Dregs of the Week: February – March 2013 (for starters)

Kesha 2013-03-05 Wallpaper in the Bar None Dregs

Ke$ha Wallpaper in the Bar None – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Here then are the real dregs for the last week or so many other weeks that i’ve stopped counting. They’re short and sweat, just the way we like ’em here in the Bar None where urine for a treat from Ke$ha, Bieber’s top fucks up his Karma and i cure fucking hangovers. Keep on reading, you don’t beliebe me…

[Press ‘Play’ for “I’m pissin’ in the Dom Pérignon (C’mon let’s do it now)”]

Commoner Dregs

2013-03-16 Girl Hungover Bar None Wallpaper dregs

Girl. Hungover Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

February 20: This is Sickening

You know me (and if you don’t, i’m not the one), i hate to give bad news here ’cause i’m all about the yucks but don’t shoot the messager because i’m the guy to tell you that hangovers may stop existing.

Researchers in California (which, contrary to popular belief is not the Hangover State, that honor is reserved for Innebreity) are developing a pill that will, similar to Nicolas Cage, act like your liver.

Hangover Girl 01 Bar None Dregs AlKHall Barbara Palvin

What a disaster! No more hangovers! Who will be left to drive the porcelain bus? Who will put the technicolor in the burp? Who will call God on the big white phone?

Hangover Girl 02 Bar None Dregs AlKHall

It doesn’t stop there. What will be left to make make people promise to stop drinking? Imagine the hurt pain reliever sales will feel. The hangover is a rite of wrong every high school student needs to learn a lesson from. Just think, if there are no more hangovers, men will keep drinking Southern Comfort past their college years and women will continue to tipple peppermint schnapps if not into adulthood, at least someplace adulthood adjacent.

So protest, Barmaids and Beerhounds! Protest, i say! Go out and get your face so totally shat that you feel your essence rise high and higher from your body to the summit of the mountain of shit until the buzz stops and drops you all the way down into the deaths of despair with a hangover only suicide can cure. That’ll show those medical geeks that there is no cure for stupidity.

Hangover Girl 03 Bar None Dregs AlKHall

Celebrity Dregs

bar none dregs AlKHall

Tik Tok: Don’t stop

February 13: Urine for a Treat

There’s just weird and then there’s this and by ‘this’ i mean Ke$ha: the girl you hate to love, and pray doesn’t become a role model to your teenage daughter.

The only thing that could make her any better would be if she’d been a Disney Baby Princess in a past life but even without that you still gotta like where this is goin’ and where this is goin’ is right in her mouth because not only does the chick like to get pissed in the UK sense meaning drunk, but she drinks it too.

Kesha 00 Bar None Dregs pee

A pic Ke$ha posted of herself peeing

She gave this interview with a British newspaper where she talked about how she’s been partying with her little brother and his tag for 2 years and doing shit like getting drunk at 6am and drinking her own pee. Which actually makes a lot of sense and is good for the environment because it’s recycling. She gets drunk, drinks her own pee and gets drunk on the booze in her pee.

Bar None Exclusive Interview with Ke$ha

Bar None Exclusive Interview with Ke$ha

i bet that Bronson Pelletier kid is bumming as he reads this because he’s realizing he could have recycled his buzz AND avoided arrest in the airport where he peed all over the floor in public.

There’ll be some solo shots of Ke$ha filling my drawers and you’ll wanna check that out all the way down there at the bottom of this post. You can’t miss it.

March 8: A Lil Twisted

Once again i must play the part of the world’s conscience and believe me, nobody hates it more than you do, but i can’t sleep idly by when i witness such blatant prejudice against a group of people and yes, Barmaids and Beerhounds, i’m talking about drunk drivers.

Lil Twisted Bad Karma 03 bar none dregs AlKHall

Proof Bieber is a Lesbian

Never before has any group of individuals been as persecuted, prosecuted and vilified as drunk drivers. Some police officers even target drunk drivers and believe it or not, a few drunk drivers even spend years in prison!

Thank god, stars are still safe from this horrible Schlitz hunt. Vince Neil served 15 days after killing a man while drunk driving and now we have something similar but with a Lil Twist.

Lil Twisted Bad Karma 01 bar none dregs AlKHall

Bar None Artist’s Misdirection

Lil Twist (and if rappers chose anatomically correct handles, his would be “Lil Willy”) is best friends with another willy and by that i mean Justin Bieber and those two willies must be very hard to separate, they must stick together through thick and thin, they must stand tall as they come to face hardships because Bieber lets Willy drive his car no matter how many times Willy wrecks it.

There was that one time this “person” killed a paparazzi in Bieber’s car, and now he borrowed Lil Beeby’s toy sports car (it’s called a fucking “Karma” for fuck’s sake, which is only ½ step up from calling it a “Cartoon”) and drove it into cement protection poles at a…liquor store. Then they did what you and i would do in the same situation: they told all the witnesses it was Bieber’s car, threw the loose pieces in the back of a BMW and fled the scene. OK, they did what we would do if we were super rich and  douches.

Lil Twisted Bad Karma 02 bar none dregs AlKHall

A real photo of where the accident should’ve taken place

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

From now on it’s just hot pics of Ke$ha so don’t feel you have to keep reading just to make me happy. Click on the link only for you…

Continue reading

Dregs of the Week: Crack Down (Her Underwear)

Drunk Girl Panties Bar None Wallpaper dregs

Drunk Girl Panties Bar None Wallpaper – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to Michele McLaughlin: The Youth Ahead – Has anyone Seen My Underwear

[Press ‘Play’ to hear what angels sing—when they’re drunk.]

Commoner Dregs

December 30, 2012: Panty Raid

Michele McLaughlin Mug Shot Bar None Dregs

This the kind of story i can get into. This cute young lady was taken all the way down because she got drunk and ran through her apartment complex in her panties. This is the hole truth and i don’t know how deep i need to get into this but i’ll go as deep as i can.

Michelle was a busy little beaver at her friend’s and went down in her underwear at 4:30am to snatch something from her car but couldn’t come again back into the apartment building because she was unable to find her way.

Drunk Girl Panties 01 bar none dregs

Bar None Artist’s Sketchy Memory

As Michelle isn’t a pussy, she tooted her own horn for 20 minutes to get her friend’s attention and when that didn’t work, she tried to open every apartment door on the 2nd floor and climaxed by setting off the fire alarm.

The neighbors wanted some piece so they called the cops; that’s when the arresting officer noticed that she was without pants. And appeared intoxicated.

Drunk Girl Panties 02 bar none dregs

Bar None Artist’s Misdirection

By the way, all this happened down under. Under where? Florida, of course.

Bar None Dregs

i was attacked by a Panda

At the end of January, a vicious Panda was set loose in the Bar None. He got in and gutted my blog, causing me to hemorrhage readers at an alarming rate. Currently, i’m trying to staunch the flow with my words and stimulate blood flow with the photos, but the losses are severe.

I’ll show you a picture of that but, be warned, it’s not for the faint of heart.

Panda Attack Bar None Dregs

Guess what day the Panda SEO algorithm took effect.

Would i rather have the the readership i had before being Panda raped? Of course i would. What will this change? Unfortanately…nothing. i didn’t opoen the Bar None to be famous, that was only the cool part. i set up shop because i love to write about this kind of shit and i will continue to write this shit whether my readership is one or one million. i’m here for me, when it comes down to it, and i’m staying.

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Are You Octoberfest Drunk? An Online Quiz

Oktoberfest Girls Kissing Collage

Oktoberfest Girls Kissing Collage – Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

Time once again for that yearly event that is the closest the Germans will ever get to Christmas: Octoberfest. All the party hounds can now migrate Over the Wine and mark their territory there. They’ll trash Frankfurt, Hamburg and Cologne which, ironically enough, is also what will come up when they puke.

To celebrate the closing ceremony of this to Hell and Bacchanalia, i’m posting a quiz for you to determine if you are Octoberfest drunk or not.

The first question is, “Why are all the women in Octoberfest Wallpaper above kissing each other?”

Here’s a hint for you, brought to you by Buck Cherry.

The photographic answer to the question is coming, kind of, but until then here’s the rest of test to determine if you are just American Buzzed or Oktoberfest Bested.

What’s Wrong With the Pictures?


Oktoberfest So Wrong The Bar None2.

Oktoberfest So Wrong The Bar None3.

Oktoberfest So Wrong The Bar None4.


Before i give you the answers to that test, here’s the reason the Frauleins are kissing each other:

Oktoberfest Men the Bar None

Oktoberfest Men

And now the answers to the Quiz:

Are You Octoberfest Drunk

Go here for a complete list of all my websites on one page so you don’t miss out on any of my shit.

All About Al K Hall

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs of the Week: September 4 – 10 (and whenever)

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

We got us some of those nasty, vampire dregs this week ’cause some of those featured here really suck. There’s this 20-year-old who ate a man’s head, a drunken moose that mounted a tree, skinny vodka that isn’t, a new definition of DUI (Disney Under the Influence), Amy Winehouse’s bust, a renegade stripper, Pokemon alcohol, and a toothless Evan Rachel Wood. Plus even more dregs you can suck on ’til your sick.

From the Juiced-box and dedicated to Shelby “Cobra” Spalione: KSM (her Disney band) – Magic Carpet Ride

[Press ‘Play’ for Little Red Riding Hood does Big Bad Steppenwolf.]

Commoner Dregs

Sept 01: Thinking On His Seat

Don’t you hate it when you’re in Kentucky? And don’t you especially hate it when you’re in Kentucky sitting on a bar stool in the parking lot (because that’s what passes for a terrace in Kentucky) and some guy decides he wants to park it on your stool? The only problem here being “it” doesn’t refer to his ass but his Chevy S10 pickup. He drives right at you so you hop off the stool at the last second and James T Lee crashes into the building. He gets a stool sample stuck in his grill and a trip to jail because it was his fourth fucking arrest for drunk driving and you’ll never guess what he blew on the BAC so I’ll tell you, it was 0.236 which is three times over the limit, even in Kentucky. How drunk is that? Look at the picture in his mugshot–he’s fuckin’ cross-eyed drunk.

James T Lee Mugshot

September 07: Alcoholic Anonymoose

If you’ve ever, even once, drunk too much then you flirted with someone you shouldn’t have. Hopefully, however, it was with a member of the same species. There was this moose in Sweden that had one fermented apple too many and decided to mount a tree. This is a scoop, beermaids and barhounds: the moose wanted to fuck the tree. None of the other, reputed journals caught this but i picked up on it like a millionaire in a brothel. i mean, look at the tree. The branches look like antlers and the split trunk looks like two wanton moose legs. You’re a drunk moose in the middle of the night—you’d hit that. i know you would.

September 8: Pukemon

After Bulltinkle up there, let’s stay with the kiddie theme long enough for me to tell you that you can puke up Pokemon Character Evolution Themed Drinks.

There’s Charmander, Charmeleon, Charizard

There’s Squirtle, Wartortle, Blastoise

There’s Bulbasaur, Ivysaur, Venasaur

Plus you should mosey on over to The Drunken Moogle for tons of other themed drinks.

Amateur Stripper

September 07: Open Pole Night

There’s this strip club called Baby Dolls in Florida, yeah, the one near the freeway, i knew you knew it, where this 25-year-old went to celebrate her version of amateur hour by getting drunk, walking into the club and stripping right there, even if she didn’t work there. You gotta love her spunk and salacity because she started bitching out the other dancers and yelling at the patrons to cough up something other than their special sauce. Here’s what it looked like when the cops came and made her put her clothes back on.

Natalie Behnke Mugshot

Oh yeah, i’m also gonna stick some other stripper shots in my drawers ’cause i’m generous like that. Scroll all the way down until you hit “bottom”.

September 9: Face Off

Josephine Rebecca Smith, 22, does not know how to give head. What happens when a vampire tries to suck face? She walks up to a 69-year-old dude asleep in his motorized wheelchair on the doorstep to a Hooters, climbs on top of him, says “I am a vampire, I am going to eat you” and then starts munching. She takes chunks out of his face and lips before taking off. Finally, the police catch up to her and drive a stake through her heart. Nah, just joshing, they arrest her for a whole bunch of shit, including an open container.

i’m keeping a drunk Goth shot in the drawer, but before that i got this.

Josephine Rebecca Smith Mugshot

September 08: Skinnygirl is a Big Fat Liar

There’s this kind of vodka called Skinnygirl and i’m fascinated that a national brand of alcohol would try to inebriate women stupid enough to believe they can loose weight with booze. All you women who are on a vodka diet, please come over to Yemen and we’ll work out a workout. Until then, i’m afraid to be the one to break the news to you that Skinnygirl Vodka has an artificial preservative in it. Yes, horror of horrors, this vodka is not the health drink we all naturally assumed it was.

My Favorite Way To Enjoy A Skinnygirl: Lying Down

A Real Skinnygirl

Celebrity Dregs

Click on the Shot for the Wallpaper

September 11: DWI: Disney While Intoxicated

You know that huge super famous mega band KSM? Remember how they were a Disney formed Go-Gos cover band? Recall, if you will, that heartbreaking moment that defined not only a generation but a century: Where were you when you learned KSM had broke up?

Well, hold on to your mouse ears, Muscadeteers, because tragedy has struck again. Shelby “Cobra” Spalione, lead singer and guitarist of KSM was busted last night (Sept 10, 2011) for DUI. Cops pulled her over for a seatbelt thing and smelled AlKHall on her breath so they gave her a BAT test and she scored 0.15%, which isn’t bad considering it’s twice the legal limit and only 3 points less than her age. Yep, Shelby’s a rocking 18.

So here’s my idea for a realty show. We get famous people and film them while they match their Blood Alcohol Content to their age. Can you imagine Selena Gomez at 0.19%? Taylor Swift reaching 0.21%? Or if you don’t like that idea, i got this other concept called “Disney Girls Gone Wild”. Sleep on it, you’ll let me know.

i got another shot of Cobra snaking in my drawers, down there.

September 9: Amy Winehouse is Busted

Before i waste space about that, though, i just wanted to point out that Amy’s dad said Amy Winehouse did not have any illegal substances in her body at the time of her death. She had all kinds of nasty shit, like that greasy British fish and shit and warm flat beer they call bitter, but no narcotics.

What she did have was something called Librium, which is apparently a drug for recovering alcoholics to help them with seizures during the DTs. According to Wino’s House, she died from a detox seizure. Recovery can be killer, yo.

Now, what about her being busted…

September 07: Even Rachel Would

How do I know French people can’t dance? Evan Rachel Woody was partying in Paris and some guy on the dance floor flapped his elbow and knocked her tooth out of her mouth. i’m no Mikael Molotv or whatever, but i never gave anyone a permanently disfiguring injury while dancing. The only thing i ever cut was a rug, ‘s what i’m saying.

Here’s The Bar None’s Artist Hallucination of what that mouth must look like.

Evan Rachel Wood at 11

And here’s what that looks like now.

Evan Rachel Wood in the Bar None

We got some more Wood shots in the drawers.

Bar None Dregs

A couple new posts over at the sobering site. Don’t go there unless you’re looking for some serious shit.

On the lighter side… That Saint-Pauly fuckup has put together a new post about the Emma Stone vehicle, Easy A.

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Amateur Strippers – Dedicated to Natalie Behnke

Drunk Goth – Dedicated to Josephine Rebecca Smith

Shelby “Cobra” Spalione (18)

Evan Rachel Wood (24)

Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson in the Bar None

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.

Dregs of the Week: July 06 – July 11, 2010


Click on the Shot for a Wallpaper

In this week’s dregs, sinking even lower than i just did with that wallpaper, we got a guy lighting his leg on fire after losing a bar bet, a female Hurley eating her way to freedom, Pete Doherty in the hospital and Eric from True Blood getting his freak on and a freak off. Not to mention the young lady who inspired the above collage.

Here’s a song from the juiced-box, dedicated to Kathleen Bugnitz: The LCD Soundystem – Drunk Girl

Commoner Dregs

July 9: You Light Up My Leg

They got so much weird in Las Cruces, NM that they could fertilize a freaking desert and you don’t even wanna know how i know what kinda weird they got in Las Cruces. Like there were these guys that invented a new drinking game where the guy who drinks the least gets set on fire. Sure, it’s all fun and games until the loser (with only one six-pack) is the guy with the prosthetic leg and when you set him ablaze the leg catches and burns his ass and back so he strips off all his clothes. Being responsible weird you decide to take your smoldering buddy to the hospital, but being Las Cruces weird you chicken out halfway and leave the guy naked and legless on the shoulder of US Interstate 70 where the police can find him. Yeah, you can party all you want but you don’t ever wanna get Las Cruces weird.

Bar None Artist's Hallucination

July 7: Denise Hurley Got Chewed Out

Denise Hurley Mug Shot

Cops came when Denise Hurley did a hit and can’t run and killed a bush. When they started busting her for DUI, she went all wildebeest on their asses and so they tased the crap out of her so much she went to the hospital for observation. They tied her down with nylon straps and stuck IVs in her but, like that trapped wildebeest in the moors or wherever the hell they live, she decided not to chew through her leg but the restraints instead. Second time around, the cops used real cuffs.

July 8: Tinkle Toes

Kathleen Bugnitz Mug Shot

How many times have you been sitting in the back of a cab and you gotta take a leak really bad and you’re drunk? You go for it, right? i mean, what the hell. But then the cabbie starts getting up your nose, saying you gotta pay him but what? Not your problem. Until the cops come and then you agree to pay but it’s too late because the cops are in your wallet and they find your fake ID and now it’s your problem because you can’t remember your fake address and you’re only 20 so now you’re going to jail for underage drinking. Don’t you wish you held it in now?

Or, don’t you wish you had a…GO GIRL (For Girls Who Gotta Go)!? Here, i got a GO GIRL for you:

What? You’re a Marine chick and you’re only 20 and drunk in the back of a tank in Iraq? No pro’lem, i got a cammy GO GIRL for you:

Wait, you hafta pee like an army of 20-year-olds? No problem, i got your back (and your front—especially your front).

Celebrity Dregs

July 9: Pete Doherty Hospitalized

He was drinking in Paris and then instead of singing in Nice he opted to go to the hospital. ‘Cause nobody officially said what was up, i’m guessing he was tired of lifting all those glasses and decided to get that crap through an IV drip, plus that way he doesn’t even have to get up to pee because he can use a bedpan which, let’s face it, is really just a medical GO GIRL.

July 8: Alexander Skarsgard is a Gay Drunk

Every guy gets drunk and makes gay jokes. It’s a guy thing. But there are some people out there (mostly European) that like to take it a step further when they tie one on. Turns out that Alexander Skarsgard is a Gay Drunk. (Y’all know Alexander Skarsgard, right? He’s the sexy blonde vampire in True Blood). If you follow the link up there, you’ll see a video with him doin’ all kinds of gay stuff while buzzing. If you’re too lazy, you could just check out this screen cap collage.

This Is So Gay

There’s another collage and crap down in my drawers (god, that sounds so gay).

Here’s something that’s not gay, an Anna Paquin collage (’cause she’s in True Blood too and is a lot more fun to exposé than Alexander).

Click on the Shot to Make a Wallpaper

Don’t sweat it, there’s more of her waiting way down there in my drawers, also.

Bar None Dregs

‘Member how in the last dregs i talked about a new drink i invented? Well, my buddy Erin (yeah, the famous one) actually made it and sent me a message. And i quote: “I made the drink and it was yummy – sweet!”

Al K Hall’s Drawers

Alexander Skarsgard (33)

Alexander Skarsgard in the Bar None

Anna Paquin (28)

Anna Paquin in the Bar None

Didn’t get your fill of the dregs? i keep them on tap right here.