Here then are the real dregs for the last week or so many other weeks that i’ve stopped counting. They’re short and sweat, just the way we like ’em here in the Bar None where urine for a treat from Ke$ha, Bieber’s top fucks up his Karma and i cure fucking hangovers. Keep on reading, you don’t beliebe me…
[Press ‘Play’ for “I’m pissin’ in the Dom Pérignon (C’mon let’s do it now)”]
You know me (and if you don’t, i’m not the one), i hate to give bad news here ’cause i’m all about the yucks but don’t shoot the messager because i’m the guy to tell you that hangovers may stop existing.
Researchers in California (which, contrary to popular belief is not the Hangover State, that honor is reserved for Innebreity) are developing a pill that will, similar to Nicolas Cage, act like your liver.
What a disaster! No more hangovers! Who will be left to drive the porcelain bus? Who will put the technicolor in the burp? Who will call God on the big white phone?
It doesn’t stop there. What will be left to make make people promise to stop drinking? Imagine the hurt pain reliever sales will feel. The hangover is a rite of wrong every high school student needs to learn a lesson from. Just think, if there are no more hangovers, men will keep drinking Southern Comfort past their college years and women will continue to tipple peppermint schnapps if not into adulthood, at least someplace adulthood adjacent.
So protest, Barmaids and Beerhounds! Protest, i say! Go out and get your face so totally shat that you feel your essence rise high and higher from your body to the summit of the mountain of shit until the buzz stops and drops you all the way down into the deaths of despair with a hangover only suicide can cure. That’ll show those medical geeks that there is no cure for stupidity.
There’s just weird and then there’s this and by ‘this’ i mean Ke$ha: the girl you hate to love, and pray doesn’t become a role model to your teenage daughter.
The only thing that could make her any better would be if she’d been a Disney Baby Princess in a past life but even without that you still gotta like where this is goin’ and where this is goin’ is right in her mouth because not only does the chick like to get pissed in the UK sense meaning drunk, but she drinks it too.
She gave this interview with a British newspaper where she talked about how she’s been partying with her little brother and his tag for 2 years and doing shit like getting drunk at 6am and drinking her own pee. Which actually makes a lot of sense and is good for the environment because it’s recycling. She gets drunk, drinks her own pee and gets drunk on the booze in her pee.
i bet that Bronson Pelletier kid is bumming as he reads this because he’s realizing he could have recycled his buzz AND avoided arrest in the airport where he peed all over the floor in public.
There’ll be some solo shots of Ke$ha filling my drawers and you’ll wanna check that out all the way down there at the bottom of this post. You can’t miss it.
Once again i must play the part of the world’s conscience and believe me, nobody hates it more than you do, but i can’t sleep idly by when i witness such blatant prejudice against a group of people and yes, Barmaids and Beerhounds, i’m talking about drunk drivers.
Never before has any group of individuals been as persecuted, prosecuted and vilified as drunk drivers. Some police officers even target drunk drivers and believe it or not, a few drunk drivers even spend years in prison!
Thank god, stars are still safe from this horrible Schlitz hunt. Vince Neil served 15 days after killing a man while drunk driving and now we have something similar but with a Lil Twist.
Lil Twist (and if rappers chose anatomically correct handles, his would be “Lil Willy”) is best friends with another willy and by that i mean Justin Bieber and those two willies must be very hard to separate, they must stick together through thick and thin, they must stand tall as they come to face hardships because Bieber lets Willy drive his car no matter how many times Willy wrecks it.
There was that one time this “person” killed a paparazzi in Bieber’s car, and now he borrowed Lil Beeby’s toy sports car (it’s called a fucking “Karma” for fuck’s sake, which is only ½ step up from calling it a “Cartoon”) and drove it into cement protection poles at a…liquor store. Then they did what you and i would do in the same situation: they told all the witnesses it was Bieber’s car, threw the loose pieces in the back of a BMW and fled the scene. OK, they did what we would do if we were super rich and douches.
Al K Hall’s Drawers
From now on it’s just hot pics of Ke$ha so don’t feel you have to keep reading just to make me happy. Click on the link only for you…