2016-09-25-cara-delevingne-drunk-collage

Hell Just Thawed

You know how i stopped writing this blog when Hell froze over because that was the only way i’d ever leave the Bar None? Well, Hell must’ve just thawed because there is only one convergence of events that would’ve ever got me back here and against all the odds and ends, the stars miraculously aligned.

2016-09-25-cara-delevingne-and-amber-heard

You see that glass in front of them?

And when i say “stars”, i of course mean Cara Delevingne (or Cara Delavagina as she’s known around here and other parts) and Amber Heard who aligned and are still aligning like wild cats, i bet. And that image is hot enough to melt even a Hell that froze over. Which brings us back to why i’m here right now.

Continue reading

Michelle Rodriguez, Cara Delevignge, Karlie Kloss, Taylor Swift (AlKHall Bar None)

October 2014 Dregs of the Week: Taylor Swift is a LUSH

Karlie Kloss Bar None Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Karlie Kloss Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Most definitely not from the juiced-box, here’s a song i’m dedicating to Karlie Kloss from Taylor Swift…who’s performing at a Victoria’s Secret show.

Taylor Swift – I Knew You Were Trouble

Celebrity Dregs

October 30: Taylor Swift and the NBA (No Boys Allowed)

LUSH. If you don’t know what this stands for, you’ll fall for anything. LUSH is the Bar None acronym for Lesbian Until Sober Honey and i’m not saying Taylor Swift is a LUSH, i’m saying i hope she is or at least that she’ll take pictures of her trying to be.

Michelle Rodriguez, Cara Delevignge, Karlie Kloss, Taylor Swift (AlKHall Bar None)

Kind of like Cara Delevingne did with Michele Rodriguez. In fact, there are more similarities than you might realize.

Like Cara and a Taylor were both photographed drinking alcohol. In the company of another woman. At a basketball game. The only difference is that Taylor was drinking with a beautiful woman, and Cara was with Michelle Rodriguez. Still, since Cara and Michelle broke up, maybe Taylor can score with Cara on the rebound. There’s a match-up that would start me dribbling.

Taylor’s date was Karlie “Lip” Kloss, a hot lingerie model and my investigative journalism skills once again paid off once again because i figured out how they hooked up. And Cara Delevignge is the missing link. Check it out.

[Proof of my famous investigative journalism skillz: Justin Bieber kills a man, Kim Kardashian has a dwarf baby]

Cara is a model alcoholic and she had a few drinks with Lip Kloss which got Kloss all wet and shiny. But then Cara found Michelle, which left Karlie high and not dry at all but still wet and shiny. So Karlie went out and found herself her own, next-better thing: Tay-Tay. Ta-da!

There’s more shots of Taylor Swift & Karlie Kloss in my drawers at the bottom of this post. Just keep scrolling down ’til you start getting warmer.

October 31 2014: Chelsea Out-of-Handler

You know me (and if you don’t, i wouldn’t be the first), i don’t give a shit about politics and shit like that. i’m just happy sitting here making you happy, but something other than me came across my desk the other day and i feel compelled to share it with you.

 Chelsea Handler in the Bar None Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a wallpaper (AlKHall Dregs Bar None)


Chelsea Handler in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

American comic Chelsea Handler posted a picture of herself naked on top of a horse because Putin did. Except Chelsea didn’t do it to prove her boobs were as big as the Great Outhouse, but to protest the fact he can show his nipples and she can’t.

Chelsea Handler 01 v Putin (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Chelsea Handler v Putin: Who’d you rather?

Now i like causes as much as the next guy, if the next guy is passed out in a pool of his own vomit at a I-don’t-care-about-causes bar. But if there’s one cause i’m willing to stand up for, it’s Free the Nipple. Now, don’t be confused like me and think the cause is to give free nipples to every one, because that would so rock hard, but it’s almost as good because they want chicks, sorry, girls to be able to show their nipples all over the place like men, except so much fucking hotter.

To prove i’m way cooler than Instagram, who censored her photo, i’m going to post the full original shot because i’m all about the political aspect of this and defending rights and equality and feminism and shit. Here at the Bar None, we’re Instagraphic:

Chelsea Handler 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

 

BTW, to keep the protest going, here’s another shot Chelsea posted on Instagram. Hell, i’m just happy to be here and help out. Fight the Power.

Chelsea Handler 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Bar None Dregs

If you think this website is funny, you’re right. But also pretty funny is this guy over at WTF!? (Watch the Film).

123 WTF!? (Watch the Film)

Click on the logo for the laughs

As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit. All About Al K Hall

What follows is just sexy shots of the girls. Read on at your own risk because it’s even not safe for worker than the shit you just read.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Karlie Kloss

Karlie Kloss 01 see through (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Karlie Kloss 02 see through (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Karlie Kloss 03 side boob (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Karlie Kloss 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Karlie Kloss 05 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Karlie Kloss 06 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Karlie Kloss 07 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Karlie Kloss 08 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Karlie Kloss in the Bar None

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift 01 side boob (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Taylor Swift 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Taylor Swift 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Harry Styles Exes Bar None Wallpaper - Click on the Photo for a Wallpaper

Dregs: Hairy Styles

Harry Styles Exes Bar None Wallpaper - Click on the Photo for a Wallpaper

Harry Styles’ Exes in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Photo for a Wallpaper

There’s only one direction to go from here and that’s further down. Read on to see exactly what Harry styles. (Hint: it’s puke.)

Here’s a ditty NOT from my juiced-box, dedicated to Harry and his Exes: One Direction – Up All Night

[Click on the link to find out why Harry was Up All Night. Hint: He was puking.]

Hairy Styles Cannot Hold His Liquor

The proof is, he keeps throwing it up all over the place.

There’s this English kid called Hairy Styles which sounds more like a fashion statement than a name but that’s how they roll in jolly olde England. If you’ve never heard of this guy don’t worry, i haven’t either. My ignorance isn’t all that surprising, though, when you realize i know everything there is to know about good music.

The reason i’m babbling on about this kid is because this photo was splattered all over the front page of the Internet a while back. Seems Hairy had to pull over and stomach sneeze.

Harry Styles vomit puke 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Harry Styles vomit puke 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

At first i thought he’d been innocently listening to the radio when all of a sudden one of his own songs came on and, before he could change the station, he heard enough of it to make him hurl. Turns out there was a contributing factor. In addition to getting sick on his own tunes, he also had a hangover from drinking the night before with Lily Allen at the Nice Guy Bar in LA.

Harry Styles after the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Harry Styles after the Bar None

My assumption that his music was to blame is understandable, though, when you realize the effect One Direction’s “songs” (and i use the term as loosely as a whore’s vagina after giving birth at a donkey show) have on humanity at large. For example, check out these poor, impressionable young things that accidentally heard One Direction…

One Direction fans 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

The music is killing us from the inside!!!!!

One Direction fans 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“Oh my god, mom! They raped my ears with their limp penis pop!”

One Direction fans 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“I’m ruined for life! I can’t un-hear it! I CAN’T UNHEAR IT!”

One Direction fans 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“You have a One Direction Ringtone!? Make It Staaahhhppp!!!!”

One Direction fans 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“The noises you make are making me vomit!!!”

One Direction fans 05 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“My ears! My ears! Clean them with bleach!!!”

One Direction fans 06 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

“How much pain can one girl bear!? I just got my period and now this!”

Which is not to say all girls hate the band, but One Direction fans are a special breed.

One Direction Psycho 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Psycho 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Psycho 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

And collectively, these fan girls have formed the Nutsy party with the intention of eliminating all traces of good music from the planet with an ordered and systematic final solution. They’ve even given an old salute a modern twist to hail their leader.

One Direction Nutsy salute 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Nutsy salute 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Nutsy salute 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction Nutsy salute 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

But if you’re a One Direction fan and would like to date one of the members of this boys bandwagon, look at the following photographs of Hairy Styles’ exes and ask yourself: 1) Am I that hot? 2) Do I drink that much? If the answer to either is “No”, then send me an email with a naked picture of yourself (or at least topless) and then we’ll see which direction we go.

Cara Delevingne

Cara Delevingne 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Cara Delevingne 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Cara Delevingne in the Bar None

Taylor Swift

Taylor Swift 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Taylor Swift 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Taylor Swift in the Bar None

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner 01 see through (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kendall Jenner 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kendall Jenner in the Bar None

Kimberly StewartKimberly Stewart 00 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kimberly Stewart 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kimberly Stewart in the Bar None

Caggie Dunlop

Caggie Dunlop in the Bar None Wallpaper - Click on the shot for a Wallpaper (AlKHall Dregs Bar None)

Caggie Dunlop in the Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a Wallpaper

Emily Atack

Emily Atack 00 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Emily Atack 000 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Emily Atack in the Bar None

Emily Ostilly

Emma Ostilly 00 (AlKHall Bar None dregs)

Emma Ostilly 000 outside the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None dregs)

Emma Ostilly outside the Bar None

Felicity Skinner

Felicity Skinner (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Felicity Skinner in the Bar None(AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Felicity Skinner in the Bar None

Kara Rose Marshall

Kara Rose Marshall (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kara Rose Marshall in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kara Rose Marshall in the Bar None

Caroline Flack

Caroline Flack 00 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Caroline Flack in the Bar None

Bar None Dregs

Let me take a moment now to raise a glass of Pepsi Max and and drink a dry toast to Saint Pauly over at WTF!? (Watch the Film). A few years ago he started his little blog where he imitated my writing style (the sick bastard), and after a few emails, i encouraged him to be his gay self and press on. Well, last week was the first week that WTF!? (Watch the Film) surpassed this blog in total readers, so i want to congratulate him on well deserved success. And to take some credit for it. And to tell him now he has to start promoting the shit out of this blog, for a change.

His latest review is…

WTF!? review of Behaving Badly

As for me, go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Bar None Drawers

Prints to share with your friends and Facebook page

Wrong Direction (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

One Direction meme 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction meme 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction meme 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction meme 04 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) One Direction meme 05 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

What lies beyond is even more NSFW than the shit you just saw.

Cara Delevingne

Cara Delevingne 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Cara Delevingne 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Cara Delevingne 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Taylor SwiftTaylor Swift 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Taylor Swift 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs) Taylor Swift 03 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kendall Jenner

Kendall Jenner 00 see through (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Kimberly Stewart

Kimberly Stewart 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Emily Atack

Emily Atack 01 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze) Emily Atack 02 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze) Emily Atack 03 (AlKHall Bar None Booze Revooze)

Caggie DunlopCarrie Dunlop 01 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Carrie Dunlop 02 (AlKHall Bar None Dregs)

Emma Ostilly

Emma Ostilly 01 (AlKHall Bar None dregs) Emma Ostilly 02 (AlKHall Bar None dregs)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs of the Week: Drunk in an Elevator

Cara Delevingne 2014-05-12 Bar None Kissing Wallpaper

Cara Delevingne Kissing Girls Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

From the juiced-box and dedicated to Reese Witherspoon, Zooey Deschanel, Kate Upton and Cara Delevignge…

Aerosmith – Love in an Elevator

[Press ‘Play’ for “Drunk in an elevator / Throwing it up after tossing it down…“]

Have you ever played that game, “If you could invite any 5 living people to a dinner party, who would it be?” Well, imagine you play that game, and then those 5 people ended up having dinner together. Freaky, right?

You know me (and if you don’t, you ought to know better), i’m not as intelligent as you, so i don’t play that game. When it’s not with myself, i play  “What four people would you like to be stuck in an elevator with?” After years of perfecting my selection, i came up with the definitive list of four people i want to be stuck in an elevator with and it’s this:

  1. Cara Delevingne (because she’s on every list i’ve ever invented ever)
  2. Zooey Deschanel
  3. Kate Upton
  4. Reese Witherspoon (i bumped off Jesus to include her)

All drunk, of course.

Even more surprising than the perfection of this list is the fact that it all came true, even the drunk part. Here’s the video proof of that.

That vid is also all the proof i need to know that Reese Witherspoon doesn’t read my blog. i already said once in a post where i talked about Cara Delevingne being a LUSH (Lesbian Until Sober Honey), that the correct pronunciation of her name is “Car-ah De La Vagina“. Well, Reese was unaware so when she met Cara, hilarity ensued when she tried to pronounce Cara’s name. Also because she was drunk.

Reese Witherspoon 07 Drinking Problem (AlKHall Bar None)-001

Speaking of her name, here’s a sound bite of Cara pronouncing the alternate, non “de la vagina” version of her name:

i have also come to the official conclusion that Cara Delevingne is not a L.U.S.H., but a young girl playing with the notion of bisexuality and everything else she can get her hands on. i do have photographic proof of that as well, of course.

Cara Delevingne 06 she goes both ways (AlKHall Bar None)

Cara Delevingne goes both ways

Anyway, there’s tons of NSFW shots of this hot mess at the very bottom of these dregs.

Have you thanked your booze today?

Bar None Dregs

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

WTF!?

From simple fan to simpleton blogger, my pupee, my mental, my proto-gay Saint Pauly’s website is building an audience in its own right. Let’s face it, he’s funnier than i am and i’m not just saying that because his WTF!? website is taking off and i have to stay on his good side.

Check out this review of another hot bisexual, if you don’t believe me.

WTF!? Review of Amber Heard in “All the Boys Love Mandy Lane”

Al K Hall’s Drawers

What follows is NSFW. You’ve been warned, and you shouldn’t be reading the above shit at work anyway.

Cara Delevingne

Cara Delevingne 01 nip slip (AlKHall Bar None) Cara Delevingne 02 nip slip (AlKHall Bar None) Cara Delevingne 03 nip slip (AlKHall Bar None) Cara Delevingne 04 (AlKHall Bar None) Cara Delevingne 05 (AlKHall Bar None) Cara Delevingne 07 (AlKHall Bar None)

Cara Delevingne 08 in the Bar None with Rihanna (AlKHall Bar None)

Cara Delevingne in the Bar None with Rihanna

Cara Delevingne 09 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None)

Cara Delevingne in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None)

Kate Upton

Kate Upton 01 (Bar None AlKHall) Kate Upton 02 nip slip (Bar None AlKHall)

Kate Upton 03 see through (Bar None AlKHall)

Kate Upton 04 AssAssin Panties (Bar None AlKHall)

Kate Upton AssAssin Panties

Kate Upton 05 nip slip (Bar None AlKHall) Kate Upton 06 (Bar None AlKHall) Kate Upton 07 see through (Bar None AlKHall) Kate Upton 08 (Bar None AlKHall) Kate Upton 09 in the Bar None (Bar None AlKHall)

 

Zooey Deschanel

Zooey Deschanel 01 (Bar None AlKHall) Zooey Deschanel 02 (Bar None AlKHall) Zooey Deschanel 03 (Bar None AlKHall) Zooey Deschanel 04 (Bar None AlKHall) Zooey Deschanel 05 (Bar None AlKHall) Zooey Deschanel 06 (Bar None AlKHall) Zooey Deschanel 07 (Bar None AlKHall)

Zooey Deschanel 08 in the Bar None (Bar None AlKHall)

Zooey Deschanel in the Bar None

Reese Witherspoon

Reese Witherspoon 01 (AlKHall Bar None) Reese Witherspoon 02 (AlKHall Bar None) Reese Witherspoon 03 (AlKHall Bar None) Reese Witherspoon 04 (AlKHall Bar None)

Reese Witherspoon 05 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None)

Reese Witherspoon in the Bar None

Reese Witherspoon 06 in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None)

Reese Witherspoon in the Bar None (AlKHall Bar None)

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs of the Week: Cara Delevingne & Michelle Rodriguez: Full Court Press

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 01 (AlKHall Bar None)

Too young? Half your age plus 7 inches, baby!

Here’s my New Year’s resolution, for more shit like this to happen. For hot bi girls to get mega drunk and make out with top models in public. My New Year’s resolution is more Michelle Rodriguez.

Michelle Rodriguez, the King of Queens and still the first woman i’ll call if i turn gay, had a date with a 21 year old blonde top model who looks like this:

Cara Delevingne None (AlKHall Bar None)

And acts like this:

Cara Delevingne 00a None (AlKHall Bar None)

Cara Delevingne 00b None (AlKHall Bar None)

Michelle took Cara Dlelevingne (pronounced: de-la-vagina) to a basketball game and it was hard to tell, oh so very hard, who had the most balls because Michelle kept trying to convert the young woman to either Lesbianism or Alcoholism or both and you know me (and if you don’t there oughta be a law) i already invented a word for that too and it’s LUSH, which stands for Lesbian Until Sober Honey.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 02 (AlKHall Bar None)

“Psst, if I were a woman, would you be a lesbian?”

What’s the take away? These photos are the fucking take-away and they’re so great it’s like Santa came again and if he didn’t, i will.

You know you’re Michelle Rodriguez drunk when…

1. …this is ‘smiling’.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 03 (AlKHall Bar None)

2. …you can only keep one eye open at a time

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 04 (AlKHall Bar None)

3. …you give a urine sample in public

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 05 (AlKHall Bar None)

4. …everything reminds you of vaginas.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 06 (AlKHall Bar None)

5. …you finish first. Without her. At a basketball game.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 07 (AlKHall Bar None)

6. …your ‘come face’ turns into a ‘go face’.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 08 (AlKHall Bar None)

7. …you get this kind of lucky.

Michelle Rodriguez Cara Delevingne 09 (AlKHall Bar None)

As i already got more than enough Michelle Rodriguez pics to choke a drunken whore, i thought i’d concentrate on Cara Delevingne from here on out.

Cara Delevingne Bar None Wallpaper (AlKHall Bar None)

Cara Delevingne Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the shot for a wallpaper

Al K Hall’s Drawers

What follows is NSFW, babes.

Continue reading