As of right now, 403 patronizers have found there way into the Bar None, and you can add one more because i’m here with you. i know you have the choice of a lot of places to go and get shit faced today, and that you chose my corner of the internet means a lot to me. May the season find you happy and safe and full of a lot of cheer. Though maybe not as much as Santa.
But before we pass on to that… From the juiced-box and dedicated to Kris ‘Krispy’ Kringle: Big & Rich – Drunk on Christmas
‘Tis the season of my annual Bar None Christmas post, where we all gather around the monitor and roast our nuts on the fire of my love for you. i hope that you got everything you wanted because i did: your presence today is all the presents i need.
As of right now, 601 of y’all have found your way into the Bar None on this most auspicious of days and i’m here to thank you for thinking of me, especially today. For those of you who aren’t reading this, Santa has a special message for you, too.
Add to that number of patronizers one more because i’m here with you, thanking you for taking the time to pop in and i’mma try to make it worth your while.
Thank you for patronizing me and hoping you’ll patronize me even more next year.
So far there are 1,802 of y’all who’ve strolled into the Bar None to pass some time on Christmas, and you can add one more to that number because i’m here with you, to thank you for spending some of your time on this day of all days to share with us. Whatever your age, sexy, race, religion, hell, whatever your reason i’m proud that you came by, and i thank you for patronizing me.
From the juiced-box: Corey Taylor – X-M@$
[Press ‘Play’ for “If I ain’t drunk then it ain’t Christmas”]
How do we celebrate X-mAss in the Bar None? Like everywhere else in the world, only better.
1. We drink a tree
Yule Get Drunk
2. We go nativity
God said, “Let there be Lite.”
3. We get the family Christmas carded
Mom likes “Do You Hear What I Fear?” Carol prefers “Fuck the Halls”
4. We go bar shopping
“I’ll take a family-sized buzz, please.”
5. We give the gifts that keep giving up
Grandma Liks Baking
6. We try to survive the day after
What A Pisser
7. We bring the Big Man
We also get a visit from Santa Claus, but in the Bar None it’s better because we get more than one.
[AlKHallism: Special shout-out to Wayne who provided the above tree this year.]
It is now about 5pm Yeaman time and so far 505 people have staggered into the Bar None. As your tender bartender i just wanted to pop in to remind y’all that the Bar None is open 24/7, 365 days a year because fun does not take a day off so why the hell should i?
Before we get to the good shit, i got this new to the juiced-box for this holiday season: Jimmy Fallon – I’m Gonna Get Drunk Drunk Drunk on Christmas
[Press ‘Play’ for a holiday cheer]
i also wanted to thank each and every one of you personally for taking the time to make me a part of your day today*. And to show you my gratitude, i come as a very bad santa, full of Christmas Spirits and bearing gifts. Unlike the fatter guy in the red suit, i don’t give a shit if you’ve been naughty or nice (though i do have a slight preference for those of you who are naughty)—everyone gets swag here.
For example, i have the wine label wallpaper like last year, but this year it’s much more complete.
To make this image your desktop wallpaper:
Right click on the image
Move cursor to “Set as background”
For the single handed porn surfers, (because i feel you, too, but not that way) i have this for you:
Instructions same as above.
New to my sack this year, i have something for those of you who are more into candy canes than Holly bushes:
No patronizer left behind.
That’s all for today, my rain-dears. Again, i’m proud that, for whatever reason, you decided to stop in today of all days. And if you dropped by because you were feeling a little lonely or blue, i hope we were able to brighten your spirits a wee dram. Maybe you could scribble a note in the comments section to let others know they aren’t alone, too?
Take care of yourselves and each other. And, more than ever, thank you for patronizing me,