Halloween costumes to inspire you and, after some hemming (and hawing), i think i’ve got it all sewn up. Here, then, are ten Halloween costumes worn by actual celebrities that we can pattern ourselves after.

From the juiced-box and to get you in the mood, Marilyn Manson – This Is Halloween.

[Press ‘Play’ for Manson’s cover of the Danny Elfman song from Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas]

1. Justin Bieber Going as “A Male”

Justin Bieber - Male Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Justin Bieber Dressed Up As A Boy

Ahh, Justin Cider, you’re still my favorite lesbian. Bielibe that.

2. Mitt Romney Going As “Presidential”

Mitt Romney - Presidential Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Mitt Romney Pretending To Be Someone Who Can

Don’t forget, you still have time to vote in the US Presidential Election. If you ware not an American citizen and would like to vote, i’m selling my vote to the highest bidder.

3. Kim Kardashian Going As “A Human”

Kim Kardashian - Human Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Kim Kardashian Almost Looking Like She Comes From This Planet

Nice twist on the “I’m going as an alien”, we have an extra terrestrial coming as one of us.

4. Lindsay Lohan Going As “A Camel’s Toe”

Lindsay Lohan - Camel's Toe Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lindsay Lohan Gets Bestial

Lindsay as her (second) favorite part of a camel’s anatomy.

5. Lance Armstrong Going as “An Athlete”

Lance Armstrong - Athlete Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Lance Armstrong Wants us To Believe He’s Clean!

Drug addicts always pick costumes that reveal what they think they really are.

6. Honey Boo Boo Going As “A Child”

Honey Boo Boo - Infant Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Peter Dinky-lage’s Inamorata Pretends To Be A Grown Up

She even acts childish!

7. Rihanna Going As “An Intellectual”

Rihanna - Intellectual Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Rihanna Looking Like She Should Know Better

Only problem is, she can’t wear this costume if she goes with Chris Brown because no one would get she was smart.

8. Miley Cyrus Going As “Dafuq?”

Miley Cyrus - Dafuq Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Miley Cyrus Living The Meme

Why so Cyrus?

9 Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake Going As “Lovers”

Jessica Biel & Justin Timberlake - Lovers Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Prick Or Teats

i also could’ve put “Justin Timberlake – Straight”.

10. Amanda Bynes Going As “Air Bags”

Amanda Bynes - Air Bags Bar None 10 celebrity Halloween Costumes

Amanda Bynes on Shalloween

My personal favorite. Amanda went ironic this year in reference to both her drunken hit & runs.

Click Here For More Top 10 Lips

Dregs of the Week: May Whatever, 2012

Click on the Shot for a Funny Ass Wallpaper

Because these dregs are all about the stupidity, and you may be surprised to learn where the stupidity really is.

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to Steve O: Amy Winehouse – You Know I’m No Good

[Press ‘Play’ for what Elisabetta Canabis told Steve O from the very beginning]

Commoner Dregs

Absolut Nonsense

2012/04/25: Cleanliness Is Next To Odd-liness

Stupid is as stupid drinks. Kids all over the nation, if you believe the hype, have now turned to hand sanitizer as a way to catch a buzz. Here’s the dirt: Hand Sand contains up to 70% alcohol, which makes it 140 proof, stronger than almost every alcoholic drink on the market plus you can buy it in Wall-Shart without an ID. Apparently 6 Los Angeles youths were desperate enough to get hospitalized drinking this, so now the press is talking about an epidemic. Personally, just last week i saw a gang of toddlers using bad language to goad their moms into washing their mouths out with soap. Seriously, whatever happened to the good old days when kids would sniff glue and jam vodka soaked tampons up their asses?

You wanna know what really concerns me? Here’s the real problem with his scourge:

Anyway, Meredith from “The Office” was onto this shit way before LA teens.

2012-05-02: A 2-Second Binge

Thanks to my brother from another brother, Wayne, who posted this on my Facebook wall.

Here’s an idea i can’t believe is catching on… Some Fremerican scientist has invented (that’s his American side) a stylish bottle (his French half) of pseudo booze that will get you drunk immediately. Sounds good, right? Read the small print, Barmaids and Beerhounds, it’ll last for 2 fucking seconds and costs $26 a pop. Since when did the world become interested in paying more for a lot less? Their fucking slogan should be, “It’s over fast, but at least it’s over priced.”

WA|HH Quantum Sensations: It’s Over Fast, But At Least It’s Over Priced

It’s a lot of fun but lasts under a minute? Shit, my sex life is like that, my binges might as well be, too.

Celebrity Dregs

Elisabetta Canalis

Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

2012-04-19: Truth Is Stranger Than Friction

i thought the only thing that could be harder to believe than the fact that Steve O and Elisabetta Canalis broke up was the fact they were going out to begin with. But i was wrong. The crazy part to this story is that he broke up with her.

Take a second to digest this.

This guy…

broke up with this girl…

But that’s not even the whole story. You know why he broke up with her? Pour yourself a drink because you’re gonna need one.

He broke up with her because she parties too hard and he’s afraid for his sobriety. We’re talking Steve O a guy who became famous for being a Jackass, for chrissake. That guy places his sobriety above George Clooney’s drunk lingerie soft porn top model ex girlfriend. i only got one thing to say to that.

Seriously, i’ve been sober for 15 months and my life is so much better now than it was a year and a half ago that my biggest fear is losing all i’ve since gained. But even me and my gratitude would be hard pressed if some 20 something party girl (or, hotter still, Mrs D) wanted me to party with them all the time. Would i have the balls to make the right choice?

Alls i can say i’m glad i’m butt ugly enough my sobriety will never be put to that kind of test. Alls else i can say is that the freakiest thing that’s happened to me in a long time is i have a deep, deep respect for Steve O.

Steve O, brother, i got some shots of Elisabetta in my drawers that’ll take the edge off your hug addiction withdrawal.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

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